It's not that I feel pain at every single moment in my life. It was just a most of the time affair. The pain I feel is so terrible, simple words come to my mind as despicable, putrid thoughts, always aimed to hurt my fragile soul. I wasn't meant to live a life that is full. God didn't intend for me to love or be loved. Hell, I bet even God doesn't love me. But then again, he possibly does. But I should avoid speaking to him for a while… seeing as I just used Hell and God in the same sentence.

The day I was born, my mother rejected me. She said I was just a reminder of the horrible man that did this to her. I guess when a female is raped at the age of 18 and has a baby, she feels like giving it up is the only way to suppress the horror filled memories of the terrible man, and to keep money in their pocket. It's not like I needed her or anything. That's what she thought, anyways. The kits of a fox depend on their parents to help them get around, being born with their eyes sealed shut. The kits of a beaver can swim on its own the day after birth, but cannot protect itself from predators, and lives with its parents for two years. A human baby is born with a natural attachment to its mother, and needs her protection, because even if she hates the thought of that child, no one on Earth could protect that child more than its mother.

But I didn't need her or anything.

I didn't have time to 'attach' to my mother. As soon as I came from her womb, she passed out all together, and I was taken off to be tested. Apparently I was too small, and my acid reflux was an obvious disorder. The doctors looked over the tests and decided I was going to be okay. So then I was sent to the orphanage, where all hell let loose, and my mind became the numb hollow it is today.

Oh yeah, my name, by the way, is Kagome Akito. My real last name is Higurashi, but I dread the thought of sharing my mothers last name, so I changed mine. I was adopted, but the family that adopted me is really poor. They can barely afford the rent and food each month. I try to help them, because they love me so much… But both my new found mother and father are starting to pass away. Their bodies are too frail. Once they pass on, I'll be back in the orphanage. No one is left of their family, seeing as mother isn't able to reproduce, and everyone else had passed on long ago. I'd hate to see them leave, but through out my life I've been in and out of schools and homes so much, it doesn't affect me like it used to.

I go to a public school, but I have no friends. I'm a mute. I only talk in the sweet solitude of my mind. No one knows what I feel. I wear all the black clothes I can find at our small house, and I scare people by staring at them. But with my vow to be mute, I can't defend my name. I don't really feel the need to defend it, anyways. It isn't my real name, to begin with.

People say I would be beautiful if I actually groomed myself, and started to speak. But with the income my family has, I can't even afford a brush. My hair is pitch-black and stops at my mid-back. It remains un-brushed most of the time because my family can't afford anything to help groom ourselves. I'm fairly short, I'd say, and terribly skinny. I never really eat because once again, it can't be afforded. I wear black when I can, but my school does have a school uniform. I only own one, where everyone else at school owns a uniform for every day of the week. My eyes are chocolate spheres filled with loneliness and sadness. They used to be happy eyes. But that happiness died.

I'd tell you what it was that happened to me… But I don't like to speak about my personal life so soon off… In due time, everyone might know what really happened. But until then, I'm the solitary mute girl that no one understands.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I walked down the road quickly, emotionless, heading toward school. It was the normal routine for me, so there was no reason to get all excited.

'oooohhhhh I love school!' Stupid preps. They lie just so they can kiss the teachers asses and get good grades. I don't normally judge people, or stereotype them… but the preps at my school were seriously hopeless. They're under the impression that they can kiss up to people all the time and actually survive life.

There was no reason to get all depressed about it, either.

'I'm so ridiculed. I think I should go and listen to my Hawthorne Heights and slit my wrists.' Stupid Emos. They get depressed for no reason at all. They think they can run off and slit their wrists every time someone walks past them and says'What a dork, that guy looks like a girl'. Life can't go that way. It's stupid.

Of course I'm left in a stereotype all my own. That strange mute girl that glares at people that look at her. Jeez, you'd think I have HIV or something.

I sighed and walked on to school.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Everyone, you need partners! This science project is very important to your grade! Make sure you like your partner!"

Ms. Kagura's class… of course… Even if I am expected to pay attention, I don't think I can possibly muster the strength to stay awake in her class. Sure, she's beautiful, but damn she has to be the most boring teacher that ever existed. Science is boring without the teacher already. But get a teacher like her, and Science becomes duller than my pencil after the SAT's. Terrible analogy, I know, but it works.

"Get your partner this instant, ms. Akito!" My head shot up at the sound of my fake last name, as I fluttered my eyes and realized that I needed a partner. I stood up and walked to the corner of the room and stood there, waiting for someone to come to me saying they needed a partner.

No one came after five minutes.

Seven minutes.

10 minutes.

FINALLY!

The new guy at our school had walked to the back and asked me if I needed a partner. I nodded my head and sighed and sat down. I knew he was watching me from behind me. I could feel his eyes on my back.

Not that it really mattered. It wasn't out of love, simply him analyzing me. I am his Science partner, after all.

Nothing more could possibly come from that. Duh.

I could feel my heart twinge at that thought, as if it wanted more. It wasn't feelings for him. It was just a part of me feeling unloved. I craved love… I lust for love. But I'll never have it.

I'm just the poor, mute girl who was rejected by her mother after birth.

There wasn't enough love in the world for it to come around to me. My yearning for it is in vain… but alas, I still strive for it… Soon I'll lose my mind to it. Why does God torture the mind this way? Does he enjoy watching this?

No. God's purpose is to get us to want love and to want to love… He doesn't enjoy our suffering… But he enjoys it when we realize there is love in the world for us all. All of us except me, that is.

I sighed and stood up when the bell rang and walked out of the class. One boring class down. Now it's just seven more classes. ………………………………………………………………………………………………

Suddenly, as I went outside, thoughts flooded my mind.

One topic that would leave my mind… was my mom… and the man that raped her…

He was tall, dark, un-shaved, and she didn't know him. He just saw her on the street, pulled her behind a dumpster, and raped her.

That's what you thought, isn't it?

Well that's not how it happened. It hardly ever happens like that.

The night it happened… she was sitting on her bed… Innocent as could be at age 17… Her dad walked into her room and locked the door… and in a hoarse voice he spoke to her.

He was drunk.

He took her and raped her right there… on the bed… in her room…

And yet she can still accuse me of being the thing that would remind her of him… Even though she had to go through with it two more years until she moved… seeing him… Hating him… secretly wanting him… because she started to lust for love as I do… and she thought that was love…

I shook the thoughts away at the bell signaling class time.

After all… I am the mute girl who lusts after love, glares at people who look at her, and whose father is her grandfather. ………………………………………………………………………………………………

Math class isn't any better than Science. Not when your teacher is Kaede. She couldn't make things seem fun, even if she tried. This school is entirely screwed over. The teachers could at least try to speak in expressive voices other than monotone.

I stare at the door and see a shadow move past it. Apparently something is going on. I watch as the door opens to reveal the Vice Principle. Kaede walked over to him and asked him what he was seeking in her class. She nodded her head and then turned to us.

"Ms. Akito. Go with him. He has some news."

I didn't know what he could possibly have to say, but at least I knew it wouldn't be anything way too bad. Nothing compared to what I already endured in life, anyway.

"Ms. Akito… I am sad to report to you that your foster parents… have passed away today. They couldn't hold on any longer, and they were placed into the hospital to try to treat them. It didn't work out."

I couldn't move.

My body was stiff.

They can't be dead… They're my life…

I stared at him blankly, nothing registering in my mind, even when he reached his hand out and held my hand in his and hugged me and told me that everything was going to be alright.

I couldn't feel anything.

And that's the day… I died.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

My feet walked without my brain controlling them, slowly to the hospital. It seemed they had become accustomed to walking that direction. I had to see them. Before the plans were made for their funeral.

I just wish I would have had the money for their coffins to make it a nicer funeral. They weren't going to be placed in the fancy coffin with mahogany wood for the frame, and the silk and satin interior. No, the bodies of the kindest people in my life were going to be placed in scratchy, brown, splintered wood cases.

It's not what I want… But it's all I can afford…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I guess I knew it would come… I knew they would pass away… and I'd be back in the dreaded orphanage…

I still remember the place well… That might have been the problem. I still remember the teacher that I hated.. the teacher that filled my heart and soul with fear…

Flashback: "You, little Kagome, are a runt. You're good for nothing, no matter what the other teachers say! You piss me off well." A loud, piercing sound is heard, and then a thump from a body hitting the floor. "I don't think you're done not listening to me."

"You sicken me…"

"Kagome, you don't know what the term 'you sicken me' truly means, so why would I care about your fake feelings?"

Present: I guess the memories won't go away… This place is horrible… And the food… is undercooked… What can I do about this? ………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Ms. Kagura, about my partner… why doesn't she talk at all?" Ms. Kagura glanced at the teenager.

"She's a mute… She leads a horrible life… It would be wise if you simply do your project and stay out of her life. No one can help her."

"But I want to… I'm not sure why, but something keeps telling me to keep trying to help people like her…"

"Do as you please, I'm not your keeper, InuYasha Saitou."

"That's a good thing, because I fear if you were, I'd be dead by now."

Kagura glared at him and told him to get out and he smirked and walked out.

"I'm going to help that girl… Kagome Akito…"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Possibly it was the fact that I had stolen a gift my friend had for another friend from her in 2nd grade that landed me into the worst life situation possible… But when I imagine that being the problem, I realize that it can't be the reason my life is like this… because if it was, my mom wouldn't have rejected me. She would have accepted me.

This barren place that us abandoned kids called home was terribly cold. The rooms were cold, the beds were cold, the food was cold, the walls were cold, the staff, they were all cold. All they really needed to do was change the name of the Orphanage to The Cold Auditorium of Tortured Souls, and then it would no longer be false advertisement. I mean, I'm so depressed here, but the name of this orphanage is A Happy Place for Sad Children.

Bitch, please.

I guess the only thing I really have going for me is my sarcastic attitude… It keeps me from falling down and dieing each day… It's a gift from God, even if it is a very small one. That's how he was looking out for me, I guess. If he does look out for little old me. Damn, the way I'm acting, you'd think that I'm one of those Emos. I'm not, but I'm just getting so emotional. But look at my life. You'd understand, wouldn't you? Maybe not…

Maybe my life isn't as bad as I think it is…

But all I know for sure is, it seems really bad to me.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

My mind was willing enough to take the torture of returning to school with everyone staring at me oddly. They all knew. They could tell. I'm easy to read, even if I don't talk. Bullies love teasing me. They can tell if I'm hurt by my face. I don't talk, so my expressions speak loud and clear.

"Class, today you must get with your partners and being work!"

Ms. Kagura was always so enthusiastic. How… nice…

I watched as InuYasha walked toward me slowly and sighed. I wonder if he knows I'm mute. If he's spoken to Ms. Kagura, then he probably does. She tells everyone she can possibly tell about it.

"Hello Kagome. My name is Inuyasha. I know, I know. You don't talk. I'm just telling you what you should know." He smiles at me. That has to be a first. Only my foster parents ever smiled at me.

So I smile back.

I can tell by his eyes that he's glad he got me to smile. He seems like he's trying to help me feel better about myself.

He's actually pretty good at it.

"Kagome, how will I communicate with you?" I looked at him. He was trying hard. So I let my guard down for him. I wanted a friend, after all.

I took out a journal and handed it to him. He stared at it. I sighed and took it back from him and took out my pencil and wrote in it.

We can communicate through this. I'll write what I think. You tell me what you think.

He smiled.

"Smart idea."

I think I like him already.

My heart doesn't love him. I can't love anyone. Never again.

I got so caught up in my thoughts, when he touched my arm, it scared me and I jumped like the sissy I am.

"Sorry to scare you Kagome, but I was wondering if you have any ideas for the reptile to use?"

I grabbed the notebook.

How about a lizard.

InuYasha smiled.

I could tell he was trying.

"That would be perfect. If it's what you want." I nodded my head and couldn't help but smile at him. He was making me feel good. About everything.

So I sat there.

With a dumb looking smile upon my face.

And for the first time…

I liked it.

Short chapter, I know… but I had to post it! So yeah! I new story… sorry… Hehe… Well… Please review!