I Miss You

by The Irish Cullen

"Don't make me promise to stay here without you." On one of the warmest nights in Forks' history a pregnant Bella is left to think about the future, for her, for Edward, and their unborn child. Set during BD.

Title: I Miss You

Summary: "Don't make me promise to stay here without you." On one of the warmest nights in Forks' history a pregnant Bella is left to think about the future, for her, for Edward, and their unborn child. Set during BD.

Rating: T, as much as I love the smut it didn't really feel right in this situation.

Pairing: Bella and Edward, it's me here.

Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own these characters... maybe I'll get them for Christmas this year.

Authors Note: One of my least favourite things about Breaking Dawn is how SM kinda excluded Edward from Bella's pregnancy and brought Jacob back in. I get that it was to isolate Bella and make her grow up some more and what not, but I really don't think Edward's character would abandon his wife at a time like this, despite his feelings, without explaining himself. So this is giving our poor guy a pulpit, because this is my version on what he might have said, given the chance.

Enjoy

Bella POV

"Now if you need anything, call one of us." Rosalie said as she helped me relax on the bed. "Are you sure you don't want to just sleep on the couch?" she asked me.

"No, I need a bed." I told her as I held my swollen abdomen to me. "Plus with my broken ribs I just want to lie on my back." I added.

"Of course, I'll be just down stairs if you need me, okay?" she asked and I nodded. She had been absolutely great throughout this entire pregnancy. While Rose and I had never been on the best of terms before, we both knew that this child that I was carrying was just a innocent baby who needed protecting from the people who didn't understand it. Unfortunately one of the those people who didn't understand, was the baby's own father.

"Thanks Rose." I said as I settled down on my back against my pillow, trying to push my thoughts from my mind and get settled for the night.

I definitely needed the rest, while most women suffer from fatigue during pregnancy mine was the extreme.

My whole body ached but I knew I needed to do this.

Just a little while longer and my baby would be here, and I could show everyone what I was fighting for.

When Edward and I got married, the idea that us having sex could result in a baby never occurred to us. But from the moment I knew my little nudger was inside me I fell in love. How could I not love something that was half my husband?

I thought he would be happy too, but I was wrong.

Worried of what a baby half human, half vampire would do to me Edward had demanded I have an abortion. He ended our honeymoon early and brought me home to Carlisle who was preparing to do the procedure.

But I couldn't go through with it.

"Bella will you please be rational for one minute." Edward yelled at me as Rosalie held her body weight against the door.

"Do not let him in here." I told her. Upon returning home I found an ally in Rosalie, when we reached the house she quickly brought me up to her and Emmett's bedroom where we were hiding from Edward and Carlisle.

"Bella the foetus is too strong for you." Carlisle yelled. "It will kill you. It's not compatible with your body. Your heart will give out before you can deliver."

"Then I'll just hold on, and then you can change me." I said and Rosalie nodded.

"Why can't we just do that?" Rosalie asked them through the door.

"Because, there are some things that even venom can't heal." Carlisle said and Rosalie looked at me, to see if I was backing down. But I wasn't. Nothing could make me change my mind.

"I don't care. I'm not letting you kill my baby." I yelled back as I sat on the bed.

All of a sudden Rosalie went flying back from the door and Edward barged into the room. Emmett growled at Edward for hurting Rosalie but Edward didn't even look over to his sister. His enraged eyes were trained on me and probably for the first time in our relationship, I was afraid of what he might do.

"Get out." I told him holding my own.

But he shook his head as he grabbed hold of my arms.

"It will kill you; it's already killing you Bella." He told me

"Edward be careful." Carlisle warned but Edward didn't pay any attention to him.

For the first time in our relationship, I think Edward wanted me to see the monster inside him, what he felt he had placed inside me, but I wasn't giving into him this time.

Yes I was his wife and I should listen to his concerns, but I was now a mother and I was mainly concerned about my child. My basic instinct to protect my child kicked in as I pushed Edward away from me.

"Don't touch me." I hissed. "This is our baby, Edward. We made him or her out of love. It's part of you; I'm not letting you kill our child." I told him.

"Let me?" he asked. "You don't have a choice." He said and I glared at him.

"I don't have a choice?" I asked him. "Rosalie will slap him for me?" I asked her. "Edward this is the twenty first century and even though I'm your wife, I still own my body. Now I'm having this baby whether you like it or not, and I will raise it with or without you. It's your decision, and I really hope you make the right one."

Ever since then Edward and I haven't said more than two words two each other, unless necessary. He would just sit in the living room with me, staring at our baby growing inside me with disgust.

We had now been home for over a month, but I looked like I was in my seventh month of pregnancy. Rosalie, Emmett and Esme tended to my needs and helped me. Carlisle said he would assist with the delivery even though he didn't approve. Alice and Jasper stood by Edward's decision. Alice worried that I would die; she couldn't see me or the baby so she felt I should just get rid of it.

I never thought my first year of marriage would be like this, but then again I never thought I would be married at the age of eighteen and I never thought that I would be a mother. But something inside me told me that I was doing the right thing in protecting this baby. I would never forgive myself if something happened to this baby, plus living for eternity with the knowledge that I had ended my child's life, would haunt me and eternity wouldn't be worth living.

The night was dead and the house was quiet, everyone was mindful that I was trying to sleep. I had wanted to just see Edward tonight before I feel asleep but he had gone to meet with the wolves.

Jacob had found out about my pregnancy and while he was finally doing the honourable thing of just being my friend and supporting me, the other wolves weren't too happy. Edward and Jacob had gone with Carlisle and Jasper to try and smooth things over. Jake didn't understand why I would want to keep a baby that was slowly killing me but he had never been as deeply in love as I was with this baby.

No matter how many ribs he or she broke, or what bruises appeared after a round of kicking, I would always love this little nudger inside of me.

I just wished my husband would see that too, so when he was pleading with the wolves not to attack, he knew what he was fighting for. Right now he was doing it because Carlisle and Esme asked him too. He should be out there, because he wanted to protect his family but sadly Edward was letting his fears stop him from realising the miracle we had received.

"Goodnight Little Baby." I murmured trying to get my son or daughter to settle but I could feel them moving inside of me.

Ironically Edward's voice settled the baby. The little nudger would moving and kicking up a storm inside me despite my protest but whenever Edward spoke in the same room the kicking would stop.

I had explained this to Esme this morning and she gave me a weak smile.

"It's not like he even interacts with me." I said as Esme helped me dress after a bath. "But last night it was just the same, I was lying on the couch just watching t.v, the baby was moving like crazy and then once Edward started talking about hunting with Jasper at the other end of the room it stopped."

"Well it's nature isn't it. This Little One knows who his or her Daddy is, despite the somewhat hostile environment." Esme said and I frowned.

"Somewhat?" I asked when the baby starting kicking again "Ow." I whimpered holding my side.

"Bella?" she asked me.

"I'm fine." I told her.

"Okay, I'm just going to need someone to sit with you while I get the hairdryer." She said and I nodded.

"Yeah that's fine." I said as the baby delivered a swift kick to my kidney. "Ah" I groaned.

"Edward" Esme called and he came up the stairs.

"Esme don't." I said not wanting him to see the baby kicking me. It would only add fuel to his fire.

"He's the only one home." She said and I frowned.

"Yes?" Edward asked walking into the room.

"Will you just keep watch of Bella while I get the hairdryer?" she asked.

"Okay." He said and the baby stopped kicking.

I let out sigh of relief that the pain stopped as Esme left the room to get her hair dryer.

"What's wrong?" he asked me with an accusing look as I sat down on the bed.

"Nothing." I said holding my stomach."

"It's hurting you, isn't it?" he asked.

"No, actually it's not." I said "You can go back to whatever you were doing." I told him.

"Esme asked me to keep an eye on you." He said not meeting my eye as he said it.

"I'm your wife, not a chore. If you want to be here, be here, but if you don't get out." I told him.

"Fine if that's how you see it."

"Don't blame me for this." I told him.

"You're the one who is doing this Bella." He said before getting up and walking out of the room.

Okay so maybe we had said more than two words to one another, but they weren't pleasant ones.

The night air was warm as I tried to get comfortable in the bed, but it wasn't working. Of course I would get the luck of getting pregnant in the hottest summer in Fork's history. I rubbed the sweat from my forehead as I kicked the cover away from me.

I thought about calling for Rosalie to come and just sit by me, knowing it would cool me down but decided against it. It would be a little awkward and she deserved to spend some alone time with her husband.

Not everybody's world had to revolved around me, so I decided to just give her and everybody else some space. Looking around I realised Rosalie had brought me into Edward's room, I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts I hadn't realised it until now.

I knew he had bought the bed for me and I thought about all the moments we had had here.

Like when I finally accepted his proposal.

The heated kisses we had shared in the run up to our wedding.

How he used to hold me close to him and whisper that he loved me into my ear.

I had to be honest with myself and admit that despite the fact that I was so pissed off with him that I could literally kill him, I was madly in love with my husband and I missed him terribly.

I knew he wouldn't be back for awhile, so I climbed out of bed carefully and walked to his closet. I quickly found a shirt that I know he had managed to wear a couple of times despite Alice's rule of one wear only.

I carried it back to bed and rolled it up into a ball, before placing it on the other pillow beside me. I was passed caring how sad and desperate this looked. It smelt like him and fuelled my memories of when he looked at me with softer eyes and a look of love, not disgust.

Despite the fact that I was way too hot I managed to fall asleep after that. I kicked the covers away from me though again as I pushed away from the heat.

It was a restless sleep though, and I never felt like I actually fell into a deep sleep when I heard the door open.

"I just want to change my shirt; I'm not going to wake her." I heard Edward murmur, pulling me from my half sleep.

"She's had a long day." Rosalie hissed and he growled.

"I know, now leave me alone." He snapped before shutting the door in her face.

I laid silent, not wanting him to know I was awake, as he moved around the room.

After a couple of minutes I heard him sigh as he sat down on the bed. The balance of the mattress shifted as he sat down and my legs shifted towards him.

"I know you're awake." He said and I slowly opened my eyes.

"Hi" I said as I looked at him. I pushed myself up so that I was sitting up a bit. "How did it go?"

"Jacob convinced them not to attack." Edward said.

"He's a good friend." I told him and he nodded as he glanced at me, a frown appearing on his face. "What?"

"Nothing."

"We've already established that you can't stand to look at me, but what's got you frowning this time?" I asked him.

"You're sweating." He said.

"It's really hot out." I explained and he nodded. "Why did you need to change your shirt?" I asked him.

"I was hunting on the way back, got a little too aggressive with a deer." He explained.

"Okay." I said as I gently stroked my stomach. Of course my little nudger was quiet right now, because his or her Daddy was in the room no doubt.

"How can you love it?" he whispered looking at me.

"How can you not?" I asked him as I looked down. "This baby is half you and half me." I reached forward and grabbed his hand and pressed it to my stomach. He looked shocked but he didn't pull away. "Edward, this is a life that we made together."

"But it's taking your life." He said and I frowned. I knew my baby was killing me but I didn't love it any less. "You promised me forever Bella and this" He said shaking his head and pulling his hand away. "This thing is ruining it."

"Don't call it a 'thing' Edward; it's your son, or daughter." I told him and he shook his head. "You know something I don't?"

"I can't... Bella it will kill you." He said.

"I am holding on with everything that I am Edward." I told him. "I don't want to die, I'm fighting I promise you."

"If you were fighting you would have let me get rid of it." He told me and I shook my head.

"Edward, this baby is going to be born and he or she is going to need their father." I said looking at him. "Especially if I do..."

"And you think that I'll be able to tolerate it? That I'll even be able to look at it? You want me to raise someone that killed you?" he asked me.

"You'll have to." I said and he shook his head. "Edward if you love me at all, you know you're going to have to raise this baby if I die."

He shook his head looking away from me.

"No." He said shaking his head. "I love you but I won't do that, I can't."

"Please, Edward someone's going to have to teach them everything we know." I said and he shook his head.

"Rosalie or Esme can do it." He said.

"It has to be you. I get that you're scared..." I began when he stopped me.

"Scared? You think I'm scared? Bella I have lived through the most horrible pain, I'm a mind reader who has lived through both World Wars, I was orphaned at seventeen and I have spent the better half of a century alone. But nothing compares to the pain that is ripping through me with the thoughts of losing you." He exclaimed. "You're supposed to be my partner; you're supposed to be with me forever. You promised me that." He said.

"I know." I told him looking down. "But Edward this is a miracle."

"A miracle?" he asked in a tone of disgust in his voice. "More like the plot of a horror film come to life." He said.

"You don't mean that." I said reaching for his hand and holding it in mine. "Edward your fear of losing me is blocking out your love for our baby."

"I don't love..." he began and I shook my head.

"I don't believe that for a second." I said interrupting him.

"You should get some sleep." He said and I sighed realising this conversation was over.

"Okay." I said, he moved to stand up when I tugged on his hand. "Will you stay with me?" I asked him and he looked at me confused. "It's really warm out and I don't want to interrupt anyone else couple time."

"I should really go and tell the others about our meeting..." He began.

"Edward, please, I know you hate what I'm doing right now but I am your wife and I need you." I told him and he stopped. "In sickness and in health, remember?"

"Bella..." He began when I squeezed his hand, running my index finger over his wedding ring.

"Please, I need sleep and I can't settle because it's too warm, but Carlisle said my medication will work better if I sleep..." I began to rant and Edward stopped me.

"Okay, okay I'll stay." He said carefully sitting back down on the bed. "How do you want to...?" he began.

"Could you just lay down beside me, like we used to do back in my old bedroom?" I asked him and he nodded as he kicked off his shoes and moved to lay down beside me. I lay down myself and turned to press my back against his chest. The coolness of his skin immediately spreading through me, making me sigh in relief.

"Do you feel cooler?" he asked me and I nodded. "Okay" He said. "Do you need anything else? More pain medication? Water?" he asked me.

"No, just this." I said.

As we laid there in complete silence I was struck by how awkward it all felt, it had never felt like this before. He was my husband, I've been sleeping like this in his arms for two years now and not once had it ever felt awkward, it had always felt like home.

But tonight I could feel the discomfort between us; I could feel how everything had changed. We were not the couple we were when we got married.

I forced myself to hold back the tears as I was hit with the idea that maybe I lost the connection I had with my husband forever, but it didn't work.

"Bella, what's wrong? Are you in pain?" he asked.

"No." I said lying, I was in pain though. Not physical but emotionally.

"Do I need to get Carlisle?" he asked me and I shook my head and took hold of his hand not wanting him to move. "What's wrong?"

"I just miss you." I whispered and he pressed his face into the back of my head. "I miss how we used to be and how you would hold me, and kiss me and..." I said before my tears cut off my ability to speak.

It was silent after that, as he slowly traced my arms with the tips of his fingers, sending little shivers through me as I cried. My nerves were standing upright at the sensations of him touching me again, it had been so long since I had even held his hand so to be in an embrace like this felt like heaven.

Eventually he broke the silence that surrounded my tears with a sigh.

"I miss you too." He whispered stopping my tears, before the room returned to silence. "Bella?"

"Yeah?" I asked him still not facing him.

"Don't make me promise to stay here without you." He said and I slowly turned to face him.

"What?" I asked him, confused as to what he was talking about.

"Don't make me promise to stay here with the..." He said looking down at my body where our child was lightly kicking, not as strong as before but just a little bit. "With the baby, if you're not going to be here."

"You mean, you're going to..." I began and he nodded. "Edward you can't die."

"Not without some assistance but I'm sure I could find some." He murmured. I took hold of his chin and made him look at me.

"No, you can't die." I told him. "Edward, I know you'll want to follow me, but if he's already lost his mother, don't take away his father too."

"You can't expect me to go on without you." He told me.

"But I do." I told him gently stroking his cheek. "You're the strongest person I know Edward." I told him and he sighed. "Promise me, that if I die, you'll raise him to be the best man he can be."

"Bella I..."

"Edward, please." I pleaded the tears I had been holding back for a month now breaking through. "Please, promise me." I begged and he clenched his eyes shut.

"I promise." He whispered before leaning in and kissing me. I whimpered against his mouth, shocked at his sudden action, but welcomed it, all the same. I wrapped my fingers into his hair and pulled him closer to me. His hand moved to my baby bump as he kissed me. "But you have to promise me something." He whispered pulling away.

"What?" I asked him.

"Don't die." He whispered and I knew that if he could cry he would be. "Just, don't die Bella and we can be a family. Please."

"I'll try." I said nodding. "I promise I'll try my hardest." I told him.

"Just hold on long enough and I'll change you." He said and I nodded.

"I will." I said and he kissed me again.

Our kiss was rushed, desperate, as if we both felt this was the last kiss we'd ever share, even though I just promised that I would try to do everything possible so that it wasn't. His cold hard lips were hungry against mine and I couldn't get enough of them. I cupped his face to mine and held him in place afraid that this was all a dream and I'd wake up and he's still be avoiding me like the plague.

He pulled away and looked right into my eyes.

"I love you." He said "And even though every part of me is telling me that this is a bad idea I do love this baby." He said and I felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest.

"Edward, I love you so much and so does this Baby." I told him and he nodded taking a deep, unnecessary breath and resting his forehead against mine, the coolness of his hard skin against my heated flesh was a welcome compress.

"You said 'he' earlier. Do you think it's a boy?" Edward asked me and I shrugged.

"I think so but I don't know. It's fifty-fifty right? I can't be that wrong." I said and he nodded. "I've been thinking of names."

"Yeah?" he asked me as he looked down at my stomach. His thumbs gently brushing the skin sending brilliant shivers through me.

"If it's a boy I want to call him after his Daddy." I told him and Edward's infamous crooked smile slipped from his lips.

"Traditional, I like it." He said "And if it turns out it's a girl?"

"I've been toying around with something. Mashing our mother's names together."

"Oh-kay..." He said unsure.

"Renesmee." I said and he seemed to think about it. "Think about it Renesmee Elisabeth Masen Cullen."

"Not traditional at all." He said with a chuckle.

"Do you hate it?" I asked him.

"No, it's beautiful." He said and I smiled. "I love them both." He said and I smiled. "Are you scared?"

"Terrified." I told him. "But I trust you. If something does go wrong, you'll do the right thing."

"I wish I could have your faith in me." He said and I pulled his lips down to gently kiss him.

"Everything will work itself out, the way it's supposed to, whether we like it or not." I told him and he nodded.

"You should get some sleep." He told me.

"You'll stay with me all night."

"I'll stay with you for as long as you'll let me."

THE END.

So there it is. I don't know what made me write this now but I felt like this was the right time to unleash this. Sorry if this is a little bit sad but they were faced with these possible outcomes while Bella was pregnant, and I wanted to let them air out their fears without Jacob, or Rose, or any of the others being there throwing in their two cents.

Review please and let me know what you thought.

Love The Irish Cullen.