There's a knock on the door… It startles me. I don't expect anyone. I don't feel like being around people either. But they knock again and I give up, hoping whoever they are, they'd be brief.
When I see you, I'm left frozen in place. I never expected to see you again, not after last night. But here you are, eyes like endless oceans, fixated on me as you move into my personal space. I try to avoid it, instinctively stepping back, but when you push the door behind you, shutting it closed, I know I've already lost. There's nowhere to run from you now, no place left to hide.
You come even closer and when I try to move away again, you reach for my hand, holding it firmly as you pull me to yourself. I land in your arms and your grip on my body doesn't get any looser. I'm practically trapped. There's nothing I can do, but let it happen. This is one of those moments, you know, when you have a choice to make. When you can break something, or you can hold on to it. And I'd be damned if I let you leave.
I'm scared. You're so intense sometimes, so open, and I've never really had that before, I've never really known someone who isn't afraid to show how they feel. And God, you practically flaunt it… And it's terrifying.
Some part of you seems to know that and you hold on to me a little longer, not really doing anything. You just look at me. And I can't tear my gaze away from those eyes. Sometimes they haunt me. Right now they drown me. The tears well in my eyes, blurring my vision and I fight the urge to let them fall. How can you have such power over me?
One of your hands moves up and I feel the back of it stroking me cheek and I close my eyes, I lean into the touch and let myself feel. It's one of the first things I've ever noticed about you, did you know? It's one of the things I came to love… And now that's the thing that's slowly killing me. Such a cruel irony, is it not? To crave something that your heart can't bear.
When my eyes open again you smile at me. Every part of you softens in seconds and I silently wonder just how someone with so much strength and power, be so tender. How are you real? How are you mine?
But I don't have to ponder too much. You lean forward and I try to meet you, I try to bury my fingers in your hair, I'd be happy to get anything from you, really. But you stop me and your grip tightens again.
- No. – You say, your voice sweet. – Let me. For once, don't try to be in control. Just let me.
And I wish I could say I don't know what you mean. I wish it wasn't true. But I try to stay in control, I try to keep you at a distance… If only you knew why. If you knew that there are things about you… Beautiful and terrible things, that can burn me right through. If I stay too close, if I look at them for too long, they would consume me. Things I can't endure. Not every day.
But tonight isn't about me. I don't want it to be. I want to make it about you. I want to show you that I care, that I need you… That despite my many faults, I do love you. So I try to relax, let you guide me, let my body find a rhythm with yours.
When you lean forward again I wait. For you to come to me, for you to set the pace. It's hard to stay still, you know, it's hard not to pull you closer. Especially when your mouth is just a breath away, when your lips are so tempting… When all I want is to make you utterly mine.
Eventually you relent and as your eyes flutter closed, I ready myself. But no preparation could ever be enough. Not when you're involved. You just have that effect on me. Your kiss hits me like the first shot of coffee in the morning would. Like the first time you dip your feel in the ocean and the cold water washes over your skin. It makes all my senses sharper, it urges me forward. To taste more, to feel more, to make it last.
I'm impatient, I know, and when you pull back, you smile at me again. You seem to like me this way. You kiss me again and your hands loosen their grip on me, they slowly start roaming instead, searching for naked skin, for the sensitive spots that make me shiver, and then the ones that you know would make me moan. You touch boldly, I practically melt in your hands and I barely muster up the strength to respond… Or at least I try to. But the second you feel my hands slide down your shoulders, you stop me again.
- Let me. – You whisper. Your voice seems deeper now, huskier. And I want to respond, I want to say how much I want to touch you, but I don't. This must be about you. About what you want. So I just nod, I wrap my hands around your neck and wait for you. A sign of obedience I wouldn't be caught dead doing for anyone else. But you're special to me… You're worth it.
The gesture doesn't elude you and you stroke my cheek. Everything about you feels smooth and soft, perfectly measured. There's a calmness about you, a confidence in your kindness I've never known. Every time you look at me, it's like you have the answers to every question, like you can see in my soul… And every time you smile. As if you see some unnamable beauty there. It breaks me a little when I see you do that… It tears a piece of me every time.
- You just don't know, do you, Regina? – You say, as if you've read my mind. – You have no idea how beautiful you are.
The words work like magic. They tear open wounds I never knew I had and my heart bleeds, pounding in my chest with the force of a wild animal, desperate to break free from it's cage. The tears just well, heavy and bitter and I want to cry, I desperately want to bury my face in your neck and just weep.
- Don't be sad, little rose. Just let me show you. – Your voice feels soothing and warm, and God, I need the distraction so much.
The kiss comes unexpected and I can hardly respond, but you're patient and your mouth presses against mine insistently, so I follow you. I can feel myself being swept off my feet and carried through the house till I'm lowered on a bed. My brain is still hazy, but I'm pretty sure you've been kissing me the whole time.
I'm not used to this. I'm not used to someone taking care of me, of being gentle and loving with me. And I'm terrified of it. Of how easily you make me feel loved and safe, of what I'll do if you ever took that away from me.
- Let me show you. – The words bring me back to you, to this room. – Trust me, little rose.
I focus on you. I have to. I open my eyes to see you, hovering over me and when they meet yours, your whole face seems to brighten.
- There you are. – Your smile is warm, you look content, even happy.
You don't usually talk this much, you don't really need to. But it only seems right. You start kissing my cheek and it feels sweet. A gesture meant to calm me, I'm sure. Then you kiss your way down my shoulders, slowly covering every inch of my skin while you undress me. I'm wearing a simple, long, white shirt, I've been at home after all, and the buttons pop open one after the other until you can push it out of the way.
I feel very self-conscious all of a sudden. All I'm wearing underneath is a pair of black cotton panties, but when I look at you it all seems pointless, because those gorgeous eyes of yours only darken. They look like two perfect storms now. They look like the blackened sky, full of lightning' and they follow my every movement like a predator would, while it's stalking it's pray. I follow your gaze over my breasts, heavy with every breath I take, over my stomach as I pant wantonly, and then further down, at the apex of my thighs, at my legs that press together fueled by need… And I'm suddenly aware of my own arousal, of how much I want you, of just how wet I am. All for you. Because of you. And when our eyes meet again you smile at me once more… But it's not sweet anymore.
You cover the rest of me with kisses too, my sudden rush of arousal does nothing to make you change your pace and I squirm underneath you, I struggle not to move too much, not to force my hand under my panties, not to relieve some of the tension building there.
You hook your fingers in the elastic band and a shot of joy and excitement passes through me as you push the underwear down. But you dip your head and leave open-mouthed kisses over my stomach and then up, over my breasts, so you could claim my lips.
- Oh, God, Maleficent, please! – I whisper needy and you giggle.
- Patience, darling. – You chastise and I actually pout as I settle beneath you.
But the truth is, I feel happy. I feel wanted with you. Even the teasing feels pleasurable right now. It feels right. Like it's supposed to be this way.
But every part of me protests and fights this. I don't get to be happy and in love.
- Just be with me in this moment. – I can hear the pain in your voice.
And once again you've guessed what I'm thinking, of what holds me back. And even now, you're still so perfectly open, there's still that sincerity about you, that light in your eyes. That's the thing I love the most about you. The way you make everything brighter.
So I choose to trust you. To trust in you. Because my weakness may hinder me, but pushing you away, losing you… It will ruin me.
This time I kiss you and the response is instantaneous. Your hands push me down again, and your mouth starts its slow descent, following its previous path and you moan a little when you see how responsive I am to you, how you leave goose bumps with every kiss, how I arch into you. It injects liquid fire right into your veins, as if you've been waiting for this. For me to let go. To let you in… And once you've felt it, there was nothing I could do to stop you from claiming me. And I wouldn't even try. Because I want to be yours. If it means I can be happy again, if it means I'll feel this free, I'd gladly give myself to you.
When you reach the apex of my thighs you look up at me, as if wanting to read me, but there's no more timidness, this time I don't squirm away from your gaze and you give me a wicked little grin of victory before you lower yourself.
And I searched myself, I looked for something, anything, but I only found pleasure there, only deep desire. To have more of this. Of you. Of life and joy, more of the beautiful storms in your eyes and of that wonderful smile, more of the peaceful moments I've shared with you.
There were more wishes, I'm sure, but it's hard to remember them all, not when your mouth does the most sinful and wonderful thing to me, not when I can be myself again, not when the pleasure is clouding my mind and pushing away every rational thought I have left in me.
And it only builds up, growing more intense, I can feel it, ready to explode, and I'm sure you know too. I can feel your hands holding me tighter, just before it begins.
It spreads through my body in a second and it consumes me completely, tearing me away from this world, only to be brought back down, spent and satisfied.
You climb up my body and I giggle just a little, because I haven't felt so carefree in my life. And when you lay next to me, you kiss me softly. I can taste myself on your lips and a fresh wave of warmth and arousal spreads through me. There's just something about this, which makes me feel giddy and full of energy. And when I lay on top of you, there's a shot of excitement too. I don't really know why, and when I look at you, I don't feel like wondering either.
I feel liberated, like a great weight has been lifted… Or maybe an ice wall has fallen down. Because it was never my body you couldn't touch, but my heart. And for the first time, I'm not afraid to show it to you. And when I look in your eyes I realize something else too… I'll never be scared again.
Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. As always, any comments, anything you have to say, good or otherwise is always welcomed.
Also, english is not my first language, so please forgive me any mistakes i might have made. I try not to, but when you type, sometimes you slip...
