A Bowl, Not a Troll
Anakin woke up and looked around the apartment. Beside him, Padme was snoring like a rhino, as usual, and Threepio was busy cleaning his long johns.
"Man, I'm hungry..." he muttered to himself. How am I supposed to get food?
He looked over at Padme and decided he didn't want to break her heart and wake her up. Instead he started running in random directions to make a path she couldn't follow.
Right then R2 came whirling into the room.
Anakin stood still and cried, "Artoo, I'm hungry what should I do!"
Artoo had no clue since he was a droid.
"BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP..." he beeped in the tune of 'Kentucky Fried Chicken in the Pizza Hut!'
Anakin, being the idiot he was, took the wrong meaning. He started running around in circles singing the song; hoping it would make food appear. Instead he crashed into a very ugly expensive looking vase, which began to wobble.
"ARRRRGH!"
Then he came to his senses and used the force to steady it.
"Phew!"
He then decided to sit down and contemplate his problem.
10 seconds later...
"What am I supposed to do!" he cried. "I wish I could just... wish this hunger away!"
Just then Obi-Wan walked in... without knocking or anything.
Anakin turned around and nearly jumped through the window when he saw him. Obi-Wan was dressed up like Chef Boyardee.
Anakin stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and got sick of staring.
"Are you having a problem Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked in a voice that sounded oddly like Barney.
"I'm hungry."
"Really? What did you eat last night?"
"12 cantaloupes and a jug of Hi-C," answered Anakin.
"A dozen sugar cookies, a gallon of root beer and a bag of malted milk balls," beeped Artoo, who suddenly understood what food was...
"Well, I had three Big Macs, twelve snails and a partridge in a pear tree!" Exclaimed Threepio.
"Goodness," said Obi-Boyardee. "I had fifteen helpings of French onion soup and a strawberry milkshake!"
Anakin glared. That sounded delicious.
"Well," Obi-Boyardee said, clapping his hands together, "Lets go cook!"
They all walked into the kitchen, and Obi-Boyardee started handing out orders.
"Threepio, open the microwave. Artoo, get the can opener. Anakin... Anakin?"
He looked around and Chef Obi-Boyardee stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and got sick of staring.
Anakin had on a 'Kiss the Chef' apron.
This brought tears to Chef Obi-Boyardee's eyes. "Are you really going to kiss me?"
Once again Anakin stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and got sick of staring.
"No."
Obi-Boyardee sighed and turned back to opening the can of his Mini Ravioli.
"Anakin, get a big dish out. We need it to cook this."
Anakin handed him a trout.
"No, Anakin. A DISH not a fish."
Anakin looked confused.
"Fine... a bowl."
He was soon handed a troll.
Sighing, Obi-Boyardee opened the cupboard and got it himself.
"Now Anakin, I want you to put this in the microwave, OK? See that big white thing with the door that's opened?" Obi-Boyardee said pointing at the microwave.
Anakin sneered at him. "I'm not a cotton-headed ninny muggins, for you information."
"That's right," Obi-Boyardee said, patting his shoulder, "you're special."
Anakin put the troll... sorry, bowl in to the microwave. And... turned it on.
Obi-Boyardee smiled proudly. "You have done well, my friend."
After the 3 minutes were up they got the Chef Boyardee Ravioli out and started eating. It was a bit difficult for Threepio and Artoo, but the men inside them just decided to get out of costume and dine.
"Boy, this stuff is good, " declared Anakin.
Just then, an old man walked in.
It wasn't Santa
or George Lucas
or my dad
or even George Bush.
It was...
DUN DUN DUN
PALPATINE! Bet you didn't guess that!
"Good? The ravioli is GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD?" he asked in his really weird voice.
"Yes, Master." replied Anakin.
"MASTER!" said Obi-Boyardee said, startled.
"Yes, chef. I have joined him and I want to bring peace to the galaxy!" exclaimed Anakin.
"WHAT!" Obi-Boyardee cried again. "I though you just wanted breakfast!"
"Well, that too..." Anakin admitted. "But if you're not with me, then you're against me!"
"Anakin, only a Sith deals in..."
Obi-Boyardee was interrupted by Anakin.
"!" Anakin cried (words couldn't express his frustration). "PALPATINE STOLE MY RAVIOLI!"
Sure enough, Mr. Sidious looked up from the chair he was now sitting at with a mouthful of ravioli.
"Palpatine, why are you so hungry?" Obi-Boyardee asked.
"All I had last night was 433 ration bars and a jar of Bush's Baked Beans."
Obi-Boyardee nodded sympathetically.
"Say what, if you and Anakin turn from the Darkside, I'll give you both 5 cans of ravioli... for free!" Obi-Boyardee said. "Just pay shipping," he added in an undertone.
Sidious and Anakin both looked at each other and jumped up and down!
"Oh, I haven't been so happy since I had my Betty Spaghetti doll back on Naboo!" exclaimed Palpatine.
Just then, Threepio said: "Oh my! Do you hear that?"
"What!"
"Nothing! ... PADME! She's awake!"
For little did many know, when Padme woke up she was grumpy beyond even Grumpy the dwarf.
"Hurry..."
"Put the bowl there... no, not the troll!"
"Cook the fish... gimme the dish!"
That was everyone except for Anakin hurriedly talking. For he was once again running in circles to make a path that Padme couldn't follow.
Stomp... stomp... stomp...
"Here she comes!"
Padme walked in. She looked at Obi-Boyardee, Palpatine, Threepio and Artoo. She could not see Anakin because he was down a path she couldn't follow. Then she glanced down at her fish-shaped slippers and then at the trout cooking.
"What's going on here?"
Anakin reappeared. "Ravioli?" he asked, holding out the troll.
Padme stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and got sick of staring.
"No thanks, I'm not hungry."
"What! HOW? What did you eat last night?" Obi-Boyardee asked, startled.
"Oh, just one of those meals from Lean Cuisine!"
Right then Anakin woke and sat up quickly and smashed his head on a lamp above his bed just like in 'Signs'.
He glanced at Padme and everything else around the apartment...
He shook his head and lay back down. It was all a dream.
I've really got to cut down on those cantaloupes.
Fin.
Ok, yeah that was really weird... but what do you expect? It's 2:07 am, I wrote that in 30 minutes and I just ate a bag of sugar cookies.
So none of the stuff you recognize belongs to me... all to George Lucas.
Please review I would just like some reviews... they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But thanks for reading!
12/29/05
(I just edited this a bit, six years later. I'd forgotten about it!)