A/N: Ok, here is the second of two fics I started right after reading HBP. At first, I despaired of ever being able to write canon fic again, but then I realized just what kind of yummy goodness I could get from it, so now the HBP-compliant plot bunnies are breeding happily. Besides, I like being one of the first to get to a plotline and this way I can be – at least, one of the first five with all the busy writers out there!
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Harry Potter. The whole Potterverse belongs to the genius of J.K. Rowling, who is a goddess amongst writers. I seek to make no profit from this venture and I promise to return everything back the way I found it.
This story is canon compliant with Book Six. This is your last chance to run away from the spoilers!
(Sorry about the formatting problems, but they are fixed now!)
A Shadow of A Man
Story by Jessica Arbuckle (Jessi, Princess of Impatience)
July 19 - undetermined, 2005
Chapter One, The Shadow
"Yeah, we shouldn't…"
But Hermione never heard the rest of what Harry intended to say. She was looking over his shoulder and saw it again, as she thought she had seen earlier. That dark shadow at the edge of the forest, hiding in the low foliage. Only this time, she was sure it was there and she was positive, whether through intuition or perhaps just common sense, of who it was.
"Guys, I need a minute," she said, bowing her head. They could not know what she was about to do, especially Harry. If they saw her face, they would see her determination through her grief over Dumbledore. They would wonder what she was up to and would try to follow her.
"Hermione, you really shouldn't be alone right now," Ron said, moving to put his arm around him, but she moved out of his way. Through the fall of her hair, she could see he looked hurt and she held out her hand, touching his arm gently.
"No, I just need to be alone with my thoughts. I promise, I'll come find you after a bit," she said. "Please?"
Harry nodded. "I understand. We all need time to… work through Dumbledore's death. Let's go, Ron."
As Harry led him off, Ron gave Hermione an uncertain look over his shoulder, which Hermione caught as she lifted her head. She felt horrible at deceiving them, letting them think she was off to grieve the death of the leader of their cause, at the hands of a man he had trusted so much, when in reality she was on a mission to catch the shadow in the woods. It was the right thing to do. They would never understand and would only make things that much worse.
As far as Ron, today had proved to show her something she had not before seen. It was odd, but Hermione had been so sure of her feelings for him until all of this happened. Now, she grieved the loss of her feelings for Ron, right along with the loss of Dumbledore. She still loved and cared for Ron just as she loved and cared for Harry, but her heart seemed to be telling her that only true love, not teenage love, would be strong enough to win the war, would be the right way to honor the memory of Dumbledore. Where she would find it, she had no idea.
Dismissing her thoughts of Ron as the two boys moved far enough away for her to make her move, she turned to the forest, and scanned the tree line. She saw him once more, but now he was moving off. She had to stop him and let him know that at least one person still believed in him, even after what he had done. She broke into a run, quickly entering the forest in pursuit of the shadow. It was obvious he was headed for the outer bound of Hogwarts to Apparate, even though it was choosing to do so at the farthest point, due to his direction. She had less than five minutes to catch him at this pace.
She moved as quickly as she could, yet the space between them never seemed to lessen. She had no idea he could move this fast. As another branch smacked her on its back swing, she finally had enough.
"Urrgh, would you just stop? I'm getting tired of chasing you," she complained loudly, snapping a tree branch in her way sharply in half.
Amazingly, the cloaked figure stopped and she moved quickly forward.
He did not turn around as he spoke. "Miss Granger, for once in your life do as I say and go away," a rough, cold voice said, "before I hurt you."
"I don't believe you will, Professor," she said confidently, stopping several feet from him.
The cloaked figure twitched. "Don't call me that," he rasped harshly.
What could she call him? She would not call him Snape, it was just too reminiscent of all of Harry and Ron's rage while using that name. 'Sir' just seemed awkward now. Steeling herself, she ventured forward into previously unknown territory.
"Fine, Severus," she said and watched him flinch, as if wounded, at the sound of his name. "I don't believe you will hurt me."
"And why is that?" he asked, unable to disguise the small hint of curiosity in his otherwise cold tone.
"Why? We never had any kind of plan for it, did we, Severus?" she said, drawing close to him.
At that, he whirled around and she finally saw him. She paused in shock at the sight of the worn face that looked to have aged years in such a short time, at the body that had hunched with grief at her words. He looked broken and defeated, completely unlike the man she had known for six years. He was a shadow of his former self and looked as though he would never again be the man he once was. She felt her heart ache at the sight of him and she was almost overwhelmed with the desire to walk forward and do something to comfort him.
"How?" he asked, his voice barely a broken whisper as he gazed at her, eyes ringed with dark circles, eyes that reflected the torture of his very soul. It was the first time Hermione had seen more than a hint of honest emotion there and the sight was almost breathtaking in all its honesty, even as it made her want to cry for him. It was not right that a man who had given so much, had made the ultimate sacrifice to further the cause, had to be in this kind of despair.
"It was the only thing that made sense. Harry might be clouded by your mutual hate of each other, but I'm not. I just couldn't believe you could be so evil. I made him tell me everything, in as much detail as I could get from him. At first, I'll admit, I let it lie. I was far too… in shock. But, as often happens to me, my brain started picking at it and soon I began to analyze everything that had happened over the year. It all came back to one thing; if you had not done what you did, you would have died, due to the Unbreakable Vow, and the cause needed you, that much I could clearly see. I'm sure it was also what Dumbledore," she paused as he shuddered, making a mental note to not say the name again.
"He knew, what he knew from the very first moment he found out about the Vow. He ordered you to do it, before that moment in the Tower, didn't he? He must have told you he would expect you to do exactly what you did when the time came. But when it finally came, there was more to it, wasn't there? He was dying, wasn't he? That is why he wanted to see you and not Madam Pomfrey. He knew if you ended his life, you would fulfill the Vow and then be able to save Draco. And that is why you killed him, because you knew that if you didn't, you would die and leave the cause without its most important informant, Draco would be killed and he would have died anyways, for nothing. And now, with his death on your hands, you are in the perfect position to do the things he wanted you to do."
She had drawn closer to him as she spoke, as one might approach a wild animal, with slow and steady motions that would not frighten or alarm. "What you did I can't even imagine doing. I would never be strong enough, brave enough or loyal enough to follow through. But you were," she said and then hesitantly reached out and touched his arm.
He drew back as if burned. "You give me far too much credit, you silly little fool…"
She interrupted him before he could finish. "Why, because I realize that it serves no one for you both to have died? That is what you wanted, wasn't it, to die yourself rather than to kill him? You cared about him, that much is obvious, and it is only natural you should want to die to save him. But you knew your death wouldn't save him because he was dying anyways. If you couldn't see it by looking at him, I'm sure he showed you through Legilimency. So you did it because you cared about him and what he asked of you as he stood there dying. You wanted his death to have purpose."
He looked at her as she spoke, but looked away from her at her last words. She saw his body shake and suddenly she knew he was choking back a sob. She closed the space between him that he had opened after she touched his arm. She gripped his arm, not giving him a chance to shake her off and moved so she was in his line of vision.
"Do you expect me to be surprised you have a heart?" she asked softly. "I'm not."
He looked at her then and she saw the clear shine of what could only be tears in his grief-stricken dark eyes. She watched a look cross his face, as though the last part of what held him together enough to go on after what he had done and his resistance to grieving were snapped at her words. He sunk to the ground and began to sob, the sound silent but the action clear to Hermione. This man, who had shown very little honest emotion in six years, other than brief moments of rage, was now sobbing soundlessly in a broken heap upon the ground. The fact that he was doing so in her presence was not lost on Hermione and she felt a strange rush of trust at being allowed to see him in such a vulnerable moment. Looking at him, she could only feel compassion and another emotion she could not name. That emotion was the catalyst for what she did next.
Lowering herself to the ground next to him, she wrapped her arms around his shuddering form. She felt his body tense and for one moment, she thought he might fling her off, but he did not. Instead, he did something that surprised her. He turned in her arms and buried his face in her shoulder. The force knocked her backwards, but to her relief it was only against the tree they had been under. His body weight heavy against her own, her grip tightened around him, one arm around his shoulder with his hand on his back and the other curled protectively around his neck with her hand on his head. As she did this, his sobs ceased to be silent and she felt her heart heave painfully at the sound of his almost animal-like cries. She laid her cheek against the top of his head, allowing herself a moment of surprise that, while his hair looked greasy, it did not feel that way against her cheek.
Stroking his head gently with her hand, she let her tears fall as she grieved with him for the loss of the man they had both cared about, a man who had given his life so that one day, they all would be finally free of the war and the wizard who was the cause of it all. She grieved for Severus as well, for all the pain he was in right now, for the fact that what he did had to be necessary, that there had not been another way. She grieved for the loss of trust by all that had once trusted him because Dumbledore had and for what would happen if she ever tried to tell them all the truth
Unconsciously, she began to rock them both gently. She was humbled by the fact this great man was in shambles in her arms. She had always thought him strong, she knew he had to be in order to continue to be an effective spy, but even the strong can show emotion. If anything, his grief and pain on display made him a better person in her eyes. It showed her that under his dark, stern and even mean exterior was a man who did more than just hate, was a man who loved.
Yet, even before this display of emotion, she knew he was a man who loved, who had most likely loved Dumbledore as a son loves a father. Only one who loved so strong would have been able to follow the instructions that had lead to the death of the only man, she was absolutely sure, who had ever truly believed in him. She could not even begin to comprehend the kind of guilt and pain he was in right now, but she would do all she could to convince him that as much as he must hate himself right now, he had done the only thing he could in the situation. She would not allow him to hate himself, as there were far too many in the world who did right now. She would show him that she did not, and no matter what the future held, he again had someone to believe in him.
It was the right thing to do and that was her only motivation for running after him. Yet, looking down at the head buried in her shoulder through her tear-blurred eyes, she suddenly wondered if now there was not more to it.
a/n: Please R/R, I would just adore it!