ShakespeareIsMyMuse

DISCLAIMER: I, ShakespeareIsMyMuse, do so solemnly swear that I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any of its affiliates, which includes: any familiar story plots, creation of original characters belonging to the show, cast and crew. Rights, property and ownership belong rightfully and wholly to CBS and its Original Creator: Leonard Freeman (1920-1974), also to reboot creators: Peter M. Lenkov, Alex Kurtzman, and Roberto Orci.

I, ShakespeareIsMyMuse, do however claim ownership of any unrecognizable characters and the formation of plot(s) that follows. Any invention or similarity of any character or plot line that is seen here after represented really or fictitiously, alive or dead, is purely coincidental and unintentional; unless otherwise noted*#*.

*Exhales* I hope that about covers everything. *Cracks Neck* Now, on with the story.

Enjoy.

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SUMMARY: The random events, goings-on, and short conversational bits and pieces in the daily lives of the Five-0 Task Force—including any and all individuals that they may encounter; basic drabble—piecemeal plot lines which will drift in and out of cannon and AU.

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Snippets

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Luncheon Conversations

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The U shaped booth by the front window contained three of Five-0's five members. Steve McGarrett sat lengthwise— his legs crossed at the ankles— on one end, Danny Williams sat with his back towards the restaurant— his good knee bent up on the booth seat— alternating between staring out the window and his colleagues as they talked and ate, while, "Oh, I don't think this was the best idea," Lou Grover said stretching in his seat and leaning his head on the felt-like backrest.

"What? Coming here?" Steve asked before biting off a piece of boneless rib meat he had pinched between his fingers. "You were the one who got all excited about Chop Suey and Lo Mein after Danny said he had a taste for pork fried rice and dumplings."

Eyes closed, "No, I meant about me sitting in the middle," Lou clarified while massaging his stomach.

Steve caught Danny's eye— there was a twinkle in it— "Full Lou?" the blonde teased.

"Kind of like when they over fill the good year blimp." Lou groaned a little bit as he spoke.

"We might have to pull him out."

Danny seemed to inspect the table for a second. "Is the table bolted to the floor?" he asked, shaking it a bit. "We could roll him out, straight through the door. Punchbowl is semi-downhill from here, if we push him and if he can manage to make that turn quick enough he'll probably come to a stop right in front of The Palace."

Steve cracked a huge grin.

"Oh, I'm with Danny, let's do that. Anything sounds better than walking."

This time, Danny laughed.

"Well this looks like a table of three satisfied men," the waitress said as she approached.

"Extremely," Lou said from his spot.

The woman smiled. "Would you like me to wrap up your left overs and you can take them with you?" she asked, before quickly turning her head and saying, "Good bye," to a couple with three rowdy young boys and a sleeping infant. "I know our portions tend to be quite large," she finished.

The three men exchanged a glance and agreed.

"Okay, I will be right back with a tray."

Turning his head to the side Lou glanced out the huge window and laughed. "I think both of those dads prefer the perfect sleeping little girl," he said noticing the hand sewn Alice in Wonderland blanket hanging over the edge of the carrier.

The man with the jet black hair, had tossed his hands up, stalked over to the brown haired man, snatched the carrier from him and pointed off down the street at the three boys who were racing to the corner. The brown haired man must have called out to them, because one of the boys stopped and walked back towards the black haired man when the brown haired man pointed to him.

The black haired man waited with his hand out until the boy took it and then began walking in the opposite direction.

The brown haired man then broke out into a run as the two remaining boys darted across the street. Cars quickly slammed on their brakes as the three crowded the area. One woman even tossed an obscene gesture out her driver's side window.

"Mm, mm, mm. Now if I had done that as a kid I would have gotten two or three dozen good solid whacks on my behind," Lou said at the sight.

"In public?" Steve wondered.

"No…well, yeah actually, but that was only once. I was seven and spending the weekend with my grandparents. I had just learned a brand new curse word in school."

"Uh oh," Danny said.

"Uh oh is right my friend," Lou nodded. "We were going to into church and I didn't want to go; I wanted to go play with my friends. I let my new found word slip, right there in front of my grandmother and all of her friends. Oh, let me tell you, you did not want to make my grandmother mad; that woman could break a brick with her hand. And she did just that. She hauled me over to a chair, pulled my pants down right there in the vestibule and put me right over her knee. There was a huge mirrored wall as you came in and let me tell you I never knew my black ass could get so red."

Danny and Steve were trying to hold in their laughter.

"Then she made me sit all through church and when we got home my grandpa gave me another spanking for disrupting church. Not as bad as grandma's, but on an already sore bottom?"

"Ouch," Steve said.

"Ouch doesn't quite cover it," Lou winced at the memory. "Then the rest of my punishment was that I had to sit on the front porch step all day until dinner, watching all of the other kids in the neighborhood play. I was never so happy to see my parents in my life when they finally came to pick me up. And I never uttered a curse word again…"

"Lou I've heard you curse," Danny broke in.

"Yeah, buddy, me too," Steve added.

"…until my grandparents both passed. Let a man finish his story?"

"Sorry," both men apologized.

"Nowadays, anyone sees a kid getting spanked like that, DYFS would have the kids, the police would have the adults and the news and the public would be screaming about what child abusers they are," Lou said.

"So I take it you spanked Will and Samantha?"

"No, Renee and I never spanked the kids. A light swat here and there when they would do something stupid or dangerous. Like try and touch the burners on the stove or almost run out in front of a car, but never like that."

"My grandparents never handled discipline. If I or my siblings ever did anything while we were with them they would just tell my parents when they came to get us, if one of us didn't rat the other out first."

Lou furrowed his brow, "Danny, your mother told me that the only rule in your house growing up was that you had to love each other."

"That was my mom's rule, dad was a little different," he explained. "If one of us brought home a bad grade and had to get it signed, he'd usually give you a pretty good whack on the butt as you walked away. If Mattie and I were wrestling around trying to kill each other for whatever reason, he yank us apart and throw one of us on the couch and hold the other against the wall. Or if we were all in a mass huddle ripping into each other he'd whack us on our butts while trying to break us up. But I think that was mostly to get our attention. Usually the five of us screaming could really drown him out."

"What about you, McGarrett. Your old man ever drum on your backside?" Lou wondered.

Steve thought for a minute, "Mm, once. Mary was about eleven months old; she had just learned to walk. I had this Spiderman comic book that I had left on the coffee table while I ran to the bathroom. When I came back, she had taken it, pulled out the whole middle, and – since she was still teething— had slobbered drool all over the cover. I yanked it out of her hands, hit her and pushed her down to the ground. She started crying; my mom came in picked her up and my dad took me out to the lanai and…that was the first and last time I ever hit or pushed my sister."

Lou and Danny both chuckled.

"Actually that explains a lot," Danny said. "A lot of times when Mary does something that makes you mad, you do look like you want to hit her, but then you just end up hugging her really, really tightly instead."

"What can I say; it was a lesson that'll stick with me the rest of my life. I can't hit my sister, I'm not allowed, even if she is my sister."

"Does she hit you?" Lou wondered.

"All the time," Steve and Danny said in unison.

The three men broke out in laughter as their waitress came back with an empty buffet cart. "Sorry for the wait, we had a little ice spill in the kitchen. And when there is water all the floor, it's all hands on deck to clean it up."

Danny shook his head, "No problem. A busy kitchen is a terrible place for a slip and fall."

"Any place."

"Well thank you for being understanding. Here are some fortune cookies," she placed a red plate down on the table, "while I wrap your left overs," and began moving the plates to the cart.

Reaching for a cookie, Danny opened it, "'You will be hungry again in one hour'. Lou, this must be yours after you roll on back to work," the blonde quipped, handing over the piece of paper.

Steve chuckled from his spot. Danny did an excellent job of holding in his smirk; though he would have preferred to let it slip. Lou cracked his trademark smile and chuckled.

Lou broke open his fortune cookie, "'Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life'." The Captain slid his eyes over to Danny, "Oh shut up," and then to Steve, "What are you looking at me for?" before he began humming the wedding march. He then laughed again as both men gave him a shove on his respective shoulders.

"What'd you get buddy?" the inquisitive detective wondered.

Breaking the cookie with his thumb, the sailor pulled the little strip of paper out, turned and raised an eyebrow questioningly at the blonde.

"Well?"

"'Marriage is like a walk in the park'."

Lou gave a belly laugh and tossed his head back once more.

"…yeah, maybe Jurassic Park," Danny deadpanned.

Lou laughed even louder.

Despite never being married, Steve smirked at the comment and then decided to tease his partner some. "Well, you know what they say, Danno, 'A fire that burns too hot burns itself out'. And you and Rachel were at hot as it comes."

Danny furrowed his brow, "Isn't it, 'The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long'?"

"Oh, is that it?"

"Yes, Lao Tzu. Tao Te Ching? Are you just checking to see if I read?"

"How am I supposed to know what you've read in your life?"

"Because it was your book, I borrowed it, remember?"

"Yes and I also remember that you took it with you when you moved out."

Lou popped his head back up, "You two used to live together? When the hell was this?"

"Five years ago," Steve answered.

"I'm sorry. I'll give it back. I probably just stuck it in the bookshelf when I finished."

"Why were you living together?"

"Eh, keep it, I have another one."

"My apartment building got bought some developer and they decided to tear it down," he told Lou, and then said to his partner, "Yes, but it's in Chinese… oh right," he nodded, "you can read Ch…thanks."

"Sure," the SEAL nodded and let out a mirthless laugh, "Yeah, some developer."

Danny's tone took on an edge. "Drop it."

"Oh, I sense a little hostility there. What am I missing?" Lou wondered.

The two stared at each other across the table for a minute before, "His ex-wife's… now ex-husband?" he looked at Danny.

"I don't know…I guess," he shrugged. "She's never said anything and I've never asked."

"Okay. His ex-wife's, maybe now ex-husband, nobody knows— who also happens to be a real estate developer— tried to screw with him— when Rachel was pissed off at Danny for— pick a reason— by buying his apartment building and evicting all of the tenants. Because if he doesn't have a suitable place to live custody agreements…"

"Get murky and the courts look at you as an irresponsible parent and on and on and on," Lou filled in.

"Exactly. And the really nice condo he wanted to move into, he changed his mind because he thought it was haunted."

"It was haunted!" Danny insisted. "I saw the dead woman's ghost and her ghost dog sitting out in the front garden planting."

"You saw a ghost and her dog planting in a garden?"

Danny shot Lou a dirty look.

Steve smirked, "And Danny doesn't like things like that. So then he moves into this windowless shit hole…"

"Oh my God," Danny muttered under his breath.

"…and I told him that if he ever brought Grace there I was going to call child services myself…"

"So he moved in with you?"

"…no the building was condemned because it was filled with black mold…"

"And then I moved in with him. And you don't think he might have still been pissed off because Jamieson blocked all of his permits because you put a bug in her ear?"

"Who's Jamieson?" Lou wondered.

"First boss," they said in unison, not breaking eye contact with one another.

"Oh, so it was my fault? I wasn't pissed off you dropped your whole entire life to move to Hawaii."

Danny rolled his eyes; knowing damn well Steve was right.

"So how long were you two roomies?" Lou asked, reverting the subject.

"Mmm, about seven, eight months."

"And you two didn't manage to kill each other?"

"Oh," Steve shook his head, "we came close."

Danny laughed at the memories. "What? About four, five hundred times?"

"Give or take."

"Wow. What happened, Steve wake you up for calisthenics at four A.M.?"

"Try having to listen to infomercials screaming through the house at one in the morning."

"You watch infomercials?"

"Yes and he's very talented at it, he can watch TV through a solid surface, like a blanket."

"No," Danny shook his head— promptly ignoring his partner, "I can easily ignore them. If I leave a show or a movie on, I'll just end up watching it; infomercials I tune out."

Lou scrunched his brow and looked to Steve. "You have a four bedroom house and you made him sleep on the couch for eight months?"

Steve opened his mouth to protest, when Danny came to his rescue. "No, he didn't. I chose to sleep on the couch, because he only has the one TV."

"Oh you need the TV to go to sleep?"

"No, the ocean in my backyard keeps him up at night," the sailor supplied.

"Ah, I get it."

"Yeah, well with my divorce and child support, moving expenses to Hawaii and cost of living on an island, it was difficult."

"You got a nice place now."

"Well that's courtesy of my very nice friend here, whom I've wanted to kill since the first day I met him."

Steve smiled big. "Aww, aren't you sweet, Danno."

"I don't follow."

"Some old friends of Steve's dad decided to go live with their daughter in Florida to be closer to their grandchildren. They were planning on putting the house up for sale, but Steve gave them my number and they just had their agent call me instead. And," Danny added, pointing at Steve, "…before you say it, I know, my Chinese sucks…" he finished, picking up a thread from their earlier conversation.

Steve held up his hands in defense, "You said it buddy, not me."

"Oh, so that's how you got a house in that neighborhood," Lou nodded.

"Yep, they gave me a great deal. Carport versus a garage, but hey it's Hawaii. It's a rarity for snow to fall below the mountains," Danny replied before tossing his partner a faux dirty look. "A student is only as good as his teacher."

The SEAL returned the dirty look and the blonde smiled broadly.

"I don't have a problem with the language."

"Congratulations; you just can't teach others to speak it. And you didn't meet me until after Rachel and I had been divorced for three years. How do you know how hot we were?" the blonde asked, instantly regretting the way he phrased the question.

"I'm going to have to admit, I'm curious of that myself," Lou added, both men looking at the SEAL.

"Oh, well that's easy. One you were both still in love with each other despite being divorced. Two, you're part Italian and Italians are known for being romantics. Three, you are actually a romantic at heart. Four, you are apparently a masochist, because she's a devil in a dress. And five, you have two kids, nine years part, with your ex-wife who was married to another man at the time."

Lou gaped, "You had an affair with your ex-wife?"

Danny looked at the Captain; sarcasm was his reply, "You heard the man; I'm a masochist."

The Captain exchanged a look with the SEAL, who smirked and pumped his eyebrows; he took the hint.

"Oh," Lou dragged out the word in a tone that made Danny still— he had the strangest feeling, he knew where this was going, "our boy here has got some serious game. You had your ex-wife leave and still came back for more. And there's Melissa, pretty young thing she is; much younger than you of course."

Danny felt his discomfort grow, especially as his partner's smirk grew across the table. He had a feeling as to what Steve was going to say next.

"Don't forget the doctor," Steve added.

"Doctor?" Lou's eyes lit up, "Well, who gave who the physical?"

Steve chuckled, while Danny said, "She wasn't that kind of doctor."

"Aw."

"Let's not forget the lavender blonde from that convention. The one who liked to dress up?"

"Dress up as what?" the Captain wondered.

Steve opened his mouth to say something, when Danny asked, "Why are we talking about this?"

The SEAL shrugged, "No reason."

"Well, now, wait a minute now…you obviously have some long kept secret to getting all of these women to come back for more."

"Oh!" Steve suddenly shouted. "The model."

"What model?" Lou and Danny asked in unison.

"She had a stalker…and Danny caught her stalker…"

"Oh God," Danny mumbled as he reached up to massage his temple.

Oh, Lou was really interested now. "So I assuming she was grateful?"

"Pretty certain…"

"Steve…" Danny interjected.

"…though for some reason, Danno's never wanted to talk about it."

"Why not?"

"Because…"

"'Because' ?"

"Because…nothing happened."

"Uh huh…" Steve mumbled, unconvinced.

"Okay, now," Lou tried to be the voice of reason, "if the man's denying that anything happened…"

"If that was the case then how come you all but dropped off the face of the earth for fifty-six hours?" the sailor cut in. Lou looked at the detective in question.

"You timed me?"

"Don't change the subject," he shook his head at the blonde, before looking at the Captain, "His car was in the parking lot of the hotel…"

"Of course I was there; I had to arrest the stalker."

"For fifty-six hours?" Lou wondered. "What, did that particular weekend come with an NDA or something?"

"Oh, that's a good question," Steve nodded, "I never thought to ask that."

"Alright, gentlemen, here are your left overs," the waitress placed a large brown paper bag on top of the table; "and I can take this when you're ready," she went to place the check down on the table.

"Oh, why don't we go and take care of it now," Danny said getting out of the booth and walking off towards the register; waitress in tow.

Steve smirked at his partner's retreating form, while popping the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

Lou watched the man with an inquisitive eye. "Tell me something?"

"Hmm?" the sailor looked over.

"Have you ever paid for a meal?"

"Yes."

"With money?"

A look of surprise crossed Steve's face. "Yes."

"Hm, okay."

"Are you complaining, Lou?"

"No, I'm not complaining," Lou answered, while digging in the bag for another piece of shrimp toast.

"Sounds like you are."

"I'm not, I swear."

"Better not let Kamekona catch you eating that," Steve warned.

"Which is why they will all be gone before this bag hits the refrigerator at HQ," he said, eating another.

"I thought you were full?"

"Oh, well…. You did do all of that just to get him to pay for lunch, didn't you?"

Steve made a face, "No."

"Mhm."

"Of course he did," Danny said appearing at the table once again. "But the truth is I would have ended up paying anyway. It's been the same story since the day we met."

"Oh my God," the brunette mumbled as he rolled his eyes.

Lou smirked.

"Alright, I'll be fair," Danny said. "I've probably paid for about 95% of meals—breakfasts, lunches and dinners— since the day we met. Trust me on those rare occasions that his wallet has made a guest appearance I've almost fallen over in shock."

Lou laughed out loud while Steve rolled his eyes.

"Why don't we tell him about the time that you stood in front of the bartender and actually checked to see if the bills were real before I could hand them over to her?" Steve said sourly.

"You didn't?"

"Hey, he was paying with hundreds; I couldn't believe it until I saw them for myself."

Lou laughed again, as he pushed himself out of the booth.

"Can you make it big guy, or do we need to pull?"

Holding up a hand in pause, "I got it, I got it."

"Alright," Steve said grabbing the bag from the table and holding it out to his partner.

Danny stared at it for a second; "Oh, do you want me to carry that?" he asked sarcastically, while taking the bag.

The sailor smiled, "That's very generous of you, Danno," as he made his way towards the door.

Though he already knew the answer, "And what are you going to do?" the blonde asked; following.

Lou chuckled as Steve spun the ring of the car keys around his finger and Danny said, "Of course. Hey, I have an idea, since you're always driving my car, why don't I drive the truck?"

"You can't drive my truck."

"Why? Because you say so?" he mocked.

"No," Steve shook his head, "because it's so much taller than your car."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't think you're going to be able to reach the pedals," Steve teased— smirk in place.

"Excuse me? Oh, yeah, so funny," Danny said as the two disappeared out the door.

Lou held the door open for a couple that was walking in; by the time he got outside, he noticed that his colleagues were gearing up for another 'cargument' and he wondered why on earth he didn't drive his own car. It was then a blue sedan pulled up to a stop at the light. On the back window was an etching of Tom the cat and Jerry the mouse chasing one another; above it in white script letters were the words: 'Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry, they argue and disagree all the time, but they still can't live without each other'.

The Captain chuckled to himself once more as he walked towards his friends, "Oh, so true, so true."

Fín

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Muse's Notes:

The following fortune cookie fortunes are actual fortunes that have been inside real fortune cookies. The "Tom and Jerry" quote I saw somewhere, I just don't actually remember where I saw it.

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-It is with a light and open heart, along with a great deal of anticipation that you, my reader, enjoy my work, just as with all my writing, it really means a great deal to me.

-Reviews and/or constructive criticism are not required here, but are always welcome.

-Flames are not required nor are they welcome; and while I cannot stop you from posting them, I will warn you, I usually don't take them to heart.

Love, Hugs, and Kisses,

Muse : )