The past few weeks, he'd thought he'd been going insane. Whenever he slept, he heard voices in his head that would evaporate just as he woke, and he would normally end up stumbling to L for comfort. Just to talk, to go over files again, just to be there with him in the dark so he wouldn't be alone. They had become closer recently, and sometimes, despite all the other man had put him through, Light was glad of the opportunity to work with him. At those times, Light would pray that he wasn't Kira.

That was before he got his memories back.

Now, he felt wonderful. There were no more voices in his head. He slept the sleep of a God. He felt like some secret part of himself that had been begging to be let out was now restored. He was Kira. He was winning.

He'd look over at L, who was working at his side as calmly as ever, and almost feel sorry for him. How close they'd become, how he probably even trusted him. He knew L sensed something was wrong but there was nothing he could do about it. It thrilled Light even more.

After the thrill of what he was getting away with waned a little, it was starting to get to him all over again. To both of them.

The helicoptors, the lights, Misa, the team, Ryuk, all of it. He wouldn't sleep, Ryuzaki barely ate. Their pretense at friendliness was waning. They would catch each other looking at each other and look away.

They were getting closer to the end, after all, and there was no point fabricating any more than they had to. Light couldn't stand it. He wasn't ready for this. It was ironically he who sometimes felt cornered. He just wished he had more time.

It came to a head one night when they were alone. Light had his hands resting on the windowsill and his head against the glass. L asked him if he was all right. This thing was building and building up in him, the heat and the thrill of it too much, until he tore L back by the hair and kissed him. He moved his fists to the other's man's shirt and walked him back against the wall. He had L's hands up at either side of his head, pinned him with his body, nosed his hair, and wanted to laugh. I'm back, he thought deliriously, letting his tongue touch his ear, wanting to whisper it. But really, what was the point, L knew, he knew who was kissing him.

The relief of it was better than anything he'd ever felt.

Ryuzaki's arms came up to his chest to stop him, but they lay there uselessly, not pushing him off.

"Light," he said. His eyes were shining.

Light actually growled in frustration.

"Don't tell me you haven't thought about it," he hissed. His cock was hurting him inside his pants.

"Light, you're too young- "

"I'm 18."

"You're upset- "

He growled and kissed him again, but this time he pushed his head back into the wall hard enough to stun him. Light took advantage of this to get L's belt and jeans undone, and by the time he had recovered, Light was already on his knees.

Light felt him completely give then, all the fight leaving him. He didn't need to hold his wrists, but he did any way, liking the feeling of the bones grinding together in his grip.

One thing he'd got right before getting his memories back, they were definitely close to the end.