Warriors: One-shot Comedy Contest Entry With Leafpool: Becoming a Twoleg
Another contest entry! Yay...
...At least this time it doesn't have to do with the PPG. xD
Okay, yes, I'm a big fan of Warriors. Second off, I know I've written a lot of PPG fics, but I actually have a large variety in my fandom category. Such as Naruto, MLP FiM, PPG, KCK Chu, Young Justice, many more etc etc...
Btw, I know Brambleclaw is now Bramblestar and that Firestar is dead...BUT WHATEVER I'M AWESOME LIKE THAT. It's random anyway, ya know?
So anyway, this is for Spottedfire7's contest. So...hope you enjoy...I don't know how funny my funny bone is right now, SO YEAH. GET OVER IT IF IT'S NOT AWESOME OR WHATEVER. :P
I OWN NOTHING BESIDES THE STORY...OH AND CAPS LOCK IS PRETTY AWESOME. *nods* E'yup.
Warning: Extreme randomness. If it causes your mind to go KA-BOOM or makes you puke rainbows...
Go see a doctor. ASAFP.
Leafpool was walking down the road to the WindClan border when she heard a loud roar.
"OH MAH STARCLAN WHAT THE DARK FOREST WAS THAT!?"
"I'M AN AWESOME LIIIOOONN!" Lionblaze screamed, skipping past.
"...He's obviously on crack again. Why can't Jayfeather just put the catmint away?" Leafpool commented, making a face.
"Because catmint is dah bomb!"
Leafpool turned to see Crowfeather, whom she was meeting. "Don't tell me you're on crack too! Jerk!" She kicked him in the face, sending him flying off.
"NOOO LEAFPOOL, I LOVE YOOUUU!" he shouted as he flew all the way to ShadowClan.
"Come back when you're not an addict!" she called innocently.
Just then, Squirrelflight appeared. "What in StarClan happened here?" she demanded.
Leafpool shrugged. "I made Crowfeather fly because he was hooked on catmint."
"Okaaaay then." Squirrelflight pulled out her phone. "Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
Leafpool snorted. "Most of them had to do with you and Brambleclaw."
"Did not!" Squirrelflight snapped.
"Did too!" Leafpool snapped back. She pulled out her phone and began scrolling. "See here...and here...and here..." Then she cursed. "Damn having paws."
"SQUIRRELFLIGHT WHY I LOVED YOU," Ashfur cried, appearing from in between the two she-cats. "I even have photos of you hidden in my nest!"
"Get away from me, you stalker!" Squirrelflight screeched, trying to push Ashfur away.
"OH MAH STARCLAN."
A huge burn appeared on Ashfur's forehead, with a big white glob on top, sizzling as he fell back.
Brambleclaw stood, wearing a cape, a pair of boots, and a feathered hat. He was carrying a big purple gun. He blew on it, causing the smoke to drift off. "Score for me; the awesome Puss in Boots," he meowed. "I so saved your ass," he added in a smirk to Squirrelflight.
"Did not!" she declared, sniffing.
Brambleclaw kissed her. "Aww, I didn't mean to make you mad..." The kiss then turned into a make-out session.
Leafpool made a face, backing away. "Watching cats kiss is...creepy." Then she pulled out her phone again. "ARGH. STUPID PAWS."
"Hey I can make your paws into HANDS!" Jayfeather shouted, appearing out of nowhere with a wizard's hat and cape on.
"GYAAAA! Jayfeather, you scared the crap out of me!" Leafpool screamed at her son.
Jayfeather's blind eyes glinted. "Come forth, magical spirits of StarClan...and give this poor cat HANDS!"
A glowing star within a circle surrounded Leafpool.
"OH MY STARCLAN; I SHOULD SO TAKE PICTUUUURREEES!" She began snapping away and didn't notice as a dark mist began to surround her.
Slowly, the mist covered her paws, but she was too busy taking pictures of cat skulls, spell books, herbs, and a candle.
Then she noticed it was getting easier to press the camera button. She checked her paws, and was amazed to see fingers growing out of her fur.
She turned to see Jayfeather, who was suddenly wearing a tiara, a dress, and had wings. He was also carrying his special stick, which had sparkles surrounding it.
"Now remember dearie," he mewed kindly, "The spell only lasts for two hours—" Jayfeather's speech was interrupted by loud screeching.
"WHAT THE DARK FOREST DID YOU DO TO LEAFPOOL!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER PAWS—" He shook his head. "I MEAN HANDS!? I MEAN UGH! WHATEVER! JUST WHAT THE DARK FOREST HAPPENED!?"
It was Crowfeather, whom this time WASN'T on crack.
Jayfeather began beating him back with his stick, which had grown. He was suddenly a monkey, wearing armour and a hat with red pompoms. "我是孙悟空*!"
"AXKSAJBSNSZHAHA WTDF!?" Crowfeather shouted, dodging Jayfeather's blow.
"你给我回来**!" Jayfeather shouted, flying after him.
"SINCE WHEN IN STARCLAN COULD YOU FLY!?" Crowfeather screamed back, running away.
Leafpool sighed happily at the fact Crowfeather was fighting for her. Then she noticed she was slowly becoming whole human.
She quickly posted on Facebook and Twitter:
"OMFSC AXXAHSJSSMZ I'M A TWOLEG NOW THANKS TO JAYFEATHER! OwO"
She quickly got a lot of likes, follows, comments and everything.
"Squirrelflight: OHH WATS HAPPENING NOW? :oo"
"Leafpool: WELL I'M FULLY 2LEG NOW AND JAYFEATHER HAS BECOME THE MONKEY KING WHILE FIGHTING CROWFEATHER"
"Squirrelflight: KEEEEWWL :DD"
"Lionblaze: AXSAZZKABDKAS I'M A MOTHER FUGGIN' LION, BITCHEZZ! :DDD"
"Leafpool: GO AWAY LIONBLAZE K? U'RE ON CRACK!"
"Lionblaze: MEANIE. LEAFPOOL'S A BIG FAT MEANIE SHE MAKE ME CRY A"
"Brackenfur: "Y R WE TYPING IN CAPITALS"
"Leafpool: IDK, AND I DON'T FRIGGIN' CARE ):"
"Lionblaze: CUZ CAPS LOCK IS AWESOME CAPS LOCK CAPS LOCK CAPS LOCK CAPS LOCK CAPS LOCK"
"Firestar: OMFGEE MAH DAUGHTAH'S BECOMIN A 2LEG :OOO"
"Sandstorm: DAYUUUUM SCARY THOUGHT"
"Leafpool: IT'S JUST TEMPORARY"
"Squirrelflight: DAYUUUUM"
"Graystripe: CHOCOLAAAATE"
"Leafpool: SHUT UP GRAYSTRIPE"
"Dovewing: GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE GRAYSTRIPE OR I'MA HUNT YOU DOWN AND POST THAT VIDEO OF U SINGING IN THE DIRTPLACE UP D:"
"Graystripe: NOOOOOOOOOOO"
"Dovewing: YESSSSS"
"Tigerheart: HEY DOVEY WOVEY MEET ME AT THE SHADOWCLAN BORDER NITE AROUND 9:00 K?"
"Dovewing: KAAAAAAY. BUT STOP POSTING IT ON FB EVERY1 CAN SEE"
"Bumblestripe: LEAVE MY DOVEWING ALONE, DICK"
"Tigerheart: WHO THE FUDGE ARE YOU CALLING DICK, BEETCH"
"Bumblestripe: FU"
"Tigerheart: FU 2"
"Leafpool: OMSC STFU THIS IS ABOUT ME BEING A 2LEG NOT UR STUPID LOVE LIVES"
"Squirrelflight: TYPING WHILE KISSING BRAMBLECLAW. YEA, I'M JUST THAT FRICKIN' AWESOME :D ;***"
"Brambleclaw: I LUV U 2 BABEEE. LOTS OF WUBZ FROM BRAMBLECLAW. XOXOXO ;***"
"Squirrelflight: AWW THNX ~33"
"Ashfur: STAY AWAY FROM HER SHE'S MINE!"
"Brambleclaw: STFU ASHFUR DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU AGAIN"
"Hollyleaf: YEAAA ASHFUR STFU U'RE A CREEPY STALKER"
"Lionblaze: I'M STILL AN AWESOME LION :DD"
"Leafpool: . . . I GIVE UP"
"Squirrelflight: BTW WAT R U GONNA DO WITH CROWFEATHER NOW THAT U'RE A TWOLEG? ;DD"
"Leafpool: O YEAAAA I DIDN'T THINK BOUT DAT..."
"Squirrelflight: URE WELCOME. IF I WAS THERE I'D SNAP MAH FINGAHS BUT I DON'T HAVE FINGERS ANYWAY I ONLY HAVE CLAWS. LUUUUCKYY YOU"
"Leafpool: THNX"
Then she shut her phone off before she would have to read any more stupid comments between the cats.
She glanced back to see Crowfeather and Jayfeather tackling each other. Jayfeather apparently now had the assistance of fairies, leprechauns, unicorns, and other magical creatures against Crowfeather.
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow," Crowfeather muttered over and over again as the mythical creatures attacked.
She sweat-dropped. But the sweat-drop didn't disappear like it should've, so she had to claw it off. She muttered under her breath, "Stupid sweat-drops. I KNEW they were pointless."
Leafpool fixed the fur on the top of her head (it was really all the fur she had left), but she couldn't seem to lick it. It wasn't until she brought one of the thin strands over that she managed to lick it.
She made a face. It tasted weirder than normal fur. Why were twolegs so weird, anyway?
Leafpool then walked over to where Jayfeather and Crowfeather were squabbling. She playfully pulled Crowfeather up by the tail, then moved her grip to the scruff of his neck.
"Hey!" Crowfeather cried indignantly, his paws flailing. He looked over his shoulder to see Leafpool. "A twoleg!? What in StarClan do you want with me, you weirdo!"
"It's me, you idiot!" Leafpool said. Crowfeather stared at her blankly. "It's me, LEAFPOOL!"
"No wooonder you can speak cat," he said.
Leafpool rolled her eyes, doing a face-paw—no wait, a face-PALM—seeing as she had hands now and not paws.
She sat down, still holding Crowfeather.
Jayfeather flew upwards before leaping onto a cloud, followed by all the magical creatures. "I'm your fairy godmother," he said dramatically.
Leafpool rolled her eyes, shrugging. "Yeah, sure. Whatever. You're not even older than me."
"Remember it only lasts for awhile!" he reminded her. "再见***!"
"Zai jian to you too...or whatever you said!" Leafpool called after him.
She stared intently at Crowfeather, who looked fearful. "What?" he demanded.
Pink hearts began floating out of Leafpool.
"What are these...?" Crowfeather hooked his claws into them, popping the heart-shaped bubbles.
Leafpool blinked, shaking her head to clear it. The hearts disappeared, much to Crowfeather's disappointment.
"I'm gonna have some fun with you," Leafpool said with a playful grin.
Crowfeather swallowed.
A shout filled the air, causing birds to squawk as they flapped out of the trees. "GYAAAA!"
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Stop it!" Crowfeather cried, hitting the grass with tears in his eyes as Leafpool yanked at his tail again and again.
She grinned before looking up to face the camera and winking. "Thought it was something dirty, didn't you?" she teased, breaking the fourth wall.
"...No. Just...NO. Breaking the fourth wall is MY thing." Pinkie Pie growled, appearing in front of the screen and shaking it. "UNDERSTAND!? OR I'LL TURN YOU ALL INTO CUPCAKES!"
Leafpool shoved her aside. "Calm down; this isn't even your story."
"Pinkie promise?"
Leafpool nodded.
Pinkie nodded back, urging her on. "Pinkie Pie swear?"
Leafpool rolled her eyes before reciting dully, "Cross my heart and hope to fly; stick a cupcake in my eye—" She placed her fist towards her eye, bur forgot to close it. "OW!"
Pinkie Pie cringed slightly. "Just like Twilight..." She blinked before eyeing Leafpool for a moment. "Okie. Dokie. Lokie," she said slowly, backing away with slow steps. Then she smiled brightly and skipped off. "Off to Sugar Cube Corner, off to Sugar Cube Corner~!" she sang cheerfully.
Leafpool rolled her eyes. "Bring back my order of cake!" she reminded the pink party pony.
"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie promised over her shoulder.
Then she turned back to Crowfeather, who'd fallen asleep. She stroked his peaceful face.
...Then she yanked the tail again.
He awoke with a jolt and a yowl, hissing. He instinctively tried to bite her, but couldn't reach.
Leafpool giggled, giving him a kiss on the forehead to calm him down.
He relaxed, and she stroke his ears. He let out a rumbling purr, making Leafpool smile.
But then she tugged at his ears, and he jolted again. He hissed, but then she started petting him again and he relaxed.
"AM I THE ONLY SANE ONE HERE!?" he cried.
"You were on crack just awhile ago," Leafpool reminded him.
"BUT I'M NOT NOW!" he groaned.
"...Then maybe you are," Leafpool admitted. And she yanked his tail again.
He howled. "OWW!"
This went on for awhile until Leafpool transformed back to a cat again.
She sighed, staring at her paws. "It was fun while it lasted...now I'll never think of twolegs the same way ever again."
Just then, a random twoleg walked by.
Leafpool instinctively jumped into a bush and hid, waiting for the twoleg to pass.
When it did, she turned to the screen and shrugged. "What? I guess some things just never change. Ah well, it was nice while it lasted."
Jayfeather appeared beside her, still dressed as 孙悟空*. "I told you it'd only last awhile..."
She nearly jumped out of her fur. "WTFSC Jayfeather; you nearly scared the crap out of me!"
He screwed up his face. "This is no place to make dirt," he commented.
She did a face-palm—no wait,now it was a face-PAW—seeing as she had paws again and not hands.
Jayfeather seemed to vanish then in a poof of smoke. "再见...***"
She blinked, coughing. "Yeah, sure; zai jien...whatever that is..."
Then she heard coughing beside her.
"Dammit that pretty much NEVER works," Jayfeather muttered. Then he DEFINITELY vanished in the second poof of smoke. "再见...***"
"Yeah; okay—zai jien. Jeez."
Just then, Crowfeather pulled her out of the nest.
"Ow!" she cried. "Asajd5 2$#%!" she cursed.
...She actually LITERALLY cursed that...WORD-FOR-WORD.
"...Now it's MY turn to play," Crowfeather said, winking.
Leafpool blinked nervously, swallowing. "Wait...what do you mean—...!?"
A new scream pierced the air, causing irritated birds to squawk AGAIN as they flapped out of their trees AGAIN...and JUST after they had settled back down again too.
"KYAAAA!"
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Stop it!" Leafpool cried, scratching at the blades of grass with tears in her eyes as Crowfeather tugged at her tail again and again.
He smirked before looking up to face the camera and winking. "Thought it was something dirty AGAIN, didn't you?" he teased, breaking the fourth wall.
"Cupcaaaaakes," Pinkie reminded warningly, dropping a packaged cake in front of Leafpool as she randomly appeared from upside-down in the air.
"That was her Pinkie promise swear; not mine," Crowfeather reminded the pink party pony.
"Okie dokie lokie..." she said slowly as she slowly drew back up. "Hurry up," she muttered under her breath.
Crowfeather's ear twitched in amusement. Still tugging at Leafpool's tail, he posted something on Facebook and Twitter...and commented on Leafpool's post from earlier too.
"PULLING LEAFPOOL'S TAIL FOR REVENGE :DD"
He got a lot of likes, follows, comments and all that stuff fairly quickly.
The first one was:
"Squirrelflight: HAHA KEEEWL THAT IS SOO CUTE xDD"
Then the comments just flowed in.
His comment to Leafpool's status (and all the new comments) was pretty much just the same thing...just with a small twist:
"Crowfeather: PULLING LEAFPOOL'S TAIL FOR REVENGE. AND I'MA GET SQUIRRELFLIGHT FOR SUGGESTING IT TOO :DD"
Squirrelflight replied with:
"Squirrelflight: HAHA KEEEWL THAT IS SOO CUTE JUST NOT THE PART OF HAVING REVENGE ON ME xDD"
"Brambleclaw: DON'T WORRY, I'LL PROTECT U!"
"Squirrelflight: Thnx ~33"
"Brackenfur: Y R WE STILL TYPING IN CAPITALS..."
"Crowfeather: WHO CARES Y I DON'T ;P"
"Lionblaze: CUZ CAPS LOCK IS AWESOME CAPS LOCK CAPS LOCK CAPS LOCK CAPS LOCK CAPS LOCK"
And then the comments just kept pouring in...
He grinned, winking at the screen before he continued to play with Leafpool, putting his phone away into a magical, invisible pocket.
Pinkie randomly appeared on screen. "Cupcaaaaakes," she reminds warningly.
*"我是孙悟空!": Here he says "Wo shi Sun Wukong!". This means that he is the "Monkey King". He says "I am Sun Wukong (Monkey King)". Search him up on Wikipedia; here's the link: en. wiki/Sun_Wukong
**"你给我回来!": Here he says "Ni gei wo hui lai!", which means "Come back here!"
***"再见": Zai jien is "good-bye" in Chinese.
Okay, done! Have no idea if that was really actually funny or not, but it was fun...and plus VERY VERY random.
AND there were a LOT of underlined words that my iPod said weren't real (which is true)—and yes, I typed this on my iPod. x3
By putting Pinkie in, this fic just got 20% cooler...too bad I couldn't include Rainbow. *nods, puts shades on* E'yup.
And now...if you review, you get to have your fave warrior cat sing your fave song...and you can take a video of them and post them online! xD
So R&R please! See ya! *waves*
(PS: Forgive me for the long authour's notes...this is just too full of random. ;P)