Her Choices.
I hated her. How could I not? She forced him away from us. From me. I love her. How could I not? She is my mother I won't lie but the more she apologizes to me the more I hate her.
Flash back
"GET OUT GET OUT I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR LYING FACE NEAR ME OR MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN" Nancy screamed tears streaming in rivers down her face. As she aimed mindless punches at my fathers toned muscular chest.
He backed up and then slowly walked up the stairs to their room and there was thudding as he brought down one of the family suit cases and began to pack.
I couldn't take it I walked in " Father you don't have to go she's just had a hard week you know tomorrow she will be begging you to come back"
He turned to look at me. There was a miserable look in his eyes " I don't think I'm coming back this time yoga" Yoga was his favorite nickname for me.
I panicked I couldn't take it he couldn't leave us! " Then take me with you!"
" I have to gain custody of you first kid and you know I'm terrible at lawsuits and our lawyer hates me so she will surely side with your mother"
"I don't care about the law just take me with you" I said desperately
"Life doesn't work that way yoga " He said and he walked down the stairs with his suitcase.
End of Flashback.
That was it he was done. He left us and he didn't come back even when she wailed like a wounded animal. He wanted custody of me but she wouldn't give it to him even when both of us got on our hands and knees and begged her to relent she wouldn't and I hate her for that.
My little brother Orion who is only 7 doesn't understand why I am so upset he is a momma's boy he is the only one that knows I cry my self to sleep every night now. My 14 year old sister Sandra doesn't care at all she never liked our father.
No one understands my pain. No one tries to.
That's when I started loosing my grip on my life. I was never a A+ student I was always a B+ but I soon started getting C's and D's my teachers didn't understand the change in me they half heartedly tried to understand but I didn't give them the time of day with their half efforts. I started back talking in class I was rude to my friends but I couldn't help it they were all so happy in their perfect little worlds while mine had just fallen to pieces.
I was soon into smoking to escape my pain.
My father was a bigger part of my life than anyone could have ever figured out but everyone was yet to find out it was that that caused the sudden change in my demeanor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Four weeks after his father left~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walked down my front steps and opened the mail box this had become my daily routine I was checked hoping for word from my father. Little did I know today was about to become my lucky day nd my worst nightmare come true.
There was a letter in the box. A letter addressed to me written in my father's familiar hand writting.
I quickly opened it my palms were sweaty. I sat on the front steps of our hose and unfolded the letter than I began to read.
Dear Zen,
I hope everything is okay with you, Orion, Sandra and your mother.
I just want you to know that I will keep fighting for custody of you but now from Pheonix-- Wait did that say Pheonix? That can't be! He can't have left Philly I must of misread it. I read that sentence over and over praying for it not to be true but it was my father had fled to the Arizona sun to escape my mother - Don't be upset yoga you know both me and your mother will always love you no matter what- It wont be the same though you'll be loving me from Pheonix - I will not lie to you I am loosing the legal case and the only way you can get out from under your mother's hands still is if you were put in a boys home. I was never much for disguises but I was thinking of adopting you under a different name but this is all up to you yoga you can stay with your mother if you want to I don't want you to feel pressured into this one word from you and I will drop the legal case.
Send my love to your siblings and your mother if she will hear it,
Your father.
I reread the letter over and over.
Then I turned back to the envelope to find the return address.
" Zen can you stay behind after class for me please?" My english teacher Mr. Mongolia called after me. I heaved a sigh and sat back down at my desk to wait for the rest of the class to filter out.
"Zen I am worried about the changes in you is everything alright with you? Is there something going on at home that you want me to know about?"
" No sir i'm fine just having a hard time keeping up with the work load 's all" He didn't care and besides he couldn't help me even if he wanted to I was too far gone and I had to do this by myself.
" Are you sure? Would you like me to set you a meeting with the school counselor? I f you are ever in danger from someone else or even from yourself should the matter arise I truly hope you would tell someone it may not be me or any teacher maybe it's a student but as long as you can be helped anyone will do okay?" He stares at me with a pitiying stare, I hated those stares everyone used them on me once they found out my parents had split up. I was in fact in danger from many things my mother, the state and myself, I had never thought of suicide before now but now I was seriously looking into it.. Maybe not suicide but "self abuse' as the teachers called it Cutting was my main thought.
" No sir, I am fine I've just had a rough week that's all" I say expertly shrugging my shoulders looking unperturbed by his comment.
" Okay remember you always know where to find me!" He calls after me as I sprint from the room.
I hurry down the school steps and head to the corner by the fat man's cafe and head to the alley behind it and nod at the drug dealer that awaits me there I slap the cash into his hands and he shoves the drugs into my jacket pocket and hurries away. I turn and head to walk home when the flashing lights blind me. I hear the sirens start up and I hear them stop. I hear the voices yelling and then I run I run down the alley and hear the pounding footsteps close behind me and I sprint faster I sprint out of the alley and look at the crowd that has gathered there to watch the chase I sprint past them no one stops me the don't know what I've done and they aren't taking chances.
Then I hear the gunshots heading straight for me the police officer has shot at me. I feel the flash of pain in my back and I fall into darkness. Has anyone ever told you darkness is the new light well it is and the pain was beautiful. I groaned and cracked my eyes open above me stands the police officer that shot me.
He moves to back away but I open my mouth and he stops " Thanks" I say
"Thanks? I shot you! Why are you thanking me?" He says bewildered.
"The pain felt good" I say and he looks horrified.
"You were planning on hurting yourself?" He says the thought dawning on him
"Ye---" Suddenly I can't breathe I grasp at my throat and start gagging
The police officer lets out a yell "Help!! Someone help me he's chocking!!"
A nurse runs into the room and start poking with the machines and jabbing me with needles and again the pain is peaceful. I drift into the darkness fast becoming familiar when I wake next there is a plastic thing thing over my mouth and a tube going down my throat. I hear the nurse giving instructions to someone she keeps mentioning my name. I can only guess it's my mother, Orion and Sandra. 'Oh great get ready for the lecture' I turn onto my side and face the wall facing away from the door.
"You may go in and see him now miss" says a voice and the door creaks open and I hear padding feet it is as I thought my whole family minus my father I doubt he knows and I doubt he will ever know if I don't tell him.
I make a mental note to send him a letter about this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two days later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
" What?" I nearly scream in hope but I keep my voice cool and collected.
"We have decided your home with your mother is not the right home for you, we are placing you in the tulsa boys home" The social worker repeats sweetly.
" Will I be put up for adoption?" I ask trying to ask like a scared little kid.
"Yes honey you will right away" She says patting my shoulder
"Here would you like to help me up?" She asks smiling
"No I think I can manage thanks though" I say heaving myself out of the tiny hospital bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At the Tulsa boy's home~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I stand grinning up at the boys home.
" Welcome to your new home" The social worker who introduced her self as Mary Jane says.
A/N: This is not based on any series at all just the life of a teenage boy with parent who are plitting up and the toll it takes on him. This is my first story ever written so critics are welcomed but no flamers and don't be too harsh. Hope you like it (PS: Happy Mother's Day!)