Just a little one shot dedicated to my favorite couple that never happened. If you read, please review.
Yen:
–noun
1.
a desire or craving:
–verb (used without object)
2.
to have a craving; yearn.
"Your yen two wol slee me sodenly,
I may the beaute of hem not sustene,
So woundeth hit through-out my herte kene"
One more glance from those breathtaking green eyes and she feared she would lose it. But she couldn't help but yearn for one more chance to hold each other's gaze. It was intoxicating yet she knew that everything forbade it.
As he smiles at her across the room, she smiles back, though it is hard to act so felicitously when all she wants to do is turn and run away. He approaches her and she frantically tries to prepare herself.
"Come sit with us," he invites, looking at her tray bemusedly. She had set it on a lone table, hoping to take a break from the emotional strain he inflicted.
"I will," she replies with a plastered smile once again. He leads the way and she tentatively follows.
She was relieved to see that the other two of their team would be joining them. The burden to fill the void with conversation would be lessened on her part.
"Why were you sitting over there?" Ronon asks, watching her suspiciously as he chews. She feels as though he can see right through her and his eyes suggest that he knows something – something she hoped no one knew.
"I did not see you," she lies, smiling again until it physically hurts.
She sits down once the conversation picks up again. She does not pay attention, the only thing she can do is pick at her food as she tries not to think of the fact that he is only inches away from her.
"Oh come on! Teyla, don't you agree?" Rodney asks, turning to her. She snaps to attention and sheepishly asks him to repeat the question.
"Isn't it true that Sheppard is the 'Kirk', so to speak, of this galaxy?"
"Am not," he quickly defends.
"I'm sorry," she furrows her brow. "What is a 'Kirk'?"
"I mean, isn't he such a ladies' man? Always has a woman - preferably attractive, alien women?"
"Not always!" he protests.
She smiles slightly. "I would not know."
In fact, she did know. Every beautiful, stunning and utterly perfect woman he did have, she shamefully took into account. Subconsciously, she had tried to figure out what it was that these women had that she did not have.
"Teyla remembers, don't you?" he says, turning his attention to her, causing her heart to skip a beat.
"Remember what?" she asks, looking between both him and Rodney who were staring intently at her.
"Rodney's 'romance' with a certain young alien woman…" he trails off and glances towards Dr. McKay, who blushes a deep crimson.
"You swore we would never speak of it," the scientist growls and begins picking at his tray.
"That was before you started making fun of me," he grins. "If you can dish it, you can take it."
"I don't think I've heard this one before," Ronon speaks up, casting McKay a mischievous smirk.
"Teyla, Rodney, Ford and I were on a routine mission that lasted forty-eight hours." He begins, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied smirk. "Within one night, McKay is convinced that he has found love and takes off to…consummate. We spent the whole next day looking for him, only to find his sorry little ass strapped down to a bed, buck-naked. His 'lover' had swiped everything from him except his boxers."
"For which we were thankful," she adds, hoping to get a chance to join in the humor he was creating.
Her comment merits a hearty laugh from both he and Ronon and an angry glare from Rodney.
"Well, in my defense I'm pretty sure that Larrin was no princess either," the astrophysicist mumbles, taking a drink from his water.
"Larrin was the alien woman who captured you?" she asks, though she doesn't really want to know the answer.
He nods with a far-away look in his eyes. "Yeah, Larrin was…well, she was something."
"Oh please," McKay grumbles. "Leave it to you to fall in love with the only woman in two galaxies who doesn't reciprocate."
"She does!" he defends. "She kissed me!"
The table shakes with laughter as the others revel in his love lust. Meanwhile, she simply thinks about how much she envies this Larrin. This woman does not know whose heart she has captured.
He looks at his watch. "Well, I got to go. I need to get Woolsey off my back about these mission reports."
The others bid goodbye and he walks away. Then he turns around and calls her name.
"Hey Teyla," he says. She directs all her attention at him as she replies with a raise of her brow.
"We still on for sparring later?"
She nods, much to her dismay. She had planned to cancel. "Of course, John. I am looking forward to it."
He rewards her with his famous enchanting smile and turns away.
That night, after an endless sparring session between the two, she lays in bed unable to close her eyes. Those sessions they shared were once treasured by her. But now, she despises them with a fiery passion. She is angry at herself for allowing such emotion to overcome her. She respects him. He is her commanding officer and one of her closest friends.
Many times she has contemplated whether or not to inform him of her feelings. But each time she is either swayed by fear or realizes that no matter what she says, nothing can be done. If the two were ever to establish an intimate relationship, the safety of the team would be compromised and she would not dream of risking that.
Yet, she knew, that the desire to be able to call him hers would not be quelled so easily. Only time would heal this wound.
She rested in the fact that her son would perhaps be the only real man in her life. While his father was an admirable man, she could not get past what had happened with Michael's experiments. She could never hold him in the same light again.
The night did not pass and sleep did not come. Though this was not uncommon in the city of Atlantis, it seemed to be especially so this night.
Finally, after tossing and turning so many times that she was abrading the sores she had already received during the spar session, she gave in.
Rising from her bed, she makes her way through the halls of the city. Small devices glow, lighting her path.
She finally stops at the door she seeks and signals her arrival through the control panel by the door.
After a few moments that keep presenting to her as time to escape and change her mind, the door opens to reveal the scraggly haired man she loves so deeply.
"Teyla, what's wrong?" he asks, his voice cracking from exhaustion.
She swallows, "I am sorry to wake you, John. But there is something that must be said."
He stares at her, unblinking. When a wave of realization visibly washes over him, her heart begins to beat rapidly. She half-expects him to close the door immediately when he suddenly pulls back to allow her passage.
"Finally."