A/N: I do not own Castle. Sadly. I just play with the characters in my own little word.
Kate Beckett lay on her side, staring blankly at the wall. The room was near dark save for the ambient light from the alarm clock, which currently read 2:42 am, and the random flashes of lightning. The rain beat relentlessly on the windows on this stormy summer night. She had had trouble sleeping the last few months and she couldn't focus on the things she needed to. The charcoal gray sheets felt itchy despite being freshly washed.
She felt so alone. Sure, she had support where she needed it but it didn't change the fact that Castle was gone. The one person needed the most support from and he wasn't there. Whenever they were working together, in the back of her mind there was always that nagging feeling that he would get hurt on an investigation. And when that wasn't the case, she took it a lot harder than even she expected. "Stupid cab driver," she muttered to no one but herself. Castle had been on his way home from the airport after a book tour and the driver ran a red light, just as garbage truck making its rounds was going through the green. The truck slammed right into the backseat. Richard Castle died at 4:35 am.
Kate closed her eyes and turned to her other side to get a more comfortable. After a few moments she opened them again and the room was suddenly different. It took nearly a minute to process. It was no longer raining, was now morning and the sun's rays cascaded through the window, giving the room a slight glow. Shiny, she thought. The sheets were now soft satin and a light cream color and she still wore the last button down shirt Castle wore, which she never washed it out of fear that his scent, which still lingered after 18 months, would be lost forever. Kate closed her eyes tightly knowing she dreaming and when she opened them again, he was there. His eyes a little bluer than she remembered but they were his eyes. The half smile that she always loved graced his lips.
"Hi, there."
"Am I dreaming?" she asked.
"I don't know. Are you?" he replied as he tucked a wayward lock of hair behind her ear.
"Probably. You're dead."
"Minor inconvenience."
They stared at one another for what felt like an eternity.
"I miss you." She grabbed his hand and kissed his fingers.
"I know. I miss you too."
"It's just not fair, Rick. It's not. I've been so alone. I've always been okay with doing things by myself but I can't do this. Not this. Not like this. I need you." Tears pooled at the bridge of her nose, eventually falling onto the pillow.
"You're not alone, Kate and you know that." He wiped away any remaining tears. He hated seeing her cry as much she hated doing it.
"It's not the same. Your mom and Alexis have been so great. They took me in like I was supposed to be here all along. Espo, Ryan and Lanie have been helpful. Even Gates, on that rare occasion."
"Really? I think she was starting to warm up to me."
"Yeah. Just when she was beginning to like you…" She cuddled closer to him, wanting to feel his warmth. One arm slipped beneath her neck while the other wrapped around her waist, drawing her as close as he could. He wasn't there physically but she could still feel him. She inhaled deeply. He smelled the exact way she remembered—light man musk with just a hint of shaving cream and aftershave. It was a glorious smell. She did not want this dream…hallucination… whatever this was to end.
"I see little bits of you come through every day and he looks just like you." She said into his chest. "Right down to that tiny cleft in your chin. Stubborn sometimes and can be a general pain in my ass too," she said with a smile. "But he's all you."
"There's my girl. See? You're fine. You're doing fine."
"I hate that he's going to grow up never knowing you."
"Kate, you talk to him every day about me. You show him pictures. You share your memories with him. Every. Day. His little 8-month-old mind may not comprehend it now and he won't know me in person but Nicholas Richard Castle will grow up knowing exactly who I am." Those words comforted her more than he would ever know.
She looked up and stared at him for a few moments. "I love you."
He kissed her gently on her lips and forehead. "I love you, too."
Kate closed her eyes. A few minutes later, she woke to the sound her baby's cry through the monitor. The room was dark. The rain still pounded on the window and a rumble of thunder shook the loft. "Momma's coming, Nicky."
The clock read 4:35 am.
Hi all! This is my first story. Figured I would try a short 'n sweet one-shot first before attempting a real chapter-based story. Apologies in advance if characters seem a little OOC but I think I did okay. The inspiration came while I was watching my 13-month-old son (who looks exactly like my husband) sleep. Please read and review. Comments, critiques and general thoughts are welcome and much appreciated!