Trespassing On Heartbreak.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, Stephenie Meyer does. I'm just borrowing Alice and Jasper for a while.
Spoilers: Mentions of key elements from New Moon. Though i'm fairly sure most people will know what they are anyway.
Author Notes: This little oneshot has been hanging around in my brain for a little while just begging to be written so I thought i should finally set it free. I know there are many, many other stories involving the same scenario from New Moon but this is just my take on it. Alice's P.O.V. Reviews are always welcome :)
It had taken hours to get him to calm down enough to even begin trying to talk him into coming home. Even after Edward had assured Jasper that no one was blaming him for what had happened at the disaster that was Bella's 18th birthday party. Why had I felt such a need to throw that silly party? All because of my stupid, desperate need to live vicariously through Bella; to make up for the human experiences that I had no memory of from my own life. Now, thanks in no small part to my blind stupidity, half of my soul was in pain, a pain that I couldn't even begin to imagine. I'd been sure that once I'd managed to convince him to come home he would see that everything was going to be okay. I should have used my gift, looked ahead to see what he would do but my thoughts were so muddled with worry; worry for him, that he wouldn't be able to get over his first major lapse in control for almost half a century. Worry for my brother, and his tendency to put the blame for everything onto himself. And worry for Bella, who was already my sister in so many ways. Would she forever be terrified of Jasper now? Would my soul mate and my best friend ever be able to be in the same room together again? I knew the answer as soon as I thought of the question. Of course they wouldn't. At least, not while Bella was still human and blood ran through her fragile veins.
It was with my mind spinning with all those worries that Jasper had actually been able to surprise me. It might have made me laugh, if the situation hadn't been so heartbreakingly terrifying. He'd raced home ahead of me, his anger at himself pushing him faster than I'd ever seen him move before. By the time I'd followed after him he had already locked himself in our room. While I knew that I could easily break the lock, or take the door off it's hinges, I also knew that I shouldn't. Though it was literally tearing my heart in two, I knew that Jasper needed space right now, he would open the door when he was ready. Knowing that didn't stop me from trying to talk him into letting me in, however.
"Jazz.." I whispered, barely louder than a breath. I was sitting on the floor, my knees pulled up to my chest. I leaned my head back against the door and strained to hear the slightest sound from inside. I couldn't hear a thing, he wasn't even breathing. "Jazz...please..no one blames you. We love you. I love you." Though my voice broke from the pain of being separated from him when he needed me, I concentrated on sending out wave after wave of love and reassurance in the direction of my empathic husband. For once, he didn't echo my own feelings back to me as he normally would have. I assumed he was too consumed by his own needless guilt to notice my feelings right now. "Jasper. Talk to me, please." I pleaded with him through the door again, knowing it was pointless.
"Go away Alice." He answered me in an almost silent breath. He was talking finally. It was a start at least.
"You know I can't do that Jazz. You don't need to torment yourself like this."
"I don't need your pity Alice." He snapped, his voice was sharper than a razor blade. It sliced through my still heart, leaving a bleeding wound behind it. I knew he hadn't meant it, and so did he. A sigh came from the other side of the door as he picked up on the ripple of pain his words had caused.
"I'm sorry, my love." He was silent then, for an immeasurable moment we both were. "How can you love me still Alice? All the things I've done, the lives I've ended. And then tonight, what I could have done...what I wanted to do. Please don't pretend that doesn't matter to you Alice. I know how much you care about Bella, you already see her as a sister. What if I had killed her Alice? It would have torn your heart out and we both know it."
His voice was a murmur of pain, the images it brought to my mind were not pleasant.
"I love you." I replied with absolute certainty. I was going to let him convince me that I shouldn't. The very idea of not loving him for any reason was ridiculous. There was no reply from the other side of the door, but my ears did catch the sound of something breaking. I could only hope it wasn't something I was terribly fond of.
I waited but heard nothing more from inside the room I shared with my soul mate. I concentrated again on sending him as much love as I could muster. I was prepared to sit here for eternity if I had to, and wondered if that was really such a far fetched possibility. Knowing the depth of Jasper's guilt, it probably wasn't. I wasn't expecting the vision, so it hit me with more force than was normal. What I saw stunned me, it knocked the unnecessary breath from my lungs and ripped my heart to pieces. The pain that radiated from me while my heart splintered was almost too strong for me to handle. And then the door opened behind me and I was in his arms, cradled against his chest like a child. Tearless, broken sobs shook my petite body.
"H-he's leaving her. No. No. No. Why would he do that to her? Why would he do that to himself? What is he thinking?" My words were all running together, though I was sure Jasper's sensitive ears could make sense of it all. Jasper sat down on the edge of our bed, keeping me safe in his arms. All of the guilt and anger with himself that he'd been feeling just seconds ago had clearly been pushed to the back of his mind, concern for me taking it's place. He rocked me gently, sending out waves of calm serenity to wash over me. None of this did anything to quiet the sobs that broke free of my lips. This pain was too much to be soothed so easily.
"What is it Alice? What's happening?" My love asked, his voice laced with anxiety. I drew in a shaking breath but it too did nothing to halt my sobbing.
"Edward..h-he's going to leave Bella. He thinks he's doing w-what's best for h-her. He thinks she'll get over him and move on."
Another wave of pain radiated from me. Jasper's lips pressed softly pressed softly to the top of my head.
"I'm sorry." He whispered against my hair. I knew he would be blaming himself again. I struggled to regain control over my hysterics and fought to push the vision as far into the back of my mind as I possibly could. I no longer wanted to see the agonized faces of my brother and my best friend. It took some effort but finally I was able to overcome the crushing sadness, for the moment. Sadness was quickly replaced by a sudden burst of anger – an emotion I didn't often feel, and never without a reason. I slipped free of Jasper's arms and began pacing the floor, back and forth at an inhuman speed.
"Of all the stupid, idiotic, ridiculous things Edward has ever done, this has to be the worst! How could he possibly think that she'll get over him? Doesn't he know how much Bella loves him?" My voice had been climbing steadily higher as I spoke, becoming close to hysterical again. Jasper reached out to me, gently but firmly catching my wrist and pulling me back into the safety of his arms.
"I know, Alice, I know." He kissed my forehead softly. This time I welcomed the wave of calm that washed away my anger. I didn't want to be angry with Edward. I loved my brother, after all; but sometimes he really was too stubborn for his own good. "To answer your question, my love, no, Edward doesn't know how much Bella loves him. But I do, and I know how much he loves her. I feel it every time their near each other. I think it would surprise him how evenly matched they are in that respect."
"This is just going to end up hurting them both..." I sighed softly and leaned my head against Jasper's shoulder. "we're going to have to leave, aren't we? All of us..."
"Well, you would know." Jasper answered with a quiet chuckle, clearly trying to lighten my mood without using his gift. When his attempt failed, he sighed and tightened his arms around me, nodding sadly. "I imagine we will, if Edward thinks it will be easier on Bella that way."
"He's wrong." I replied simply, I knew that all of this uncertainty was unnecessary, I could look into our future and see where we would all be at this time tomorrow. But I couldn't bring myself to look. I was terrified of seeing anything that would shatter my heart more than it already was. Even without looking, I knew that wherever we all were tomorrow, neither Edward or Bella would be with us. "I'm going to miss them both so much." My voice broke with another sob. Jasper resumed rocking me in his arms again, his soft voice whispering soothing words in my ear.
"How do you ever get used to this Jazz? Trespassing on other people's heartbreak?"
Jasper kissed my hair before he answered, sending a wave of love and understanding over me.
"You don't, my love. You don't."