Smile
AN: I don't have a lot of writing experience, but this sort of just came out. I hope it's okay.
Every sip of Scotch he takes brings him a little closer to Robin. He liked that when he kisses her, Robin never tasted like bubblegum lip-gloss. When he smells her hair, there is no hint of fruity perfume. Sometimes he can smell cigars and he just breaks out into a smile because she really is amazing.
When she walks in he lets out a sigh that he didn't realize he was holding in. And in walks Kevin. Barney doesn't want to jump to conclusions. Instead multiple scenarios flash through his mind, trying to rationalize Kevin's existence.
He stares at the back of her head, daring her to turn around and say that she's joking. The universe is cruel and he had hoped she wouldn't be a part of it. Even when she shakes her head no, he can't help but notice how tragically perfect she is.
Time stops.
Heart beats are further apart.
Lily smiles. There's an ocean between Barney and everyone else. He's alone. It doesn't matter how many people are in this bar, nothing can touch him.
He can't help but think that he should have said more but she seemed so convinced an hour earlier. Like all he had to do was look into her eyes and she understood. You're for me. Love me.
But that hour doesn't matter anymore because it never happened. All that matters is this second right now; the one that refused to leave. He knows when he sleeps tonight that all he will see is her head shaking. No.
He wishes he hated her. It would make it a little easier, not by a lot, but enough for the pain to be manageable. So that he could go to the bar and pretend everything is okay, daring her to regret her decision.
He puts down his drink; he can't bear the taste. When he walks over to the table, he forces himself to be okay. Shut down the emotions. But he can't because she's so close and he can't touch her. His eyes always seek her face out before the others. He says something and smiles.
She says she really sorry. He looks her in her eye and he knows she's sorry. She's so sincere that he wishes she hadn't said really.
This is the last time that Barney will let himself ever look at Robin like she's his. After this, he has to get rid of every part of himself that she has a hold on. But right now he can look and he can pretend. This second goes by too fast and he has to turn and leave.
He could take someone home, turn off the lights and pretend it's her. He'd hold on tightly and hope that if he just stays close enough to another human being that maybe he won't feel so hollowed out. If he's close enough to another person, when their heart beats synchronize, he can forget Robin.
It doesn't matter how hard he to tries to grab on to anything else. Nothing will ever come close to Robin.