Chapter 1 - There Must be 50 Ways

I was inspired to write this story after seeing at the original Japanese manga for Onodera Ritsu No Baai, despite not being aJapanese speaker at all it was painfully obviously what was happening there. And once it had been scanlated, I became more inspired to write, seeing how I hadn't been wrong at all in my assumptions.

It's unfortunate that this type of trope of rape exists in any form anywhere, and although it's a common 'feature' or should I say misfeature in BL, it's still wrong.

My reaction was to give Takano some much needed pain. I'm aware that the character had a messed-up childhood and his characterization as an adult does fit, and I can see how someone who was neglected and not nurtured as a child could turn into a Takano as an adult. Having grown up in a a neglected home, I could relate to the character. But then, he crossed a line that you just do not cross. Maybe in #29 Nakamura Sensei will have them make up and he'll say he loves Onodera, but as far as I'm concerned in real life that would be too little too late. I've written this fanfiction as a way of expressing my disappointment with the plot and to also have fun.

Don't worry. I have Takano shipped with somebody else. I still have him getting some happiness, just fter he suffers some pain for hurting Ricchan. Gihee.

I have no clue what to call this story, so I named it after a Cocteau Twins album and the first chapter title is from the very old song by Paul Simon, "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover."

Sorry not sorry.

Bruised and marked wrists. Had his wrists always had this potential for being bruised and hurt like this? He tried not to think as he went through the motions of heading to work. He tried not to bump into anyone on the packed train. What was waiting for him when he got to the Emerald offices? The only person he'd ever confessed love to who was also his next-door neighbor as well as his boss. The last person he wanted to see was Takano Masamune. He felt himself shake as he pulled down his sleeves to hide the evidence of last night's degradation. It was pointless to be worried. Nobody would be able to tell that anything happened, but somehow it seemed like he was wearing a sign on his face that read 'I was raped' like the woman with the scarlet letter in a 19th Century American novel he had to read in high school in England.

As he exited the station, he knew that today was not going to be a normal day or even a not so normal day. He looked for a contact on his cell phone and dialed. Not only was this day not going to be a normal day, he was going to have to 'spread the love' and make this day a real headache for his colleagues too.

"Hey Kisa San."

"Ricchan! Everything okay? You're almost here?"

"Yeah. I - I need your help though. I might have to skip work for most of the day…" He might as well have said he had to traipse through the building with only a necktie on. Nobody just skipped work. Well he had a good enough reason, unfortunately.

"Is everything okay?"

"No. Not really." Shit. Crying now wasn't allowed. He gulped. He'd never been that close with Kisa San, but at the same time he'd always been nice to him. Still, he wondered if Kisa San was someone who he could rely on. Hee had to know something was wrong, now. Kisa San must have heard him as he tried to stop crying. This was just a continuation of the humiliation he'd already suffered, wasn't it, and the reason why he was having a hard time calming down, because he desperately needed to talk to someone and maybe, just maybe Kisa Shouta could be that person.

"Ricchan. I don't know what happened but if you need to talk anytime feel free to call You have my personal number, right?" Just hearing Kisa's response helped him breathe better. He never knew with Kisa San. From the beginning he'd looked like this cute sweet boy, and yet within him existed a very cheeky sarcastic guy. Well if Ritsu looked like he was 12 when he'd already past his 30th birthday maybe he'd be the same way. Still, he was relieved Kisa had responded in such an open genuine way. But first things first. Was it even safe to go to the Emerald offices?

"Uh… yeah. Thank you. I might take you up on your offer. Is Takano San there?"

"No. You forgot he's coming in late? He's going to Ichinose Sensei's place for a long meeting. He won't be here for a few hours probably."

"Oh good. Okay I'll be there soon then."

When he reached the Emerald office, there was no sign of Takano, as Kisa had said. There was also no sign of Hatori or Mino which would save unnecessary questions. It was bad enough he had to confide in one person. And he wasn't going to be their favorite person once they realized they were going to be saddled with a lot more work very soon. He sat down and brought up the company directory on his laptop and found the extension for Hasegawa San, who was always so friendly to him when they ran into each other every so often, and always mentioned him being welcome in Literature. Well, he was going to see how true this was now.

"Kisa San, I need a favor from you. I'm going to make a phone call. Please don't tell anyone about it."

"N-No problem, Richhan." He looked like he wanted to say something more but must have seen something in Onodera's eyes, and went back to peering at a storyboard.

As he picked up the phone and prepared to dial Hasegawa, he realized that no matter what would happen with this phone call, he was either leaving Emerald with a transfer set up or he was leaving Marukawa Shoten altogether. He also needed a place to stay. He couldn't go back to his apartment. What if Takano San got enraged and raped him again? Oh shit. Tears. No. This couldn't happen now. He willed himself to think of other matters.

The conversation couldn't have gotten better at least.

"Onodera San? I was just thinking of calling you."

"Ah?"

"I know last time I asked you seemed to be happy, but we have an opening in literature and before I send it to human resources I was wondering if you would be interested."

"I am. How soon can I come and interview?"

"Wow. Today is my lucky day." Well it was good it was somebody's lucky day. Today was Onodera's nightmare day. "Can you come up now by any chance? My boss is here, and I already told him all about you."

"Is 30 minutes from now okay?"

"Of course. You know where we are?"

"Yes."

"Great. I'll meet you by the elevators by the literature section in 30 minutes."

Onodera was still shaking when he hung up the phone and quickly opened a word document.

He started typing.

"To Takano San,

I am hereby giving notice of my job as an editor of Emerald to take effect immediately.

-Onodera Ritsu

He printed it and started another document.

Takano San,

Do you know what you did to me last night? Do you even feel any remorse?

I can't believe I'm writing this. I was so close to telling you I love you. Do you know how hard it is for me to say something like that? What you did almost destroyed me. Maybe I should have told Nao he couldn't stay at my apartment. It was wrong. I always have a hard time telling people no. Especially Nao. I owe him a lot. I know that. But what you did was unforgivable.

I'm leaving the department so don't try to find me. Hopefully I'll be able to transfer to a different department at Marukawa. I'm going to an interview there now.

Either way I won't be coming back here. I'm sorry for doing this to Emerald. I'm sorry to the authors who trusted and believed in me. I have contacted them to let them know they will be getting new editors. I hate to do this to Hatori, Mino and Kisa but you gave me no choice.

I'm planning on moving out of my apartment and will be finding somewhere else to live temporarily. Do not attempt to find me or I will be forced to contact the police. I don't think either of us want that, especially if I'm forced to tell them that it's my male lover who attacked me. Make that my ex male lover. Because we are through.

The only way I will ever think of letting you into my life is if you can prove you will never do this again.

I feel horrible doing this, and I know how hard those ten years were for you. We were so close to something good. But any hope of that is over, and those ten years weren't fun for me either. Please don't contact me until you get help and try and change.

-Onodera Ritsu

He put the two letters into separate envelopes and marked them Takano San and one of them Private and left them by Takano's workspace.

He then made the phone calls to his authors. He tried to avoid looking over at Kisa, which was impossible seeing that they sat next to each other.

"Ricchan, are you… I'm sorry for listening to your phone calls, but are you really leaving Emerald?"

"I'm sorry Kisa. I won't blame you if you're annoyed. I- I just don't have a choice." Oh shit, the tears were coming finally. And he had to meet with Hasegawa in a few minutes. He couldn't show up with his eyes swollen and red.

"Ricchan, do you want to talk about it?"

"You can't tell anyone."

"Of course not."

"Well I have an interview first with the Literature department. I'm trying to get a transfer, so I won't have to leave Marukawa. I can call you on your cell phone after, and then maybe we can meet for lunch. Is that okay?"

"Great. It's the beginning of the cycle so there shouldn't be a problem, and if Takano San complains, well, tough."

"Yeah. Shit. I can't be crying now. This is so screwed up. I need to calm down."

"Why don't you go to the bathroom and run some water over your eyes and then go down to Literature. If you do that, hopefully nobody will notice."

Onodera went to the bathroom and washed his face. He peered into the mirror. His eyes looked maybe a little swollen, but it wasn't too obvious he had cried, especially for somebody who didn't know him.

Somebody came out of one of the stalls. Oh great. Just who wanted to see. Yokozawa San. He was going to be in trouble whenever he found out the bad news. Oh well. What he didn't know couldn't hurt him. Luckily for him the so-called wild bear seemed to be too distracted to notice him. Hadn't Yokozawa wanted Takano at one point? Well, he could have him, Onodera thought bitterly as he walked over to the elevators.

The interview or rather series of interviews went amazingly well. Hasegawa had been prepared so well it was almost like he was ready for him to leave. He had not only called Usami Sensei for a reference, but Sensei had sent in a glowing letter. It was so glowing, Ritsu wondered if maybe Sensei had had a memory transplant at some point. Onodera had probably annoyed him enough with his always bothering Sensei about deadlines. He wasn't going to complain though. The interviews went so smoothly, Ritsu almost thought he must be dreaming.

An hour letter he left the floor with a new office space and job in the literature department starting the week after next. Perfect. It was Thursday so this gave him over a week and he was going to need that to find a new apartment, not to mention a temporary place for the next few days. And forget thinking about how his apartment was in its usual state of mess and how he was going to move everything to his new place.

He thought of his lover's face and wanted to cry. They had so much history together. Why did it have to end like this? Except that this wasn't an ending. If Takano wanted to change than they could still be together. This was just a wakeup call. That was all; a painful but necessary wakeup call. If Takano really loved him, he'd do whatever he could to get Ritsu back, and if he didn't, well wouldn't that be proof that the guy didn't love him to begin with?

He called Kisa San and they decided to meet up at a new cafe a few blocks away.

Luckily the lunch rush hadn't started so he could grab a table and ordered a coffee while he waited. He wondered if he was doing the right thing, but who else could he speak to? An chan? Ever since they'd broken up, they hadn't really gotten back to their easy friendship. He didn't know Kisa so well considering they had sat next to each other at work, but he had heard rumors that he was not exactly the straightest person in the world. He had to take a risk, and maybe he had ideas about finding a temporary place to live while he looked for a new apartment.

"Ricchan!" Kisa was waving as he walked over to him.

"Hi. I'm sorry."

"Aah. What are you saying sorry for? It's fine."

They ordered lunch and as they were waiting Onodera tried to put his ideas together.

"I don't know if you know this. Well, I'm hoping you really don't know because we were trying to keep it secret, but Takano San and I were, well we weren't really dating but well we kind of were together."

"Seriously! Wow. I always thought something was up between you too." So much for trying to keep it secret.

"I don't want to make things weird for you, but I need to leave him and the department. You know we also live in adjacent apartments?"

"No. Oh that sounds like that could be either wonderful or a nightmare."

"Right now, it's not good. The interview went well, by the way and It looks like I'm going to be transferring to the Literature department a week from Monday. I can help with my authors, but I can't go back to the Emerald offices. I already left my resignation letter for Takano san."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I can't really. I don't want it to be awkward for you since you're working for Takano San. I just can't be near him anymore. I need to leave. I also need to find a temporary place to stay while I find a new apartment. It's all so crazy. I can't believe this is happening."

"Let me think about the temporary place for you. Hmmm. I know a guy who works at Japun who might be able to help. He's a nice guy and he lives with some rich guy and the way he described his apartment it sounded huge. You know him? Taka something. Takamura. No that's not it. Takada maybe? No, I know. It's Takahashi kun. You met him? He's a little shorter than you are, and he used to be a part timer, but he just receently started working full-time. We ended up becoming friendly."

Before Onodera could stop him Kisa was already tapping in the number. Kisa seemed to know everything about everybody.

"Takahashi kun? This is Kisa from Emerald. I have a favor for you. A friend of mine who works with me is having a crisis. He needs a place to stay. He hasn't told me, but it sounds like he has to leave an abusive situation." Onodera gasped. How had Kisa figured it out so clearly? "It would be a major help if you could let him stay with you. He just needs a place for a few days – max a week- hopefully until he finds a new apartment. You have to check with your landlord?" Kisa rolled his eyes while saying this. "Okay can you find out as soon as possible? Thank you thank you thank you!" He hung up the phone. "There."

"Thank you."

"Don't worry. By the way for the record he hasn't told me, but I can tell the landlord is really his boyfriend. He always blushes when he talks about him. It's this famous author. I wish I could remember his name. You're going to freak out when I tell you his name. He's that well known. Usui? No. Usuda? No. Takahashi keeps referring to him as Usagi san which makes no sense at all. Oh, whoever he is, he's super famous and super gay so that's good too. And-" He looked around to make sure nobody was in earshot. "Don't tell anyone but I've got a boyfriend too. So, don't worry about that part."

Kisa's phone rang.

"Ah, Takahashi! That was quick. I really appreciate it. He can stay? Thank you so much. I'll give him your contact information. What's your address? Kisa grabbed a napkin and had somehow retrieved a pen from who knows where. "Thank you so much."

Onodera gulped as he took the napkin with Takahashi kun's information. This was going to be awkward and embarrassing and horrifying, but anything was better than having to risk anything like last night happening ever again.