Chapter 1: Diagnosis

Depression. Anxiety. She had heard these terms before. The words are thrown around, and the meaning loses significance. She had heard depression to describe a mood or someone nonchalantly saying they were depressed about receiving a bad test grade. Anxiety seemed trendy, and she heard multiple people spout about their anxiety issues in her psychology class without knowing a single thing about what it means to have an anxiety disorder. On the other end, she had heard that anyone with an anxiety order was an attention seeker. One teacher even said, "If you're sad, just be happy." She had never taken much mind to it until recently.

Bella wondered if anyone of them knew the true meaning of depression or anxiety. It wasn't a mood to describe but a disorder with consequences to one's health. Sadness and depression weren't the same things just as feeling anxious and having anxiety were in separate categories. Bella Swan should know. After all, she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety by the psychiatrist she was forced to meet regularly. It was the only time she left the house. The only time she was able to leave her room.

She had been through therapy and countless pills, but her insistent thoughts wouldn't shut off. Bella could barely eat anymore and didn't even pick up a single book. It wasn't that she sincerely wanted to die despite those thoughts running through her head constantly, she just couldn't muster the will to continue. So, she faded away little by little. Her stomach becoming hollower and her eyes dulling each day. She was sinking into nothingness. Fading into death's embrace.

Depression was often talked about in terms of sadness and the crying which she had had an abundance of but—they often left out the insufferable irritability. Depression was beyond her sleepless nights or restlessness. It passed the suicidal thoughts and loss of appetite. It was as if life itself no longer had meaning. She didn't have the energy to do anything. The passion for wanting to do anything. The desire to love anyone. Without these desires, the world became bleaker. Harder to manage.

Anxiety and depression ran in the same vein. They fed off one another, and in her case, one may have caused the other. It intensified the effects of each other.

She was in a perpetual state of uneasiness and panic. It drove her even further into isolation. Any little remark set her off. She was irritable. Cranky. She couldn't stand to be around others and with her unstable attitude, others pulled away. Unsure when something they would say would tick her off. Bella didn't feel a thing as they disregarded her. She had fought with Charlie and even her mother. She couldn't handle her outbursts, and she became a reckless mess always ready to blow up in someone's face. She no longer had the patience for anyone. When she had panic attacks at least twice a week, she couldn't take anyone else's idiocracy.

Worthlessness and self-pity had taken control. She endlessly thought about how little she felt when Edward had left and how in the end, she was just a worthless toy. Pitying one's self was not something Bella relished in. "Oh look at poor me," Was not the impression she intentended. It was a vicious cycle of pity and disgust. She pitied her situation but she was also disgusted by her weakness. An ongoing battle that raged inside her mind and her emotions.

Bella gazed out her window. The rain had surprisingly stopped for once but the gloomy gray clouds still loomed in the air. Her room was completely dark and the dull light that came from outside was her only light source. She had probably been sitting there for a good two hours. Only watching. Bella pulled the covers over her body and held tightly as her body began to shake. She turned to her full body mirror and looked at the skeleton that gazed back. Her hair was a mess and she doubted she had showered in the last few days. Her brown eyes lifeless and her body as pale as snow.

"I'm going to die," She croaked.

-X-

It was late at night and Charlie had just gotten off an overtime shift. Dr. Warren had contacted him on the phone and said Charlie had to come to the psychiatric facility because of urgent news.

"Dr. Warren," Charlie spoke. He sat down on an oversized chair as psychiatric went over Bella's records.

"She has to be hospitalized." He said, sighing. Charlie froze in his chair and couldn't feel his own heart stop. "I know it is hard for a family member to make this decision but Bella needs help. You are only… enabling this behavior."

"Is there another way?" Charlie gazed at his shoes.

"Currently, no. We are all out of options at this point. Bella… is only going to get worse from here." Dr. Warren leaned back in his chair. "This is best for Bella. There is a great facility in Baltimore I can transfer her to." Charlie couldn't contain his anger. There was no way in hell that he was letting Bella be sent across the country to a facility.

"Baltimore?!" Charlie exclaimed. "That's too far!"

"I have great connections there. Some of the best phsyatric facilities are there and are the best fit in this situation. Also, times like these it can be… better for the patient to heal without enablers." Dr. Warren explained. "Bella needs help. She is on the path to death. Something has to be done now." He then gave Charlie a filled out paper. "She has Major Depression Disorder as well as Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disorder. As I have been watching her vitals for a while now, her weight has significantly decreased. She would be considered underweight by BMI standards and I believe she could be developing an eating disorder." Charlie sunk in his seat as he looked at the charts. He hadn't even noticed how little Bella weighed now but she may have intentionally hidden it with bigger clothes. But he couldn't send her away. There had to be another way. Another way out.

"She needs help Charlie and…" He turned away. "This is merely a formality. Bella's health is severe enough I can send her away without your consent. She needs treatment."

"I—" What say did Charlie really have here?

"Think about it, carefully." Dr. Warren got up. "I will grab a coffee. Do you want one?" Charlie shook his head.

"How soon?"

"I could have her on the plane by tonight." He said. "Think about it. I will be gone for a few minutes." Dr. Warren walked out leaving Charlie to his mangled thoughts. Think...Think...Think… He knew Bella and knew her hatred towards hospitals. She hated visiting doctors as it is… He had to concout a plan. He ran down a list of alternatives. Who could help Bella? Who could save her?

Saving people is what I do best, Charlie, a familiar feminine voice echoed in his ears. His eyes widened and he knew his answer. That was his saving grace.

Charlie sighed as the door opened. Dr. Warren sat back on his chair and set his steaming coffee down. His frosty, calculating eyes gazed into Charlie's. His head slightly tilted.

"Do I have an answer?"

"I propose an alternative…" Charlie trailed. "And if that doesn't work, you have my permission to send her to Baltimore."

"Well," Dr. Warren paused. "I will at least hear this alternative." Charlie's lips curled. He had the chance to save Bella and prayed to the heavens that Dr. Fell wasn't going to disappoint him now.

"Do you know a physician by the name of Meredith Fell?"

"In Virginia?" Dr. Warren nodded. "She visited this facility a few years back. A friend of yours?"

"Deeply," Charlie admitted. "Would it be possible I send her to Dr. Fell for treatment? She is highly skilled in this profession as well."

"True, she was a multitasking physician that was for sure…" Dr. Warren mumbled. He at least seemed to be entertaining the idea which made Charlie hopeful. "Where would Bella be staying?"

"Another friend of mine, Jenna Sommers. She takes care of Elena and Jeremy which are her niece and nephew. They are great friends of Bella." Charlie admittedly hadn't talked to Jenna in years but he was sure the woman would welcome Bella with open arms. He was also sure Elena and Jeremy would help Bella interact with people. Dr. Warren was silent for a long moment before closing his eyes.

"If Bella does not improve within two weeks of Dr. Fell's care, she will be sent to Baltimore."

"Agreed." Charlie couldn't help but smile at his victory. "Now, how do I go about getting Bella onto a plane?"

"I am used to patients that do not want treatment or children that refuse to leave home." Dr. Warren smirked. "If you have any trouble, I know some people to send to help." Charlie nodded and hoped it would not come down to that.

Charlie knew he could not save Bella which was why he put all his faith into Dr. Fell. He knew Dr. Fell's abilities and her caring nature. If anyone could save Bella from this, it was her.