The question kept buzzing in my head. How had it all gone so wrong?
Maybe it was after Hunk vanished or Keith?
All I knew was Lance and I were all that was left. They all went the same way as Shiro, we fought a tough battle and came out with one less Paladin and no reason why. One minute they were in the black lion and the next poof.
I do everything to keep myself busy and focused. At the moment I was repairing Blues claws, they had been torn a bit.
We were hidden out in a cave on some planet hoping it was enough. It was never enough.
I was getting frustrated, I was good with computers not repairs. But Lance was useless at this so he was in charge of scouting and supplies. I really missed Hunk.
I pulled my hair back into a bun to help me focus.
"So how much longer will you be with those repairs?" Lance asked tugging on a strand of loose hair startling me from my thoughts.
"Not to much longer." I said, my sentences were shorter now.
"Okay and what do we do after?" He said, I slapped his hand away.
"You're kidding right?" I replied. His expression said he most definitely wasn't. I sighed and turned away.
Of course he was still thinking of fighting, Lance was never one to give up. I had once found that admirable but now it's grating.
"We leave, find a new place to hole up, or hell we jus-just keep fucking going. I haven't worked out all the details yet." I snapped.
"Without the Castle of Lions we aren't going to get far." He said.
"Well whose fault is it that we no longer have the Castle of Lions?" I turned to him and immediately regretted my words.
His face tightened and he looked hurt.
He sighed.
He shuffled off and kicked some of the rocks in the cave. We had been holed up here for who knows how long. I knew this isolation was hard for him, for both of us.
I just turned back to the blue lion and continued my repairs.
"It's not like I wanted to kill him." Lance spoke taking me out of my focus, his voice shook," Coran... h-he just."
I looked at him and saw the tears brewing.
"I didn't know that if I shot that fucking Galra they would do the same okay, I didn't want Allura to hate me, I didn't want him dead." He began to choke through his sobs.
I tried to get back to the repairs but found my glasses were misty and my vision blurry. I gave up and put down the wrench.
Coran had become a father to all of the paladins, his death weighed the most so far because he was the only one we knew was actually dead, not just missing.
But Lance hadn't heard, he didn't know until after the battle was over and Hunk was gone and he came over happy. How could he have known. He should have known.
Then he saw both of us, Allura and I, covered in his blood. She never forgave him.
"Lets just focus on leaving before we get found again." I said trying to change the subject. I tried working again.
"Why can't we just go and find another group of rebels and join them?" He asked. I laughed darkly.
"Have you forgotten what I did to The Blade of Marmora, I'm the reason a nearly ten-thousand year old group was obliterated." I threw my wrench down and stood up, my lips were dry and my hands shook.
I tried to walk deeper into the cave to be alone but Lance stopped me. He pulled me into a tight hug. I begged him to let me go but I refused to struggle. So we stood there quietly crying about our mistakes. The wrong moves the miscalculations. They were our fault, there were the universes fault.
We could never get rid of them, but we had to move on.
How shitty of me to get mad at Lance when I had lost him so much. Why didn't he fucking hate me? How could he look at me and not want to run away like Allura or had he just given up. Why didn't I hate him for killing Coran, but he didn't and yet it was his fault. I hate him, I can't hate him.
I knew he wouldn't go off on his own just like he knew I wouldn't do the same. We needed each other and losing that would destroy us completely.
"I was thinking." I mumbled into his ragged shirt. He had somehow managed to keep his old clothes, I wasn't so lucky. "If we just keep going and going one day we would reach a place that they wouldn't find us. We could just grow old and die."
"You and I both know that wouldn't work. How many have tried and how many made it? The only way is to fight" He said stroking my green hair.
I pushed away, once again mad. This seemed to be a thing now, silence then anger and sadness and silence then anger and sadness. Around and around went the cycle never to cease or change. Even fear was barely rendered.
We had attempted to disguise ourselves a bit so I had changed my hair to green, ironic really, and grown it out to my shoulders. Lance had tried he same only his hair was now black and just barely past his ears. I knew why it was black, to match some one he had deeply loved, someone he lost. He never said but we knew. He missed Keith the most, I think.
"The only remaining fighters are slowly dying off and there is no reason for us to be next." I said not even looking at him.
He took a deep breath and started, "For fucks sake pidge we are the defenders of the uni-"
I turned back, both our faces were red and angry, " Were, we were the defenders but not anymore. We can barely keep our shitty selves alive much less the whole god damn galaxy! We couldn't save Coran, we can't fucking find Allura. We can't even form voltron because Shiro and Hunk and Keith are gone doing god knows what!"
I saw him flinch at every name the same way I did.
There was a pattern as to who vanished. Shiro went and then Keith and Hunk. Each was in the black lion and each had been weakened from battle.
Hunk had asked Lance to take over should he vanish too, but Lance refused the black lion.
After Coran died Allura had ditched us with our lions and left to grieve, we waited but she never came back. We stopped waiting, we stopped hoping.
I hate her, but I miss her. I can't hate her, it's hard to keep missing so much.
Lance thought she had joined prince Lotor's army, I was certain she died.
I looked at him, the scar under his right eye. A scar I knew I had caused. I wanted to run away, but I couldn't leave him alone, I couldn't leave me alone.
I was covered in scars from various battles and falls, none of them were his fault. All of his were mine.
I sat back down and finished with the blue lions repairs.
"There", I said quietly,"she's good to go."
The lions didn't try to fix themselves as much anymore, I knew they were hurting because they missed the others. We all did.
I went and laid down against my lion. I looked at the stars to see how full the sky was. All I saw was how incredibly lonely the sky was.
I guess I had dozed off because the next thing I know a hand is clamped over my mouth and I am crouching behind a boulder.
"Shhhhh" a voice, Lance, hissed at me.
I listen to him and waiter, that's when the footsteps met my ears.
The mutterings of someone looking for us. The sound of our lions being inspected.
I caught a glimpse of purple ears and knew the Galra had found us.
We made eye contact, we nodded.
This was a unspoken agreement on our next course of action.
I pulled out my bayard and Lance did the same. I went right, he went left.
I came around and took out a sentry. Clank, bang.
It was almost completely synchronized as the two fell. We then ran to our lions amid the shouts to surrender and the sudden blasting.
"Pidge turn on your cloaking device and lets go." Lance yelled through his comm. I missed my paladin uniform it had made things so much easier.
We had accounted for a number of ships to be around us. We had expected to be found. What we didn't expect was the giant fucking war ship that waited outside.
"Why is there a giant fucking war ship outside?" I yelled.
My lips were still dry.
Being invisible meant that I could be stealthy. I saw Lance get surrounded by smaller drone ships. He was outnumbered.
Bang, static, boom.
I was unable to get to him without revealing my location.
"Don't reveal yourself!" He yelled at me. I listened because he was supposed to be the leader now right? He had refused the black lion but still acted like a leader in battle. What else could I have done?
"You know it should have been you all along." Lance said through the speakers. Static, boom.
"What are you saying?" I cried, not you too.
Boom, static.
"Keith wanted you to take over, but god you were so young. Only fourteen, he wanted to spare you the pain so he asked Hunk. We didn't think Hunk would take it but he did. He did so well." He replied. Lance's voice shook as he spoke. My lips were cracked now.
"Well look at me I'm sixteen and I've felt so much more pain than any of you wanted, my birthday was last week or so." My voice shook, I knew what would happen. My face wasn't dry.
"J-just don't you ever fucking give up this fight okay, there are a lot of people who need you." He said.
"I need you," I cried. Please don't go.
"I don't think I have control over that right now. Your the next leader Pidge, enjoy." His voice was getting faint.
"Nonono you're not going too. I won't let you!" I nearly yelled the last part as I chocked back a sob. Another shot came his way and he dodged. Static, boom.
Lance laughed softly and started to mumble the first lines of Happy Birthday entirely in Spanish.
Why hadn't I just tried to install a cloaking device on his lion? I was an idiot.
Boom, static, silence.
The blue lion floated freely. The green lion had already left, no point checking. The pattern was broken, as was I.
The Galra stayed in the area looking for me. I couldn't get his lion.
I was alone, I needed someone. I can't do this alone.
Allura I need you right now.
I searched and searched for the castles force. She's not dead, I can't bear her being gone too.
A small light, beep, beep.
There she is. I let out a small smile. Maybe I could convince her to let me in. I sped towards to coordinates, keeping stealth mode on the entire time.
It took seconds, minutes, hours to find the ship. Hidden away on a long forgotten planet covered in vines and foliage.
Laying on its side, waiting. Something inside me stirred, welcome home it seemed to cry no matter how desolate it looked. My cheeks were wet, my lips still cracked and dry.
After landing my lion I began looking for a way in. The vents I had once been able to crawl through with ease were all shut. The main doors were locked. The only opening was a crack in one of the hangers, Keith's hanger. I got back in and sat it next to Red. I felt Green calm instantly.
Breathe in, out. My lips hurt.
Silently I made my way through the castle, looking for a sign of life. Dust coated everything.
So many memories plagued me. Hunk was in the kitchen and Keith was on the training deck. Shiro was in the control room and Lance was in the pool. Coran was everywhere.
There was no power.
It was dark and suddenly home felt like a morbid thing. Like all the memories were sour and rotten.
The cryo-pods were running.
My heart beat in my throat, was Allura hurt? Or was it some one else? I looked at the settings for the pods and saw it wasn't on heal mode, just sleep mode.
Some one was waiting. Why was she waiting?
I looked through the glass and saw her, peacefully sleeping just like the day I met her. Did she think a new group of paladins would come to her?
The off button was waiting for my touch to let her out. Mist filled the room for a second and Allura stumbled out, dazed. Did she want to wait longer?
"Wh-what happened?" She asks blinking slowly and not even looking at me.
"I could ask you the same, what were you doing on sleep mode?" I asked loudly, trying to get her to focus. Look at me!
"I-i was looking for Lance and Pidge when..." she muttered. She finally started to focus and she seemed to recognize me. "Pidge is that you?"
I huff a bit, she left us. Why don't I hate her?
"Yo-your hair. I like it." She smiled a bit. "Wait, how long has it been?"
"Six almost seven months." I state crossing my arms. Her eyes widen in horror.
"Where is Lance? Why was I out for so long?" She says panic was clearly setting in. I don't answer, my lips still hurt.
She walks out of the pod and grabs my arm. "Pidge where is he?"
"Gone." I whisper, not looking at her.
"But the black lion is here how..." she trailed off.
I just shrugged and walked away, I sat on the steps and put my chin on my hand.
"After you ditched us we waited for maybe a week, but you never came back. I-we assumed you were dead or just hated us. Lance actually was convinced you joined Lotor. We were on our own for a while and just a few hours ago we were attacked by this huge ass battle ship, he just vanished. The chain broke so i don't know what to do. I thought you of all people would help." I said angrily this time staring her down, challenging her to fight back.
She looked dejected. Allura sat next to me, not even bothering to try and comfort me.
"I won't deny what I did was wrong, selfish. I had decided to give Coran a proper burial the Altean way. I didn't think about how you would have wanted to be there too. I was to angry. But I had every intention of coming back, I should have said so." She sighed.
We just sat quietly, pondering the situation.
"Two years, that's how long Shiro has been gone. One since Keith and six months since Hunk. Only a few hours for Lance." I counted off.
"The space is getting shorter, who or what ever is making the paladins vanish is getting quicker." Allura stated.
"Why exactly were you in the pod on sleep mode." I asked turning to look at her. A mutual shiver ran down our spines and we both stood and raced to the main control room.
Allura started up the ship, whatever had happened could have been on the ship now or maybe it was on this planet. What ever the case we both knew being in space would make us feel better.
It took a bit but Allura was able to start up the ship and pull it from the foliage.
We raced up breaking through the planets atmosphere, any remaining greenery was quickly destroyed by the vacuum of space. We stayed quiet. I licked my lips.
Nothing appeared down the hall, no one came to see why the ship was moving. Maybe we were safe.
Not likely. After about ten minutes of travel the giant fucking warship from before appeared in front of us.
I felt sick.
They began blasting and it was all Allura could do to keep the particle barrier up. Boom, bang, boom.
A sensation swept through me, like I was watching rather than experiencing.
I saw blue just floating like they had wormholed straight from the planet., the only lion they had taken from us. Determination filled me and I ran to my chute, ready to fight.
"What are you doing?" Allura called.
"I'm getting blue." I replied.
I was about to go down when I remembered, my lion was in Keith's hanger. Correcting my mistake I made my way down to Green.
She purred to life, more energetic than I had seen in a while. She missed her friends.
With stealth mode on I glided by, ready to retrieve the lion.
Allura drew the fire as best she could while I began to drag blue away from the ship.
They were waiting for this, dozens of ships raced out and attacked me. Acting reflexively I shot them down, I used my bayard and reduced most of the ships to vines.
The few that remained were distracted by Alluras attack.
With in moments I was back in the hanger.
"Allura lets..." I began, the out-of-body feeling became more focused. It was happening to me too.
"Pidge, Pidge are you all right?" She called.
"Heh guess the paladin line needs some renewing princess." I said, my head was fuzzy and my lips didn't hurt any more.
"Pidge, Pidge no. Not you too." Allura shrieked.
Funny, I thought, that's what I told Lance.
************
I had lied to Lance, Allura, myself.
I had watched him die, I saw Coran die. I had seen the shot hit his head and watched his blood and brains shoot out. That's when I gave up hope for victory, after all if something as ruthless as that could be done there was no winning.
I was to busy fretting about my plan, to beam the Galra main fleet directly into a star.
Hunk and Lance had liberated all of the prisoners before hand and we were caught in a fire fight.
The big problem? The only star we could find that was close enough and big enough was where our planet, Earth, orbited.
This would be tricky. The Galra could not have even a second to think.
After going over the variables I knew it was risky. The Blade or Marmora was dead set on it, what was a few billion Earth lives to the liberation of the universe?
Coran and I were readjusting the telledove lenses when the castle was infiltrated. They made it to us quickly.
Coran had hidden me behind the control panel. They would have killed me on sight. I had no weapon. I couldn't fight.
They subdued him and called up the princess, I saw her pale.
I heard them order no Galra deaths or else. I never knew why it was so important. The Galra had never cared much for life.
Lance didn't hear this, he and Hunk had gotten back and Lance had killed the first soldier he saw.
It took less than a second for them to fire. I bit my hand to keep from screaming, I tasted blood. My lips were dry.
They left the room and I just stood there in horror; waiting for them to come back, to find me. They never came back.
I walked shakily over to him and collapsed by his side, his head on my lap. A man who had taken us in, treated like family, was gone.
Allura came in and saw me, no words were exchanged, I barely spared her a glance. We switched spots, his head was being cradled by her lap I was standing off to the side.
"Hey I think we got them all, everything seems fin-" Lance began entering the room. Hunk wasn't with him.
Allura glared at him. She began to shout, I didn't take any of it in.
She went in for so long, tears were shed, my lips were still dry.
We later found out Hunk was gone, same as the others. It was then that the final straw was revealed. All because of that stupid plan our solar system, our families, were destroyed. The Galra had unleashed the canon, not even Kerberos survived. All that was left was bits of rock and a black hole where the sun was.
I couldn't breath, I couldn't look at them. How could they not blame me for what happened? Why didn't Allura just yell at me too?
The Blade of Marmora was gone, all my fault.
"Go to your lions, I will drop you off on a near by planet." Allura said, we didn't try to argue.
I turned and looked at the black lions entrance, who would lead?
"I'm not taking over." Lance had said miserably. Lance then begged me not to take over the black lion because he thought, no he knew, the disappearances and the lion were connected and so I listened. We just went to Blue and Green.
We didn't stay at that planet long, the Galra were fast. Words were slow.
************
My uniform. It was right there, waiting. Folded neatly. I discarded my old clothes in favor of my amazing green paladin uniform.
I looked around, everything was fuzzy, like fog.
Where am I?
"Hello?" I call out meekly."Allura?"
I knew she wouldn't answer. Why didn't she answer?
"...idge" a voice called, fading in and out.
I ran, was it to the left? The right? Up or down?
I went straight, I went in circles.
"Hello, who's there!" I called out. A shadow began to appear. I stopped then, could I trust it?
"Pid..." the voice faded in and out again.
It came towards me, it was tall and lanky. It was wearing paladin armor.
"Lance?" I called out. The figure began running towards me.
The next thing I know I am wrapped in a familiar embrace, the wind knocked out of me.
I was crying, so was he.
"They got you too, holy shit." He sobbed. "How long has it been?"
"It's only been a few hours, Lance I-" I cut off as a sob wracked me. How could I tell him I went to Allura? "Lance if your here then..."
He pulled out of my grasp and spun me around. Three figures were approaching. I was running so fast my breath was ragged and painful but I didn't care.
I threw myself at Shiro and Hunk and Keith. They were here. We were all emotional, we were all crying. Our family was together again.
"It's been a while huh?" Said Shiro pulling away. I let out a laugh while wiping my eyes.
"You've changed your hair." Keith said, always one to point out the obvious.
"It was a disguise, Lance did the same." I said turning to him. I noticed he couldn't look Keith in the eyes.
I was so happy, I refused to think about anything besides how I missed Hunks hugs, Keith's smile, Shiros voice. I had even missed Lances laugh in those quiet hours.
"Who's going to control Voltron now?" Hunk asks bringing us back to reality.
The mood darkens a bit, the question was true and heavy. I then remembered.
"Allura, she's under attack!" I said startling everyone, Lance looks surprised. "The castle, I don't know what happened but when I left... the shields were weak."
My mind thinks of all the ugly possibilities, all the different ways for her to die. Would she go like Coran? Thinking there was still a chance to fight.
Or would she die like The Blade of Marmora, hopeless. My lips started to tingle.
"It like the astral plane I once fought Zarkon on," Shiro said,"The only way to get out is with power, quintessence. I've never had enough, but maybe all five of us could get out together?"
It seemed like a long shot, almost to easy, like a cop out for a lazy writer. But this was the only idea we could think of.
We stood in an oval, Shiro at the head between Keith and I. Lance and Hunk were at the end.
Together we focused, willing our very life force to disperse and open a way home.
"Where ever we end up, just try to come back okay?" Hunk said, his voice faint. I opened my eyes, we were all fading. I prickle of fear hit my stomach, until I felt a familiar warm presence, something I hadn't realized was gone.
Green's joy filled my being, her paladin was coming back.
My legs buckled underneath me, and I found myself in the cockpit of the green lion.
The sound of cheering greeted my ears, but nothing else came to me. I ran out and began to search for the Altean.
"Allura, where are you." I yelled, throwing all caution to the winds.
Even the sounds of fighting don't reach me.
The others join in, I eventually get to the main control room. The huddled figure of a girl is on the ground, completely unconscious.
"Guys I found her, in the main control room." I say over the Comm system. Her earrings light up with my voice.
"Hey wake up Allura. Are you okay?" I say shaking her and taking her vitals. She groans softly and opens her eyes.
"Pidge, you're back." She states, "It has only been an hour, you are pretty fast huh?"
I laugh a little. "Well I had to go get a few things."
As the words leave my lips the other appear at the door, another group hug ensues. More tears are shed. Allura explains to me that after I vanished she used the last of her energy to transport away from the Galra ship. Hunk, Keith, and Shiro explain how cramped it was to appear in the same lion.
Lance and I laughed, both having appeared in our own.
"Where's Coran?" Hunk asks after a moment of joy.
Lance, the princess, and I all look at each other, he had gone before it happened. Lances expression is tight and there is a fire in Alluras eyes.
"The Galra... they..." I try to say, it hurts to much. My lips hurt like hell.
"The Galra killed him shortly before Hunk vanished. This was almost six months ago." Allura interrupts, Lance visibly relaxes, she doesn't hate him.
"Those mother fuckers." Keith says.
"That's not all." I say, my head bent. How can I look them in the eyes. I explain how the mission to destroy the Galra forever went so wrong. I tell them how my plan, my doing, killed everyone on earth.
I feel no anger, Hunk is apprehensive though.
Keith seems uncomfortable.
Shiro has no visible emotion.
Lance is calm, having know this for a long time.
"To the Galra Earth was a drop in the ocean of death. We need to stop them in their tracks. No matter what happens we can never give up." Shiro says. I look at him, purpose blazes forth.
Everyone seems in agreement.
Our family is together, more or less. With that in our minds we know we can do anything.
It's funny, suddenly my lips feel less dry.