Hiya everyone! This is my second Bleach parody! If you have already read my other crack fics and liked them, I think you will REALLY enjoy this one. And if you have not read my other parodys yet, maybe you could check them out after you read this one if you like it ;D
I know I put it as Ichigo/Rukia, but it is also Hitsugaya/Hinamori (DUH! It's me! LOL) I just think there is a little more IchiRuki than HitsuHina in this one.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach DX
The Spare Room
"I really wish that you would ask me before you go and do this kind of thing, Matsumoto." Hitsugaya growled.
Rukia and Ichigo had come to Soul Society, for they had been summoned by Yamamoto for a discussion about the frequent appearance of Hollow in Karakura town. They had been popping up more frequently in greater numbers lately and the two Shinigami had talked with the Squad 1 captain earlier that day, but, they had been fighting Hollow all day and in the middle of the meeting, Rukia had nearly collapsed.
So they were offered a room to stay there in Seireitei for the night. The only thing was, there were no spare rooms available in all the 13 division's buildings.
Well, there was one.
There was an unused room in the 10th division's building that was going to be used for new recruits, but they were not expected to show up for some time. So Rangiku, being who she was, had offered the room to the two partners, who had accepted.
Now, in the room right next to his office, Hitsugaya had Kuchiki Rukia and Kurosaki Ichigo as temporary neighbors, for they would return home in the morning.
"Oh, c'mon, taichou! Rukia said that Ichigo had to practice more hand-to-hand combat, so this would be a great time for him to train! And besides, there was nowhere else for them to go, so I just had to offer!" The orange haired fukuutaichou blinked innocently.
"You should have asked me first!" He snapped. Then he sighed. "Just go do your paperwork."
"Hai!" She gave him a salute, and walked over to the piles of papers stacked on his desk. She picked one up and sat down on the couch and Hitsugaya almost fell over.
Wait, she's not actually going to do her paperwork, is she? He stared at his lieutenant for a long moment as she read over the paper. Just then, there was a knock on his door.
"Come in." The white haired boy called, half afraid that it might be Ichigo coming to complain about something.
Thankfully, Hinamori stepped in instead.
"Hello, Hitsugaya-kun." She smiled, closing the door behind her.
"Why are you here?" There was no suspicion or anger in his voice, just curiosity.
"Well I had a few questions for you and thought that I might help you out with your paperwork since Matsumoto-san is probably-" She cut off mid-sentence as she spotted the other lieutenant sitting there, doing paperwork. Hinamori staggered for a moment. "M-M-M-Matsumoto-san! Are you feeling okay?" She asked, disbelievingly.
"Oh! Hi Momo-chan!" Matsumoto just smiled. Hinamori blinked.
"Yeah it was a shock to me too." Hitsugaya agreed with her silent shock.
"Well," Rangiku saw her chance, and took it. "I guess you two want to be alone." She said in a somewhat creepily, seductive voice. "Just don't be too rough with her taichou!" She smirked. The girl in the couple she was implying blinked in unison with the boy.
"MATSUMOTO!!" He roared.
But by the time he had gotten his bearings, she was gone from the room, and the paper she had been holding fell to the floor.
"W-W-What w-w-was s-she t-talking about, Hitsugaya-k-kun?" Hinamori stammered.
"Don't worry about it." He looked away so she could not see his blush and she did the same. "So," He changed the subject as quickly as possible. "What did you want to ask me?" He asked, walking over to his desk and grabbing a foot-tall pile of papers. He sat down on the couch and place the pile on the floor. Hinamori picked up the paper Matsumoto had dropped and sat down beside him.
"Is Kuchiki-san really staying in the room next door?" She asked.
"Yeah," He answered reluctantly. "And so is the idiot." He added in a grumble.
"Oh, Kurosaki-kun is there too? Wow." Her eyes widened. "And don't call him an idiot, Shiro-chan." She nudged him with her elbow.
"He insults me constantly!" He fumed, completely loosing his cool, mature, boy genius face for a second.
"Well you're not the tallest person, Shiro-chan." She giggled.
"Neither is Kuchiki! And neither are you for that matter, you Bed-Wetter!" He fumed.
"Kuchiki-san is taller than you and I'm taller than her. And don't call me that Shiro-chan!'"
"Kuchiki is not taller than me!" He snarled.
"You wanna bet?"
"Yes!"
"Alright then, you're on! What are we betting?"
"Matsumoto." He decided. Hinamori laughed. "Hey I'm serious!" He notified. After the laughter had died away, they proceeded to fill out the paperwork.
"So wait." Hinamori suddenly froze. "Then they're staying in a room, together?!" Her chestnut eyes doubled in size.
"Well yeah." The aqua-eyed boy replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Obviously. I mean there's only one room and…" He trailed off, seeing what she was getting at. "Hey now wait! You've been hanging around Matsumoto too long! Get those perverted thoughts out of you head!" He barked.
Hinamori blinked again.
"Ew! No! I wasn't implying that kind of disgusting thing! You get those perverted thoughts out of your head Shiro-chan! I can't believe you'd go so far as to think that I would think such horrible things!" She flipped out on him.
"W-Wait no! T-That's not what I meant!" He tried to defend himself, but was silenced by her hard stare.
"Anyway," She continued, sounding disgusted. "I was just shocked that they were staying in the same room because I don't think they can handle it." She clarified. "I just think they can be a bit immature sometimes. I'm not sure how they're going to survive the whole night with each other without committing some kind of casualty." She pondered the possibilities of what they would do to each other if one of them lost it or finally snapped.
"Look, I don't see what the big deal is." Hitsugaya shrugged. "They sleep in the same room every night in the Living World, don't they?"
"Yes, but Kuchiki-san sleeps in a closet, on her own mattress. B-B-But n-now, they only have a bed big enough for one so unless they sleep on the same bed together, which, by the way I highly doubt!" She put in, frantically. "One of them would have to sleep on the floor. All in all, you nor anyone else in Squad 10 will be able to sleep tonight." Hinamori told him.
"Stop worrying Bed-Wetter." He sighed, getting back at her for calling him by his pet name earlier. "We can all handle one night without sleep."
Although Hitsugaya said this, his mind could not help but to agree with her, and he knew he had a long night ahead of him. He knew that the Substitute Shinigami and the member of Squad 13 next door would be bickering all through the night. He groaned in his mind.
As Hinamori continued to fill out the papers, her fingers were trembling and her body was shaking and she did not seem to be focused on the papers at all. Hitsugaya tried to ignore the thick aura or worry floating off of her, but after a while he just had to say something to her. "Hinamori!" He finally turned to her and spoke loudly. She jumped.
"W-What?!" She gasped as if they were being attacked.
"Would you please stop worrying about them? They can handle one night alone! They'll be fine!" He practically shouted. Hinamori quivered under his annoyed stare for a moment before straightening up.
"G-Gomen." She stammered an apology. "You're right, Hitsugaya-kun, I'm worrying too much." She admitted.
"Yes, you are." He agreed. "Now stop it and just help me finish Matsumoto's share of paperwork."
After about 10 minutes of silence, reading papers and scribbling signatures, the pile of papers was reduced to a mere fourth of what it once was.
"Alright, that's enough," Hitsugaya threw down his pen onto the desk. "I've tortured you enough with all this work. Go home Bed-Wetter." He yawned playfully. Hinamori stood up with a small smirk of annoyance.
"Bye, Shiro-chan!" She said his pet name loud enough for his next-door visitors hear.
He grimaced at her, but thought himself too mature to make any comebacks. He watched her leave his office and he smiled slightly to himself.
Hinamori shakily slid the door to his office closed behind her.
She turned and began walking down the hallway to her right, which was where the exit was. She passed by Ichigo and Rukia's room with confidence that they could handle one night without killing one another.
But she stopped dead in her tracks when she heard somewhat of an 'oomph!' coming from Rukia.
She had been told a thousand times that eavesdropping was horribly wrong, but her curiosity was just too powerful.
Silently, she crept closer to their door and turned her head so she could hear better.
It seemed that there was a lot of movement going on in there.
"Very good, Ichigo!" Rukia was praising him. "You're an expert at this!"
"Well actually, this is my first time." Ichigo replied, a bit flattered.
"What?! You've never done something as simple as this before?" She asked in disbelief.
"No I haven't."
"Well then, I guess we'll have to practice some more." Rukia decided.
Hinamori heard sheets ruffle and the bed creak and she almost stopped breathing.
W-W-What in the world are they doing in there?! Her mind raced with questions and then filled with potential answers. Finally, her mind came to rest upon one possible option above all others, the one Hinamori had feared the most, and simply could not believe. No! They can't be…doing that!! …Could they? She knew that she should leave her place by the door, but she was determined to find out if that was what they were truly doing in there.
"Come on!" Rukia was breathing heavily now. "Is that all you've got?" She panted mockingly, but encouragingly,
"Rukia, you haven't seen anything yet." The Substitute Shinigami responded.
There was a very brief moment of silence, and Hinamori hoped that she had not been found out, for her heart was thumping so quickly she thought Hitsugaya would be able to hear it from inside his office. But then Rukia spoke again, signaling that the lieutenant had not been detected.
"No Ichigo!" She groaned. "You have to do it harder!" She told him. "Doing it like that isn't going to get you anywhere!"
"Like this?"
Another moment of muffled silence.
"No! Harder! That won't do you any good at all, especially when you really need to use it."
Hinamori's heart was in her throat.
"Fine." Ichigo's answer came a few seconds later. "I'll try it again." After another moment, Rukia began to gasp for breath again. "There." Ichigo sounded like he was smirking. "Was that hard enough for ya?"
"That was amazing Ichigo! Perfect! You learn quickly when it comes to this kind of thing! I can't believe this is your first time!" She panted approvingly.
At this point Hinamori was about to turn around and run. Her heart was racing so quickly and beating so loudly that she knew that sooner or later someone would hear it. But as she turned to run she crashed into someone.
"Hitsugaya-kun!" She gasped in a whisper.
"Hinamori!" He whispered back. "What the Hell is going on?" He placed a hand on each of her violently shaking shoulders. She did not speak for a moment; she could hardly even hear what he had said, for the pulsing in her ears was far too loud. She took several deep breaths before she could respond.
"H-H-Hitsugaya-kun… K-Kuchiki-san a-and Kurosaki-kun are…t-they're… t-they…" Words failed her as she lifted a trembling finger and pointed to their door.
"What?!" The white haired boy hissed. He could see the look of pure distress on her face and could feel her heart where it beat frantically under his palm.
What's so bad that's got her all worked up like this? He wondered.
Just then his thoughts were cut off and he and Hinamori whipped around to face the door.
There was a creaking coming from the bed and then there was a loud 'thump' as someone's body hit the floor.
"Ouch!" Rukia mumbled.
"Oh, sorry Rukia! Are you okay?" Ichigo asked.
"That was great Ichigo!" She applauded. "Here, let's try again." She wheezed.
The taichou and fukuutaichou outside listened quietly at first, but then Hitsugaya burst.
"What the Hell are they doing in there?!" He exploded in a whisper.
"I-I-I-I d-d-don't k-know, Hitsugaya-k-kun!" She answered in a panic. "It's been like that ever since I went to leave your office." She told him under her breath.
"I come out to go for a walk and this is what I get?!" He roared silently. "I'm going to put a stop to this." He decided, straightening up.
He strode forward towards the door but Hinamori grabbed his arm and squeezed tightly.
"No! Hitsugaya-kun don't!" She tried to restrain him as he pulled away.
"Let go! Listen I will not have this perverted nonsense going on in my division's building!" He pulled his arm away.
"B-B-But, Hitsugaya-kun-!" Hinamori grasped his hand.
"What?!" He turned on her.
"Y-Y-You c-can't just barge in on them!" She cried softly.
He froze for a moment, and all anger faded from him and he blinked. She's right! I can't just go in there while they're-
His thoughts were cut off by more muffled noises. At first there was a series of gasping and puffing, mostly coming from Rukia.
"That's it Ichigo! You've got it!" She huffed.
"Really?" He asked in disbelief. "Wait, let's try again." After another moment, there was a stifled 'oomph!', the second one to come from Rukia this night. Then there was another thump as someone hit the ground again.
"Ow!" Rukia seemed to be speaking through gritted teeth.
"Rukia! I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" Asked the orange haired boy.
"Yeah," She gasped deeply. "That was really good Ichigo!" She praised through her pain. "Ouch…"
"Hey are you sure you're okay?" Panic seemed to lace his voice.
"I think I'm bleeding." Rukia replied.
"THAT'S IT!" Hitsugaya bellowed with unrelenting fury, squeezing his eyes shut as he broke through the door, Hinamori clutching at his arm, trying to pull him back. "KUCHIKI! KUROSAKI! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW BEFORE I THROW YOU BOTH OUT!!" He roared with his eyes still closed for fear of what he may see.
He could feel Hinamori beside him, grasping his arm and breathing unnaturally fast.
Rukia and Ichigo both looked up.
"H-Hitsugaya taichou! Hinamori fukuutaichou!" Came Rukia's respectful voice. "G-Gomenasai, are we doing something wrong?" She sounded scared.
"Seriously, Toshiro!" Was Ichigo's rude remark. "What'd we do?"
"I think we might have been too loud." Rukia guessed sounding embarrassed.
"Oh come on! How loud could we have been?" Ichigo fumed. "As loud as anybody is when they're practicing hand-to-hand combat!"
"H-Hand-to-hand combat?!" Hitsugaya and Hinamori blinked their eyes open at the same time to see Ichigo and Rukia, fully dressed in their shihakushou. Rukia was lying on the ground, and had been pushing herself up when Hitsugaya had burst in. A trickle of scarlet flowed from her mouth. Ichigo's right hand was stretched out and balled into a fist and it was obvious that he had just punched her.
"Yes." Rukia told the shocked couple. "Hand-to-hand combat. I told Matsumoto fukuutaichou that we would be practicing, didn't she tell you?" The girl asked.
Hitsugaya opened his mouth to respond, but was silent for a moment as he tried to remember his previous talk with his lieutenant. Then, he closed his mouth and Hinamori's fingers slowly unlatched from his arm.
Ichigo offered Rukia his outstretched hand and pulled her up.
"You really were very good at this for your first time Ichigo." She repeated. "You're so used to just using your Zanpakutou all the time, you've got to be prepared for a day when you'll fight someone without weapons."
"I learned a few moves from when I was little and trained with Tatsuki, but I've pretty much forgotten all of that." He confessed. "Thanks for teaching me some more stuff, Rukia."
"But remember, no pansy punches!" She reminded him of something that Hitsugaya and Hinamori had missed. "You have to hit hard!" She told him, wiping the blood away from her mouth.
Hitsugaya still could not believe what had happened.
Hinamori glanced around the room. The bed's sheets were ruffled, but Hinamori now understood that during their practice fight, Rukia must had jumped onto the bed to dodge one of Ichigo's attacks. Slowly her heartbeat returned to normal and her breathing slowed.
"So," Rukia walked over to the shaken lieutenant. "Do we have to leave because we were too loud?" The raven-haired girl asked in dismay, her violet eyes flicking down to the floor. Hinamori nudged Hitsugaya for him to answer, since it was his building. Rukia looked expectantly at the boy, awaiting his answer.
Finally, he shook himself and replied.
"No, you two can stay for the night, as planned." He decided. Rukia bowed respectfully and thanked him, while Ichigo just nodded.
"There's just one thing I don't get," the amber-eyed boy said. "Why did you just come in here and start shouting at us like that? What did you think we were doing?" He tilted his head to one side.
"Nothing." The aqua-eyed boy shook his head to dismiss the topic.
"Whatever." The taller boy shrugged. Next, Rukia offered to sleep on the floor for the night, and the suspicions died away.
Then Hinamori recalled something and spoke for the first time in the presence of the other two Shinigami.
"I just remembered something!" She announced, mostly to Hitsugaya. "Wait here!" And with that she had dashed off, back to his office and had returned seconds later with a pen in her hand.
"Move back, Toshiro!" Hinamori commanded, pushing him against the wall.
When he was finally standing straight, she marked the wall with a small dot just above his head.
"Yosh! Kuchiki-san, your turn." She declared as Hitsugaya moved out of the way. Rukia stood in his place and Hinamori carefully measured her.
Then, all four of them stepped back to look at the results.
The mark that indicated Hitsugaya's height was much lower than Rukia's.
"Haha!" Hinamori laughed, tauntingly.
"No way!!" He howled at her. "There is no way Kuchiki is taller than me!"
"What you don't believe me? Here stand back to back." She put one hand on Rukia's shoulder and the other on his and positioned them so that they were back to back.
"And I thought Rukia was a midget!" Ichigo guffawed.
"KUROSAKI!" Hitsugaya shouted like he would shout at his lieutenant. He lunged at the taller boy, and it took all of Hinamori's strength to hold him back. When he had finally cooled off, he sighed.
"Well, its not like it's my loss or anything. Now you get Matsumoto." He waved his hand and Hinamori.
"No, you lost Shiro-chan, you have to keep her!" She giggled. They had never decided if the winner or the looser would 'win'Rangiku, but Hitsugaya cursed himself for not suggesting that the winner would be responsible for her. "See Hitsugaya-kun, I was right, Kuchiki-san is taller than you and I'm taller than her." She grinned.
"Well you all look pretty damn short to me!" Ichigo chuckled.
After a long while of bickering and squabbles, Hitsugaya decided to retreat to his quarters for the night, as did Hinamori.
The girls wished everyone good night, but the boys only said good night to the girl they were coupled with.
And sadly, thus concludes the story of The Spare Room.
A/N: Sorry its over! Lol, I personally liked this one. Do NOT try this at home! Only train with hand-to-hand combat if you are not going to say things that may sound perverted XD
Was any part of it confusing? Any questions? Spelling/grammar mistaked? Ask, tell me, I will fix it or explain to you :3
Hope you liked it!
Please review!!