NOTE: Before reading this story, please read this note. It will explain a lot and answer anything that may cause confusion throughout the story.
THIS STORY WAS WRITTEN FOR A SCHOOL PROJECT FOR MY SHAKESPEARE CLASS! My teacher thought it was ingenious and hilarious and I received the highest grade in the class. This has been on my computer for a very long time and I never thought to upload a story like this, but why not? This story is sort of a parody type crossover featuring the Shakespeare plays: Hamlet, Much Ado About Nothing, and The Tempest. It was meant to make fun of Prospero and the way he forgives so easily, Horatio and the way he is overshadowed by Hamlet's monologues (the reason we only made him say "yes my lord" and "aye my lord" most of the time. My teacher used to laugh at that during class all the time.) This story also pokes fun at Beatrice and Benedick's interesting relationship, and finally, because Kenneth Branagh plays both Hamlet and Benedick in the movie versions, I decided to poke fun at that by making Hamlet and Benedick look alike. Please excuse any inaccuracies. If my teacher (who is quite the Shakespeare scholar) enjoyed it so much, I really hope you do too!
MUCH ADO ABOUT HAMLET AND HIS TEMPEST
A MODERN DAY SHAKESPEAREAN TRAGIC ROMANTIC COMEDY!
Prologue:
The sky had blackened in no time at all. What had once been calm waters started rising, waves tipping a small ship all over the sea. Prince Hamlet and his best friend Horatio ran about frantically, shouting orders to a captain that was no longer there, as gusts of wind shrieked through their hair. Just as they thought they had it under control, lightning pierced the sky striking the ship, splinters flying everywhere. A shock of thunder cried a dismal lament as the capsizing body departed to its watery doom.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Ungh. W-What happened?" A young woman put a hand to her head and pulled away, finding blood dripping from a deep cut on her forehead. It took her a couple seconds to regain full awareness, and she looked around curiously.
'Sand, sand, sand, rocks, water, sun…' she thought monotonously, and then it hit her.
"Benedick! Benedick! Wake up you great buffoon!" she kicked the unconscious body lying next to her and it jerked, startled.
"W-Wha…Bea…Beatrice?" Beatrice helped Benedick stand and they looked around their surroundings cautiously. They seemed to be on an Island of some sorts. But how did they arrive on this seemingly uninhabited dirt pile?
"Where's the ship?" Benedick inquired, searching the now calm seas.
"I…I think…yes! Don't you remember Benedick? The storm! There was a violent, angry storm before; a tempest so full of fury that it swallowed the ship up and spit us out into this pit of desolation." She brushed off her tattered clothes as best she could and smoothed out her unkempt, weatherworn curls. She started to speak when she heard other voices, familiar, if only vaguely. Two masculine shadows started approaching in their direction, and she grabbed Benedick, running in the opposite direction.
"What are you doing!?" he gasped when they were finally away from the mysterious people.
"Those men," Beatrice slumped to the ground, panting, "Those were the men who's ship we stowed away on. I didn't want them to see us."
"Ah…Let's look around."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"ARIEL. Come." His voice was deep and aggressive. It shook the earth beneath him, not exactly in fury, but in triumph. Ariel, spirit servant to the wizard Prospero, appeared by his side in a hurry, ready to begin the task his master had in store for him.
"Yes, milord?"
"I want you to investigate our new arrivals. Make sure they are not a threat to Miranda or myself. I expect a full report by the end of the day." Prospero waved the spirit away aimlessly, and he flitted off into the distance, not wanting to put his master in a sour mood. Miranda, Prospero's young daughter appeared by his side.
"Father? Did you say there were PEOPLE on the island?" Her eyes sparkled in fascination, which was quelled instantly by her father's saturnine glare.
"My dearest Miranda, I want you to pretend you never heard me say that. Aye, it is true we have a few visitors, but I don't know their nature. They could be a threat to your life or my own. Until I deem them innocuous, I demand you keep your distance." Miranda's gaze dropped to her feet sullenly.
"Yes father."
Now, Miranda, being stranded on this very island for twelve years, was extremely obedient of her father, but in the case of NEW visitors, and NEW people to interact with, she couldn't help but disobey. Of course, Prospero would never find out, right? She snuck through a small forest and crept to the other side of the island where the shipwreck had been. She was afraid she had gone too far down the shoreline when finally she heard faint voices… Men's voices. Her heart pounding in her throat, she crept closer to hear.
"Ahhh, Horatio, this is quite a spectacle don't you agree?" The man standing shouted valiantly. There was another man, sitting in the sand, staring off at the horizon.
"Aye, my lord." He replied listlessly. The man standing, Miranda noticed, wore very nice clothes, much like the one's her father used to wear back in Milan. He dug a hole into the sand with the toe of his boot and grinned widely. Miranda caught herself grinning weakly, and shook her head.
"What a handsome man…is he a Duke like my father?" The handsome man, and his friend, Horatio, Miranda recalled, started wandering again, and she fled to avoid being noticed. All the way back to Prospero she couldn't get the handsome man out of her head. His perfect hair, white glistening teeth, fancy clothes…
'Oh, if only I could find out his name.' She thought infatuated.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As dusk began to set upon the island, the four castaways started to notice the tranquil beauty about the place, emanating a reverent air. They were able to sleep in peace that night. Just as the first star peeked into the sky, Ariel approached Prospero in a confident manner.
"Sir, I found out information about each of our four guests."
"Bravo my spirit! Let us hear." Ariel went into great detail about Hamlet, identified as the prince of Denmark, who was being exiled from his country temporarily to England. He was mentally and psychologically disabled because of the recent murder of his father and Horatio, his best friend, decided to accompany Hamlet on his trip to England to ensure his safety. The other couple, Beatrice and Benedick stowed away on Hamlet's ship in pursuance of a man named Don John who allegedly had caused great turmoil in the town of Messina. Neither of the couples were together, though the men Hamlet and Benedick bore a great resemblance, as though twins. Nevertheless they didn't seem to pose a large threat, and this Prospero was ecstatic to hear.
"Now, sir, if I may change the subject?" Ariel started, a nervous quiver added to his voice that hadn't been there seconds before.
"Anything, dear Ariel! Anything!" Ariel was quite glad to have pleased his master…again.
"Well, sir, about my dismissal…"
"ENOUGH!" Prospero bellowed, causing some nearby coconuts to fall off a tree. Ariel cowered in fear, trembling, "THIS IS A MATTER NOT TO BE DISCUSSED AT THIS TIME! LEAVE ME IN PEACE." Ariel disappeared with a pop.
"Talk about moody…"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next morning was balmy, cloudless, and fresh. The perfect day for hauling wood in Prospero's opinion! He awoke bright and early, and used his magic staff to bring the four castaways together. Miranda stood by her father's side, excited to finally get a look at the glorious man she had spotted the day before.
"Oh father! He's so handsome!" she whispered, pointing discretely at Hamlet. Prospero frowned down on his daughter, but she could hint a faint smile threatening to come across his face. Prospero forbade Miranda to go near the prisoners, so she sat back and watched as Prospero approached them.
"Greetings castaways. I am Prospero, ruler of this island. I noticed you are in need of some assistance. Well, I can assist you in any way that you would like… But first…" Prospero was cut off mid sentence when he noticed the man Miranda had fallen so deeply for, Hamlet, gaze at the woman Beatrice with interest. He continued, "I am willing to assist you in any way that you would like, if you can assist me in hauling some firewood for me." Benedick and Beatrice glanced at each other and shrugged, finally nodding at Prospero in awe, afraid to deny his offer. Horatio did the same, but Hamlet, captivated with Beatrice, remained transfixed. Horatio elbowed him out of his reverie and he too nodded at Prospero, noticing for the first time how large and menacing he appeared. The four spent the day hauling wood for the wizard, Hamlet dropping pieces and constantly tripping over his feet. He was so hypnotized with Beatrice; he didn't even have time to notice poor, sweet Miranda who watched from above.
"Father," Miranda whimpered wistfully, a single tear finding its way down her rosy cheek, "What am I to do? Hamlet, his name is…" she sighed, "Hamlet, he loves that other woman. How can I compete with such great beauty? She has an air of wit about her and a confident vigor that I could never possibly possess. Oh, woe! Is this what it feels like to be discouraged?" She wept silently into her hands.
"Fear not my child! I'll make sure this man has eyes only for you. ARIEL!" the wondrous spirit appeared instantly at the sounding of his name, pulling out a harp.
"Milord?"
"That man, Hamlet. See to it that he falls deeply in love with my Miranda. Not that wretch Beatrice." Ariel nodded and flitted over to Hamlet, strumming on his harp. The tune was so enticing that he just HAD to take his eyes away from Beatrice for a second. Ariel continued to play a bittersweet tune, hovering in the direction of Miranda's stationary place. As Hamlet approached, Miranda stood nervously.
"Well, good morrow fine maiden! That music, it emanates from this direction, but you have no harp!" Miranda, confused, glances over her shoulder. Nope, no harp.
"Uh…Erm… No sir. I do not possess a harp."
"This music is so beautiful, so wondrous! I've never heard a thing like it in all my life! But if it comes not from you, then who? I must find the source." Hamlet gazed into Miranda's eyes for a split second and turned in the other direction. Miranda, defeated, slumped to the sand and sobbed.
"ARIEL!" Prospero roared in fury, "You have failed me and so has the prince. Because of this, your time of freedom will be postponed. Get out of my sight!" Ariel slumped in defeat and disintegrated into thin air. "Miranda, my daughter, do not weep, men are poppies, emanating enticing jasmine wonders, though its not until we engulf the entire essence that its venom starts to permeate into our very souls. Let it be, love, your time for love just hasn't come." Prospero placed a comforting arm around his daughter and motioned for her to go back to their hut, away from the prince and the other three strangers. She followed without argument. Prospero continued to watch Hamlet, Horatio, Beatrice, and Benedick haul wood, observing that all four contained good souls, even if they were a bit deranged.
"You haul wood like a woman," Beatrice sneered at Benedick amusedly.
"As do you," he attempted to retort back. Beatrice chortled.
"Ah, but you see my love, I am a woman, of course I would haul wood as such. Sadly I can't say the same for you." Benedick rolled his eyes, and they both laughed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"My heart beats no more, a drum pattern of a thousand moonless nights bear down on me, a heaviness that no mortal could endure…" Miranda wandered slowly, almost unconsciously, toward the rising tide.
"Beating hearts grow but never die, but why is love a lamenting lie? The poison sinks deep into my soul, as I quiver out a final shaking breath, lacking mirth, such heavy dole." She gazed deeply at her reflection, a mirror image, and haunted, sullen eyes wild with madness. She sauntered deeper into the flux.
"Oh deep water, consume me now, I want to love, but don't know how. I'm better off inside this grave, goodbye my love, astucious knave!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I will have my revenge! Hamlet! YOU WILL PAY FOR DECEIVING MY DAUGHTER!" Prospero sat inside his hut late that night, conspiring. He was so absorbed in his plotting that he didn't notice Ariel appear at his shoulder.
"Milord…Milord?" Prospero waved a hand near his ear, attempting to rid himself of the vexatious buzzing, but Ariel persisted.
"Milord! Will you not listen to me!? It's about your daughter! Miranda!" Finally Prospero looked up.
"What about my daughter, Ariel?"
"Er…Miranda, sir, Miranda's…dead."
"DEAD!?" Prospero cried. Come to think of it, she had been missing from the hut for quite some time. But dead!? How could this be?
"She drowned sir, in…in the sea. My condolences." Ariel then took his leave to give his master some time to himself. Prospero felt fury building up inside him so powerful, a great gale started outside. He extinguished his fury quickly to avoid an accidental typhoon.
"I WILL have vengeance on Prince Hamlet. Oh will he pay… Tomorrow I shall seek the monster Caliban. Together, we will achieve the ultimate retribution!" And then he laughed such a conniving, mirthless laugh the dark side of the moon shivered in terror.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Oh Horatio, my heart bleeds for the lovely Beatrice. Is she not a divine flower!?" Hamlet and Horatio spent the night out under the stars, consuming the fresh salt sea air and having a one on one conversation between best friends. Horatio replied,
"Aye, my lord."
"A flower so divine, it could cause even the most ruthless of men to falter! Oh beauteous Beatrice. How I long to make you mine! What must I do good Horatio?" Horatio grinned at his friend's vulnerability to beautiful women.
" I know not, my lord."
"Oh Horatio, you're no help."
"Aye, that's what they tell me sir."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Benedick, when do you think we'll get off this island? And…How?" Beatrice asked the next morning. She looked out towards the horizon and saw gray clouds rolling in around the horizon. Benedick gazed at the clouds and shook his head,
"I know not. I believe this man Prospero will assist us when he is ready," He changed the subject, "Did you notice that prince Hamlet? It was as though I were looking into a mirror. That, and he couldn't keep his eyes off you." Benedick's gaze turned sour.
"How now Benedick? Beware of jealously. It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on."
"I know, I know. Let us go find Prospero."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"CALIBAN! I command you come here at once!" Caliban, a monstrous looking half human creature, born of the witch Sycorax, has been an inhabitant of this island long before Prospero took it over.
"What is it sir?" Caliban followed his master to the hut. Prospero explained the entire story about Hamlet falling for another woman, causing his daughter to commit suicide, and how he wants to seek revenge on him.
"I need a talented, conniving partner. Someone much like yourself. Hamlet, Prince of Denmark must pay for the death of my daughter. He has his eye on the lady Beatrice, and I need you to uh…let me see. Attack Beatrice. Do what you can to her. Hamlet will be hurt by this greatly." Caliban nodded, and scuttled off to find this woman. As he searched the island he heard the voice of a woman…of Beatrice.
"Perfect." Caliban thought and snuck behind the woman. He sprang and landed on top of her, attempting to beat her down and take advantage of her. Beatrice, being the witty maiden that she was always known as, jumped up off the ground, shouted many profanities at the monster, and sent him away, beaten at his own game. Prospero was not happy with this and chastised Caliban further, condemning him to weeks of wood hauling. Meanwhile, Hamlet devised a plan with Horatio on how to win Beatrice over.
"It's foolproof I tell you! Foolproof! I'm the greatest fencer in all Denmark! He won't stand a chance against me! We'll fence for the girl, and I'll defeat him so graciously, the woman will come to me without a second thought! What do you think Horatio?"
"Aye, my lord…Foolproof."
"Foolproof? Fencing he says? Haha, Perfect." Prospero and Caliban laughed evilly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After sending everybody off around the island to gather food, Prospero retreated to his hut with Caliban to discuss ways of foiling Hamlet's plan.
"Ariel, I would like for you to watch over Hamlet today. Inform me if he comes up with an alternate plan."
"Very well sir."
"Now Caliban, I'm going to need you to pay very close attention. Your mother was an infamous witch with extraordinary power, and I too am a great wizard. Together we can concoct such a toxin, the moment it enters Hamlet's blood he will be through," Prospero grinned evilly at his own plan.
"But sir," Caliban interjected his triumphant laughter, "how do we get the poison to enter his body without him finding out?" Prospero continued his laughter.
"Such ignorance you possess, beast! It's quite simple. We make an appearance at the start of the duel……………" he explained his plan in dark, vivid detail…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Ah my good Benedick! I have been searching for you everywhere! Where be your woman Beatrice at this fine hour!?" Benedick looked up from his work and saw Hamlet approaching. Oh how similar they appeared!
"Yes prince Hamlet? Good Beatrice is off in the forest. What is it you seek?"
"Benedick, I come to challenge you to a fencing match! You know how I feel about your woman, and I believe when she sees the way I fence, she will return my feelings," Benedick was appalled at the prince's straightforwardness.
"I think not sir, I must decline."
"What? You have no reason to decline my offer. If you truly feel you have inferior fencing skills to myself, I shall give you handicap. Do it not because I force you, but for your woman, her love, and her glory," Benedick felt defeated by Hamlet's statement and ruefully accepted.
"Excellent," Hamlet sneered, "I have two swords that were saved from the ship. They may be dull but they'll do. Meet me down by the wizard's hut at sundown." Hamlet sauntered away before Benedick could have time to respond. Ariel reported back to Prospero and claimed that Hamlet had not changed his plan, and they would be down on the beach by the hut at sundown.
"Sundown!?" Prospero jumped up, "That's within the hour! We must prepare, Caliban."
"Our toxin is complete milord,"
"Well done monster. Look! Hamlet is arriving. No, not Hamlet…This is sir Benedick." They hid inside the hut until hamlet arrived, watching Benedick pace back and forth nervously wringing his hands together and wiping his sweat-dropped brow. Hamlet approached Benedick as Horatio, carrying two dull swords, dropped them against the side of Prospero's hut.
"Perfect," Prospero whispered from within and brought in the two swords when everybody's heads were turned.
"Dip the end in the toxin, Caliban," the beast obeyed, dipping the very tip of a sword into the bubbling, green potion.
"Let us make our entrance," Prospero burst out of the hut in valor, holding Hamlet's swords.
"I have heard of your duel, good gentlemen! I would be honored if you would have me as your judge. I have sharpened your swords for you so take them now and let's begin!" Prospero handed the two identical men their swords, taking great care to give Benedick the tainted one.
"Sir, I have promised young Benedick here a handicap. Please give him one free hit," Hamlet informed, keeping the promise Benedick thought for sure he was going to break. The fight began…
"You fight quite well sir Benedick!" Hamlet shouted breathlessly, avoiding Benedick's flailing sword. Hamlet tapped Benedick's side and they stopped the fight, breathless. Just as they were about to start another round, they noticed the slender silhouette of Beatrice ascending from the distance. She hurried over to the men, oblivious to what was going on. Without asking, she bends down at Hamlet's feet.
"This drink I made from fruit from the woods. Drink it and it will give back your strength." Hamlet drank the blood-red liquid, unknown to the fact that, like Benedick's sword, it contained a few drops of poison (courtesy of Prospero himself).
"There you are sweet Benedick. Continue your fight." Beatrice stood and walked to stand with Prospero.
"Benedick?" Hamlet thought, "Benedick!? Is this wench crazy? She calls ME Benedick?" Hamlet stood and stumbled, falling back to his knee.
"This drink…I have been poisoned…WRETCHED KNAVE! This was your plan all along! Y-y-you w-were t-trying to kill m-me…" Hamlet crawled weakly over to Benedick, who was staring, absolutely appalled at what had just happened. Hamlet, noticing the venomous sword he possessed, mustered up the rest of his strength and grabbed it from Benedick's grasp.
"She now will never know how I f-felt. I-if I can't have B-Beatrice, the neither can YOU!" Hamlet thrust the sword into Benedick's side and he fell, shouting to the stars. The night air was saturated with murderous deceit, and in the venomous bloodbath, Prospero decided to step over the two dying men and say,
"My good men, I fear this is all my fault. I only wanted for my daughter Miranda to love and be loved by the prince Hamlet. Thought she is dead, I apologize for all the hardships I have put you through on this island." As Hamlet and Benedick drew their final, shaking breath, they looked towards the bloodied night and shuddered out,
"Y-you are forgiven m-my lord." Both men died as the last word was uttered, and Prospero looked solemnly towards the night sky.
"Caliban, Ariel, I set you free. It is time I gave up my powers. After all, I am getting to be quite old, and all I think about is my own funeral. Go; live out the rest of your lives in peace and gaiety. I shall never forget the deeds you have assisted me in." Prospero, Ariel, and Caliban all disappeared from the Island in a pop. Standing on the blackened, bloody shoreline alone, were Beatrice and Horatio. They glanced at their friends' dead bodies, then at each other nervously. Finally, they grinned.
"So…what do we do now?"
THE END