AN: These are only Creek drabbles. Inspired by my real life. Hahaha, not literally, don't worry xD. I write them only when I'm in the right "mood" (totally down LOL), so don't expect them very often, it's just occasional fic.

Just drabbles.

Pairing: Creek Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak

Warning: Language ( sometimes)

Disclaimer: South Park is owned by Matt and Trey.

01

I sit on my bed, hidden under the blankets, still shaking from fear and my twitches. I want him to come back. He's just left like that. First time he's left as if he didn't want it to be solved at all.

I remember all the bruises and burns, kicks and broken bones. I know I used to piss him off THAT much. I remember all the pains. It felt as if I was dying inside. I wanted it to stop so desperately. I wanted to be a good boyfriend to him, so he wouldn't need to hurt me physically like that. I wanted to be better.

He doesn't beat me anymore, he doesn't shout, he tries to remain his calm in my presence so he wouldn't hurt me. But when it seemed like it got better, in reality it all just got worse.

Like today.

We had a quarrel. A bad one. I tried to make it up with him somehow. Anyhow. I honestly think I tried everything. This isn't helping. Thinking about it and pretending it WASN'T my fault. Because it was. It always is. No matter what seems rational, it is always my fault, I know I'm incredibly stupid sometimes. I know it! I know, FUCK!

Sometimes, on days like these, I think it would be better if it would start all over. I think it would be easier for both of us if he would kick me hard in ribs, if he would just twist my wrist, if he would bite me to the point of bleeding. His anger would probably go away and my inner pain wouldn't seem so real. I wish I could turn back the time to the point when I told him to stop torturing me. I know it sounds totally stupid, but I wish for things to be like before. Nothing more. Maybe it would help.

It sure was hell for me, and maybe for him, too. But it was easier than this. I have to cause the pain myself and it isn't helping him in ANY way. I'm sometimes too weak to do something to myself. I'm THAT useless!

He's always leaving with a frown on his face. A frown that hurts so much. He leaves because he doesn't want to hurt me, or maybe even kill me. I think I can understand him, but I want him to stay. Sometimes so badly I'm thinking of something else I could do what would make him stay with me, maybe even feel for me, hold me in his arms.

I'm sorry for being so stupid and for not caring enough, for not listening properly, for being so useless when it comes to everyday life, for being so unreliable, slow and sometimes so cold.

Sometimes, I'm really sorry for being who I am. I always say I want to change, but in reality I think I don't. I've just never changed when I tried thus I think I don't want it enough.

I need to escape. Tonight again.