Something Inching Past The Edge Of Reserve
It had been a few days since she had seen Humphrey. Actually it had been exactly four, but she wasn't counting. She had intended on some retail therapy with her posse today but she put them off, choosing instead to feed the ducks with Dorota. The both assumed her angst was on account of one Chuck Bass feeding unmentionables to naked New Zealanders but aside from a twinge of distaste, nothing else followed.
In fact, her preoccupation seemed to revolve around an odd desire to call Humphrey. But every time the idea floated up, she immediately knocked it back down. After all, one solitary moment of will power that he displayed against Serena's powers of persuasion, did not make him a man. Or any type of person she'd want to associate with. She couldn't stand how he looked through the world in black and white. Truth and lie, wrong and right. The stupid boy did not know that that was not the way the world works. There are no fairytales in the Upper East Side, no knights in shinning armor. The UES was built entirely by social intrigue, modeling itself after the political backstabbing and maneuvering of Rome's heyday. There were no room for lambs, even if he did try on the wolf's pelt from time to time.
Then again, here she is, throwing crusts of bread to ducks. She didn't like animals, at least the common pedestrian ones that people dressed up in outfits that made her want to gag. But the wild ones fascinated her. The unknown element they brought with them, they were unpredictable, wily creatures that could not be contained. Some part of her, that had not been stomped out by the Manolo Blaniks of life, commiserated with them. After all, they were creatures of her own heart. After the entire loaf had been emptied, Blair sighed, not finding the usual comfort in the activity as she usually did.
"Ms. Blair, want me to get more loaf?" Dorota asked her, unsatisfied with the outcome of their outing. She prided herself in being one of a few people who knew how to bring a smile to her face.
"No Dorota, I think I need some alone time. In fact I don't think I'll be needing you at all for the rest of the break. Maybe you should go home, spend some time with your real family." Her haughty voice softened towards the end, softening the dismissal. Dorota gave her that special smile she reserved for when she was proud of her, and left after a flurry of reassurances. As much as she did not want Ms. Blair to be alone, she was missing her baby terribly. She took a long pull of the cold air and exhaled a puff of hot breath. Her phone beeped and she reluctantly reached for it. She had several text messages and two missed Gossip Girl blasts. She resisted the temptation to open them, after all how many shocking pictures of Chuck's antics could GG possibly post before she tired of that trail. Then she did something that she wasn't entirely sure she had ever purposefully done before. She turned her phone off and tucked it away.
She wandered the park, relaxing in the hushed muteness that always came right before snowfall. She caught herself looking around for familiar dark curls as she strolled around and decided to take up on a park bench to stop her questing eyes. After all, he would no more want to spend time with her than she him. Especially after what happened the last time. A tingling in her lips had her reaching up to touch them. Afterwards she had blundered away with none of her usual grace and wit, needing air, needing space, needing a continent of distance from what had just happened. Everything had been fine, amazing actually. He had gotten her to relax, despite her qualms of eating in this tiny Brooklyn Pho noodle place that could not, under any circumstance, qualify as a restaurant. Before she knew it, she had stopped calculating every word and analyzing every thought as they talked about their respective schools and interests that did not always line up, but not as frequently as she would have assumed. It seemed like no time at all when they were kicked out by the owner, apparently he wanted to close the place down.
Humphrey offered his arm again and there was no hesitation this time when she looped hers through. They wound up at his place drinking coffee and eating this amazing concoction he created of chocolate, marshmallows and crackers. He was laughing at her for not knowing what it was and reached for her hands to help with the chocolate mess she had made and then next thing she remembered was that kiss. Firm lips pressed against hers, soft but strong, his hands bundling her hair in his grasp when she made to pull away. A tentative swipe of his tongue against her lips. Her own, parting of their volition, his, eagerly taking the invitation. She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe. Every part of her raged inside for more, so she did the only sensible thing and left. Without a word, she left.
With Chuck, it was a languid burn. The flames of sexual tension being stoked by every word, every gesture. With Humphrey, it was a goddamn atomic bomb, and it terrified her. This was not the way things were supposed to be. She was supposed to make something of herself and after she conquered the world, she could return to the familiar arms of Chuck Bass. Humphrey was supposed to become a brilliant writer and return to the tempered arms of Serena. How were they supposed to get back on that yellow brick road if they were stopping among the poppies to make out.
"Blair." Humphrey appeared out of nowhere and sat down next to her.
"Humphrey, what are you doing here?" She asked, attempting to regain her composure. She crossed her legs and primly laced her hands at her knees.
"Dorota told me she left you by the ducks." His hands were in his pockets and he was staring at her steadily. Her eyes skittered away.
"You were looking for me? Why is something wrong?" Now she was concerned, she had turned off her phone, what trouble had found Serena this time?
"I've been calling you, I think we should talk."
"Oh, well I don't think we have anything to talk about. Face it Humphrey, it was a mistake. We know exactly who we are supposed to be with in the end, so any exploration of whatever this is would be futile. There is nothing to say."
"I guess your right, I don't really want to talk anyway." Finally she turned to face him, reassurances that this was what was best ready on her lips, she found his face much closer to hers then she anticipated and the words died in her throat.
"I'll settle for doing what I've been thinking about for the past four days."
"What's that?" She asked him in a whisper. His hands reached through her open coat, wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer. Her skin jumped in response as the heat of one hand settled on her hips, the other sliding up her back. The kiss was surer, their lips losing their uncertainty as they met on familiar ground. The explosion of longing and desire were the same though, melting her against him, dancing her fingers through his hair, trailing her fingertips down his chest to grip his shirt. He pulled away unexpectedly, standing up and breathing deeply.
"I say we screw destiny." He said shakily with a laugh. He held one hand out to her, asking her to agree, asking her to come with him, asking her for everything. Every consequence, every problem, every person that would be hurt, would reject, would endeavor to destroy flashed through her head in an instant. Her uncertain eyes searched his, but he stood firm. Holding his hand out, a solid stubborn rock, refusing to back down, refusing to be shaken by her hesitation. Maybe there were some things that were black and white. She grasped his hand, ready for the ride.