Rey was so tired. She had been tired for so long. After so many years, she could barely remember her life before the war. She was now so different from that peasant orphan girl, who used to wander the streets looking for scrap metal parts. War had changed her so much. She became stronger and rougher but also colder. She wasn't afraid to die, but death was always around her.
Rey was inside her war tent looking at a map, their kingdom was surrounded and she was losing her hopes. Her enemy was getting stronger day by day. It seemed there wasn't any way out. Every land and every country around hers had fallen into his hands.
Anger took over her. Thinking of him always drove her mad. Ben Solo wasn't the horrible monster he became when she first met him. Once, she saw light in him. Once, they fought together and defeated the great Tsar of Death. She remembered feeling happy, she remembered feeling as though she finally belonged somewhere, and with someone. And then, he betrayed her – he betrayed himself – and became the Tsar of Death himself, keeping spreading death and horror everywhere. That day, Ben invited her to rule by him side. She remembered the pain and hatred in his eyes when she denied it. So, he swore he would destroy everything she had ever cared about and that was what he had been doing since then.
The worst part was Rey knew what she had to do. Despite her feelings, she had to kill him. And she tried it, over and over again, only to fail, for the tsar of death was deathless – he couldn't be killed. It was said that he couldn't die because he had cut out his death and hidden it somewhere. Some said it was hidden it inside an egg, some said inside a gem. The truth was no one knew where his death was – therefore he was still alive.
A part of her was relieved he was still living, and that disgusted her. Because this small stupid part of her heart believed Ben could still change. Her mind on the other hand knew she had to find his death and destroyed it. And that was what she was going to do, she had decided.
At first Rey thought she could persuade him to tell her where he had hidden his own death. She believed it would be easy since he would often appear to her wherever she was, trying to convince her to give in or to come to his side. However, Ben – or Kylo Ren, how he decided to call himself after he became a tsar – was smarter than that. He would never say anything about his death, and she always was left clueless.
Years had passed and there was she, the greatest war leader in her kingdom, completely helpless. If she couldn't find a way to stop Kylo Ren, the war would never be over. Everyone was counting on her, and she kept disappointing all of them. Her friends helped her as much as they could, but they were just as lost as she was.
"Rey?" She heard the voice of one of her best soldiers and her best friend, who had just arrived into the tent.
"Yes, Finn?" She looked at him with some sort of hope.
He smiled to her, trying to offer some comfort, but then he sighed handing her a scroll of paper.
"The reports. Poe and I looked everywhere and asked everyone, again. And again, we have no lead, Rey. I'm sorry."
She nodded, trying to not look so depressed.
He placed his hand on her shoulder. "You should rest."
She sighed and then smiled sadly. "I will, I promise."
He nodded, and left the tent.
Rey was alone again. It was late at night. She could hear some soldiers walking around the camp, talking in low voices.
Suddenly, air felt colder, the night darker. She felt as though everything around her was filled with darkness and despair. It scared her how familiar that felt. Actually, it was the closest she ever got to feeling at home.
"If you came to laugh at my misery again, I'm not in the mood, Ben." She said to the figure in dark clothes in front of her. She didn't bother to look at him, instead she only kept reading her reports.
"I didn't. And don't call me Ben." Kylo Ren's voice was low but rough as always. He approached her and stood across her desk. "Why do you keep doing this? You look so tired."
Rey glared at him, throwing the scroll away.
"Of course, I'm tired of this!" She shouted as she stood up and faced him. "What is wrong with you?!"
His face didn't show any reaction though and the girl wondered how long it would take for him to lose his temper.
"You could end this, Rey. You know that." Ben sounded almost sad, disappointed.
He was tired too, she realized.
"By giving it all up, by turning myself in to you." She said with disdain. "You know that would never happen, Ben."
Kylo groaned, frustrated. "No! You make it sound as though it is a competition, Rey! It wasn't supposed to be like this!" There, she thought, it didn't take that long.
She looked at him incredulous. "You are my war enemy, Ben! Of course, it's a competition! People are dying! And they will keep dying if I don't stop you."
"You don't understand! It is my right to rule!" He shouted. "After everything I've been through, after I killed him…" He paused, sighing. "We defeated him. We should be ruling together..."
Rey felt her stomach twisting as she looked into his eyes. For a moment, he didn't sound as the cruel tsar he was. For a second, he sounded just like the boy she met years ago – sad and lost, tired of being alone. Her heart ached as she watched his face lit by the moonlight coming through the entry. His hair was disheveled, his lashes full of show. He was still so young, she though. If only they weren't enemies, if only he didn't have to die.
"Please, Rey. Come with me this time."
She looked down, but he made her face him again, lifting her chin.
"You talk as though it's my fault." She observed.
"But it is!" There was angriness in his voice again. "Come to my side. Let this kingdom as all the other ones be ruled by me, by us – and there will be no more war."
Rey narrowed her eyes to him.
"You make it sound so simple! These people don't want you as their ruler, they want to be free!" She hated how he always made her feel so frustrated, but what she hated the most was how used she was to that frustration.
She wondered how life would be without being at war and yelling at him all the time. Would she miss it? Would she miss him?
"I'm pretty sure most of them would prefer to live rather than be free."
Rey glared at him. "You are the Tsar of Death, what do you know about living?"
Kylo Ren opened his mouth, but didn't say anything. For an instant, she thought he looked hurt. Then he just replied coldly, "I'm only saying you could spare so many lives. Isn't that what you want? To save your people? To save your friends?" She could feel the bitterness in his words.
Rey pondered what he said for a moment. "If I finally surrendered, would you stop all this cruelty?" She didn't want to give in, but maybe she was fighting for a lost cause, maybe there was no hope anyway. And again, she was so tired.
"Rey…" He came even closer now. She felt his breath on her face. "You are a clever girl. You know I will still be cruel and you know how cruel I can be. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable. And that will never change. But you see, you are just another soldier in this war. If you die the war will carry on, people will keep dying. It will be as though you never existed. You came from nothing. You are nothing… But not to me. Join me, Rey, and the war will be over. Come to my side, and I will be your servant. Take me for what I am, and for you alone I will be weak." Kylo Ren said as he offered his hand.
Rey realized that in all these years she had tried almost everything to end the war. But there was one thing left last. Maybe she would never defeat him, but she could ease the damage. She could avoid more deaths. And finally, she could stop fighting for once in her life.
Rey took his hand, and stepped closer. Before she could even say anything, he was kissing her, desperately and greedily. His mouth felt cold like death against hers. But she didn't mind. After so many years at war, death and cold were as familiar to her as he was.
And so she became the Tsarina of Death. The worst part was how her friends felt betrayed by her. Finn was the only one willing to listen to her, but even him seemed upset. She tried to explain this was for the best. This would avoid more suffering, even though it wasn't what they truly wanted. But it was no use.
Kylo Ren's court didn't seem to agree with his choice either. At Rey's first day at the Palace she heard one of his advisers named Hux telling Kylo not to trust her. She was going to betray him and kill him, Hux had said. That didn't stop Kylo though. And not long after she had come with him, they were married.
The ceremony was short and gloomy. There were no romantic vows or cheers for the couple. The only loving gesture was how he gave her a beautiful extravagant necklace as a symbol of their union. The jewelry was heavy and odd. A big red crystal in the shape of an egg, with a strange unstable glow. Rey wondered what was the meaning of that present, but before getting into any conclusion, she decided not to waste her time overthinking something so foolish.
The war ended then. Everyone who accepted him – them –, as their leaders, were spared. The others had to be controlled. She told him to merciful. To save the innocents. To give them a trial. He listened. He always listened.
Their first night together was something unusual and unexpected for both of them. Two people so wise about war, ruling and power never thought there was still so much to discover. And as she lied in bed next to him, tired and satisfied, she thought of asking about this death. Rey knew at that moment he wouldn't deny her an answer. He wouldn't deny her anything. But that could wait, she decided watching him drifting off to sleep. In her whole life, she had just a few peaceful moments. She wouldn't ruin this.
Days passed by. Then weeks and months. She never talked to him about his death. She wanted to but she had no time. During the day she was always busy with her obligations as a tsarina and barely saw him. At night she never had the spirit to ask.
She got used to her job easily for she was already used to lead. She caught herself finding out that a tyrannical ruler wasn't entire bad. The ones who bowed to him had protection and their needs granted. She would never agree, but she would understand. She told herself she had no choice, things had to be this way now, so less people would die.
Life with him was not so difficult either. They already knew each other so well. Therefore, as tsar and tsarina they worked as one mind. Besides it felt good. She hated to think about it but it was the truth. She felt belonging and understood. And he seemed to feel the same. A part of her wondered if she was a monster too for liking him so badly, another part of her told her she was only fulfilling her duty as a wife.
One day almost a year after her wedding and coronation, Finn came to her. Rey was glad to see him, although she was afraid of what he would say to her.
"Rey…" Finn started. "Can I still call you only Rey?" He asked, bowing to her.
The girl rose from her throne smiling, and rushed to him. "Of course!" She hugged him tightly. "Oh, Finn, I missed you so much!"
He didn't smile or reply her though. He only pulled back, mirroring her with worried eyes.
"What's the matter?" She asked noticing his preoccupied face.
"Poe." He finally said. "He got arrested by Kylo's guards. Your guards." Rey only looked back at him, anxiously. "He is in prison and he might be sentenced to death!"
"But what happened?"
"He started a riot. Again. But this time he was caught." Finn explained, his voice filled with desperation.
"Why would he do that? He knows the rules." She said before she could actually think of her own words.
"Since when does Poe follow the rules, Rey?" Now Finn sounded just impatient with her. She couldn't blame him.
Rey nodded. "Don't worry. I will get him out of there. He will be fine."
She thought that would cheer him up but instead he only shook his head annoyed.
"No, he won't! Neither will I or none of ours friends." He replied with frustration. "We have been waiting for you to do something, Rey. But we can't wait anymore."
"But the war is over!" She shouted defensively, pretending she didn't know what he meant.
"The war wasn't the only problem, Rey. And you know that. He is the problem. He and his ways." Finn sounded both sad and angry. "Many are still hurting. People are still dying."
"I know and I'm doing what I can to prevent that." Her voice failed her. She cursed herself.
"I know, Rey. But you need to try a little harder." He said gentler now, regretting hurting her. "You are here now. Didn't you find any lead to where his death might be?"
She swallowed. She hadn't even tried to find it. She had forgotten about it. Thinking about killing Ben at this point sounded like something distant and illogical.
"I… I didn't have time."
Finn only sighed. It was as though he knew that would happen. As though he knew she would betray all of them.
He left her without saying much else. Then she felt just as alone and tired as she used to feel during the war. She felt beaten.
As Rey walked to their bedroom that night, her chest tightened and she held back tears. She would have to face him this time. Not only for Finn and Poe, but for everybody else. Once she had decided she would fight for those who need her, and people needed her now. It didn't matter how tired she was of fighting. It didn't matter how much she wanted be with him.
When she entered the room, Kylo Ren was already there, sat on the bed looking through the window. He seemed distant and depressed. He seemed to be waiting for her.
"So, your friend came to visit to you?" Kylo asked, still staring at the window.
"Yes." Her voice was barely a whisper. "They won't stop fighting you, Ben." He didn't mind her calling him by his old name anymore. "And I can't let you kill them."
He turned to finally face her. The pain in his eyes stroke her harder than she thought it would. He had always had this sad eyes. It was as though pain was with him for such a long time, he couldn't live without it anymore. But since she came to his side, since they were together, that pain seemed a little lighter. Sometimes she could swear she would see a spark of happiness in his face.
That was over though. She had postponed this moment for too long already.
"You may release your friend's lover this time." He rose from the bed, walking towards her. "But next time he will die. This is my kingdom, Rey. Our kingdom. And you know the rules. You can't change this. You can't change me."
Tears finally came down her face. "I know. So I will have to stop you."
He reached one hand to caress her face. "You already tried that once, my love. It didn't work. You can't do it, you know it. You can't because you don't want it."
She sighed and shook her head sadly. He was right about one thing – she didn't want it. But that wasn't the reason she couldn't do it. The reason was he was deathless and had hidden his death.
"I will find a way to succeed this time, Ben."
Kylo looked into her eyes in a way she felt a cold shiver taking over her body. They knew each other for so long sometimes they just read each other minds. Her chest ached when she realized what he was going to say.
"You already know the way, don't you?" He asked with a sad smile. "I think you've known it for a while."
Then she rose a trembling hand to her chest, grabbing her necklace's stone. He was right, she had known it. She probably knew it since the moment he gave it to her, but she chose not to think about it. It was easier to ignore it, to pretend she had no clue what that gift was. It was better to keep living without knowing all the power she carried with her all along.
She saw tears coming to his eyes, as he observed her.
"Why?" She questioned vaguely.
"I never lied to you, Rey. I told you I wouldn't change, but I also said I would be weak for you. I kept my word and I expect you to keep yours." His voice was weak and trembling.
What hurt her the most was how sincere he sounded. After all, she was betraying him. But if she didn't stop him she would be betraying her friends. And herself. She would betray herself anyway, she realized, for she wanted both to love and kill him.
"You know I can't keep my word anymore, right?" Rey whispered to him.
At least now she could be truthful with him. He nodded. Then he kissed her. Sorely but somehow also gently. Her hand was still on her necklace when he laced her by the waist and kissed her neck. She felt his hands running over her body as he always used to do. His cold lips brushing against her skin. He knew every part of her and he knew what she wanted.
However, Rey also knew him very well. So, when she felt his hand trying to reach the stone, as he ate up her mouth, she noticed how he was still her old enemy. A part of her thought of give in again. Her life with him felt so good. He felt so good. But this wasn't about her anymore.
She was still kissing him when she murmured sorry against his lips. And that was when she crushed the gem. She heard a soft gasp, before Kylo Ren fell down dead.
No one saw the tsarina's tears and cries of despair over what she had done. When Rey called for the guards, her face was already clear and cold. Hux was the first to call her an assassin and yell at everyone that he knew that would happen. She had him arrested then. It didn't matter what he had said, she was still the tsarina and there was no power above hers.
After the tsar's funeral and her time of grieving, she let all political prisoners out. The horrible pain in her chest felt lighter when she saw her friends' faces as they cheered and commemorated. They were finally free.
"You can come home with us now, Rey." Finn said to her happily. "You don't have to be a tsarina anymore."
"Yes, people don't want a monarch anymore. They want something new. A Republic." Poe told her as the heroes dined together at her palace.
Rey didn't reply any of them. She didn't know what to say without sounding crazy or worse. But there was no war for her to fight and there was no Tsar of Death for her to love or kill, power was the only thing left. She had never wanted power, but she got used to it. And she was already tired of letting go of things she was used to.
That night when her friends left the palace, she told the guards to lock all the gates. She sat on the throne and contemplated her loneliness, her life and her power. Her power reminded her of him. Her loneliness too. No, it was too soon to give up her life. She had already give up her love. No, she would wait a little more. They would understand. They had to understand.
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