Reassurances-
The light pressure on my cheek pulls me out of a distorted dream. I blink groggily and glance at the light next to me. My digital clock is glowing a bright red 03:30. I groan and turn over to my other side, trying to get some more sleep.
"Rose." I hear a whisper in the dark room.
"Mhmmm." I reply sleepily, still trying to get back to sleep, to that perfectly lovely dream I was having.
"I love you."
I sigh deeply, loving the sound of those words. "I know," I whisper in reply, closing my eyes tightly and snuggling in to the mattress.
He snuggles closer to me, draping one arm around my waist and grabbing a piece of my loose hair with his other hand, brushing it behind my ear. "I just wanted you to know."
I turn over to my other side, my eyes finally accustomed to the darkness and stare at his darkened figure. I attempt to look into his eyes, but the room is too dark. I put my hand out in front of me slightly, finding the contours of his face and tracing them lightly. "I love you too." I whisper.
I remember the pain as soon as I say the words.
Pain.
A searing, piercing pain right through the center of my heart. The tears begin to flow freely down my face, leaving wet tracks as they drip down to my chin. This can't be happening. This is not happening. I won't allow it.
I take a deep calming breath but it sounds weak, even to my ears, like I'm gasping for oxygen and it just won't fill my lungs. I sniffle and bring the back of my hand to my face to wipe the snot away.
I summon a suitcase from the closet but in my distracted state it crashes to the floor before it can reach the bed. I collapse onto the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. My sobs echo through the room, reminding me of the pain that I'm in. I blink blearily, stand up, and blindly begin shoving clothes into the suitcase, tears still dripping down my face.
How could he just leave? Turn around and leave all that we had built up? The three years of relationship completely ruined for what? So that he could please his father? He wasn't twelve years old anymore!
A sob escapes my lips again despite my attempts to contain it. I grab whatever else I can and dash out of the flat, leaving behind everything I thought could possibly be mine. What a cruel world to build up such a sense of hope only to dash it at the first sight of real happiness.
I can't help but glance up at the flat, a single tear running down my cheek as I spin and apparate away.
"I love you so much." He whispers again, as if trying to reassure me of his presence.
He never has to do that. I can feel him lying next to me. When he was gone it felt like I was missing a limb, a part of me that I could function without, if only barely. The sudden loss of him had crippled me in ways that it shouldn't have.
"I love you too." I swear.
Sometimes reminding someone of your love for them is solely for their benefit. The reassurance means something, is something. The reassurance is everything sometimes.
"My father."
Those two words had never held so much weight before.
Both of our fathers had issues with our relationship. My dad didn't trust him, his dad didn't approve of me. Our mothers didn't care. Happy to see us happy, they accepted us with open arms.
"What about your father?" I ask, my voice quivering with fear.
"He said he would disown me." He looks at me steadily, his gaze never wavering as my mouth drops open in shock.
Disown him? His own father would disown him because of who he had fallen in love with?
"Why?"
"He doesn't approve of the life I have chosen to live."
"The life with me." I clarify.
He nods stiffly and I realize that something is wrong.
"Wait, you're not seriously—"
"I'm sorry, Rose" he cuts me off.
This can't be happening.
"But—"my voice cracks embarrassingly and a tear streams down my face.
"He's my father. My mum's dead and…he's the only family I've got left." He whispers, hanging his head.
"You've got me." I begin to plead with him.
When he lifts his head, I know that the emptiness of his eyes will haunt me forever.
"Not anymore."
He buries his head into my neck. He plants a light kiss on the column of my neck, making me shiver even in the humid summer air.
He inhales deeply, like he's trying to commit my scent to memory.
His lips move swiftly and he's murmuring something that I know I'm not meant to hear. The short breaths his whispers give off leave gooseflesh all over my body. I strain my ears and slowly begin to understand the mantra.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." He repeats over and over, each time kissing a different part of my neck.
Sometimes the reassurance is meant for me. After losing someone you love once, the insecurity never goes away; forever haunting your nightmares, your daydreams and your reality all at once. Sometimes reassurance is all you really need.
I don't know how I ended up at James's. I knock on the door anyway, hoping that he was home desperately just wanting to see a familiar face that wouldn't desert me.
"Rose?" he's dressed in his Quidditch gear, obviously just home from practice.
"I'm sorry James," Is all I can get out before the tears consume me again, chocking the words in my throat.
He brings me inside, forces me to shower and lets me borrow one of his old t-shirts and a pair of boxers.
I explain all about the horrendous father figure who single-handedly destroyed my relationship and James sits there quietly, taking it all in.
I've forgotten how great of a listener James is.
"And…I have nowhere to stay…." I begin to sob again.
"You'll stay here." James says determinedly, not giving me a chance to refute.
It's one of the sad nights. The nights of remembering the past and all it has done to us- the nights of reassurance because reassurance is necessary sometimes.
The 'I love you's are never too few, the kisses are never too many. The touches are constant, a reminder that we've survived.
Slowly but surely we're becoming more confident, realizing the fault of our previous judgments and coming closer together.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I rush to the door, expecting Lily to be there and staring ahead in surprise when the tall blond familiar figure stands in front of me instead of the short redhead cousin of mine.
"What are you doing here?" the words are out of my mouth in a split second.
"Can I come in?" He squirms uncomfortably.
I usher him in wordlessly but don't make a move to move out of the foyer. Nor do I offer him any tea.
He's still gorgeous. The same light blond hair and silvery blue eyes, the same tall frame with lean muscles and calloused hands, the same Scorpius and yet not.
This Scorpius I don't know.
The light in his eyes has faded, seeming to leave only dark circles under his eyes. He seems frail, too thin for someone who should be living off of food made by a house elf.
"I love you." he says.
My heart twists painfully. It had been so long since I have heard him utter those words. Tears prick my eyes.
"I know that you hate me. I would hate me too. But my dad just lost my mum and I wasn't about to let him lose his kid too. I'm his only son. You come from a big family, plenty of cousins all around, aunts and uncles galore. I'm the only child of an only child. No cousins, unless you count Teddy, and no one there for my father when my mum died. I love my father and I know the ultimatum he declared was unfair, but I couldn't bring myself to argue with him.
But now I'm miserable. I love you. I've always loved you, since sixth year when we finally got together. I loved you before then, as one of my best friends. I couldn't imagine my life without you and now that I've lived life without you…I hate it. I hate not waking up to you. I hate not seeing your face every day. I hate losing you because of some stupid ultimatum. I need you Rose. And I'm willing to give up my father for you.
"I would never ask you to do that." I whisper.
"I'm not asking you to." He says solemnly, taking a step closer to me. "I'm just asking for another chance."
He finally lifts his head from my neck and plants a quick kiss on my forehead. "I don't regret it."
I squeeze his fingers lightly.
His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me close against him. "Rose?"
"Hmm?"
"If I could, I would never leave this bed."
His arms were all over me. My thighs, my waist, my hair, never seeming to stop at one place. Desperate to feel, my own hands roamed over his body after restlessly.
"I told my father that I loved him but I was leaving him." He whispers in my ear, his hands wrapped around me, his head lowered to my ear. "I missed you."
"I missed you too." I whisper against his neck.
If it had been any other reason I wouldn't have taken him back so soon. As he was gone I started to realize why he had done what he had done. If I had to choose between him and I my family…I shudder just thinking about it and decide it's better not to dwell on it anyway.
It's easier than you think, sometimes, to leave things in the past where they belong.
"Scorpius?"
"Yeah?" He whispers into my hair.
"I'd stay in this bed with you."
We fall asleep—both knowing that eventually we'll have to leave this bed. But for now, with our little reassurances and touches and kisses, it's enough.
We're on the road to healing. We're on the road to mending. We're not perfect and we may never be. But our relationship is worth it.
Together, in this bed, we take a step closer each night to the happiness of forever and the promise that we will never, ever leave this bed.
A/N: Ah, well. It looks like my writer's block may be cured. I've been attempting to write a oneshot for awhile and nothing sounded right. I literally had three documents open, each with a different plotline but the same "Pain. A searing pain..."line in there. It was awful. Nothing sounded right and everything I wrote sounded like crapola. This still isn't my best work...but it's quite unique from what I've written before.
Anywhoozles...as you always seem to (and I greatly appreciate) Let me know what you think!
Your reviews mean the world to me, truly.
~wwccd