Hello-it's been a while since I've written but I've just finished Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and I think it might be up there with the best TV shows I've ever watched. The character of Rebecca is everything TV has needed for so long and her search for happiness has actually inspired me to try to find my own- so for that reason this may be the last fanfiction I ever write because I'm about to start writing a book- to try to tell my own stories for a change.
Thank you all for your DMs, reviews, favourites etc. over the years- they've made me so happy. So here we go- (possibly) the last one shot… or at least last one until I've failed writing the book.
Spoilers for season 1- Set after the end of season 1. I do not own the characters- they belong to Aline McKenna and Rachel Bloom.
Greg x Rebecca
Dial 1 for Happiness.
It had been so long since she'd seen him. It had all happened so fast. He had been in her life one minute and the next he'd had opportunity to move to a world that had eluded him for so long and because she refused to give him a reason to stay he had left.
It had all got so complicated. He left when she still believed Josh was her fantasy. He left when she was kidding herself she had cracked the equation for happiness. He left when she didn't realise quite how much of happiness in her life was down to him.
He left when she didn't realise she was in love with him.
She found herself missing something. Her relationship, well, if you could ever call it a relationship with Josh began to slowly fracture. It wasn't obvious at first because she kept telling herself it would get better, how could you want something so much and it not be the right thing? She would be happy- it just needed to be worked on. Everything in life took work.
But as the weeks turned into months she started to realise a familiar feeling- she didn't recognise it at first because it was dressed up differently- but it was the same- forcing herself to believe this was what happy felt like- she wasn't in New York, she wasn't wearing a suit or waking up alone but it was the same. It was all a lie.
She found herself at the office late one night, which she hadn't even realised, was becoming more of a pattern. Josh had moved in when his lease with Valencia was up and although she had been so excited at first his presence in the house had started to become a bit of a burden. The conversation didn't flow and the silence was uncomfortable. The problem was he had fallen in love not with her, but a version of herself she had tailor made for him and much as she wanted to be this character- she wasn't.
She was getting tired of pretending not to care that she kept missing the ten o'clock news because Josh was watching MTV again. She was getting tired of dumbing herself down just so he wouldn't feel overwhelmed. She was getting tired of watching him play video games and high fiving him when he scored yet another goal against a technological interface. She was just tired.
But she couldn't even blame him- it wasn't his fault- because between her and Paula they had manufactured this character- the girl of his dreams- and she had done such a god damn good job of playing her the last three months that five nights ago he had told her he loved her.
Her character replied that she loved him too but she knew, the real her knew, it was all a lie.
Because the real her didn't love Josh and Josh certainly didn't love the real her.
She had made Joshua Felix Chan fall for a lie. A big fat stupid bitch of a lie.
So she did what any sane person would do and threw herself into work.
So here she was for the fourth night in a row, in the office past nine, working on a case. She was trying to find a witness statement in her bag when she saw the old ticket stub- 'The West Covina Taco Festival' in some jazzy font on a now crumpled bit of pink card. The festival had been three weeks ago and she had gone with Josh this time. They didn't dance ironically or talk about their favourite fires. They made polite conversation- they did what you were supposed to do and said the things you were supposed to say to be happy.
Greg wasn't by the book- nothing ever seemed forced with Greg.
She should call him.
It had been too long.
She picked up her phone and dialled his number. He picked up after the third ring. He sounded sleepy. Shit, it was gone midnight here. She had woken him up.
'Rebecca, are you ok?' His concern made her embarrassed for bothering him. She didn't know what to say and in a selfish way didn't want to tell him she was fine, sadistically she loved how much in four words he could show he still cared. 'Rebecca, what's wrong?'
'Do you remember when we went to the Taco Festival?'
'The time you took someone else home from our date? Yes, I remember.'
'Well, yeah. But remember we agreed about the Shirtwaist Factory Fire being like the most important fire? Well I just learnt something I thought I'd share.' She was suddenly so glad she genuinely spent last night googling it rather than watching yet another repeat of the Bachelorette with Josh.
'You're learning facts about fires at gone midnight on a Wednesday?'
'There is never a bad time to learn about fires,'
'A fact I cannot argue with. So what did you learn?'
They talked for over an hour. He told her all about school and how there was this guy, David, who he hated more than he had ever hated anything. She told him about work and her big case which he told her he'd been ashamedly following in the West Covina Chronicle (he had also become engrossed in Taco Bell-gate and was very much enjoying the residents daily letters full of pent up frustration and terrible grammar). It was only when she glanced at the clock she realised she had to go but she promised she would call again soon- it had been good to catch up.
And with that, after six months away, he was back in her life again. Bringing the cynicism, sarcasm and laughter back with him. The phone calls steadily became more regular. They started a couple of times a week but before long staying late was a daily occurrence, she even found herself there on weekends, just so she could talk to him about her day and hear about how David was really grinding his gears. Josh never came up. They both knew he was the elephant in the room- the elephant she found herself spending less and less time with.
The phone calls went on for another month before she was found out.
Josh came to her office to surprise her, she had been working so hard lately and so he'd been to the market and brought a picnic. He couldn't understand why she had been so distant- why, when she eventually came home every evening, she was so quiet and just seemed to agree with everything he said. She seemed numb and he didn't understand why. He'd just figured it was work, Daryl had been riding her kind of hard lately, but as he stood in the lobby he saw her in her office.
She was sat with her feet on her desk, heels off, leaning back on her chair laughing. She looked so beautiful and he realised he'd never made her laugh like that. Sure he'd made her giggle, made her squeal, but he'd never made her glow like she was now, laughing so much that she'd lost all sense of self awareness.
But he then he realised he hadn't laughed like that either, at least not in the last six months. They had laughed like that at camp together at sixteen but they weren't sixteen anymore. He hated it but it had never been more obvious that despite their best efforts to deny it- they were growing up- and they hadn't grown up together.
So he picked up his picnic basket, packed the champagne back into its bag and left her laughing in her office. She looked so happy he would let her be a little longer because even though he knew it was over, he still cared about her. He wanted her to be happy.
She arrived home an hour later. She was still smiling. He asked her where she'd been and yet again she told him she was working. He put on MTV, there was a great re-run of some old school Cribs he'd been wanting to watch. He noticed she stopped smiling and said she was tired and going to bed. He wanted to talk about it, he wanted to tell her he knew she was unhappy and that it was all over but then doing that meant it being over, which meant he needed to figure out what was next. He wasn't ready to do that tonight so he said goodnight and that he would be up in a bit.
She curled up in her duvet a logged on to words with friends. She had chosen a technological interface over actual social interaction with the boy she was supposed to be in love with. What was happening? Her happy ending with Josh had happened and yet here she was lying in bed laughing at Greg's production of the word discombobulate. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. This was not a happy ending.
She looked at all the pictures of her and Josh she had positioned around her bedroom. It was what people did to prove they were happy- they needed pictures of them being happy to prove it. On her dresser her and Josh smiling at the mall, on her window ledge her and Josh smiling at the beach, on her bedside table her and Josh at his Christmas party.
The pictures had never bothered her before but now it was a painful reminder of just how much of a lie it all was. They were smiling- but not happy- dancing the dance they were supposed to. She had one picture of her and Greg- it was taken two months after they met at Homebase. She had annoyed him because she wouldn't leave at closing time and so she had taken a selfie with him to annoy him further. His eyebrows were raised, his arms waving in the air asking her why she needed to take a photo. In the photo she is laughing- turned from the camera just as she's pressed the button. It's blurry and wonky but she gets it now -that is what happiness looks like.
What happiness actually feels like.
Greg made her happy. It was a fucking terrifying revelation. But when you have someone like that in your life, the type of person who makes you effortlessly joyful, you don't cut them out, even if it scares the shit out of you, because being effortlessly happy is something that isn't easy to be. It's something that should be treasured. So she sends her last word and signs off. Its all so bloody obvious now. She needs him because he makes her happy; the real her, not the 'her' sixteen year old Rebecca so badly wants her to be.
Because she is not that person, she will never be that person and she hates that it's taken her this long to realise it. She is just her and it turns out, she is compatible with a boy who happens to make her stomach flutter. The simplicity of this realisation is shocking. Why has she fought it for long?
The next morning she leaves before Josh wakes but leaves him a note telling him they need to talk and perhaps they could meet for lunch. Lunch time rolls around and they sit quietly for a while before she tells him this is never a speech she ever envisioned herself having to make. A thousand songs are exploding off in her head to try and make light of the situation- to try to convince herself she is making a huge mistake- because in finishing this story it is essentially the start of growing up, the start of accepting of her feelings; her feelings for the imperfect half Italian man who she never knew she needed.
Its two weeks later when she eventually tells Greg her and Josh are over. There is silence on the phone line before he asks her if she is ok? He wants to know what Josh did wrong. He tells her he is probably just being ridiculous and that they'll make up soon- this is classic Chan he tells her. They'll be ok.
She pauses before she tells him it wasn't Josh that ended it all- it wasn't what Josh did wrong- but what someone else did right. She realised that the most important part of her day wasn't the time she spent with her now ex-boyfriend but the increasingly long conversations she shared with him.
He is silent on the end of the phone for the first time in three months. Shit, what if he's not in the same place? What if she's missed the window? What if, despite the phone calls, he has someone else? Shit. This is like Jayma's wedding all over again.
'Bunch, as much as I hate to admit it, for the last year and half, let alone the last three months, you have been the most important part of my day,'
'You sure Serano?'
'At least eighty four percent positive, eighty five tops'
'That's a pretty high percentage,'
'I would have given you more but I didn't want you to get cocky'
Their conversation is shorter this evening because he has to study for his finals tomorrow. He tells her they'll finish the conversation soon.
They don't speak much for the next couple of weeks because of his exams. Well, they speak most days, but the phone calls are shorter and even though she knows he needs this to go well she misses him so damn much. She contemplates going over to surprise him but again, she knows he needs this to go well- she cannot afford to distract him.
The day of his last exam she calls him. She knows he finished two hours ago and she wants to hear how it went. She also really needs to talk about work, its been terrible, Paula is still off sick and Daryl was losing his mind over the new firm in town. It hit 7pm and she dialled his number but it kept ringing. Today he didn't pick up. Today the phone rang out.
The phone had never rung out.
Where was he?
Was he ok?
He would just be out celebrating finishing his exams. He would be fine. Was he fine? She tries dialling again- it rings out again. He knew she was going to call. He had said he was looking forward to it. He knew they had stuff to talk about- they'd been skating round their feelings for two weeks now, she'd figured it was because of his exams, but maybe he was freaking out. Maybe he'd had second thoughts?
She tried to call once more. Perhaps she was reading too much into this. It rung out again- nope
She slammed down the phone and found her head falling into her hands. What the fuck had she done?
She decided to walk home. Her head was spinning. He'd really made her feel like he was on the same page. He'd really made her feel like the real her was enough- but maybe it wasn't after all? Maybe he'd just been nice to her because he wanted someone to talk to.
She arrived home half an hour later. She had checked her phone countless times but to no avail. Maybe he had just gone out to celebrate. He deserved to- just because he'd missed one phone call didn't mean anything? God, why was she so bothered?
She was bothered because she loved him. Fucking Greg. She slid open her patio doors and sat on the step. Maybe just one more call- what if he was hurt?
She heard a phone ringing behind her.
'Are you ever going to learn to lock your patio doors?'
His voice made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. He was here. She stood up and turned to him, unable to say anything. He was here.
'What are you doing here?' He took two steps towards her so they were stood painfully close. She had forgotten how good he smelt. She couldn't help but look up into his eyes. He was always there when she needed him. He was smiling. God, she had missed that smile. He took her hand and said-
'So, I was working hard at business school to make dough, but it made me blue. One day, I felt (vaguely) emotional after being on the phone to you, so I decided to move back to West Covina, Calfornia, for the same old pals but new career. Oh and it happens to be where you live, and the thing is that's why I'm here,'
And then he kissed her. The real her. The her that could actually start to be genuinely happy- not just because he was here, but because he'd made her realise she was worthy. This was what happy felt like, she just didn't know it a year ago.
So that was it. That was her big moment, her happy ending. He was it; so fucking effortlessly it. He wasn't on a magic carpet, he wasn't in a castle, he was just here, on her doorstep but it was magic. He was effortlessly her magic.
Her magic in her little place in Southern California
It had all been worth it after all.