This story was for the Friday Night Challenge on the Fox Forum, but it continues my series of one shots. The theme we had to use was taxes. Just a bit of fun. Enjoy!
House pulled up to the curb and looked at the address on the building. He compared it to the piece of paper that Wilson had given him. He wondered if he should bother, but Wilson had told him that this guy was really good.
"House, it's a little far, but you won't regret it. This guy saved me a ton of money."
So House had driven for an hour and a half to have his taxes done by some guy that would hopefully save him some money.
He parked his car and got out, grabbing his cane and the bag full of receipts and papers to get his taxes done.
He limped to the door and checked the nameplate. Yep, this was the right place. He tried the door, but it was locked. There was a buzzer. He pushed it and heard a voice say, "Yes?"
"Um, I'm House."
He heard a loud buzz and he pushed open the door. There was no receptionist, the outer room was empty. He didn't know if he should go into the inner office or wait, when he heard the voice say, "Please come in."
House limped to the inner office and entered the room. As he did, a man rose from the desk and approached him.
The man was in his forties, clean shaven with wire-rimmed glasses and a pleasant expression on his face. He was wearing a checked suit with a sweater vest and a bow tie.
Really, House thought, who wears bow ties these days?
"Hello, Dr. House, I'm Fredrick Little, it's very nice to meet you."
"Yeah, hi." House said.
"Please sit down." He motioned to the upholstered chair in front of the desk. House lowered himself into the chair as Little sat behind his desk in a neat desk chair.
"So, have you brought all the paperwork I requested?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Good, good. If you'll just hand them over, I can get started."
"I'm not really sure. How do I know you'll be able to help me?"
"How much did you pay in taxes last year, Dr. House?"
"Too much. About four thousand."
Little nodded. "Why don't I take a look at what you've brought, do a few calculations and let you know what your bill would be. I can get a general idea within half an hour. If you're not happy with the number, then you can leave, no charge."
House thought about it. He really didn't have anything to lose by letting the guy take a look.
"Okay." He said and handed over the papers he had brought.
"Thank you. I'll just take a look, put some numbers into my computer and we'll see what we have. Just make yourself comfortable. There are some refreshments on the table over there. Soft drinks and snacks, please help yourself."
House didn't really want a soft drink, but he knew he would be bored just sitting there, so he stood up and walked around the office.
The table held bottles of water and cans of soda. There were pretzels in a bowl and a plate with cookies that looked homemade. House snagged one and bit into it. It was soft and delicious, oatmeal raisin.
Above the table that contained the refreshments was a large framed photograph of a family. He assumed it was Fredrick Little's family since he saw the man in the photo standing next to an attractive dark haired woman with a large mouth who was smiling broadly. In front of them stood a small boy with round glasses and short blonde hair. The boy had a bow tie on as well. Next to all of them was a …mouse?
House looked at the photo again. Yes, it really was a mouse. And the mouse was wearing a suit and a bow tie. Of course.
House thought for a minute. Why would a family dress up a mouse and put it in a family portrait? He glanced at the man who was diligently putting figures into his computer. The man looked normal. Well, except for the bow tie.
House decided not to interrupt the work, so he walked around a bit more, inspecting the contents of the office. But he kept coming back to that portrait. He stared at the mouse in the photo. Finally, his curiosity got the best of him and he had to ask.
"This your family?"
Little looked up and smiled. "Yes, myself, obviously, with my wife Eleanor and our boys."
"Your boys?"
"Yes, the one on the left is George and the one on the right is Stuart."
"The one on the right?"
"Yes, the little guy with the plaid jacket."
House looked at the picture again. The little boy with the glasses was on the left of the picture. The MOUSE was on the right.
"Are you saying that this one…" he pointed to the mouse, …"is your son too?"
"Yes, that's our Stuart." He said with a smile.
"This is your son?" House asked again.
Little laughed slightly. "Of course, he's not our biological son."
"Right." House said, relieved. The guy wasn't nuts after all, just a – a pet lover.
"No, he's adopted."
"Adopted? You mean like from an animal shelter?"
"No, no, from an adoption agency. We wanted another child and decided that adopting one would the best way to go. So we went to an agency to find a little boy. And that's where we met Stuart. It didn't take long for us to discover that he was the kid for us."
House stared at the man for a minute, looked back at the portrait and back at Little. "He's a mouse."
"Yes, I know."
"You adopted a mouse?"
"Doctor, I know that some people don't understand. They look at Stuart and see that's he different from us. But we look at him and see all the ways that he's the same."
"He's a mouse."
Little look concerned. "Dr. House, I hope you're not the kind of person that judges based on appearances."
"HE'S A MOUSE!"
Little just shook his head and went back to his work.
House stared at him and thought, I don't care what Wilson said, this guy is nuts. To Little, he said, "Ah, maybe this isn't a good time. I, uh, really have to get back to the hospital, uh…"
"Oh, I understand, doctor. Actually, I'm just about finished here. I think we're looking at $2500."
"$2500?" House asked. "Well, I guess that's better than last year."
"Substantially better." Little said with a smile.
House thought about it. "Guess, I'd rather pay $2500 than $4000."
"Pay? Oh, no, Dr. House, you won't be paying $2500. That would be your refund."
"Refund?"
"Yes. In reviewing your records, I found several deductions that had been missed. If I dig into this more, I may find others. Plus, I may be able to file for deductions missed last year, so it might even be more. That's just a conservative estimate."
House stared at the man. "Are you saying that even though I paid $4000 last year, you can get me a refund this year?"
"Yes."
House looked again at the portrait of the three smiling people and one mouse. The guy was obviously nuttier than a fruitcake, but if he could get him a refund, well, House didn't care how many rodents he adopted and dressed up in little suits.
"You're hired."
"Thank you. I'll review these, prepare the forms and you can come back in about a week to sign them."
"Sounds good to me." House picked up his cane and headed for the door. Before he left, he turned back and said, "Oh, and my best to your family. Don't pick up any stray cats."
"Oh, no, we already have a cat."
"Another kid?"
"No, our pet, Snowbell."
"You have a mouse for a son and a cat for a pet?"
"Of course."
House just shook his head. He wasn't going to ask any more questions. The guy was getting him a refund, if he thought about it too much he'd change his mind.
"Bye." House said and left the office, wondering where the heck these people came from. Oh, well.
Note: Ok, I have no idea what Mr. Little did for a living in the movie. I just saw the suit, bow tie and briefcase and thought, he could be an accountant. If someone knows differently, well, I'm sorry. It was still a fun piece to write.
P.S. Not trying to criticize accountants - I work in Finance myself!
