If you recognize it that means it's not mine...
It was irrational to do this. It was going to do nothing but cause both of them pain. But that didn't stop Temperance Brennan from admitting to her partner the regret that she didn't want to have. The words hung thick in the air between them, the tension on their already strained partnership increased twofold by the weight of what she had said. But she couldn't take them back, she wasn't their victim, she wasn't going to regret her life, she wasn't.
"I'm with someone, and Hannah she's not a consolation prize."
When she had rejected him so many months ago, Seeley Booth had made the decision to move on through the weight of his regret. He may have pushed too hard too soon, he may not have fought for them as hard as he should have. But he was not going to let regret ruin his life, he couldn't live that way. He had been rejected in love before, and though he knew in his heart this was different he also knew that he would move on. He would find himself a little corner of happiness and make the best of it. And he had, he loved Hannah, he really did.
That didn't stop the pain in his heart at his partners words and it took everything he had not to pull to the side of the road and hold her as her sobs tore across the front of the SUV. He had wanted so badly for her to come to this realization, to feel a fraction of what he had felt that night. And at the same time it made him sick, because the pain of a shattered heart was something he wouldn't wish upon the worst of the killers they had caught.
"I missed my chance…my whole world has turned upside down. I can adjust." She had managed to quiet the tears that she hadn't wanted to cry. It was so wonderful to feel, to have this tangible proof, this ache in her heart to remind her that she was not their victim. She had people she loved, and there were people who cared about her, who would miss her if she disappeared, no matter their relationship.
"I did." It was true he had, and though he wasn't sure she could he knew she needed the reassurance, and that was all he could offer her in this moment. Anymore and it would break them both, and while he was a compassionate man, never one to intentionally cause another pain, Seeley Booth had finally let his heart start to heal. He wasn't about to break it apart again.
"Yes, you did." It was the proof she had needed that love was as ephemeral as she had feared, though in the moment it gave her hope that she too would be able to move past this pain. He offered to call someone for her, though who he thought he could call she was unsure. It had been his place in the past and she had not replaced him, choosing instead to be alone with the memory of what they used to share.
"No, I'm fine alone. Thanks" It was true she would be fine alone. She would have to be. She had relieved herself of her greatest regret, of missing her chance and not making clear to Booth how she felt. She was still alone, he had moved on and she had no reason to blame him for it, it had been her who denied them a chance.
But there was no moving on for her, the walls around her heart would slowly rebuild and she would have to reinforce them. She couldn't live with the idea of letting someone in as deep as Booth had, not if this was the kind of pain that came from it. Booth was worth it, but she was certain there was no one else who would be.
He had dropped her off at her apartment with a pained smile on his face. Bidding her goodnight and driving slowly away, no doubt watching to make sure she at least took herself in out of the rain. She was thankful for the limited visibility it granted him though; it meant that he couldn't see her last words whispered out into the night for only the universe to hear.
"I love you Booth."
She may regret missing her chance for the rest of her life, but she would not carry the regret of never having said the words.
Just a short (okay very short), little piece to help me process last night more than anything. That episode was beautiful, and the scene at the end was fantastic, but that doesn't mean my heart hurts any less. Oh what fun we're going to have with the second half of the season, of that I'm sure.
Sarah
