disclaimer: i own nothing.

Take Care.

chapter one

life, loss, leaving

Julie couldn't stand her parents right now. Either of them. Her mom had been way up in her business these last few months. Her dad was waltzing back into their lives after eight months, trying to take control of everything like he never left. Trying to be 'the man' again. It was a madhouse. That was an understatement. Her mother couldn't understand that she was growing up and needed time to herself. She practically hovered for a week when she broke up with Matt, wondering what happened and who broke up with who. The cherry on top of the cake was when her mother drug her out of Anton's van and slapped her in the face last night. Yeah, that was the worst.

The sunlight was pouring in through Julie's bedroom windows as she woke up. She was glad it was a weekend. That meant she could get away from the house for a while and that's exactly what she needed after last night. Julie got out of bed and ran her fingers through her long blonde hair. It wasn't all that messy so she threw it into a lazy bun before changing into decent clothes. Her mom was up with Gracie in the living room so she rolled her eyes and sucked it up. They were going to have to talk to each other sometime but she didn't want to start it.

Breakfast had already been made and what was left was for her. She served herself some bacon and eggs and waited to see if her mother would initiate a conversation. She did.

"Hey, Jules."

Julie knew the tone. She was going to apologize.

"Julie, I'm sorry." Tami sighed. "I am. I really can't believe I did that."

"It's okay, mom." She was glad her dad was gone. Her mom didn't care as much when she cursed. "I don't know what my problem was. I was being a bitch. I'm sorry, too."

She really was being a bitch. It seemed to be stemming from this slight jealousy problem with little Gracie. Julie had been so used to being an only child for the last fifteen years and since Gracie was born all attention went to her. It was definitely childish but she couldn't help how she felt.

"Come here and sit down. I wanna talk to you about this boy. The Swede. Whatever." Tami hated the fact that they were having to go through this talk again. Though, this time it was with someone a little more threatening than Matthew Saracen.

Julie left her plate on the counter and joined Tami on the couch. She dreaded what they were about to talk about.

"Now, honey... I-I know you don't wanna hear this as much as I don't wanna ask it but, um-. Gosh, I don't know how else to say it other then to just say it." Tami took a deep breath and asked her daughter the question she didn't want to know the answer to. "Are you having... like... sexual feelings for this boy?"

"Oh my God, mom!" Julie exclaimed. This was so not the conversation she wanted to have to start the day. It was horrifying. "I-uh..." She really didn't know how to answer the question. She didn't know the answers to several questions that were going through her mind right now. What was she doing chasing a guy like Anton? What would she have done in his van if her mother didn't catch them in the driveway? Was she even ready to go all the way? There were too many things going on in her brain it was giving her a headache. "I don't know. I-I just know that I'm totally done with guys right now. I need to focus on myself for a while. Yeah, that's what I need to do."

Tami was relieved a little by her daughters answer. It still left her to wonder about Julie's full intentions with boys at the moment but at least she was currently taking a break from them. That was comforting for the time being. Gracie was starting to fuss so her attention was immediately turned away from the conversation they were having.

Julie saw that as her exit and made her way back to her eggs and bacon.

It was an accident. Just one of those accidents you see on the news for a few moments time before it was on to the next story of the night. Nobody ever thought those reports would affect their lives. Until it did. Tim couldn't feel his body. He was numb. In shock. His stomach felt like it was rotting and ripping itself up. Billy's white Bronco had smashed head on into another car. It flipped and ended up in a ditch upside down. Billy was found dead.

Tim cursed himself for being pissed at Billy the last time they saw each other. He'd just found out that his brother had been sleeping and having a relationship with Jackie behind his back, so he confronted Billy later that day. The argument didn't last long before Tim stormed out of the house as usual. He'd gone out to Tyra's. It was the only place in the world that had a couch with his name on it. He didn't even see Billy the next day which just so happened to be 'the day'. He'd gone straight to school from Tyra's.

It had been a few days since the accident and the house still felt odd. Tim was sitting in the living room with the quiet ringing of silence in his ears. It had been hard these last few days without Billy. The first few nights, when Tim was in the house alone, it had almost felt like Billy would come walking through the front door any second, grab a beer from the fridge while offering him one as well. It was almost too unbearable that he wanted to call Tyra and stay with her. Or have her stay with him but he made the decision to stay alone and deal. He could only do that alone.

He set down another empty bottle on the cluttered table. The beers weren't doing much and he just wished there was something else that could take his mind off of what was going on. Something that could temporarily take the pain away. He knew that was selfish of him to want such things, but it didn't matter. Nothing was going to be the same anymore. What was he going to do now? He was a seventeen year old kid with not a dime to his name. Where would he live? How would he make money for himself? Questions that seemed nothing but impossible to answer were all that seemed to go through his head.

Julie finally got herself out of the house well past noon. It was closer to evening then afternoon really. What was she going to do now? She'd found herself driving the way towards her best friends house. She could use a little girl time with Tyra. When she pulled in, Tyra's mom was out in the yard watering some plants. She waved at Julie and Julie waved back. Mrs. Collette had told her she was welcome over anytime back when she'd just started hanging around Tyra.

"Go on in, honey. Tyra's in there somewhere." Angela called out.

Julie found Tyra in her bedroom. The older girl was folding some clothes on her bed.

"Hey, Julie. What are you doing here?" She smiled.

"Just thought I'd come see how my bestie was doing." She laid her keys on Tyra's dresser and joined her on the bed. "So, how are you?"

"I've been okay, just been busy at work and stuff. Got the funeral on Monday." She threw the shirt she just folded on top of the pile of other folded clothes.

Julie was confused. "What funeral? What happened, Tyra?"

Now Tyra was confused. "You haven't heard? How have you not heard?" She really wondered how Julie hadn't been aware of what happened, especially with her father being Tim's Coach and all. It was a terrible tradgey that shouldn't have happened. "Billy... Billy died on Tuesday."

"As in..." Julie was shocked.

"Yeah." Tyra answered. "Tim's brother."

"Oh, shit. Uh, how's Tim?" Tim was the first thing to cross Julie's mind. She couldn't imagine what he was going through. Her stomach cringed in pain for him. She missed him.

"He says he's okay... but we know better then that. He hasn't answered my calls for a few days now." Tyra was getting worried but she didn't want to make an uninvited visit at a time like this for Tim. She had no idea why he'd want to be alone especially at a time like this. She knew she would need someone if anything happened to somebody that close to her. She also knew he was drinking. It was how he got through life. That and casual sex.

Billy had always been there for Tim. He was much older then him but acted like more then just a brother since they were both younger. He gave up a scholarship to take in Tim when he was thirteen and their father ran out on him. Everybody in his life has left him and now Billy. It was so sad.

"I've got to go see him." Julie spoke after a few minuets of silence between the girls. "Would you come with me, Tyra?"

"I would if I didn't have to work tonight." Tyra said. She did want to know how Tim was doing but it felt intrusive. Fuck intrusive. She thought. Besides her own flesh and blood, Tim was the person she'd known longest in this world. "You go now. I'm off at ten, then I'll call you."

"Sounds good." Julie got off the bed and grabbed her keys. "I'll text you and keep you posted, okay? Text me back when you can."

Tim was sitting on the couch in almost the same position as a few hours ago. The television was on and droning about some commercial, but that couldn't hold his attention. Tim's gaze was fixed on Billy's bedroom door which had been closed this whole time, the way Billy left it. He wanted to go in there and just feel surrounded by his brother but something was holding him back from doing just that. What was it? He thought to himself. Fear? Sadness? Maybe just feelings in general. He was always so numb behind the cloud that drinking kept him in.

A knock at his front door stirred him from his thoughts. He set his fresh beer on the crowded coffee table and got up to see who was there.

"Who is it?" He called through the door.

"My name is Brianna." There was a pause. "Um, I was, uh, friends... with Billy."

Tim peered through the peephole and saw this odd looking blonde girl. She didn't look like the type of person that would have been close to his brother. He opened the door to her. Her voice made her sound like she was young but her looks definitely betrayed her. "Yeah?"

"I-um... I'm really s-sorry about your brother. He was a nice guy." She was quiet for a moment. "Did you figure it out yet?"

"Figure what out?" Tim was curious about what this stuttering, junkie look-a-like was talking about.

"Billy's side work. How he made his money." She shifted her frail body from side to side.

"What are you talking about? What side work?" He paused. "You're being really wierd."

"You would know, if you had figured it out." She reached out her hand with a crumpled piece of paper. "Here. Call when you're ready. Jordan's waiting to hear from you. We all need money, right?"

Tim was left confused and speechless as she walked away from his house toward a nice grey car. Why would she come up to the house like that and ask him strange questions? He closed the door and locked the deadbolt. And who was Jordan?

He was dwelling on the encounter with Brianna a while later when there was another sudden knock at his door. Who could it have been now?

"Yeah?" He called from the bar stool he was sitting on.

"Hey, Tim. It's Julie."

His head perked up when she said her name. He hadn't seen her in a while. They shared this weird, off the radar friendship that nobody knew about. It had started out as texting until they began to hang out. It had been awhile since they had to chance to do that.

Tim opened the door. "Hey." He left the door open for her and walked back to the bar.

She followed in behind him closing the door behind her. She looked around the house. It looked exactly the way she'd remembered it when Billy was alive. Clutter on any and all surfaces, things lying on the floor. Did she expect a sudden shift in the way it would look? Like if Billy was gone, so were his things? "Hey, Tim." She was nervous. She didn't know why. "I-I'm so sorry about... Billy. I just found out from Tyra... like, where I have been all week?"

He looked her in the eye and knew she'd really meant it. "Thank you and don't worry about it. We all have our own shit." He rounded the bar into the kitchen and pulled a cold beer from the fridge and cracked it open. "So, this chick..." He took a gulp. "Just came to my house right before you, like thirty minuets ago... and she was being really weird." He joined Julie on the bar stools before continuing. "She just comes up to me, like, did you figure out what Billy does on the side? Or something like that. Like how he made his money and I wanted to be like... what money?" He cynically laughed. "Don't you see the dump we live in?"

"What? What are you talking about?" She felt bad for his negative comment but didn't want either of them to have to linger on it. She was more concerned about the girl he was talking about.

Tim laughed. From an outsiders point of view that must not make very much sense. "This girl, some friend of Billy's apparently, came by and asked me if I had figured out what Billy's was doing on the side to make money."

"Like a side job... but what would Billy do on the side?" She paused. "To make money?

They pondered on multiple possibilities for a few minuets before Tim stood from his seat. He went to Billy's bedroom door and put his hand on the knob. Tim had to gather himself before opening the door. A rush of cold air hit him as he entered the room and it smelled like his brother. He turned the light on and took in how Billy had left his room. The bed was half made. There was some clothes laid out on the foot of it. Nothing stood out to him or looked out of place but he continued looking around at everything.

"Tim, what are you looking for?" Julie called from the living room. She got up when he didn't respond to her and walked to the entrance of Billy's room but didn't go in. That felt intrusive of her.

"Just... something." He closed his eyes and tried to think from Billy's perspective. I'm hiding something probably illegal. Where do I hide it? He thought. He moved to the foot of the bed and got on his hands and knees. He threw the blanket up onto the bed and peered underneath the bed. There was something under there just within arms reach, too. Tim grabbed it and slid the container out from under the bed. It was one of those clear, plastic storage containers. This one was about a foot deep and two feet across. He pulled the drawer open and saw what Billy had been hiding from him.

Julie tried to peek over Tim's shoulders to see what he found but it wasn't working. She took a few steps into the room until she had herself a clear view. "Holy crap." She whispered.

"Holy crap." Tim repeated.

thanks for the read.