This was a challenge/request/random thing from my good friends Random4ever and Sabrina Fowl. Yes, those are pen names. Now go look them up!
"Kesesesese! Because I'm awesome, that's why!" Irritating laughter rang out and blood red eyes met unamused and still vaguely terrified emerald green ones. Hungary narrowed her eyes and did what she always did when Prussia pissed her off. She brought her frying pan down on top of his head, cutting off his obnoxious laughter with the heavy impact. Letting out a strangled cry, he keeled over sideways, twitching slightly. Hungary just hissed at him and turned on one foot, marching away from the offending Prussian.
"Owowow…mein gott, the hurt." He mumbled under his breath as he stood up, dusting himself off and feeling the painful bump now forming on his head.
"Ugh, unawesome in every way. Stupid woman." He grumbled some more, still slightly dizzy from the force of the hit. He shook his head, only to yelp when he found that it wasn't the best idea. That woman was an animal, that was for sure. Still, she was a heck of a lot better than some things you could find in these woods.
The German ex-nation shivered as he swore the temperature dropped ten degrees. 'Not awesome, not awesome, not awesome!' he thought in slight panic as he stalked off into the woods, not intent on finding anything that was waiting for him.
"Haha, totally not scared. The awesome me is never scared." He said out loud, giving himself a small prep talk. This place was starting to creep him out. It had seemed a good idea to hide here and scare Hungary one her way home at the time, but now it just…felt wrong.
"Are you so sure, my little sunflower?" a voice echoed from behind him, ice-cold breath tickling the back of his neck. With an entirely awesome and manly shriek, he whirled around, only to be met with an intense feeling of pain to his upper skull and darkness.
"Ugh, where am I?" A certain albino groaned out, pain arching though his head. Or at least he tried too, but a cloth in his mouth made it sound like he was drowning in cotton wool. Crimson eyes snapped open, only to find himself bound to a chair and gagged. He also noted that it was flipping cold wherever the heck he was and his feet felt like they were frozen to the floor. Struggling, the albino's thoughts were racing at a thousand miles an hour.
'When I find the little f*cker who did this to me I am going to make them regret the day they messed with the awesome Prussia!" came his thoughts. There was not much point in yelling it out for anyone to hear, as he was gagged. Still struggling, he looked around the room for any signs of life.
That is when he saw the battlefield in front of him.
Vodka bottles were littered around a beaten up mahogany wooden table to the left of the room. Chairs were smashed against walls, which donned torn wallpaper. Pots containing various items and plants, mainly sunflowers, had been tipped over, cracked, and smashed. Several looked like they had been thrown across the room, most likely at a moving target, as the brown dirt stains and pottery pieces seemed to follow a line. Also, an area of the room, presumably were they target was struck, seemed as if a first year had taken a red marker to the floor. Rose red also glimmered on the walls, and one wall dripped down to the floor and across the carpeted concrete. The rouge woven carpet was torn and dyed a darker red in many places, seeming as though someone had gone splatter-painting and forgot to put down protection. Another thing was that several areas had been utterly decimated; all items in the varying size of the radius had been crushed, tossed, or flung to the edge of the area. Perhaps the most noticeable of these clearance zones was the one in the middle of the room, where a grayish-tan trench coat lay abandoned in the center of the circle, along with a once snow white apron. Both were now coloured ruby and shone slightly in the dim light. Prussia stopped struggling and stared utter in horror at the gory blast-zone that he was now confronting.
'…' His thoughts were completely blank as he sank back into his chair, eyes shrinking into his head. Russia. He must be in Russia. God, he HATED Russia, the country and person. However, it would explain why it felt like ice was piecing him in every place. That and the fact he was wearing nothing but a scarf, under-shirt, and boxers.
'Wait, where are my clothes!' The Prussian looked around frantically, horrified at his recent discovery. Where did his uniform go? Shivering violently, he crushed his back against the chair, cold and scared. Yes, the awesome him was scared, terrified even. He hated the feeling so much.
He looked out across the room, to the window. The royal red curtains that would have been blocking out the moonlight reflected on the snow were torn and bloody as well. How long had he been knocked out? Questions were bouncing through his head, mostly concerning what was going to happen to his awesome self.
A shriek ripped through the air, making the silver-haired German jump.
Banging and crashing sounds came from the right, distant at first, but slowly drawing closer and closer. All at once, the door exploded off its hinges and Russia came tearing in, followed by Belarus. Both were carrying a pile of clear Vodka bottles, their contents casting reflections that danced around the dull room. Reaching the middle of the room, both faced each other, staring each other down. Belarus had her famous death glare on, and Russia seemed to actually be standing up to her for once in his pitiful life.
Belarus let rip a low growl and tore the cork out of the bottle with her teeth. Russia did the same. They placed the bottles to their lips, tilted their head backward, still not breaking eye contact, and in one swallow took the entirety of its contents. Belarus finished and threw the bottle to the side, coughing softly and running a hand through her hair. Russia finished not a second later and threw his bottle behind him, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.
Both grabbed another bottle and proceeded to do the same thing. And another. And another. This continued until each had drank around five bottles
'Mien gott, can they hold their liquor.' Prussia was awestruck at how much they were drinking. They appeared to be having a drinking contest. Both looked beaten and bloody, probably from a fight they already had. They had evidently started this whole shenanigan before the albino had woken up.
"You little *hic* bastard *hic*." Russia slurred out, tipsy as hell. "I thought *hic* you were in *hic* love with *hic* me." He shook his head like a dog trying to get water out of its coat. "It was always *hic* creepy as *hic* hell" Belarus gave out a creepy laugh before replying.
"A girl can only take so many *hic* rejections before she *hic* gives up." She was slurring too, though she seemed slightly less drunk. Slightly being the key word there.
"But did you *hic* have to pick *hic* my love for your new *hic* stalker habits?" The blonde Russian questioned, swaying slightly.
"How was I supposed to know you *hic* liked him? I wasn't just going to let you *hic* kidnap and rape him…at least not without *hic* me. I mean, seriously, pick the one day I'm not *hic* following him, why don't you?" Belarus snapped back. Grabbing another bottle each, they drained it back, Vodka spilling over their faces, as their motions were sloppy. Prussia was watching the whole scene, confused as hell.
'What in the good name of Old Fritz is going on here?' he thought desperately, trying to pin the conversation together. It just didn't make sense! He continued to freeze as Belarus finished. However, Russia was only half way through. Completing half a minute later, he let out a groan and collapsed backwards, glass cutting into his back and causing blood to pool around him. He had finally passed out from intoxication. Belarus gave a little whoop and jumped. This was a bad idea as she stumbled and fell over, landing in more broken glass with a hiss of pain.
Hauling herself to her feet, she staggered over to where Prussia was tied up, and ripped the gag off of him. He gulped in air through his mouth, thankful that the obstruction was removed. Taking a deep breath, he started to yell.
"What the hell am I doing here! What do you and your ass of a brother want from me and my awe-mphf!" he was cut off by Belarus sealing him mouth with her lips.
"It's simple, my *hic* sunflower. Brother wanted you for himself, but I *hic* want you too. He didn't know that, so he *hic* kidnapped you. We got into a fight when I saw you and decided to *hic* settle this with a drinking contest." Belarus was grinning like a sadist as she relayed what happened to the terrified Prussian. She leaned in closer and whispered into his ear.
"And I won." Her words sent shivers up his spine. Belarus cupped his face and looked straight into his eyes.
"We're going to become one, and you're going to love it."
Prussia lay next to Belarus, contemplating what to do now. On one hand, he could run away and forget this ever happened. However, he couldn't help but feel affection for the blue-eyed female next to him. Sure, she was creepy as hell, but…it must be Stockholm syndrome. Whatever, the awesome him could be with whomever he wanted. Crystal clear eyes opened next to him.
"…Marry me?" She questioned, eyes glistening with hope. Prussia gave a cocky smirk.
"Sure." He laughed, pulling her closer. For the first time ever, Prussia saw her give a genuine smile. She accepted the embrace and curled up on his bare chest. No matter how cold it currently was; Prussia felt warm and fuzzy all over as he drifted off to sleep.
'I could get used to this.' One last thought flitted across his mind as he fell into a comfortable darkness.
Of course, what he didn't want to think about was dealing with a certain Russian in the morning.
A/N: Oh the joys of crack pairings ideas you get when talking about Hetalia at lunch