AN: Okay so I am going through and re-editing this story. It was one of my first and I have since changed writing styles, anyways. Enjoy
We are picking up after Season 4 episode 3
I own nothing
Everything Changes by staind
If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?
Meredith sits at Joes after talking to Lexie. They had come to some kind of peace. She told Derek, that they had to stop. She knew she was hurting him. She sat pealing the label off here beer, mumbling to herself. "But I don't know how to stop doing it."Jumping when Mark's familar voice responded "Don't know to stop doing what?" Meredith glanced up, but found herself quickly looking away from Mark, she couldn't bring herself to look at Derek's best friend. "Hurting Derek." Her reply was simple.
Mark studied the normally vibrant intern. "Derek's a big boy,"
"Mark." Meredith cut him off, not wanting to talk.
"No seriously Derek is a big boy, if you,"
Meredith cut him off again. "I ended it." Mark stared at her unsure if she was telling the truth. "Really?" Meredith could hear the obvious doubt in Mark's voice. "Yes. I love him, Mark I really do, but I'm screwed up."
Mark hated the sound of Meredith's pain. "Me too." He wanted to make her realize that everyone is screwed up in their own way. She glanced at him again and he smiled. "Let me buy you a drink."She considered it for several minutes, her eyes searching his face looking for pity, finally she nodded and Mark signaled for the bartender.
The next morning Meredith woke up and stretched. When she felt a warm body next to hears she shot up, clutching the top sheet to her body. She slowly turns her head. "Oh God, what did I do."
Mark feels the bed shift, the covers sliding off his chest, cracking an eye he sees Meredith looking at him, her mouth open in shock. Deciding against trying to explain how they ended up here, Mark grabs her and kisses her passionately. Meredith looses herself to the feelings Mark pulls to the surface with the scorching kiss, but after a minute she pushes him away. "Mark, no, we can't."
Mark chuckled, pulling at the sheet with one hand the other reaching for her again. "That wasn't what you were saying last night."
"I was drunk!"Meredith replies, moving away from Mark. "I love Derek, oh God Derek." Sliding out of bed Meredith pulls the sheet with her. Mark lays on the bed, hands behind his head, his eyes roaming over Meredith's body.
"I told you last night, Derek is a big boy."
Meredith looked around the room for her clothes, not looking at Mark. She knows if she looks at him, if he touches her, that the resolve she feels will leave in an instant. "I love Derek." She knew that it sounded like she was trying to convice herself, but she pressed on. "This, was a drunken, one time mistake. It never happened."
Mark slides out of bed, caging Meredith between his body and the wall, forcing her to look at him. Slowly he lowers his head, his lips only a breath from hers, when she pushes him away. "No Mark. This is wrong. On so many levels Mark. We can't do this to Derek." Mark cocks his head, still not releasing Meredith. "You said you ended with Derek."
She pushes against his chest, Mark lets her walk several feet away. "Because I'm messed up Mark, not because I don't love, or want him. I'm too," Meredith stops, trying to find the words. "I have too many issues, I need help." She turns and darts into the bathroom, locking the door. Meredith studies her reflection in the mirror a moment before turning to the shower.
When Meredith emerges, she tightens the towel around her body looking for Mark. Not seeing him, she quickly pulls on her clothes. Mark watches her, knowing that she hasn't seen him yet. When he sets the cup of coffee next to her, she jumps turning to look at him, a smirk on his handsome face.
"This isn't funny Mark." Meredith grabs the coffee, turning from him again. "It's bad. Very very bad." Mark knows that it is, but he finds himself not caring. Walking up behind her, he starts kissing her neck. "It's not all bad is it?" Meredith can feel resolve weaken by the second. Mark's mouth just skims over her skin as Meredith's knees buckle. Mark wraps his arm around her waist, after a minute of Mark listening to Meredith's moans, he turns her around and kisses her.
They walk backwards towards the bed, Mark unzips Meredith's pants, he pulls them down catching her underwear with them. He stands up and kisses her again. He reaches around and unhooks her bra. Meredith unties Mark's robe and slides it off of his shoulders. Mark moves them onto the bed, his hands tangle in her hair.
In a tangle of sweaty limbs Meredith lays her head on Mark's chest, listening to his hear race, his hands making slow trails up and down her back. Meredith looks at Mark, her eyes full of satisfaction. "This can't happen again."
Mark feels the smirk on his face, as he pulls Meredith to him. "Because it's wrong." His mouth captures her again, his lips coaxing her further up his body. Meredith breaks away studying him for a minute. "So wrong." But even though its wrong her mouth drops to his anyway.