Title: Ugly
Author: MissMouseMD
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: I am a fan fic writing fiend. Try saying that 5 times fast. I seem to be getting a lot of story ideas lately, but I can't help it! Cameron is a very fic-able character. And I am one of those people that can't sleep until I've written down everything first, so I don't forget. I hope you guys like this. It's a little disturbing, maybe AU, but it does fit into what we've seen so far.
They say that beauty is only skin deep.
She knows this to be true. She knows that to be truly beautiful, you have to be perfect both inside and out.
That's why she works so hard to be innocent. She is moral and honest and appalled at the horrors of the world. She is kind and good and she wants nothing more than to help people, to make people better.
Or so it would appear.
But really, she just wants to be beautiful. She knows that she is ugly inside; and she doesn't want to be ugly anymore.
On the outside, she has mastered perfection. She has perfect skin and perfect hair and she has achieved the perfect weight. She knows how to apply powder and concealer to hide any flaws that may appear. She has a flawless complexion, and she is perfect.
But still, it nags her. She cannot forget that on the inside, she is not beautiful. She is flawed and imperfect and ugly.
She represses the memories and tries to forget all the horrible things she's done. But no matter how she tries, she knows that she will never truly forget.
"Gorgeous women do not go to medical school. Unless they're as damaged as they are beautiful. Were you abused by a family member? Sexually assaulted?"
Of course she said no. Because if she said yes, she wouldn't be gorgeous anymore. He would know that she wasn't a pretty girl. He would know that inside, she was ugly.
At night, it all comes back to her. It haunts her as she sleeps.
"You won't tell anyone, will you Allie? It's our little secret, right?"
What was she supposed to say?
She was supposed to trust him. He was her stepfather. He was supposed to love her.
He did love her, but not as a father should. She never told anyone.
At first, because she was scared.
Her stepfather was an intimidating man. He stood 6 foot 2, and towered over both her and her mother. She was scared of him the minute she met him.
And he quickly gave her a reason to be afraid.
But later, when she was older, it was pride that kept her lips sealed.
She was embarrassed to admit it. Somehow, it became her fault. It was a stain that could not be removed, no matter how she scrubbed.
In high school, she was a cheerleader. Cheerleaders are pretty. They are pretty and perfect and perky, and cheerleaders have everything.
Or so it appears.
But she quickly realized that even the cheerleaders were ugly, too. Just like her. Because while on the outside they appeared gorgeous, on the inside they were catty and cruel.
And so she was still not pretty. The ugliness was the worst kind; the kind that resided deep inside of her.
If she was ugly on the outside, she could be fixed. She could dress pretty and wear makeup and do her hair just right.
But she knows that she is beyond fixing.
She didn't marry her husband because he was dying. She married him because he made her feel beautiful.
For the one year she knew him, she was pretty. And then he died, and she's been searching for that feeling ever since.
That's why she fell for House. Because she saw the way he healed other people, the way he fixed them. And she thought that he could fix her, too. She was wrong. He just made it worse.
She thought that maybe if she tried to act innocent and honest and kind, it would erase the ugliness inside of her. That her feigned naivety would somehow become real.
But she's been trying for so long, and she's tired of it. Because damn it, she is still not beautiful.
She's ugly.
Maybe she always will be.
Review, pretty please with a cherry on top.