Lilly stopped by the florist outside her school. She let herself in as the rain began to really pour onto the streets. The door slammed with the wind and the bell above the entrance rang loudly. The place was run by Mrs. Price, one of her students' mothers. She asked how her son was doing in class and Lilly answered honestly. The boy was hard to teach, but he was doing his best. He was going to pass but was not ahead of a large number of students. Lilly let her know it really was nothing to worry about.
"Thank you," Mrs. Price said. "I'm glad he's got such a nice teacher looking out for him. Will that be all today?"
"Yes ma'am." Lilly paid and grabbed the flowers from the counter. She pulled her collar back up around her neck and stepped out. She shuffled down the street covered by a black umbrella that pulled and swayed with the storm. The lilies she had purchased for Miley were sort of an inside joke between the two of them. Miley had bought them for her after a particularly nasty fight and they showed up at the foot of her bed early in the morning. Lilly laughed immediately.
"Have you forgotten my name?" Lilly asked.
"No," Miley said. "Of course not."
"You bought me lilies," Lilly said. "My name is 'Lillian.' No relation."
"Oh whatever!" Miley said. "It rhymes!"
"Did you also get me some chili?"
"Shut up you dork!"
Lilly stepped onto the bus and deposited her fare. She shook off the water from her hair and took a seat near the front. The rain was really coming down now. She saw a family rush to the bus stop as they pulled away. Just another tiny tragedy, thought Lilly. I wonder where they're headed? She pulled off her gloves and set them down. Her hands were clammy and shaking. She stretched them out, cracking her knuckles and clenching and unclenching her fist. Her nails weren't done either. Miley would be very upset at her.
"You've gotta always look your best, 'cause you never know who you're gonna meet!" Miley said as she finished up the polish on Lilly's fingers.
"Nail polish smells terrible." Lilly waved her hand in the air wildly.
"Careful!" Miley grabbed Lilly's wrist and held it still. "Honestly, why do I even try sometimes?"
"'Cause you love me," Lilly said.
"That I do."
Miley leaned in and gave Lilly a quick peck on the lips before starting on Lilly's left hand.
The bus took Lilly to a wrought iron gate on the edge of town and she clambered out into a puddle. She opened up her umbrella and continued on into the courtyard. It was quite beautiful here, and Lilly lamented that she had to be here on such an awful day. But it couldn't be helped.
Lilly walked alone up the well kept cobble pathway, splashing water with her rain boots and trying to keep a hold on her umbrella. The rain was coming in torrents now, flooding the gutters along the side of the trail and cascading down the stones in thin sheets of water.
Lilly stepped off the rock and headed down the rows. She stopped when she found it. It wasn't unlike any of the others here. It was simple. Miley's name wasn't adorned with flowers or frilly designs and there were no cheesy quotes. Just a treble clef and staff carved underneath her name and two dates below that. She laid down the flowers in front of it. After picking a few stray leaves away from the grave she stood straight again. She stared for a while more until she couldn't stand it and started to cry.
Her umbrella fell to the side of her body. She could feel her clothes soak up with water and it chilled her to the core. Lilly closed the umbrella and continued to cry. She desperately wanted to talk to Miley. To fight. To argue or agree. To lay in bed, to make love. She wanted to pretend that bad things happened to other people again.
Now all she had was their past. Photographs, home videos, mementos. Nothing new could be created. And it would all eventually disappear. She'd lose a photo here, misplace earrings there. It would all be gone. She hoped and prayed she could prevent it, but she knew she couldn't. She just wasn't responsible. Not like Miley.
"You were everything," Lilly said. She had to yell over the rain to even hear herself. "It's so hard without you."
The grave didn't respond. The rain washed off of it into the thick grass below and puddled at the base near the flowers. The lilies were now heavy with water and Lilly's long blonde hair stuck to her cheeks and lips. It was time to go. There was nothing else that could be done here.
Lilly hung her coat in the bathroom near the front hall. She dumped the umbrella into the sink and stepped back out onto the hardwood.
"I'm home!" she yelled.
"Momma!"
A small girl with curly brown hair ran out into the hallway carrying a fluffy dachshund puppy. She had the widest grin on her face, showing off her crooked teeth and she lunged into Lilly's arms.
"You're all wet," she said.
"Good observation." Lilly smiled and picked her up. She gave the girl a quick kiss on the cheek. "Momma missed you. And you too Harvey."
The dog licked her face in appreciation.
"I was starting to wonder when you were-" Lilly's mother stopped short as she came in. "What happened to you?"
Lilly set her daughter down.
"Katie, would you go feed Harvey a treat? He'll love you forever."
"Ok!" The girl ran off down the corridor into another room. Their small dog ran after her.
"I went to see Miley," Lilly said.
"Oh, Lilly," her mother said. "In this weather?"
"I really wanted to see her."
Heather held her daughter and kissed her on the top of her head. Lilly frowned.
"I miss her so much."
"I know."
"It's Katherine's birthday tomorrow."
"And your anniversary. Miley will be watching."
Lilly stepped back and saw her daughter running in towards her.
"I spilled the jar and Harvey's eating all of them!"
"Oh god…" Lilly said.
"I'll take care of that," Heather said. "You need to go change."
As she left Katherine looked up at Lilly, "Am I in trouble?"
"No, of course not." Lilly smiled. She knelt down in front of Katherine, putting her hand on her head and stroking her hair. She had blue eyes like both her mothers and Miley's infectious laugh. She could see so much of Miley in her daughter. Lilly began to cry.
"Why are you crying mom?"
"Because I love you so much."
She held her close and kissed her again.
"And if Mommy Miley was here she would say the same thing." Lilly pulled back and looked into her daughter's eyes.
"Is she having fun in heaven?" Katherine asked.
Lilly sobbed and smiled at the same time. Fresh tears ran down her face. "She's having lots of fun, and she's watching you. She'll be watching tomorrow when you turn six."
"Good!" Katherine stuck her hand up for a high five. Lilly reciprocated and stood back up.
"Now go play for a little bit," Lilly said. "Momma's got to change."
She walked up the stairs to her bedroom and slipped out of her sopping wet clothes. She dressed and dried her hair. Harvey joined her after a few minutes and hid underneath the toilet. Probably from mom and a rolled up newspaper, thought Lilly.
Lilly sat on her bed and looked around at the walls. The photos were all of Miley or Katherine. She picked up the one she kept on the nightstand. It showed Miley holding Katherine on her first birthday. She remembered that beautiful day vividly. They played with Katherine in the pool and Lilly gave Miley a long massage later that night. They stayed up late and made love until they collapsed into exhaustion.
Miley was gone in three months. Lilly let a tear drop onto the frame. Miley had given her every joy she had ever had. Miley had given her Katherine. Lilly kissed the photo and set it down.
"I'll never let you down Miley."