The Ballad of Jeremy Jones

by NoYouCan'tHaveACookie

I knew I was falling behind. It feels like it's been years since I've captured the intelligence. I was told it was only weeks. But in this business, weeks are practically as long as years. I don't know what happened to me to cause me to start failing, but my team couldn't stand it. Their solution was to "upgrade" me. I wish I knew what I was getting into.

Hello All! This is my first Team Fortress 2 fanfic so I apologize for any OOC-ness or incorrect information. This is also the first fanfic I've written for awhile so I'm trying to get back into the groove. Thank you for reading this, it means a lot to me. And I disclaim that I don't own anything. Thanks~

The Ballad of Jeremy Jones

Inspired by the song The Ballad of Barry Allen by Jim's Big Ego

Story written by NoYouCan'tHaveACookie

Prologue

It was the 15th of July in Teufort, which is in New Mexico. So it was extremely hot. I knew my team was watching me; I've been on a losing streak for the past week. Even the Administrator seemed to be keeping a closer eye on me than usual. Being on RED, I was expected to be the number one Scout. Except every time I ran into the BLU Scout, I was the one walking out of Respawn. He wouldn't shut up about it either. "I am the Scout here!"

It seemed every time I tried to get the BLU briefcase, Pyro would air blast me away, or I'd get shredded by a level three sentry, or I'd get sticky bombed to high Heaven. Nothing I did was good enough, and I was never fast enough. I started to lose my cocky attitude and any trace of my once bright smile was completely gone. Engie even came to me to see if there was anything going on in my life that put me into this depression. I just shrugged him off and told him I'd get over it in a week. I didn't.

But I was determined to make that day different. I made sure my Force-A-Nature was full and I had extra ammo packs in my bag. I got my good ol' Aluminum Bat stored in there along with several cans of Bonk! Atomic Punch. Pyro, who seemed to be my only real friend in this base, noticed my change in attitude. "Mmmr dmmph bmmmr?" (You're doing better?) I nodded, putting a long lost confident smile on my face. "I'm gonna fix this freakin' jinx I somehow put myself in." The Pyro seemed to smile at me from under her mask. Yes, she told me her true gender, but after I promised not to tell anyone else.

When I heard the starting sound, I sprinted out of the Respawn room, my gun at the ready. I double jumped onto the roof of the bridge between our two bases. The BLU Scout did the same. I fired off two powerful shots, expecting to hit the small target. Big surprise, I missed both of them. The enemy chuckled and brought out his Boston Basher. Before I could blink, I felt an excruciating pain rip through my cheek and I was falling. I found myself on the ground by our base, blood dripping down my chin. I brought up a hand to feel the horrible gash. I winced and looked up when I heard a gun being cocked.

I was staring down the barrel of a Baby Face Blaster. "How long does it take to beat a moron to death? Agh, too late: You're dead." A deafening gun shot was the last thing I heard before being revived in the white room. I sighed in defeat when I realized I had lost again. I shook my head in an attempt to gain back my positivity I had before the match. "The enemy has taken our Intelligence." It was probably the jerk face that had just killed me. Maybe I can redeem myself if I can stop him. With a new determination in my heart, I set off to find Chucklenuts.

I took the long hallway that led to the Intel room, hoping to bump into Chucklenuts on the way. For once, something went my way, as I ran face first into him, our briefcase spilling classified papers everywhere. I hastily got up and pointed my gun at his face, "Say your prayers, Chuckle-" I was interrupted by a sudden stabbing pain in my back. I instantly blacked out and reawaked back at Respawn. It took me a few moments to realize I had been back stabbed by the man that sleeps with my mom. I shuddered at the thought and readied my gun to blow out Spy's brains.

I looked outside and saw Chucklenuts running across the bridge with our Intel. I started to follow when I saw him get sniped. Thank goodness the rest of our team wasn't doing as bad as me. I hoped Engie was making a nice Sentry nest in the Intel room so no BLU guys could get in as easy. I dashed out to our dropped Intelligence and stood next to our Pyro, who was guarding it with her life. Every time a BLU guy showed his face, she either burned them alive, or compression blasted them away. I had my bat out to keep Spy away. Cause at that moment, the BLU spy appeared out of thin air and had his butterfly knife raised to murder my friend.

"Spy!" I shouted and swung my bat at his head. My shout alerted him so he dodged my swing. /D*mn it, I'm really out of it./ At least Pyro turned around to roast the French rat before he could do any damage. She mumbled thanks at me. I nodded and smiled when our briefcase disappeared to go back to our base. But before I could celebrate, my head exploded from a head shot. When I walked out of the Respawn room, I groaned out loud, "I HATE Snipers!" Engie followed after me, muttering something about a Spy sapping his sentry. Sh*t.

I ran with all my might down to our Intel room, knowing that sneaky son of a b*tch was about to steal our briefcase. Before I could make it, the announcement of our intelligence being taken echoed around the base. I decided to take a shortcut through the sewers to get to their base. Thankfully, no BLU's were down there. I rushed up the blue painted stairs, trying not to be noticed by the BLU Heavy/Medic duo standing near the front. I snuck by, as quiet as I could, and started towards their Intel room. My plan was to cut off the sneaky b*stard and nab their Intelligence at the same time.

Of course, the plan was delayed when I heard the telltale beeping of a BLU sentry. I stood behind a wall and peaked around it. I ducked just in time as 20 bullets came rushing towards my face, narrowly missing their target. I shuffled out a Crit-a-Cola. I smirked as I downed the purple can. I put my gun around the wall and started firing at it. When I heard the successful explosion, I cheered. "Yes!" A French accent brought me out of my happiness, "I wouldn't cheer just yet." I looked up to see Spy running with our Intel strapped to his back. He wasn't getting away this time.

I started off towards him, but I wasn't feeling all that great after the effect of my soda wore off. I tried to shake my head clear of the sugar crash, but it wasn't working. I seemed to be slowing down as we ran in slow motion. Spy was getting closer to the desk with every second. I tried to muster up all my speed in one more sprint, but I couldn't do it. He successfully captured our Intel. This round was a one capture win so our team lost. We lost because I wasn't fast enough. I entered their Intel room and Spy turned around; his smirk cold and cruel. He lifted up his revolver and shot me in the stomach. As I fell to the cold floor, I heard him cheerfully say, "I'm off to visit your Mother!"

I glared up at him, "Go to Hell." He waved good bye and darkness surrounded me once more. I woke up yet again in the white room with the rest of my teammates who got insta-killed at the end. I couldn't even look any of them in the eye. That was until I felt strong hands grab my collar and lift me against a wall, "Scout! What the hell was wrong with you out there?!" Soldier was glaring at me through his helmet and I was too shocked to say anything. "Speak, d*mn it!" I opened my mouth, but no words came out- no clever response or witty comeback. Spy spoke up, "You did get a lot, Boy. It was your worst round this whole week." Soldier dropped me after hearing Spy's blunt comment.

I looked down in shame until I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I looked up see Engie looking down at me through his thick, dark goggles. "I may have a solution, Son. Come on." He beckoned me to follow him. I did so, as did Pyro. I'm glad she always stood with me. And I was happy to get away from everyone's judgmental stares and glares. I gulped silently as I followed our Engineer out of Respawn.

He glanced back at me, "I've been working on a little something that should fix your problem. The Administrator is the one who gave me the idea, actually, so don't worry about this being illegal or anything." I nervously glanced at Pyro, who shrugged at me in response. I guess she doesn't know anything about this either. When we got to Engie's lab, he gestured to a chair for me to sit in. He sat in front of me and took off his iconic hardhat. "What I've got planned, is a procedure meant to enhance your abilities." When he saw my blank stare, he explained, "What I mean is, it will give you better speed, agility, strength, maybe even aim. We can't keep losing because you can't hit your target, Son."

I sighed quietly at the last part of his sentence. I knew I was falling behind. It feels like it's been years since I've captured the intelligence. In reality, it's only been a week or two. But in this business, weeks are practically as long as years. I don't know what happened to me to cause me to start failing, but my team couldn't stand it. Their solution was to "upgrade" me. Looking back on it, I wished I had asked more questions, or even said no. But of course, my response to Engineer's proposal was, "Hell yeah, let's do this!"