Just a warning I am Dyslexic so my stories will not be perfect but I now have one Beta reader to help me along the way :D

Thank you so much to rsrdiall for offering to work with me :D

Hello my sweeties,

(waves)

I am really sorry I have been M.I.A for so long but hopefully after this little one shot

you will understand some what where I have been and why.

!WARNING!

This story does not have a happy ending, It deals with some very difficult subjects!

Including death (Infant death/ Miscarriage) and Emotional upheaval.

Please be warned this could be very upsetting for some people.

If you do not feel that reading this story would be something you can do, I do not mind if you skip to the A/N at the end which will inform you of why I have been away for so long.

I hope you will understand and know I love you all

Neh xxx

I do not own Skip Beat.

Kyoko looked down at the sleeping form beside her, Kuon's shallow breathing was the only sound she could hear as she tried in vain to stop the cascade of tears which slowly slipped silently down her cheeks. Her arms rested protectively around the empty space that had been left, that empty space inside which had been so full of life only days before.

She had been 10 weeks pregnant when Kyoko had found out she was having twins, two tiny forms on the ultrasound. Two tiny heartbeats that had caused not only herself but also Ren and their daughter Rosa cause for pure shock. Twins were something that had been joked about, something that had been stated at the spur of the moment along with triplets and quadruplets. Something to laugh about never knowing how true the statement was! How do you consider twins when they do not run in the family?

Kyoko never expected those two little heartbeats, but after a few days the shock was replaced by pure excitement. To find out you were carrying a pregnancy that only happened to one in every sixty thousand pregnancies and that the little lives inside you were the closest thing to human cloning that had been seen in the natural world was simply astounding. Monoamniotic-Monochorionic or MoMo for short was a subject Kyoko would become obsessed with over the next few weeks as she pushed to understand the miracle she was carrying identical twins, with not only the same sex and look but also right down to their chemical makeup of chromosomes.

Yet as with everything that is rare and almost unexplained like MoMo twins, Kyoko knew there could be problems. To begin with the sickness had been extreme to the point of not being able to hold anything down, ending up in the hospital for dehydration and exhaustion. For how can you sleep when your stomach is roiling? Then came the stage of constant exhaustion. No matter how much she slept Kyoko found she was always tired needing almost 4 times the sleep she had required before her workload was non existent. Compared to how much she had been working before the pregnancy it seemed to last almost twice as long from her previous pregnancy with Rosa.

The whole family and all the friends could not have been happier and Kyoko thought Kuon would never stop smiling he was so proud of not only the little miracle's, but also his beautiful wife. When Kyoko hit the 12 week mark it was simply too much for people to keep in. So after the second scan which went wonderfully Lory held a press conference where Kuon explained his wife's disappearance from the showbiz world to the great delight of the families, fans and colleagues.

Everything was going wonderfully. There were a lot more appointments than with a single pregnancy, but Kuon made sure he was there for every single one trusting Yashiro to make sure he was always free for whichever appointment Kyoko was needing to be present at. Kyoko couldn't help but laugh at the first little package she received from Kuu and Julie. They were both busy people and currently going through a lot with Kuu's father suffering from incurable leukemia. Both Kyoko and Kuon had been to visit him, taking Rosa to see her great grandfather in America when they had first heard about his condition. And even though he had only been given a short time to live, the news of the new arrivals had even put a smile on his face.

The package had simply contained 2 hooded towels and 2 soft blankets. Each was nothing special but it was enough to show how it had excited the two Hizuri's, who Kyoko loved so much more than she had ever cared about her real mother. They loved her like a daughter even before her marriage to their son. In the early days when she had been a LoveMe member Kyoko, Chiori and even Kanae would talk about the expected arrivals. Kanae had softened a lot after the birth of Rosa but the turning point had been her own connection to Kijima. He had not only stolen the ice queen's heart, but also loved children and had given her a new view on families. He had told her about his own childhood, which involved moving between foster homes after his parents abandoned him at birth. This had never been made public, but after Kyoko's unplanned reveal of her own life, other celebrities had come forward with their own stories to support the young starlet in her very troubling time.

Everyone was excited for the next appointment. It was to be another scan at 17 weeks which for Kyoko's type of pregnancy was the halfway point! Fun bets had sprung up amongst family, friends and colleagues as they tried to guess the sex of the twins. Yet sadly it was this appointment that would change the entire affair. Sadly, at exactly 17 weeks Kyoko had been informed that one of the babies had died only 2 days before. The remaining baby was still alive, but the condition and type of pregnancy was a cause for concern.

3 days later the expected news came around that the second baby had sadly died as well. The devastation was felt by all as Kuon and Kyoko talked about what was now going to happen. 5 specialists and 3 hospitals were involved and not three days later after four and a half hours of labour, Kyoko delivered both of the stillborn children. Yet Kyoko couldn't think about it all at this moment as she slowly rubbed her now empty stomach. It had been bulging not twelve hours earlier and now it was empty...

As empty as her heart felt as she looked over at her sleeping husband. He was trying to be so strong even refusing to leave the hospital during the 2 days Kyoko had been required to stay for the birth and further testing. He'd even been sleeping on the cold tile floor so as not to leave her side. He only left to eat and only at Kyoko's insistence as she was unable to eat anything in case she needed to go to theatre (the operating room) for any reason.

Kyoko had been strong too in her own regards. Her marriage and heart opening to Kuon had given her a new look on life. She found herself to be a very logical thinker. Even though the pain of her loss right now was almost unbearable, the thought of it happening later on when she was even closer to the birth or even possibly after the birth would have been the breaking point and she knew it. The twins had been affected by a problem called twin to twin transfusion syndrome. One twin due to how the umbilical cords had been working had died because the second twin took everything they both required. Due to how the blood flow needed both hearts to be pumping, the second twin had also died. In the back of Kyoko's mind even though she was hurting the thought that her perfect replicas could not live without the other gave her some comfort. Wherever they were now they would be there together just as they should be.

Not long before her discharge was when the nurse had come with the forms to agree to the cremation of the twins bodies. Both Kuon and Kyoko had asked not be informed of the twins sex after their birth. Even though they had been asked if they would like to see the bodies they had preferred to make it all as clean as possible from the thought of their children's deaths, preferring to imagine them as they wanted rather than what was true. It had not been the nurses fault, Kuon had been waiting to talk to the nurse about Kyoko's medication when she had arrived with the forms to sign. Kyoko knew that she herself had made the mistake as she instantly changed the nurse's wording of the question she had been asking. Kyoko had simply agreed cutting off all emotions to that part in her brain as she signed over the bodies of her children. She would be going later with Kuon to attend the cremation though they would be going alone as their last goodbye to what would now never be.

It was only now in this moment as the clock showed 10:38pm that Kyoko threw her robe around her shoulders and snuck away to the kitchen. It was her room in the house. All other rooms were shared fairly but the kitchen was Kyoko's domain. With shaking fingers she clicked the speed dial for the only person she knew she could talk to without that person breaking down into the tears that plagued Kyoko herself.

"Hello Kyoko?" Kanae's voice came through the phone as Kyoko tried to deny the heartbreaking sob that ripped from her chest.

"Moko-san..." were the only words Kyoko could begin with as she simply needed to listen to her best friend in the entire world comfort her with words and sounds. Simply being there on the phone with her constant presence that Kyoko had always sought out in her hardest moments. It had been that way for as long as she had known her.

"I ...just needed... to tell someone Moko-san." Kyoko sobbed quietly into the receiver as she sat herself slowly onto the floor leaning against the counters as she held on to her best friend's voice.

"What is it Kyoko? Do you need me to come over? Where's Kuon?" Kanae asked slowly trying not to inject her own feelings into the questions, speaking as she always would to her upset friend.

"He's asleep, it's easier when he's asleep... he's trying to be so strong Moko-san, but he cries... he cries when he thinks I won't notice. When he went to work he came back with swollen eyes but refuses to cry in front of me."

Kanae nodded her head. She knew how much the death of the twins had affected Kuon. She herself had seen him completely break down on Yashiro when they had met together at LME

She had seen him trying to contain himself as people repeated the same words of "I'm sorry." before he manage to escape to Lory's office, where he had remained for an hour.

"She told me Moko-san. She didn't mean to... but she said it. I lost my baby girls Kanae."

And in that moment as Kanae hid her true feelings behind her natural mask. She understood just why Kyoko was on the phone to her. No one else would have been able to talk about what Kyoko had just told her without tears. No one would have been able to hide their feelings at the knowledge of exactly what Kyoko had just lost. Not knowing the sex of the babies had been Kyoko's and Kuon's safety net. It had allowed them to distance themselves from what could have been if they had not known. But now Kyoko knew. And as Kanae comforted her friend with strong words and assurances she gave Kyoko exactly what she needed. The strong friend that was able to be there for her. As always she could be her best friend's strength and another holder of the secret she knew Kuon or the family would probably never know.

I bet a few people are wondering why I have written this,

you all know me for a lover of happy ending and fluff.

The simple truth is that this is my life at the moment, just over 3 months ago we found out my granddad on my fathers side was dying, a few weeks later we found out I was pregnant.

I am this stories Kyoko, Kuon would be my partner and Rosa my daughter.

Kanae would be my sister and other chars family and friends.

this story was my thoughts and actions last Monday evening less than 12 hours after I gave birth to my stillborn twins, I'm not asking for sympathy as trust me you can only hear the words I'm sorry so many times before it simply becomes the opening word to the memory of what you have lost.

I chose to write this story as simply this is how I cope with my over taxed emotions and thoughts, I write them down and then move onwards as well as I can. This story for the moment has a sad ending, but it does not mean it will always be that way in 3-6 months we will be able to try again to extend our family and we will be doing so.

As of this evening I have been in talks with a friend who does tattooing for a living and she has designed a small tattoo for both me and my partner which she has told me she will not be taking payment for.

Even though this story has a sad ending at the moment, there is always happiness in knowing we have such amazing friends and family, who will even cancel their flight while waiting in the airport to come home so they can be there for us at our time of need and the kind people who I have never even meet but know family friends and offer an ear and a shoulder plus there own story of early child loss.

I will try to continue writing all of my stories, but please understand I have distanced myself so much from everything that I've not even read Skip Beat since just after chapter 207 somewhere? I have also lost contact with all of my fics which I will need to reconnect with in time, but until then maybe a new story idea will see you through ;P.

Thank you for reading.

All my love,

Neh xxx