Story Title: Chasing Freedom

Story Author: PromiseMeTomorrow

Rating: T

Language: English

Pairing: Hilson

Genre: Angst/Romance

Characters: G. House, J. Wilson

Chapter: One

Chapter Title: If You Left…

Chapter Quote: "He had said that if I left he wouldn't survive. But now he left, and I wont survive. I inhaled the last remains of his scent as I burried my face in the stripped mattress."

Chapter POV: Wilson's

Story Summary: House lets it slip that hes in love with Wilson during an argument about the secrets he keeps & takes off. Five years on, Wilson finds that he and House arent so different after all when he finds House chasing the freedom to be himself... Chasing Freedom.

I closed my eyes and inhaled. This was really getting tiresome. I was tired of this argument. I was tired of it all. Why did he have to be so…so…so damn stubborn! I mean… why couldn't he just tell us what the hell he was hiding!? The argument was pointless in everyway. If he just told me what was going on in that head of his then…oh…I don't know…maybe I could help?

"Why cant you just tell me what's going on, Greg?" I asked as I stood up and swiveled on my heels to look at him. He sat on my couch looking very frustrated. He closed his own eyes and rubbed his temples.

"You don't know what you're asking, James." he murmured. I froze. Did he just call me James?

"Did you just call me James?" I questioned, stunned. House chuckled and rolled his eyes as he looked up at me. "Well, that is your name, isn't it?" he sneered. I frowned and nodded very slowly. Then, realizing he had pushed me off topic, resumed my questioning of him.

"Come on, Greg. I'm your friend. You're supposed to be able to tell me everything. Why can't you just tell me what the hell you're hiding!?" I begged as I paced back and forth in front of him.

"Are you even aware how long that is?"

"What?"

"Are you even aware how long that list is, that list of what I'm hiding."

"No."

"Well, I assure you, it is very, very long."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Like what."

He sighed. "Your just trying to trick me. I'm no fool, James. I know what your trying to do." he told with heavy exhaustion in his voice.

I glowered. This was getting annoying. I was getting no where with him. What was he hiding? And more importantly, why? Why couldn't he let me in? Why couldn't he tell me? Why did he have to keep things from me? That's what I really wanted to know. Well, that was a better approach. Why not ask that?

I sighed and sat down next to him. "Why?" I asked. "That's the big thing. Why? Why cant you tell me?" I pleaded in a voice that House would probably be able to mock for years to come. Instead of mocking me, he sighed and rubbed a hand down the side of his face.

"I'm afraid, alright? Happy? I'm scared shitless of the thought of telling you one molecule of information about my past and what I'm hiding." he told me standing up and limping toward the door. All I could do was sit there astounded. Before he left I jolted my head up and my eyes fell on his back as he clicked the door open.

"Afraid of what?" I asked so very softly that I thought he hadn't heard me at first. His answer to my soft spoken question was everything but what I expected. I had never ever thought in my most wildest dreams that he would ever say that.

"Loosing you. I'm afraid of loosing you and everything I have with you. I'm afraid of you leaving and making me crumble. I'm afraid of a future without you, because I wouldn't survive. When you left, almost four months ago, I really thought that I wasn't gonna survive." He turned completely around so that he was facing me.

I felt my jaw hand open with astonishment. He closed his eyes and exhaled. "I know you don't know this, I know I never tell you this…but…" He opened his eyes. They locked with mine. In his eyes there was fear and shame. They were shiny with unshed tears that gathered in the corners of his eyes.

"If you left…I would crumble. I wouldn't be able to go on… I'm more afraid of loosing you than anything else. If I had to choose between you and anything…it would always be you. You're my constant. You're the one thing I cant live without. Jimmy, I don't just want you around. I need you around. I… I… I love you. Not just love…like in friendship… I'm in love with you…" he shook his head and, trembling slightly, before I had any time to react or say anything, opened the door and limped out of my office.

I sat there frozen with astonishment before it really hit me. The House, my best friend for the past nine years, and the man I had been secretly in love with for eight long years, had just said he was in love with me…and I had let him walk out of the room…and possibly out of my life…!

I cursed and banged a hand on the armrest of my couch. God, was I an idiot! I now officially hated myself as I slid on my coat, hit the light, picked up my brief case and shutoff the lights. I steeped out of my room and closed the door behind me. Then, as fast as I could, dashed down the hallway and down the stairs. His words rang over again and again in my ears as I opened the doors of the hospital and dashed out into the cool crisp night. I turned completely around looking for Greg's motorcycle but he and his bike were no where to be seen.

I closed my eyes and felt tears run down my cheeks. God was I an idiot! I cursed as I impatiently brushed away my hot tears.

He was gone. His office cleaned out. His apartment cold and empty. He was gone. His words haunted me as they described exactly what I knew would happen to me, now that he was gone forever.

"If you left…I would crumble. I wouldn't be able to go on… I'm more afraid of loosing you than anything else. If I had to choose between you and anything…it would always be you. You're my constant. You're the one thing I cant live without. Jimmy, I don't just want you around. I need you around. I… I… I love you. Not just love…like in friendship… I'm in love with you…"

God damn it! I hate my life. I was starting to think House was right. If there was a god, he hated me. And all that mumbo jumbo crap about Fate was a load of garbage. Fate means fucking screwed on purpose! I closed my eyes as my brain played back his first words…

"I'm afraid of loosing you and everything I have with you. I'm afraid of you leaving and making me crumble. I'm afraid of a future without you, because I wouldn't survive."

Yup. Someone up there just loves me! I thought as I drove down the highway in my car and, parking outside Greg's apartment, I walked up and through the building. I opened his door with tears running down my face. Carefully I made my way to his bedroom and curled up into a little ball.

He had said that if I left he wouldn't survive. But now he left, and I wont survive. I inhaled the last remains of his scent as I burried my face in the stripped mattress. Why did life have to be so hard. Whoever said that, "Dieing is easy. Living's hard" was right. I hated my life.

My mind flashed back to that day he had electrocuted himself…

House was lying on the hospital bed while I was looking at his chart. He had just came to and I think I had just gotten through with basically calling him an idiot when he had looked up at me and said, clear as day and utmost serious…

"I love you." I had just let an amused but annoyed smile touch my lips as I shook my head in disgust, ignoring the way my heart had done a back flip at the words. I had thought it was just the meds and the near death experience that had made him say that, but now the truth to his words hit me.

He had said those words with complete seriousness to his voice. He had meant it. He had really loved me.

If only I had believed him. If only I had told him. Then, maybe I would be in his arms now instead of trembling as I clung to the last I had of him. His words rang in my mind as I closed my eyes and, trembling and crying, slipped into a fitful sleep.

"Loosing you. I'm afraid of loosing you and everything I have with you. I'm afraid of you leaving and making me crumble. I'm afraid of a future without you, because I wouldn't survive. If you left…I would crumble. I wouldn't be able to go on… I'm more afraid of loosing you than anything else. If I had to choose between you and anything…it would always be you. You're my constant. You're the one thing I cant live without. Jimmy, I don't just want you around. I need you around. I… I… I love you. Not just love…like in friendship… I'm in love with you…"