Chapter 1 If I where human…
"I'm dead bored!" Emmett yelled and he flopped off of the couch. "This house is so boring I could puke."
"No you couldn't," Edward called down the stairs.
"You're lucky, if I wasn't a vampire you'd be swimming in bear."
Edward laughed and ran down the stairs. "If you're so dead bored, why don't you go hunting?"
Emmett shook his head, "Carlisle said that if I hunt one more time this week, then I would be eating rat for the rest of my existence. He's still mad about what I did to the Panda."
"Ouch, I remember." Edward said, "Did you really think that Pandas would taste like grizzly?"
"No, but they taste like chicken." Emmett smiled, and laughed at the human phrase. "I'm still half dead over here, I need inspiration."
"Hmm..." Edward started making a list. "Why don't you fake your death?"
"Carlisle would-"Emmett cut off and shuddered.
"Play with the electrical outlet?"
"I did that yesterday, I set Jasper's head on fire, remember?"
"Sorry, I forgot." Edward said and he took a step back, probably planning on keeping his head where it belonged, and not in a bucket of water. Jasper hissed from upstairs, remembering the moment.
"Visit the Denali?"
"Umm… Well I don't think that would be too bright, Tanya said that if I stepped in the state within the next century, I'll walk out with a certain body part missing.
Edward didn't ask which body part it was. There was only one part of Emmett's body he wouldn't ever lose. Not his head, not his arms, and especially not the clothes. Actually if Carlisle wasn't such a big fan of 'no public indecency' then Emmett would be running through the city of Forks butt naked.
"Fine, why don't you just rob a bank or something, I can't stand you when you're bored, bad things happen when you're bored." Edward smiled to himself but only because he had finally remembered to take the family's supply of TNT out of the garage. No more blown up toilets for a while, finally.
"Rob a bank?" Emmett thought. "That's perfect!" Emmett ran up the stairs, taking five at a time, and grabbed Rosalie off of her bed.
"Emmett, put me down now!" she yelled and pounded her fists into his back.
"One second, Edward just gave me a great idea." Emmett said and he grabbed the keys to Mr. Jeep out of his pocket.
"Seriously, Emmett?" Edward asked.
"Yep." Emmett called back and he flew out the doors.
"What bank are you going to rob?"
"First, Fork's City Bank, then the world's." Emmett sang as he chucked Rosalie into the shotgun seat and leaped into the driver's side. He sped out of the driveway and didn't stop; in fact, he was doing 100 before he hit the city's limits.
"Havoc, here we come." And he hugged Rosalie.
"To chaos!" Rosalie yelled happily and she beeped the horn at upcoming traffic.