*Author's note: This story was written to fall within the timelines presented by the movies Catching Fire and Mockingjay Part 1. The first chapter takes place while the Tributes are still in training and have yet to do their individual assessments.

Chapter 1: Nothing

Katniss glared ahead in frustration. It was a sick joke to be kept waiting for so long. The Capital was prolonging their torture all because there was still money to be made. The 75th Annual Hunger Games had generated more excitement than ever with the results of last year fresh in people's minds. Every day was the same. There was little point in practicing since everyone knew everyone's fighting routine by now. Yet, the Tributes around her insisted on wasting their strength. The announcement came on that training time was up and all were to return to their rooms. Now she could go back and sit through another dinner with Peeta, Haymitch, and Effie. The other Tributes were practically running past her or maybe she was dragging her feet. If she arrived at the loft too early, the traumatizing sight of Haymitch and Effie fucking would ignite her nightmares all over again. She tried to tell herself it was gross and inappropriate at a time like this. The raw passion of two people breaking away from the troubles of the world was something that could be envied. The thing was...she didn't have time to feel such things. She couldn't let herself feel that way about anyone. But truthfully? She didn't feel. She didn't feel anything towards Gale, towards Peeta. She hated having to force these feelings in those moments when they should have been coming naturally. When Gale would try to kiss her out in the woods, she would let him. He never seemed to notice her lack of enthusiasm. But they were supposed to be hunting. Their families needed food. They always needed something. It served as an excuse but a pretty valid one. There would never be a good time and she never felt sad about it. When the arrow tip left her fingers, that's when she would feel excited. Then he would try to hold her hand on the hike back and the numbness would take over.

A few weeks ago, Peeta had tried to make the moves on her. They were lying in his bed, sometimes even laughing about old memories. He rolled over on his side and looked at her for a long time. Maybe it would have been better to be taken by surprise. When he finally leaned in, all she felt was a sick knot in her stomach. They broke apart with nervous laughs.

"Maybe...we could try it."

Katniss just looked at him and he tried to hold her gaze.

"Try what, Peeta?"

Silence. He couldn't even say it. He was too timid although he had made his feelings for her known. It didn't matter. Save it for the cameras. She was already dreading this fabricated act they would have to put on in the Arena.

"Just...don't you feel lonely sometimes? Like you just want to be close to another person? Even just emotionally? It would be nice to just feel something else for once." He resumed lying on his back and let out a sigh.

She could feel the tension. This was more than just about their "romance". Even nice boys get horny. But she couldn't indulge. She just couldn't because she didn't feel anything.

Back at the loft, she was mildly surprised to not see anyone. It seemed quiet until she passed the common room. Haymitch and Effie were there after all but this time they actually had the decency to keep it in his room. She could hear Effie's moans of pleasure and Haymitch's grunts with every thrust. She lingered for a moment. Maybe even a little disappointed that she was on the outside. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine that it was her and…well, that was the problem. There was no one she could imagine herself with. No one that could make her feel. As she made her way to her room, she kept thinking about it. Maybe if she could just masturbate, it would jumpstart feelings of lust that she could then direct towards someone. She sat down on her bed and started to peel her jumpsuit off. It still smelled clean after that sorry excuse of a workout. The slow caress of her fingertips against her own skin just made her feel that familiar feeling. The one where she shuts down and waits for the moment to be over. With that, she proceeded to rip the rest of the suit off and fling it across the room followed by her undergarments. The comforter went over her head and she drifted into that black void called a dreamless sleep.