Disclaimer: I do not own any characters except "Ichirin". But you can have her, ick.
Filth
Filth. Filth. Absolutely, nothing but.
It's the only name it deserves, if any name at all.
Ed swiftly X'd out of the window, his cheeks taking on a red color to rival his trench coat.
Central's library, the one only open to state alchemists, had just gotten a shipment of new computers. Edward, ready to dominate the new territory, had been one of the first—second to only Scieszka herself—to log on. Exploring the internet, he came across fanfiction. At first, he loved it. The way someone could make such an effortless continuation of Gone with the Wind? He adored it. But this? It was horrible. Disgusting. Nauseating. Filth.
After X'ing out, he erased all traces of it from the computer. Nobody had to know what he had found.
'"Because I love you, Roy." Edward Elric nuzzled against his chest. For a few minutes, they lay there, finding comfort in each other's silence.
"I love you, too, Ed." Roy began to remove Ed's shirt. Then his belt. Then his pants. Then—"
He felt his cheeks heat up instantly.
Nobody needed to see that—it stripped you of your innocence by simply looking at it
…on second thought, though...
'Author:
So tell me, how long did you stay up thinking of ways to torment me? It must've been at least five months and I hope you had a nice cup of caffeinated coffee afterwards, seeing how disgusting this is. I wanna know how someone can probe their brain hard enough and long enough for something as vile, inaccurate, and perverted as this! No, scratch that, I don't wanna know! I don't know who the hell you are, or why the hell my name is on this website but don't write about me like that! I hate-hate-hate that Colonel Bastard and you dare to write a story about me doing—doing THAT with him?! Do you have nothing better to do with yourself?! Can't you do something with what little literary skills you possess other than misusing them horribly?!
Go get a hobby! Better yet, go get a life!
No, scratch that, too.
Go play in traffic, you bastard.
Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist.'
Constructive criticism is always good.
'Dear "Edward Elric",
u wannabe otaku! dis IS my hobby, and this IS my life!!1 n how do u no that edowaado doesn't have secret feelings for roi-taisa? how dear you insult my story! have U ever written or posted a story on the internet?? when u have u may speak!!
if u dont have nething nice 2 say, dont say nething at all!
Ichirin Kawasaki, Hana no Renkinjutsushi
A/N: Yeah, I know that's not how you write a lemon. But really, I don't know how to, and don't want to know. I wrote it on an impulse. The first line came to me and kept repeating itself, so I had to write about it.
Ichirin means unique. Hana means Flower and Renkinjutsushi means alchemist; so, Hana no Renkinjutsushi means Flower Alchemist, in the same way that Hagane no Renkinjutsushi means Steel Alchemist (Fullmetal Alchemist). I had to do it, so many people have "alchemist names" on this site that write yaoi...