From The Other Side

by

A. G. Prentice

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS and the Sullivan Company.

─ Prologue ─

1888, Friday, December 21st

Katherine Sully sighed contentedly as she watched the Colorado landscape rolling by. The Christmas holidays were here at last, after months of hard work in college, months of missing her family dreadfully. True, the Cooks' home was much more than just a place to sleep and eat while she was working towards her teaching degree. She was luckier than most of her classmates who had to put up with crowded, noisy boarding houses while she could study in the quiet of her brother-in-law's library, enjoy delicious meals every day, play with her niece Rebecca… feel home.

Unlike her sister Colleen, she had soon lost interest in city life. Though she had made new friends and immensely enjoyed going to the theatre, attending concerts and operas, most of the time she felt homesick, missing the simpler life of Colorado Springs. It had grown into a much larger town yet it had kept its rustic air.

Katie cast a glance to her niece who was quietly dozing, lulled by the lurching movement of the train carriage, her small travelling hat askew upon her golden locks. Six-year-old Becky was the most enjoyable asset of her student life, as Katie could help her with her reading, play house and prepare her to be a big sister in the spring. This thought diverted Katie's focus to her older sister who was sitting right before her. Colleen was trying her best not to show how uncomfortable the train ride was for her. Though morning sickness had not been too bad during the first trimester, the constant swaying had the worst effect imaginable on her queasy stomach.

"Are you sure you don't want me to fetch you a cup of tea, Colleen? I can't stand watching you getting greener with each mile!" Andrew whispered worriedly.

"I told you I can't stomach a thing," his wife groused through clenched teeth. The mere effort of talking only made her more nauseated. She sprang out of her seat, her handkerchief pressed tightly to her lips, and rushed to the compartment washroom, a rather upset Andrew on her heels. Katie remained seated, her arm wrapped securely around Becky's small shoulders. She had to trust Andrew about taking care of Colleen, yet she wished with all her heart the train would go faster: the sooner they arrived, the better. And Ma would be there to handle things.

Her thoughts turned back to her hometown and the family. The whole clan was being reunited for Christmas, as promised. She couldn't wait. She smiled again.

Five long, grueling hours later the train finally reached Colorado Springs. Colleen felt absolutely wrecked, but she managed to put on a brave face for the family's benefit. The last thing she wanted was having Dr. Mike fret and make a big deal out of it.

Andrew was relieved, though he wondered how in Heaven's name they would make it back. He would have to watch over her like a hawk, and he knew without a doubt that his mother-in-law would do the same.

Katie, too, was more than glad to be home and out of the stuffy train carriage, breathing in the fresh although quite cold air. She was firmly holding Becky's hand, who was jigging up and down with excitement. All four of them scanned the crowd on the platform, looking for a familiar face. Yet the first familiar face Katie spotted was the last one she wanted to see. She let out an aggravated groan as Henry Ellison walked timidly toward her, bearing a large bouquet of white lilies. How embarrassing, in front of everyone! She turned around, ignoring him, and searched almost frantically for sight of her mother, her father or whoever would be kind enough to save her from the annoying presence of this most undesirable suitor!

"Hello, Katherine."

Too late…

"Hello, Henry," Katie icily answered. Please, just go away, you stupid stalker! "Have you seen my mother?" she asked with a calculated haughtiness, brushing the proffered bouquet aside with the back of her hand as if it was a nasty, thorny bush of poisonous plants. Henry's disappointment at Katie's less than pleased reaction was written all over his face. In a feeble voice, he breathed: "Yes, she's right behind you."

But Katie did not hear him for her mother had called out her name at the same time. Not caring she was being rude, the young woman spun around and threw herself in her mother's waiting arms. They hugged tightly for a long moment, tears of happiness stinging both their eyes.

"Mama!" Suddenly, Katie was no longer a "grown woman" of seventeen but a little girl who clung to her mother. Though they had seen each other on Thanksgiving, and they could even phone to each other since the Clinic was newly equipped with the contraption, the last four weeks had seemed terribly long to them.

"Missed you, missed you, missed you," the girl repeated at least ten times before stepping back. They threaded arms and walked to the waiting area, where the rest of the family was greeting Colleen, Becky and Andrew, totally oblivious of the poor, forlorn figure that watched them stroll away and whose bouquet was withering pitifully in the frozen mud where it had fallen.

Actually, Michaela had noticed and recognized the young man who seemed so enamored with her daughter. Good thing Sully had not witnessed the exchange, for he would probably have rushed to Katie's defense and shooed away the undesirable suitor quite bluntly. Katie certainly knew how to fend for herself, but she was still her papa's little girl. Sully had once confessed having mixed feelings about his daughter's growing up, becoming a woman and going off to college… Of course, the fact that she did not seem much interested in courting boys, neither in Denver nor in Colorado Springs, was somewhat lessening his trepidation. She obviously did not appear as anxious to get married as many girls her age, what with the way she would always dismiss any potential suitor. This, however, worried Michaela a little. The few times she had brought up Katie's love life in their mother-daughter conversations, the girl had shrugged dismissively, claiming that boys her age were as clumsy as bragging, boring and careless, and that the only exceptions she knew of were her father and brothers. Michaela had to admit that her husband's rare qualities were indeed hard to compete with for any man who would try and win Katie's heart.

She also knew that Katie still needed a few years to become more mature and sensible. If she was more interested in her classes than in boys for the time being, it was more than all right with her parents. She was only seventeen, after all!

Michaela looked on happily as daughter and father reunited. Katie had almost knocked her father over in her exuberance. Oh, yes, she was still a little girl, Michaela mused.

It was decided that the Cooks would stay at the homestead for their entire sojourn. Andrew retired early, his exhausting schedule at his practice having taken its toll, what with all the usual early winter ailments and then the long train ride. Katie went upstairs soon after to put her niece to bed and tell her a bedtime story. Then Joseph and Laura, the two youngest Sully children, bid goodnight to the adults as well, and disappeared into their room, Laura delighted to double up with her sister and niece. Michaela and Sully shared a smile as they heard the children bid each other good night so animatedly, as if having three houseguests was the most exciting thing in the world.

As she put the dishes away, she noticed that Colleen, whose drawn features clearly indicated her state of fatigue, had not yet gone to bed. Michaela knew her oldest daughter well enough to guess that something was weighing heavily on her mind.

Sully had perceived that something was amiss, too. In his usual unobtrusive way, he pecked Colleen's cheek lightly, winked at his wife, and retreated upstairs, leaving the two women alone for a much needed talk.

"Are you still feeling poorly, Sweetheart?" Michaela asked softly, her hand flying instinctively towards her daughter's forehead and cheeks, checking for any sign of fever or cold sweat.

"Not really, Ma, don't worry. The chamomile tea worked just fine…" Colleen hesitated a few seconds before she added: "Ma, I don't know what to do."

Michaela waited with bated breath for Colleen to elaborate. She was well aware that her oldest daughter was not really happy with her life, though she had never breathed a word about it to anyone. Katie had been their mother's spy for the past fifteen months, during which she had reported faithfully, though discreetly, what was going on in the Cook household. Michaela sat closer, perching herself on the cushioned arm of the wingback chair and drawing Colleen in a comforting embrace.

"You see, I… I know you're all worried about me, the new baby, that's sweet but…" Colleen sighed, frustrated with herself. She wanted to get it off her chest, yet she did not have a clue how to do this without upsetting her ma. At a loss about where to begin, she just spoke the first thing that crossed her mind: "How did you know you were making the right choice?"

Puzzled, Michaela could not answer right away: "Which choice?

"Marrying Sully, having your children after us… and before that, deciding to become a doctor against all odds, coming here and starting over, raising us by yourself… how did you know, then, that you would succeed?"

Michaela chuckled in spite of herself: "Believe me, I didn't know. Most of the time, I was scared, or riddled with doubts. You have no idea how many times I came close to back away."

It was Colleen's turn to look baffled. "You? But you're so brave! Ma, look at all you've done!"

"Well, of course, from any outside point of view, my actions may appear that way…"

"But…"

"No, no, no, don't say that I'm being modest," Michaela interrupted her daughter's objection sternly. "I'm not. I'm proud of what I accomplished, of course, yet, there's always a part of me that feels that nothing I could ever do would be enough… Besides, you also have every reason to be proud of your accomplishments…"

The last remark did not have the anticipated effect, for Colleen let out a mournful sob.

"Some accomplished physician I am!" she cried, finally allowing all the bitterness to burst forth. "Things in Denver are just as bad as they were in Philadelphia; they don't let me in the operating theatre, or take care of the complicated cases… They keep sneering at me, thinking they're so smart, and in front of the patients, no less! They treat me no better than they do the nurses sometimes! And Andrew is almost as much in disgrace as I am, I can't help but fear that he resents me for that, I can't shake the memory of that day he told me that he'd rather have his future wife home than at work alongside him ! Now he has to stand the ridicule of being married to a female doctor… And I feel terrible because there are times when I'm so jealous… of you, of the perfect couple you make with Sully, the way you managed to gain the respect of so many people…" Colleen could not go on as she sobbed harder, her flushed face buried in her mother's blouse.

Michaela was overwhelmed by her daughter's confession, so much that she felt her own tears threatening to spill over. She waited a little, allowing Colleen to cry the tears that needed to be cried, stroking her shoulders in large, soothing circles, the way only a mother could, before speaking up.

"You listen to me, Sweetheart. You're worth a thousand of those who look down their nose at you. Don't you ever let anybody convince you of the contrary, you hear?"

Colleen only blinked skeptically, so Michaela went on: "It seems that you're facing harder challenges than I ever did, but that doesn't mean you must doubt your abilities, or your choices. I understand your jealousy. You're right, I'm lucky, incredibly so, and I'm afraid it has somehow made me forget that the work conditions for a female physician outside of Colorado Springs are still less than enviable."

"I wish I could come back here and work with you…" sighed Colleen wistfully.

"You know I'd love that, but what about Andrew? And Rebecca? The new baby?"

"Well, I don't think Becky would mind, for she would see you and the whole family more often, and I know she also has a few friends here. As for Andrew… I'm afraid he'd feel even more held back in his career here than he's already been in Denver, Boston or Philadelphia because of me. I've seen the way he thrived at work while I stayed home to take care of Becky when she was still so little. The way city life agrees with him. Lord knows I still love him, want the best for him. He's been so content with his life since we had our daughter, and I know he's overjoyed with this one as well," she added, patting ever so lightly the barely discernible bulge under the tight bodice of her travelling gown.

"I wish there was a definite method about finding a balance between work and family life that I could give you. Unfortunately, there isn't. The only advice I can give you is to talk to Andrew, and repeat to him what you've just told me. He'll listen."

"You think so?"

"I know so." Well, not really, but it was not precisely the right moment to criticize her son-in-law.

"Thank you, Ma, for listening, for caring so much."

"Oh, Sweetheart! You know you can always come to me, don't you?"

Colleen nodded.

"I know I already told you that but… my real Ma couldn't have found a better person to take care of us. It still holds, even after all these years."

Mother and daughter hugged tightly, until Colleen could no longer suppress the exhausted yawn that was tugging at her jaw.

"Bedtime for everyone," Michaela chuckled. Colleen smiled at last.

"Good night, Ma."

"Sweet dreams, Colleen." She followed her daughter upstairs, and slipped as quietly as possible into her bedroom. The lamps were out, but the firelight was enough for her to see that Sully had fallen asleep sitting up in bed, obviously waiting for her. Her heart swelled with love for him. Eighteen years, twenty if they counted their courtship, he had been by her side, come Hell or high water, in spite of all the doubts, all the setbacks, through the misunderstandings, the harsh words exchanged in the heat of vicious arguments. She had advised Colleen to be honest with Andrew, because she had experienced herself that even the bluntest honesty was preferable to retreating into a brooding silence. Whatever the Cooks would do, they would have to compromise and find a solution they both could live with.

She sighed, remembering her past troubles with her husband, those terrible times when trust and understanding had been in short supply. Of course Colleen could not possibly remember, for more than fifteen years ago, she was just beginning a new chapter of her life, both as a newlywed and as a new medical student, experiencing the weird mix of excitement, eagerness and terror one feels when entering adulthood.

But Michaela could not forget that time…