A/N:
Yo! Figured I'd give this underappreciated ship some more content. In my book, they are second only to my OTP. ^.^
First off...I did NOT mean it to be so angsty or so long! It was just gonna be cute and fluffy and short, with Mina helping Toru feel better about herself. Then the story ran away in a dark direction. Whoops.
Also, a lot of seemingly happy people hide deep insecurities. That's something I've learned from experience. The way I write Mina and Toru in this fic is based on those experiences.
It gets kinda dark. If you're sensitive to the topic of self-mutilation due to body image, be warned that it's briefly mentioned, but it's not described in detail.
Hope you enjoy!
"You're gonna give yourself a bellyache if you eat that all on your own."
Toru jolted violently when Mina Ashido's voice unexpectedly addressed her, the other girl coming to stand in front of her. Toru felt a familiar wave of mixed jealousy and admiration as she looked up at the most noticeable girl in Class 1-A.
Mina was standing with her hands on her hips, pink skin bare beyond short pajama shorts and a tank top. Her hair was more ruffled than usual, making it clear that she'd just woken up and come down to raid the kitchen without even picking up a hairbrush. When she yawned and stretched her arms above her head, her shirt slipped up and her toned stomach made Toru's heart clench at how visible she was, how people saw her actual skin and body instead of only what was outlined by her clothes.
"I came down for chocolate but," Mina grabbed a spoon and plopped down on the floor on the other side of Toru's half-finished pint of strawberry ice cream, "I may as well help you out!"
"Go ahead," Toru invited despite knowing Mina would dig in whether she gave her permission or not. Mina was outgoing, confident, and always upbeat. Not much fazed her. It probably came from being noticed for just existing.
As fond as Toru was of her friend, she couldn't deny the jealousy that reared its ugly head at the sight of her. The girl drew every eye in an instant with her pink skin, brighter pink hair, distinctive eyes, cute horns, and perfect body.
She turns heads, and I'm lucky if someone even notices me, Toru thought bitterly. Mina didn't mean to hurt her—she'd never purposefully hurt a friend—and Toru felt guilty for harboring so much envy against her.
"So...why're you binge-eating ice cream at three in the morning, Toru?" Mina asked before taking an impossibly large spoonful of softened ice cream. Toru sighed.
"It's...complicated."
"Hey, I may be at the bottom of the class in academics, but I'm not half-bad at listening and giving advice!" Mina replied around her mouthful of ice cream before swallowing it and immediately taking another.
"Once we finish this ice cream," Toru promised, knowing that Mina wasn't going to let it go. She was a tenacious and loyal friend, that much was certain. She brightened everyone's day (even if some of her classmates would never admit it) with her contagious energy and carefree attitude. She loved her friends, gave great hugs, and got along with almost anyone.
Toru just wished she could get over her carefully concealed jealousy of the girl's ability to stand out.
"Fine with me!" Mina chirped, bringing another spoonful to her lips only for some of the ice cream to drip onto her chin. "Ah jeez, I hate when that happens! So unattractive, right?" Mina quickly raised one hand to rub it off before it fell.
I can't even see it against her skin... Toru realized as her friend licked the ice cream off her hand before immediately scooping out another spoonful.
"So...why did you get out of bed at three in the morning for chocolate?" Toru asked to distract herself.
"Huh? Oh, you'll probably think it's weird, but...I had this really crazy dream where instead of acid, I could make melted chocolate. All different kinds! I guess I started craving it so bad it woke me up and I had to get some..." Mina rubbed the back of her neck.
"It's not that weird," Toru pointed out, hoping her clothes moved enough that Mina could tell she was shrugging. "But why did you decide to eat ice cream instead...?"
"You seemed kinda sad and lonely, and I didn't want you to get sick to your stomach by eating all that, and I love strawberry ice cream anyhow..." Mina explained with a sheepish grin and Toru nodded acknowledgement, turning her attention back to the ice cream and letting the two of them lapse into silence.
It had taken Toru over half an hour to get through the first half of the ice cream pint. With Mina there, the other half was gone in less than five minutes. Toru felt like she'd get a brain freeze just by watching her wolf it down.
"So!" Mina jumped to her feet with far too much energy for this time of night. "I'll take care of this," she picked up the empty ice cream container and the two spoons, "while you go make yourself comfy on the couch, 'kay?"
"Yeah..." Toru started to stand from her position on the kitchen floor, legs screaming in stiff complaint after being crossed under her for so long and making her wince. In a blur of pink, suddenly Mina was grabbing her hand to help her up.
How did she know where my hand was? I'm wearing a T-shirt, not something long-sleeved. Without anything giving away how my arm below the shoulder was moving...how? Good intuition? Lucky guess?
"Go sit down, and I'll be right out!" Mina let go, her bright grin setting Toru's wonderings to rest. Something about that sunny expression left her mind at ease.
As always when Mina's presence made her feel warm and safe, Toru quickly started running over math and English and combat training and anything else that didn't involve her classmate. Dwelling on her and the way she left Toru with the sensation of electricity surging through her whole body was never a good idea.
Just like real combat, Toru almost never faced internal conflict head-on.
Stretching her cramped muscles as she walked, the invisible girl made her way to the couch and plopped down. She could hear Mina throwing the ice cream container in the trash, hand-washing the spoons and putting them back in the drawer, and loudly humming as she did. Then she was coming to sit beside Toru.
"So what happened?" she asked softly, facing her. Toru was vividly reminded that despite her typical demeanor, Mina was more than capable of being calm and serious.
"Someone called me beautiful," Toru blurted out the problem bluntly as Mina's steadying gaze beckoned her to speak her mind. The other girl blinked a few times and cocked her head.
"What's wrong with that?" she inquired, voice soft and bewildered but not judgmental over the situation in the least.
"I'm invisible, Mina. I got called beautiful and I'm invisible. How can people call someone they can't see beautiful? Why do people lie to me about that? Don't they know I hate it?" Toru clenched her fists around the hem of her pajama shirt. "No one notices me. They all stare right through me—literally! I want to be seen, I want to be noticed, I want to be beautiful. But I'm not, and I hate it when people remind me of that!"
"People do see you, Toru." Mina's eyes fixed on the point in space where Toru's face was. She was one of very few people who actually made her feel like she was being looked at instead of through. She forced herself to ignore how it felt for those striking eyes to seek her out amidst the seemingly empty air and pretended the shiver that ran down her spine was because she was cold: a routine she'd mastered after going through it so many times.
"They don't. It's impossible. I'm invisible. I can't be seen," she denied. Mina leaned forward, eyes intense and burning. Toru couldn't breathe. Mina was typically hyper and almost childish, but unless the strawberry ice cream on her breath counted, there was nothing immature about her in this moment
"Yes. They can. Maybe not your physical body, but they see you as a person. They see what's inside you, not what you look like. When someone says something like that to you, it means they're talking to you: Toru Hagakure. Not your body. You. Trust me, I'd give a fortune to be seen like you are. To be noticed..."
Mina sat back, her eyes a million miles away. She looked wistful and longing, like she was thinking of something she'd never known. It made harsh anger burn in Toru's chest.
She's always seen! She's always noticed! What makes her feel like she can sit there and pretend to know how I feel? Toru's jealousy finally boiled over.
"You have no idea what it's like when nobody notices you! You stand out so much that even in a huge crowd, you're easy to spot! How can you understand? How can you, a girl who gets everything I've ever wanted as easily as breathing, think you have any right to try and relate to what I'm going through?" she snapped. Mina flinched.
"There are different ways of seeing people, you know, and not all of them are good. I stand out, yeah. I stand out a lot. But do you really think that's such a wonderful thing?" she asked quietly.
"What do you mean?" Toru frowned, confusion overriding her lingering anger.
"You probably can't tell, but I was bullied a lot as a kid. I was easy to make fun of. I mean, look at me! Weird eyes, weird skin, weird hair, weird horns...they called me all sorts of names. They...they took my money, pulled my hair, knocked me down. I had to start working out when I was a child just so I could fight back when the other kids tried to come after me! No one wanted to be my friend because I stood out. They saw what I look like and ran the other way before I could even say a word. Babies cried when they looked at me, sometimes. No one wanted to know what my personality was. They saw me, but they didn't see me. I felt like an ugly monster. 'Maybe I really am an alien,' I thought, 'because looking like this, I don't feel like I belong with humans at all.'"
All of Toru's anger and jealousy disappeared as she stared at Mina in shock. She'd always, always thought Mina was beautiful, but she'd never said it. She didn't think she needed to. She thought her friend already knew. She never thought someone like Mina Ashido with her sparkling eyes and her smile that lit up the room could be self-conscious about her appearance.
"You've been hurting all this time? But…you always seem so—"
"Happy?" Mina raised an eyebrow. "Well I usually am, now that I have friends. But when I'm alone, sometimes I remember where I came from, and...well, you know how we've had to have a lot of mirrors replaced because they broke in some way no one can explain? Well, I'm the explanation. If I'm alone and I look in a mirror and I remember, I can't bear it. I punch them, kick them, body slam them, throw them, headbutt them, elbow them, knee them, throw acid at them, pick up something to hit them with...some way or another, I break them so I can't see myself anymore."
"I had no idea..." Toru's trembling hand found Mina's forearm. She ignored the gentle touch and Toru wondered if she could even feel it or if she was too lost in painful memories to notice.
"My horns used to be longer, by the way. I tried to cut them off a few years ago. Well, it wasn't really...cutting. It was...I was decent with my Quirk, so...I tried to melt them off. I was in a fitting room at the mall. One of the employees heard me scream, barged in, and stopped me before I got very far. I never got the courage to try again." Mina blinked away tears. The thought of anyone trying to change their appearance through self-mutilation had always been horrifying to Toru, and the image of her friend feeling so desperate and out of place that she would go to such lengths made sharp pain wrench at her heart.
"You shouldn't try again! You're fine as you are, you're beautiful, don't you dare—!" she tried to protest.
"Sorry, I'm getting a little off-topic," Mina cut her off, the pain on her face swiftly covered by a mask of confidence. "The point was, people see me without seeing me, because my appearance gets in the way of it. But you? All people can see is you—the real you. If they call you beautiful, they mean it. You're lucky that way."
"You think I'm just going to let you redirect my focus after all the things you just told me?" Toru demanded indignantly. Mina's eyes flashed with the desperation of a cornered animal. She wasn't prepared to talk about herself and Toru's forcefulness had clearly done nothing but make her more skittish.
"This isn't about me. I'm here to help you, not get helped by you. I just got a little carried away talking is all!" she insisted frantically. She tried to stand only for Toru to hold her wrist in a vicelike grip, keeping her there. She forced herself to swallow the harshness of how she felt about Mina keeping something so important internalized, about Mina trying to run away from her, about the nagging sense that maybe she wouldn't be quite so upset if this was anyone else.
"No. Talk to me. Please..." Toru pleaded softly. There was a heavy pause before Mina finally relaxed, letting out a long breath and slumping against the couch.
"Fine. What do you want to talk about, exactly?" she asked. Toru considered for a moment. She wanted to help, not pry into volatile emotions. She took a breath.
"When...when people in our class tease you or call you mean names about your appearance...are you...okay?"
"What, you mean people joking about me being an alien, Bakugo calling me Raccoon Eyes, that stuff?" Mina asked.
"Yes. You seem alright with it, but...are you really?" Toru asked, her grip shifting to Mina's hand.
"I...I know they have no idea how deep it cuts, so I'm not upset with them or anything. But yeah, it stings. Makes my chest hurt. Makes me want to cry and scream and pull out my hair and melt off my ears, when I'm feeling vulnerable. When I don't feel vulnerable, I just feel sick to my stomach. But I've been hiding it when my feelings get hurt my whole life, so I'm pretty good at it by now. That way, for better or for worse, no one knows it if they're getting to me."
Toru was glad Mina couldn't see the horrified expression on her face at that confession. She squeezed her hand, noticing how her whole palm, from the base of her wrist to the pads of her fingers, was one even callous due to years of exposure to acid.
"Just ask them to stop. Explain why."
"No. I'm the cheerful one. I'm the optimist, the upbeat friend, the loud girl, the lighthearted classmate. Insults roll off me like water off a poncho. I'm not gonna crush that image with my stupid past, stupid issues, and stupid depression," Mina refused.
Depression. She actually recognizes how she feels as depression, but she's never spoken up about it when people inadvertently hurt her? If this keeps up…one day she might… Toru quickly locked the worst-case paranoia away. She wasn't going to think about that. She wouldn't be able to keep herself together if she thought about it, and she couldn't let herself fall apart.
"Fine—I'll tell them to knock it off! You're one of my best friends, and I'm not gonna let you keep getting hurt, especially when it's by friends who don't even know they're hurting you because you won't talk about your problems," she asserted.
"Toru, you don't have to do that, okay? Just let it go. Don't make a big deal about this. I'm managing," Mina told her, looking away self-consciously.
"'Managing' isn't good enough. 'Managing' only gets you so far before you snap. It's nonnegotiable that I'm going to tell them to stop. Just let me help you," Toru said firmly. "Does anybody else know about this? Have you talked to anyone here about it?"
Mina shook her head and Toru reached over to harshly pinch her upper arm.
"Ouch! What was that for?" Mina yelped, rubbing the sore spot with an indignant pout as she turned her eyes back to Toru.
"I understand not talking to your usual crowd, but Yaomomo's basically the class mom, always wanting to take care of us. And Tsuyu-chan's a good listener too! Her advice is blunt but it works really well. Or you could talk to Aizawa-sensei, even! He's our homeroom teacher; keeping us safe, even from ourselves, is kind of part of his job!" Toru scolded.
"It's hard to talk about, Toru! I don't even understand why I'm telling you about it! It just feels like I...need you to know. And that's terrifying." Mina hugged herself for comfort.
"You need me to know? Why?" Toru wondered aloud, ignoring the way her pulse sped up.
"I don't know. I don't know! It's like...I trust you? But I trust almost everybody in our class, so that's not it? Argh!" Mina tugged at her own hair in frustration. "I want you to understand me, okay? Because we're kinda the same. I want you to know me and I want to know you, and it's really confusing and I don't know for sure what it is! That's all I can really say."
Toru's face burned. She could feel a hidden meaning in those words but knew better than to think too much about what it could be. She'd wandered into that dangerous territory too many times.
"Okay," she accepted.
"Okay...?" Mina blinked in confusion.
"I'll try to understand you. But I want you to understand me too, so please try?" Toru clarified hesitantly.
"Well duh. Stuff like this has gotta go both ways, y'know!" Mina laughed. It was a genuine laugh and Toru's heart fluttered with the relief at the sound.
"So…what made you want to be a hero?" she asked. "I never really ask anybody about that since it's personal, but...I feel like after all this, I should ask you."
"I said how I always got bullied, remember? I figured that if I became a hero, I'd never get bullied again. And maybe being a hero would let me help other kids who get bullied for things they can't do anything about. You always see pro heroes beating up bad guys and rescuing civilians who are in physical danger. I want to be the hero who does all that but goes the extra step and campaigns for good things to help people who are in a different kind of danger. Programs to stop bullying in schools from daycare to university. Securities to make sure Quirkless people don't fell like they're worth less than people with Quirks. Free mental health counseling for anyone who needs it. Being a top hero means people would have to listen to me about it all! I want to help people like me, and this is how I'm choosing to do it," Mina declared, eyes determined and shining.
"That's...incredible," Toru commented softly.
"Right?" Mina grinned. "Anyhow, what about you? Why'd you decide to be a hero?"
"Me?" Toru fidgeted awkwardly. "I...I think at first, a lot of it was to stand out. Being a pro hero means people would notice me, and I've always wanted that. But after coming to UA, meeting everyone, and going through all the recent attacks and events...it's more than that now."
"How so?" Mina cocked her head.
"I can't do a lot on my own with a Quirk like this. It's not very good for outright battles and it doesn't help with rescue efforts after disasters. But I can give support. While someone's fighting, I can sneak around to free hostages, set traps, get information, and figure out weaknesses. I'm invisible, so I can't be seen, and people can't really stop me if they don't realize I'm there. I can stop people from getting hurt while the villains fight the more combat-apt pros. I can keep pro heroes from getting hurt and minimize damage by covertly undermining the villains. I decided that's way more important than standing out."
"Well after I become a bigtime pro, I'll make sure to take you on as my partner," Mina declared, grinning.
"I'll hold you to that," Toru replied with a grin of her own. She was glad Mina was feeling better and realized she herself was upbeat now as well.
Hearing her talk about how she was treated for standing out and how much it damaged and affected her...I guess that made me appreciate what I have a little more. And maybe hearing how much my invisibility can hurt me helped her the same way. Besides, it's usually helpful to vent about these things instead of bottling them up.
Toru yawned and slumped against Mina's side, feeling emotionally drained. She wasn't used to having heavy conversations with people. Mina didn't seem to mind, even draping an arm over her shoulders and resting her cheek against the top of Toru's head. There was a pause, and Toru felt like she was close to falling asleep when Mina spoke again.
"Hey...Toru? There's s-something else I want to tell you. I've told you a lot of personal stuff and you're still here. I...hope this one doesn't make you run away..." she whispered, and Toru reluctantly sat up to look at her.
"I'm not going anywhere," she promised. Mina took a deep breath, eyes flickering between Toru's (Toru was amazed at Mina's uncanny ability to apparently guess where every part of her was even with her invisibility) and the floor.
"Another reason I got bullied was I...I realized...I, um...I realized...I'm pan," she confessed. She looked so terrified that Toru wanted to laugh and hug her at the same time. She refrained from both urges and just brushed away the silent tears that were slowly rolling down Mina's cheeks.
"And you thought I'd judge you for that? Mina, I'm bi. One of the girls in our class is a useless lesbian and her crush is a barely functional bi who likes her back. Not to mention anyone who's better at hiding it...I'm pretty sure we have a lot of those in 1-A."
"So...I wasn't imagining and Kyoka and Yaomomo's ridiculously obvious pining and cluelessness?" Mina realized.
"Nope!" Toru confirmed.
"But...I mean...I never thought you could be bi. You've never done anything to imply you like girls..." Mina said.
"Sometimes I'm glad I'm invisible. No one can tell when I'm eyeing someone up," Toru countered with a light giggle.
"Oh."
"And Mina? This is embarrassing to admit, but queer girl to queer girl...you're really hot, and most of the time, I totally wouldn't object to platonically making out with you."
Mina's face flushed, the crimson blush blending with her pink skin to create a soft, reddish-magenta hue. Her mouth hung open, her eyes widened, and she let out a strangled squeak.
"Sorry, was that weird?" Toru shifted nervously. The impulsive confession had slipped out without her consent and she was terrified she'd be judged for it, but Mina shook her head vigorously.
"No! No, not at all! I'm just surprised. And embarrassed. But not a bad embarrassed!" she denied frantically. Toru giggled lightly, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach and the warmth in her chest. "Hey, do you think you're strong enough to carry me back to my room? 'Cause I'm kinda about to go into an ice cream coma, and my stomach kinda hurts…" Mina flopped over on the couch with a huff, rolling onto her back.
"That's what you get for eating all that ice cream so fast," Toru chided. "But no, I can't carry you."
"Mmf…" Mina closed her eyes. "Eh, the couch is comfy enough…but kinda cold…"
"Do you want me to find a blanket?" Toru offered.
"You're warmer than a blanket. And you were already falling asleep on me earlier, right?" Mina opened one eye and grinned. Toru stuttered for a second, then sighed and lay down on top of her friend, curling up and tucking her head under Mina's chin.
"Warm enough for you?" she asked dryly.
"Mmhm, just perfect." Mina wrapped both arms around her waist, ruining Toru's plan to stealthily retreat to her room once the other girl was asleep. "G'night…"
"Yeah…goodnight…" Toru replied faintly. She felt lightheaded and giddy, her heart was racing faster than ever, and the even rise and fall of Mina's chest was almost as lulling as the steady heartbeat she could hear as her ear pressed against the exposed pink skin just above it.
It doesn't mean anything. It can't mean anything. I can't feel that way. I don't feel that way.
But the warmth seeping through her body as she fell into the most peaceful sleep she'd had since moving to the dorms was steadily chipping away at her denial, and she didn't know how much longer she could keep pretending her feelings for Mina Ashido didn't exist.
Being woken up before dawn by someone shaking her shoulder was bad enough on its own, but when Toru made sense of the situation, she realized that it was a complete disaster.
She was still lying on top of Mina, who was still asleep. Mina's arms were still around her waist. They were still on the couch in plain view of anyone who happened to come into the common area. Someone had clearly caught them and probably misinterpreted, and now there would probably be rumors and teasing. Toru sharply sat up, dislodging Mina's arms in the process. The loss of warmth made the other girl groan and open her eyes.
"Both of you, please explain yourselves," Momo's voice greeted them, calm and nonjudgmental. Mina, still half-asleep, shot a lopsided grin at the deputy class representative.
"Late-night ice cream comas," she explained. Momo blinked at her, then sighed.
"Hagakure-san, please explain yourself and Ashido-san in a way that actually makes sense," she requested. "And sit up before someone else sees you and makes assumptions!"
"Someone else?" Toru squeaked, scrambling off of Mina. She felt a soft blanket fall from her shoulders, which Momo picked up and folded.
"Yes. I came downstairs for a glass of water last night and saw you two asleep together. You looked peaceful so I didn't want to wake you, but you were shivering a bit so I made you a blanket. I also set an alarm so I would be able to come down and keep anyone from seeing you. We have enough class drama without people spreading gossip about the two of you," she explained calmly.
"Thanks Yaomomo…you're a lifesaver," Mina sighed with relief, sitting up. "The whole story is basically that Toru and I worked out some issues, ate too much ice cream, and were too tired to go back to our rooms."
"No, that's not the full story," Toru corrected her. "Of everyone in the class, I think Yaomomo's the best one we could talk to. She's authoritative, so people listen to her, and she doesn't judge."
"Come up to my room," Momo invited, her formal tone relaxing into something softer as she recognized that her friends had something at least mildly distressing on their minds. "Whatever's going on, I'm sure the three of us can sort it out."
Toru and Mina were exempt from the Class 1-A meeting called by Momo that afternoon, waiting in Mina's dorm while the situation was explained to the others in the common room, but Toru heard what happened. She heard accounts of a glare more terrifying than Aizawa's, long explanations of why people's teasing behavior about Mina's appearance needed to stop regardless of how harmlessly it was intended (as well as exactly what would happen to anyone who didn't heed her warning), and Katsuki getting hit in the face with a freshly created pillow when he tried to dismiss the topic. Apparently Momo took bullying, self-confidence, and depression very seriously, though she consistently changed the subject when anyone tried to ask why it seemed so personal to her. Regardless, Toru was glad that she'd asked Momo to talk to everyone; besides the teachers, not many people other than their deputy class rep could make the entirety of 1-A shut up and listen.
(Minoru Mineta had evidently suffered from rhythmic convulsions when he tried to make a perverted comment about Mina's body, and afterwards coincidentally kept a wary eye on Kyoka's jacks whenever he was unable to fully avoid her presence.)
Over the next several days, Toru noticed the class making a conscious effort to not make any jokes or comments about Mina's physical features unless they were undoubtedly positive and couldn't be misconstrued. Katsuki stopped calling her Raccoon Eyes and seemed to be thinking hard about how to give her a mildly insulting nickname without referencing her appearance. No one tolerated comments from outsiders either.
Mina acted the same as always: happy, hyper, and enthusiastic. Toru couldn't tell if it was emotional armor or not, but if it was, it was too flawless to see through. She told Mina to come to her if she felt herself slipping, no matter what time it was or what she was doing, and her friend agreed eagerly. Everything was fine…
…Until it wasn't.
A/N:
Yaomomo saves the day. XD
Anyhow, there ends the first half. The second half is coming soon! Comments are always appreciated! Thanks for reading!