Haha, get it, Eragon gone wrong. kinda rhymes and..and… um
T for language and some other stuff
A/N:
This is the revised version of "Eragon gone wrong"! What happened to the original one? Did I delete it? Noo, deleted it! It was because it was interactive (meaning I put myself in the fic) and it was written in script form. This is because it was about me, the director, making an Eragon parody movie. Moviescript (also for comical air purposes) So this sucks. I revised it into story format (ugh, now I have to write about the setting and crap! This is supposed to be pure comedyyyyyyy), and I created a character (who resembles me) as the director. I name her…thinks of random name MOESHA. (No I don't watch that show on The-N, but it's a funky name, heee)
I doubt this new version will be as good as the original version. I worked hard on my original version! My friends liked it and it was good enough to receive FOUR, VERY POSITIVE reviews in less than one day! I am not exaggerating.
BUT
If you want to read the original version
Goto my homepage (it's linked in my profile) Once you get to my homepage, there will be a very bold link that addresses users. This link takes you to the cheap site I have made that lists the chapter(s) of my original version! If you thought this version was okay, then please read the fic from that site from then on! I Guarantee your money back that it is funnier. But please leave reviews! That way you can spread the love. The more reviews, the more people would take this gay thing into consideration! Thank yah!
The dialogue is REALLY bad, just so it looks as close as possible as the original script form…
A/N #2: SUP people. Yeah, this is my second fic I have written in my 13 years of existence (my first was…."Save Me from My Solitude" brought to you by Clorox cleaning tissues -or w.e the hell it's called…yeah, guaranteed that fic is a hell lot more well written than this because this is comedy parody crap. I worked damn hard on that one but it paid off with the good reviews- I wouldn't mind if you take it into consideration, mwaha..haha..ahaa..ahhh) Screw that
Eragon gone wrongIt was a cold, December night. It was cold, it was December…Okay, not really, it's muggy day in July and school has been recently dismissed. Moesha is standing before a podium, in Studio…who knows, studio #2? There is a large crowd.
And she speaks," As you know, I…am making, the first Eragon-parody-movie… ever! Well, yes…Okay, there wasn't even a Eragon movie made, but they're close. Steven Fangmeir is the director…. Now you're asking…who the hell is he? I read his resume and he's done a lot of special effects -I think it was special effects… ugh, just go to one movie was series of unfortunate events…was it good? Karen Murphy is visual effects- she has done matrix, titanic-
FINE, MY GOD, DON'T RUSH ME, I AM ENLIGHTENING YOU DEPRIVED POOR CHILDREN!"
There happens to be a 52 year old person in the room, listening.
"…. Screw you. Anyways…guess who's the director of this parody!" D
Some person shouts, "Sam Raimi!"
Some idiot shouts, "Steven Spielberg!"
Yet, another GENIUS shouts," Joel Shumacher!"
Another dumbass shouts, "Mel Gibson!"
Yet, a moronic, imbecilic…moron, shouts, "Tom Hanks!"
Moesha throws a random shoe at the shithole who said Tom Hanks
"Bastards," she says," it's me."
" . . .Oh, um…yay" the audience mumbles sarcastically.
"Um…moving on!" says Moesha, "My cast and crew is very, so please, no one ask! My cast, is actually figments of my imagination coming to life, because despite many people's desires…I ain't havin' Jeremy Sumpter play as Eragon!"
There is Silence
"Um, right?"
"Oh, I'd like to say you people are very lucky," Moesha continues, "You get to see our rehearsal! Much more fun than watching the premiere of a Friends episode live, right?"
"Um…RIGHT," the audience mumbles sarcastically.
Moesha sniffles.
"Oh, I'm going to pretend this is film, so watch the previews," she says
"Thank you for watching the Twenty! Come to Jiksy: Casual Clothing after the movie! Today is free day at Walmart-" the previews roll over
Falling asleep, Moesha snores, "Screw this." She says. As a result, the previes are skipped. The audience is disappointed.
"Nya, nya, nya," she says," Is my cast ready?"
Noises erupt from Orik's trailer.
Pissed off, Moesha storms over and yells," YO SHORTY, WTF YOU DOIN' IN THERE!"
Orik replies from the trailer, "DUDE, MY GOD, I JUST TOOK A DAMN SHOWER. IM JUST USING THE BLOW DRYER, OKAY?"
"BUT YOU GOT NO HAIR!"
"UGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Some crewmember says, "Miss, he doesn't come until the-
Moesha throws a random shoe at the crewmember
Eragon shuts his powder case, revealing his now-flawless skin, and says, "Can we start now? I can't let my makeup run…but not too soon because I want it to look natural when I do my crying scene…
Arya crawls her fingers on Eragon's shoulders and says,"Eragon…I like man…who wear makeup"
"Aw, thanks!"
Another crewmember shouts, "Miss! Set is ready!"
Moesha replies," Ah, that's sexy. People! PLACES, LIGHT, CAMERA, ACTIONNNN
"That's a lil quick miss…"
Moesha hisses
The curtain lifts up (A/N: I know, in movie rehearsals they don't have curtains but it just to add the touch, alright? Hee)
The prologue scene where that bitch, Durza…yeah
Durza says, "Yo bitches, shut the hell up,"
"Sorry Boss," the Urgal people reply
"Assholes."
Some Urgal idiot steps on a twig that echoes all the way to Russia
Durza slaps him all the way to Russia
After some moments, three elves on horses arrive.
One Elf guy says, "It's quiet…too quiet!"
"WTF YOU DOING THERE ERAGON" the Director, aka Moesha, shouts
"The original guy choked on a carrot. He's under care right now," Eragon replies
" . . .Continue please,"
"Ew, someone needs to put on deodorant or something," Arya commented
Eragon says, ": Hm, sniff I guess I got to put some…"
"It's Urgal smell, you dumbass"
The director sighs
Arya replies," Oh, okay, thanks. OMIGAH THERE HERE"
"AHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH" cry Eragon and the elf guy, running in circles
"ATTACK MY LITTLE ONES," commanded Durza
The Urgals shoot some lame arrows.
The arrows miss the elf guys by a mile
The elf guys fall down anyway, on cue
"Oi vay…" sighs the Director
Durza cries, "Garzshma!
Garjzhla!
Gar…"
"It's Garjzla, hun," says a crewmember
"Oh, GARJZLA"
Lame, fake fireballs hit Arya's trusty steed
Arya cries, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. My Little Pony!"
Um, uh, My Little Pony,brought you byHasbro toys or w.e they're from-
Durza commands," YO, URGALIES, GET HER"
Arya gasps, and is about to come to her dead, idiotic, elven friends, "Damn," she then sticks up the middle finger at the approaching Urgals and sprints faster than Seabiscuit
The Urgals travel on back pack jet thingies and circle around Arya.
Arya slices at some Urgals, commenting, "Check it out! Black, Urgal, blood! Ripping bones, slicing flesh-!"
"Please…"says the Director
"Alright."
Durza sprouts fairy wings and flies to a peak.
"…" The Director stares.
"It's for the effect, Miss" says a crewmember.
Durza cackles "menacingly"," BWAHAHAHAHA, BOW TECH ASSTAR LEE!"
"It's Boetq Istalri, hun" says a crewmember.
Durza replies, "Lunch after rehearsal?"
Winking, the crewmember says," Sure, hun."
Durza winks back and shouts," Okay! BOETQ ISTALRI!"
Red pointy cardboard pieces appear around the set, trying to imitate the flames
Arya says," Man you're one big bastard,"
Durza flies down with his fairy wings and says," Sorry, hun. But your days are…OVER"
"Omigah, omigah," Arya says. She takes out a large, oval sapphire thing and mumbles some pointless syllables.
Light effects surround the stone while an invisible strings picks it up and lifts it out of the set.
The Director says," Later, we need better funding for the special effects."
"Yes, Miss." Says crewmember.
Durza commands," Ugh, Garjshma!
Gar-"
"It'll do," says Moesha.
"Okay! GARJSHMAAAA"
Again, lame, fake fireballs hit Arya
Arya says," …
Oh, wait, it hit me! Alright!
Ow..ouch, ow, ow, augh, augh, auuugghhhhhhh
Director says," Yo, stop, it sounds like you're masterbating,"
"…" Arya falls down.
Durza comments," Yo, she's damn hot." He picks her up and carelessly throws her on his horse, rides away, trampling over the cardboard pieces.
The Director comments," Eh…..that was fine. Cut, Next scene!"
The scene where Eragon is hunting for the deer and all that crap-
The Curtain lifts
Eragon says," It's quiet…too quiet! Ah, oh well, adds the suspense anyway,"
The Director yell," WTF YOU DOIN' IN YOUR ELF COSTUME"
"…"
Curtain closes
After one second
Curtain rises
Again, Eragon says," It's quiet…too quiet! Ah, oh well, adds the suspense anyway."
He walks casually to the glen and says," Now wtf is that deer. If I don get dat deer, hun, mah homie Garrow will get damn pissed-"
"Quit your lame gangsta talk, you can't even do it right. You're an Old Norse kind of person thing…" says Moesha.
"Then how do you talk Norse? Haiga Daiga Durgan?"
"Stereotypical moron, that ain't how you speak Norse or w.e!"
"Why don't YOU speak Old Norse!"
"…Um, uh, er, um…brisingr" The whole studio happens to go up in flames.
Crewmembers panic," AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
"COOL
How do ya know I'm A Norse dude anyway!"
"Mr. Pao Pao said he took a lot of names and stuff from the Old Norse…something like that. "
"Who the hell is Mr. Pao Pao"
"It's…Paolini…CHRISTOPHER Paolini"
"Huh"
"He's like…your "god" for God's sake!"
"My gods? I dunno any gods by the name of Pao Pao! Alagaesia's gods are, um, Sekhmet, god of destruction, Isis, god of magic, and Horus god of pharaohs-"
"WTF, those are Egyptian gods! …And-, um, Iris is a goddess…"
"Damn!" Eragon says, throwing a world history textbook at a random crewmember," No good!"
Shaking her head, Moesha asks," You dunno any of your gods?"
"One of the side effects of mah homie Garrow's medication includes some memory loss, so he keeps forgetting who they are"
"Ugghhhharrrghhhhh, may we continue?"
A Deep, Serious Voice From Above bellows," FOOLS,"
And miracuously, the studio is back to normal!
"Oh, yeah, sure!" Eragon says, as he takes his place.
"OMIGAHH, DA DEER, DA DEER" He shouts
The deer hears Eragon shout like an asshole and runs away.
"Shit," says Eragon, sniffing," I got no good food, I got no good blankies, I got no deer, I got no good nothin'…Might as well go home!" He orders a jet to come.
Moesha sits in the director chair in disbelief as the Jet arrives
"THANKS BABE," says Eragon, as they zoom to Carvahall.
The Director notices something is missing and shouts," WHERE DA HELL DID DA EGG SCENE GO"
The Crewmember who is in charge of Arya's magic effects says," Sorry miss, but the magic grid coordination seems to be malfunctioning."
Arya shouts," GAH, now it looks like I suck in magic!" She slams her trailor door.
"Forget it; just get it to Eragon right now, one way or another." commands the Director.
A Crewmember shoots the egg at the jet with a cannonball shooter thing.
…The egg hits a plane wing.
The jet goes,"MAYDAYMAYDAYMAYDAYMAYDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-"
DooshPlane crashes and miraculously, no one's hurt or even a little dirty.
Eragon stands among the rubble and says," Okay, wtf just happened" He walks around and trips on something. "WOAH, A BIG, PERFECTLY OVAL SHAPED SAPPHIRE THING. WE ARE RICH!" Eragon runs home! Run, Lassie, Run! "NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYA, NYAAAAAAA" As he shouts and runs, passer Byers keep their distance from the insane asshole," MEATMEATMEAMTMEAMTMEAT GARROW SHALL BE PROUD NYAAAAAAAAAAA"
"What the hell's up with him," says Elain.
Horst replies to his wife," I dunno, I guess viagra. It's in those times of the years of the years of the times of the years of young men that they start-"
…
…
…
"That's for older men, dumbass…
…Eh, I guess," says the Director.
A/N: And that, my friends, is the end of Chapter 1. Stupid? I warned you (Wait, did I?)
Well, yeah, please review; I'll appreciate it very much! Thanks to anyone who actually managed to reach the end!
Remember! If you thought this was okay, next time I make an update, don't read it here! Go to the site I instructed you to! From then on, read it from there! It's better! It's funnier! (I guess) But PLEAASE leave reviews on I will greatly appreciate it! Like I said before, it helps spread da love. Yeah, like, the more reviews, the more people would actually take this gay thing into consideration because ppl like it…
THANK YAH. LOVE YAH. NYA NYA (Yeah, I know that was gay)