Archaic Records of this Bastard Goddess!
By
LordVTP & Uranophane
Forward
This Konosuba fanfiction is set and written post Light Novel 12 release. It contains any number of series spoilers as such. You have been warned!
Prologue
Once upon a time, in a far away land-
There was a princess…
But there was no prince-
Only a group of super skilled adventurers!
That princess desperately wanted to join these adventurers and be happy together.
This was her only wish.
For a time-
-And in the end, the group disbanded and disappeared.
The princess was alone again…
They were all alone, together.
And that was the legend of the Dark+Angel onii-chan told me about…
Chapter 1 - A Field Trip for This Grounded Princess!
Part 1
"Your Highness, sorry to interrupt, but… Please finish your breakfast soon! It's been more than an hour..."
Still dazed, I heard Claire's worried voice echo from the opposite end of the table.
Well… Apologies mutual, my loyal bodyguard; but I'm afraid you weren't heard-
I continued to sleep.
Right on the table.
As for why, it's obviously because I wasn't able to get much sleep last night.
"Your Highness…? Iris-sama?"
In fact, I've been having these sleepless nights nearly weekly for the past year or so.
Maybe the pressures of royal duties have finally taken effect on me…
"Princess, please wake up! Falling asleep randomly during your lessons with Rain-san was… tolerable, but on the breakfast table…"
...and her stubbornness wasn't helping.
"Claire-san, please stop spamming. I'm AFK."
So I reprimanded her annoying behaviour with the most succinct of the vocabulary I learned from nii-san Kazuma. "AFK" is especially amazing, as it perfectly describes the feeling of utter disinterest, the unwillingness to obey one's teammates and the lack of access to a "keyboard", whatever that might be.
"...G-glad to see you're awake, Your Highness… I know I've mentioned this numerous times, but please refrain from using those unbecoming words!"
Kazuma-chan told me those were highly refined words of rapid communication used only by the most powerful adventurers in his grand guild. How dare she disrespect them?
Though, as a mature princess, I must refrain from prosecuting elders.
Mainly because Claire did something rude AF the last time I rebelled against her.
After I finished breakfast a few hours later-
I was supposed to be learning economics from Rain.
As royalty, it's a subject that I had to eventually start learning, despite it being my least favourite.
However, I'm in luck today as she had meetings to attend to, letting me have a day off.
Not that a day off would do any good for me; it was simply replacing boredom with more, albeit less stressful, boredom.
And that gave me time to think alone…
…
About what exactly, though?
Normal girls of my age would have many friends to play and chat with…
They would also have hobbies to think about whenever they have free time.
…
I'm also 14 now… 14 year old girls… would they have… boyfriends?
They're marriageable at least.
Damn, is this what I ended up thinking about out of all things? You were the one who 'friendzoned' that prince, Iris!
…
Even thinking has become difficult for me. What is happening?
… It's probably due to the capital increasing security, as ordered personally by Claire, against departures and entry, adding pressure to the already busy guards.
Or rather, it's because I am now under constant surveillance, stripped of any chances to ever slip out again.
Yet there is a greater problem besides that…
It has to do with the reason I friendzoned Revi in the first place.
That's right, I still haven't received any letters from onii-sama since he had been repatriated a year ago.
Since then, I haven't been able to even attend to Megumin-san's thieving group meetings because I "needed to reduce interactions with mentally questionable people".
That said, I'm not exactly clueless about the outside world either.
As a princess, I need to make sure my beloved citizens are well and safe!
… or at least onii-sama.
For that noble purpose, I've secretly assembled my very own spying group using the capital's most skilled thieves and used it to learn about his every move.
There were a plenty of good news and bad ones…
For one, he continued to defeat notorious monsters and evade taxes in brilliant displays of skill since he was teleported away.
And the best news is, he regained his memories!
But the bad-well, slightly-less-good news is that he finally got his first kiss! With… Lalatina-san. On top of that, there have been more and more reports of him sleeping together with Megumin-san.
Not that I have a problem with that… After all, I'm the princess of a nation and I cannot let such puny romantic matters interfere with my royal duties.
Still…
"Ahhhh, onii-chan, you're such a player…"
...a harem can't be too terrible, can it?
Just as I pondered over the unthinkable, a rather energetic knocking came from my door.
"You may enter."
But of course, it wasn't locked. I braced myself for the inevitable as…
"Iris-sama! I have great news Iris-sama! You have visitors tomorrow! Please remember to wake early and be at your best behavior! As for whom the guests are, I'm afraid I can't let you know yet. That is all; please continue to enjoy your break, princess."
...Claire burst in with a face of excitement and revealed something very important.
That evening.
I paced around my large and empty bedroom as I waited.
I have not been involved in much business since the Elroad mission ended with wild success.
On a side note, that prince also has a scheduled meeting with me in a few days . What does he want? I can think of several possibilities, but none of them are any good.
Being on the higher tiers of royalty, I have only had these scheduled meetings with other high-ranked officials, like that spoiled noob...
But regular visitors? Out of nowhere?
Something about it strikes me as exciting, but it also made me quite anxious.
By the way, since Claire kept adamantly refusing to tell me the details while wearing a blissful expression, I assigned my spy team the righteous deed of getting more insight on these mysterious visitors.
It was for the best to both of us!
Just now, a translucent figure began to materialize in front of me.
"Thea-san! Did you find out who they are?"
It was Thea nee-san, my former trainer and lead spy, teleporting in.
"Y-your Highness, I have the information you requested, but now I'm not sure if I should tell it to you either… "
Seriously?
What kind of situation would be so terrible that not even my most trustworthy subordinate could bear revealing to me?
Kazuma's party had been effectively keeping the Demon King at bay recently, the amount of corrupt nobles also took a dip when Lalatina-san initiated the surprise tax collection.
Unless…
"Your Highness, Kazuma-dono and his party will be visiting tomorrow-"
"Really!? That's lit! Perhaps I'll finally hear the whole story about Dark Angel and onii-chan's guild! Maybe even…"
Great, I got too excited again. Keeping composure is a lot harder than what most people give it credit for.
"... Excuse me… Anyway, what brought the prestigious party here this time?"
After taking a deep breath and calming myself, I asked Thea the inevitable question.
"About that… Your Highness, this matter might be highly sensitive for you, Kazuma-dono and his party. Are you absolutely certain that…?"
Responded Thea after taking a deep breath of her own.
By now, my earlier enthusiasm has died away completely.
A matter that is highly sensitive to both onii-sama's party and myself…
Somehow, I couldn't help but feel pessimistic about what's to come, not to mention the tone Thea-san used.
"Onii-chan… he's in massive debt again, isn't he?"
It's only reasonable to become indebted after the Great Axel Taxation last year. As a royal, I must help him by whatever means-
"Errrr… actually, he managed to hide from the tax collectors by getting thrown in jail. While he was harassed by other adventures for evading the tax, he hasn't been robbed yet either. The truth is-"
Hearing that, my mood brightened a little.
"Ah, no need then. As long as onii-chan is well, I'm happy!"
It's about time for me to stop being sensitive anyway.
Besides, even the usually disapproving Claire-san couldn't hold her smiles when talking about it.
Whatever's next couldn't be too bad, right?
… dang, I just raised a flag didn't I?
"Well then, if that's your wish, princess-sama. I shall withdraw now."
With that, Thea disappeared in an instant.
Part 2
That night.
Needless to say, I will likely be not getting any sleep.
Instead, I kept worrying about what surprises might onii-sama have in store.
It really made me wonder…
How did it come to this?
Satou Kazuma… at first a mere playmate, then somehow became my brother, then bodyguard, finally…
No, Iris, you promised. You promised that you will never be headstrong or abuse your cuteness again.
Which means that Kazuma-san is and can only be a brother to you.
That's right, when I said that I loved onii-chan, I meant it as a brother!
However, as I turned back around on my bed, my eyes fell upon the toy ring that Kazuma bought from Elroad…
Right, he still has the engagement ring doesn't he?
What should we make of that then?
Although he technically obtained it illegally and I had promised to be no more than his little sister, I still kind of hope that he keeps it…
… Hopefully forever.
As a token of friendship, of course!
We will forever be fellow adventurers at heart, no matter how much the world changes around us.
I tried to cheer myself up as I slipped the cheaply-made iron-and-glass ring around my finger.
I smiled at the familiar sensation, yet my vision blurred a little…
Well, that was a valiant attempt.
Not wanting to think too much more, I buried my face into the pillow and dozed off.
"Iris-sama, Iris-sama! Not like this; please wake up!"
A familiar voice called at me from the abyss.
"Iris-sama, wake up!"
The voice became louder.
On a side note, it feels quite drafty.
Where did I fall asleep this time?
Let's see…
I opened my eyes with some effort and immediately saw Rain standing at the door, her face blushed and shocked.
Between her and I is a pile of…
Crap, that's my dress!
It all suddenly came to me; I had fallen asleep while changing after waking up before the sun has even risen!
But more importantly…
"Your Highness is finally awake! Please get dressed quickly; Kazuma-dono and his friends are currently having a chat with Claire-san in the premium guest room- ah, apologies, I have to run..."
Saying that, Rain hurried off, closing the door behind her.
…
How could I!? How could I be late for such an important event!? How could I fall asleep while half-naked!? What if onii-chan came in while…
I willfully cut off the last thought and hastily threw on my new dress.
I was told earlier to stay in my bedroom as I wait for them.
Ah, those old days when onii-sama told me bedtime stories.
I still remember his story about Dark+Angel and how the guild leader took her in to go on many many epic adventures together…
...though for some reason, the massive guild dissolved in the end.
Just as I wondered about what the rest of the story might entail, I heard footsteps approaching from behind the door.
I quickly righted my sitting position and put on a welcoming smile.
After all, no matter how negative the news onii-chan is about to bring might be, starting a long-awaited meeting on a high note is always a good idea.
Before long, the door was knocked…!
"You may enter!"
I called with a bright voice.
Seconds later, I found myself in an uncontrollable embrace with Kazuma.
I tried to act collected and prepared, but ultimately failed to resist the temptation.
Sorry, Kazuma's teammates~
Hey, at least we're in relative privacy-
"I-Iris!" *4
I broke the hug in response to everyone's somewhat surprised greeting.
"Good morning, Aqua-san, Megumin-Big-Boss-san, Lalatina-san! Good morning, onii-sama!"
Returning the favor, I sat back down onto the bed.
This wonderful team was my team for a time.
My extended family…!
… And my chivalrous criminals in arms, but that's a story for another day.
"H-hey, long time no s-see, Iris! Nee-san is here to teach you l-lewd dances!"
I see Aqua-san had been drinking.
My newly-acquired intuition tells me that the wine was her primary reason for coming here.
But at least the others are…!
Huh?
Lalatina-san was looks exasperated…Along with Claire and Rain!?
Crap, did I screw up again?
They had both buried their faces in their hands.
Oh come on, it's the first time we've met in a year! Please cut me some slack?
"Onii-sama! It's been so long! Too long! I'm happy AF to see you, to see you all!"
A year's worth of pent-up loneliness just released involuntarily-if I can't be myself with these people, then who?
"Ah… good morning my dear sister. Sorry for not visiting you more often, but those guards really…"
Kazuma responded in a somewhat nervous manner.
"Indeed, my faithful underling. The thieving group has suffered great economic hardship without your support. As your Big Boss, I sincerely apologise for not reaching out to you sooner."
Followed Megumin with an unusually gentle voice.
Wait, why is she apologizing the first thing in the morning, anyway? She's the boss, after all!
Even though Megumin-san claimed to be sincere, I could sense some deeper insecurity between her wavering eyes and dishonest excuse.
After the initial exchange, Kazuma took a chair close to the windows; the furthest one from the bed on which I sat.
Instead, the person directly across from me was Lalatina-san, who kept her uneasy expression.
The onee-san's were all dressed in formal dresses…much to my dismay. I longed to wear my armor and take a walk with them ready for battle!
What is going on?
Onii-sama's party then proceeded to sit awkwardly in silence for a moment as their drunk archpriest was escorted out by a pair of maids.
Eh?
What's this atmosphere I'm only clueing into now?
This visit is going south at an alarmingly fast rate.
Why do their smiles look so forced?
A million questions raced through my mind and they must have noticed because even the forced smiles turned to genuine concern.
Don't look at me that way!
Bad news…
This has to be horrible news!
I felt a sudden draft and chill.
Onii-chan appears to be under a lot of pressure; his eyes kept darting back and forth between Megumin and I.
He also seems to be having something to say that he couldn't get out.
It was Lalatina-san who broke the silence,
"So… nice to see you again, Your Highness. Today we've come to resolve an important, ongoing... conflict."
She sounded uncertain about her choice of words.
As if she's dancing around the issue.
Lalatina-san then glanced over at Kazuma-signaling for him to talk, probably.
"...Ahhh! You see, Iris, there's actually nothing wrong at all! We simply wanted to see-oww!"
Megumin elbowed him harshly and spoke in his stead,
"Look, my underling-princess Iris, the situation is that… I am… with Kazuma-san… we're getting engaged."
I felt my mind blank out for a brief moment.
So the observations added up; they were dating after all.
First the explosion walks, then the bed sharing, and now…
Not that it would affect me… I'm his little sister, right? I should be feeling proud of him!
"Ahh, that's g-great news! Onii-sama is getting his own family! Is there an-anything I could help with?"
…yet, I only felt more depressed than ever.
…
Fine!
At this point, I might as well admit it and come to terms with myself;
I… do love Onii-sama, don't I…?
So what? It won't change the fact that he is…
Maybe I'll have to settle for a harem, like in onii-sama's weird games?
It's an extremely risky choice in more ways than one, but yet...
It doesn't sound too bad considering it's Big Boss I'll be sharing him with.
"No need, Iris! What I mean is that… you can help if you want, but we're here for… another reason…"
Onii-sama has become so nervous that his voice is stuttering.
There's more? Just how much has happened without me knowing?
Suddenly, Claire and Rain withdrew from the room.
Now I really wish that I listened to all Thea had to say last night.
The door clicked shut and the room froze.
Kazuma then stood up abruptly and said in an monotone voice as if he's reciting,
"Your Highness-"
Don't call me that! It sounds cold AF!
"-I, Satou Kazuma, wish to first inform you on behalf of my party that-"
And what's with that formality!? I'm your sister, FFS!
"-we fully acknowledge and apologize for any inconvenience and psychological shock that this might cause you-"
I couldn't help but gulp as my heart raced.
This is a typical start to any casualty report or rejection letter!
"-I, Satou Kazuma, also wish to apologize for committing theft of royal properties-"
No! You protected me by stealing the necklace! You did nothing wrong! And you may keep the ring as-
"-and shall hereby revoke the contract of engagement."
No! It's not a contract! You could have kept it as a memento or souvenir or something!
As anything that reminds you of me!
No…
Tears started automatically filling up inside my eyelids.
But I've been taught many ways to hold them back since I was young, and I'm skilled at it.
"As per requested by Claire-dono, we have come to return the engagement ring to it's respectful owner."
And silence followed.
My vision became a blur.
All I could make out was the crisp tink as the ring was dropped onto the table.
A room that suddenly felt very big, and all the warmth now drained from it.
The atmosphere had turned painful, it felt like someone had died…
Or rather, something had died?
Onii... Kazuma-dono sat down and covered his face with both of his hands, as if this was the hardest moment he had ever faced.
Impossible! This can't possibly be!
Since when did this perverse lolicon become so monogamous and reliable!?
My poker face is slowly falling apart as the tears increased in volume.
Seemingly sensing my miserable state, Lalatina-san tried to comfort me,
"Iris-sama, we can see ourselves out whenever you wish."
It's getting incredibly difficult to refrain from outright crying.
I'm way too emotional for someone of royalty!
Mimicking Kazuma, I, too, lowered my head.
"Y-your Highness, please don't look so dejected! I didn't try to- I mean, I tried but I didn't mean to approach him this aggressively-a-and he played along! That NEET somehow had the courage to return my feelings and promise to be with only me! He even dumped Darkness! So please forgive me, it all just… happened!"
Megumin-dono desperately explained, hoping to ease any possible grudges I might hold against her.
"Megumin! You're only complicating things further by dragging me in!"
But the truth is, I could never come to hate my Big Boss.
"Hey! Don't act like you're innocent! Everyone here knows you kissed me! Twice!"
Nor do I hate onii-sama or Lalatina-san.
"Ah, right! Let me tell you how much your nii-chan loved you! The first thing he thought of when I wanted to sleep with him was to write a letter to you!"
But that does not make this okay.
That does not make any of this okay!
I'm very hurt and don't feel like seeing anyone right now.
I also do not currently care about what happened to the letter he apparently wrote…
Because I'm…
I'm angry AF!
"Everybody, withdraw at once."
I'm a royal, a top-tiered one at that.
"Guards! Remove them."
I shouldn't even be prone to this type of emotional manipulation!
Panicked pleas were heard as the door burst open and a mess of footsteps followed.
Right now, all I need is silence.
Part 3
Tick… tock… tick…
The clock in my bedroom has never sounded louder.
Because for once, I sat on my bed and thought of nothing for hours.
How could I find something to think of…
...when the last interesting piece of my life just vanished?
It was a first-time-in-forever surprise visit from my dearest adventuring party and I kicked them out.
At least I didn't let any weakness fluid flow. Yet, anyway.
So much for getting excited.
So much for my education.
I fell backwards onto my bed and stared out the large windows.
The sun has set, and I haven't eaten either of my meals.
Somewhere out there…
I hope they aren't hating me for what I did.
It wasn't to shun them, but was merely me correcting my fragile and inappropriate mental state.
Sorry for that.
… Tick… tock… tick…
Now looking at the window just reminded me of that night.
When those two memorable figures dashed through this very room and out this very window, taking with them the ring that now sat alone on the desk.
What I wouldn't give for them to climb up the walls, through the window just to steal it back again…
The image is vivid.
So vivid that I could almost see the grappling hook catching the window frame.
I could even hear the laborious breaths and light footsteps as they climbed the wall.
...wait.
That is an actual grappling hook.
And someone is really climbing the tower.
My eyes shot wide open as I sprang off the bed and sprinted my way to the window to find…!
"La-Lalatina-san!?"
"Shhhh! This is only my second time, please don't judge!"
And within seconds, all of my worries, memories and sorrows were replaced with questions.
With some difficulty, Lalatina-san managed to squeeze through the window.
Not that I'm doubting her skills, but…
Let's just say that crusaders are not thieves for a reason.
"Lalatina-san? Why have you come at night? Why are you all alone? Where did you get the equipment? From whom did you learn to climb walls?"
I rapid-fired my questions to her.
She mentioned something about this being her second time.
So when was the first?
"I-Iris-sama… slow… slow down… y-you have no idea… how tall that was…"
Lalatina-san collapsed in a chair and breathed heavily.
By the way, she's wearing her undershirt without armor.
Which makes her look really…
...lewd.
"It's like this, Iris-sama. I am a part of the silver hair thieving group now-or at least I was for one night. I infiltrated with them when all the orphanage stuff happened and we needed to sneak into a demon's castle. But that's all beside the point."
The silver hair thieving group? As in, them?
Unbelievable! Even Lalatina-san got closer to him than I ever did.
"I knew this would happen; that you would take the news badly and remove us to sulk by yourself. I came to make sure you're fine and don't do anything rash."
Lalatina-san explained with a serious face.
Don't worry; I'd never leave an entire nation behind for my own selfish causes.
"And I knew all that because… well, as you've heard, he rejected me, too."
She blushed at the mention of the event.
I have to wonder though…
"What did it feel like to almost have a man? His heart?"
Lalatina-san looked down and seemed to consider my question, then after a few moments-
"His heart? I don't know...His interest? Sure, that one night, back when I was almost married off...it nearly happened and I felt so much regret."
Poor Lalatina… She still doesn't understand Onii-sama's primary attribute.
"You can't win him over with just ero...You understand that don't you?"
Now it was her turn to look depressed.
"...So it seems… and I guess that means...I never really had a chance." She said morosely.
-then fixed me with a very strange glare!
"That said…'small and cute' seems to work very well on him!"
I wish.
"Is Latatina-san unconfident with her own body, jealous of mine, or both? ...Don't answer that."
I took back my question and said something else,
"I think...I had that moment multiple times already..."
… That seemed to only worsen Lalatina-san's mood.
"Hey! "
It was only the truth.
Had I held off Megumin till he accepted me…
I could have-
I would have-
I would have... devastated her.
Oh…
It leaked.
The next thing I knew I was no longer a princess, or a noble.
I was just a little girl crying my eyes out.
And Lalatina-san was holding me, rocking me… and for some reason, she's crying every bit as hard.
It all makes me wonder…
Did onii-sama's old guild take Dark+Angel well?
Or did they secretly hate her?
I hate this.
Sometime later, we had some food brought to the room.
In my...Anger? Anguish? Whichever, I had utterly forgotten to eat dinner.
And now Lalatina was sort of… drunk.
"Uwah..heheh...Iri-chan..you're lucky… here in the castle. At least you don't get reminded of it all day and night."
I don't think Big Boss would flaunt things cruelly ...would she?!
"The walls of the mansion (hic)...are...thinner ...worse at hiding the sounds…."
Sounds...huh. WTF! She's implying?! She can hear them…!?
"This one time...One night, Megumin even knocked on my door and told me to 'be quieter we're trying to sleep!'"
Luckily, my worries were misplaced.
"And then... all those letters he had me post to you (sniff)"
Wait a second, what? I've heard about him sending it but…
Letters, plural!?
I grabbed her by the shoulders and looked right into her eyes… and she seemed to sober up immediately.
"Do tell me about these letters you posted for Onii-sama. Tell me in detail!'
Early the next morning I had certain parties look into certain ...issues. And now, I have summoned a formal meeting in the throne room.
Complete with guards and-
-certain extras.
Ahh, there she is!
The large and ornate doors to the throne room slowly opened, and Claire strode into the room, looking a little off put by the unusually large attendance for a summons by myself.
She went to the usual spot for supplicants and knelt down and-
"As commanded by her Highness, I appear…"
Such a good show of splendid loyalty!
Sure thing.
"Rise my loyal bodyguard and guardian. Report."
Claire's tilts her head in confusion, 'report on what?' she must be thinking.
"Ahem, the measures to inhibit Kazuma-san's movements to the capital have been rescinded. Most of his group went straight back to Axel after you showed them what for...I mean ran out of patience. It is not my place to comment on Dustiness-kyo's behavior though."
Look at that smugly attitude.
If that's how you want to play this,
"Funny you should mention things 'not being your place'. For the record, what is your place again?" I said with icy civility.
Oh, now she gets it. Something is off right? She's starting to squirm.
This feels-
Not bad?
"I am the head of the Noble House Symphonia, a high noble of this kingdom and your personal bodyguard. I am also guardian regent to you the first princess in your father the King's necessary absence in these days of conflict with the Devil King."
"Ah, I see then. So I am correct in my thinking that you are not, in fact, a royal? Of any house or nation?"
"Huh?! Uh...that is correct? Your highness?" Claire said looking around nervously.
This feels kind of nice.
This look of panic.
Ahh…
I'm enjoying this way more than I'm supposed to.
"You are surely aware then, that to interfere with, intercept, or break the seal of messages intended for royalty is universally counted a capital crime in this world, yes? A crime on the level of high treason. "
The silence in this room is deafening.
Yet at the same time, I can somehow hear the gears grinding away in Claire's little head.
Rain is also looking highly uncomfortable from the sidelines.
Don't worry; stop teaching me stupid economics and you'll be spared!
"So Claire-san, do tell me what happened to the thirty-six letters Kazuma sent to me over the last year or so, posted by Dustiness-kyo under state seal and attached envelope? Those carried the absolute legal protection after all, I doubt even the Demon King would tolerate one being trifled with had it been addressed to him."
"I..I was acting in your best interest your highness! That's right, I was doing my duty as protector and guardian!"
"None the less, you have no standing, or right to do such a thing. You have violated the trust that my father, myself and this kingdom placed in you."
"Iris-sama please! I couldn't allow that man to influence you, or capture your heart! Only a less cunning, more heroic person…-Nothing good could come from such a uncultured criminal getting his hooks in-"
"SILENCE!"
I commanded.
I had never done that before, not seriously anyway.
I had never really believed the expression 'seeing red' in anger was literal.
No one.
No one outside the party insults Onii-sama like that.
Not on my watch!
Not today!
"That 'uncultured criminal' has accomplished ten times as much for the peace of this kingdom, and of the world then every person in this castle combined. A more heroic person? Please Claire… List out all such men in this world who have done more. Where does this confidence of yours come from? All of you 'nobles' go slay some Demon King generals before you speak on behalf of me!"
Wow-
Now most of the royal court is squirming as well.
Is this what authority and power feels like?
"Claire, by now even you must know that Kazuma-san is the one most likely to defeat the Demon King, out of anyone-and still you behave like this."
She just can't accept it.
She won't.
She can't.
Because she-
"Claire of House Symphonia, it is our judgment that you have let your personal...deviant affections cloud your sound judgement."
Claire's head shot up in horror as the room erupted in whispers and shuffling feet. Did she think I'd have no clue?
Some things just are not spoken of.
Until they are!
"Iris-sama…" she said, tears now openly showing in her eyes.
Don't act sad; you brought this upon yourself.
You had it coming all along!
You thought yesterday was your victory, the end of your little conspiracy.
It was indeed the end.
"Claire-san, what is the charge of the guardian regency placed upon you by my father? I command you to recite it."
"T-That I would wield the royal authority and have power to act in your name as both guardian, and regent of the King until you are of the age of your majority . To govern in your stead and look after the wellbeing of yourself and the kingdom until such time as you are of age."
Oh Claire, you already look half dead.
"Claire-san, what is the legal age of majority in this country?"
"Fourteen your highness…"
"Claire-san, how old am I?"
She can't say it. That's ok, she doesn't have to. I look to the court scribe and record keeper that is standing at the ready.
"The princess Iris is fourteen years of age, she has met the legal standard."
As I stand up, silence hushes over the throne room.
"Bring forth the block!"
I commanded again.
I could sense everyone's hearts skip a beat.
Two attendants carry in the ornate, gilded headsman's block, reserved for nobility. It hasn't seen much use in my lifetime. Rather, it's the first time I've even seen it.
Claire's looking at it in a cold sweat and shaking.
Good…
"Clair of House Symphonia, I command you to place the regents seal on the block."
With much hesitation, and with tremendous shame, she obeys.
I hope this hurts.
I hope it hurts as much as you hurt me.
I won't feel pity for you.
Not yet.
The regents seal is a custom made ring, emblazoned with the crown, my own name as well as the mark of Claire's house. It is the sign of the office and authority. Like royal signet, by tradition such things never survive beyond the office's life.
However, I want this one to be a little more dramatic!
"Headsmen! Take your blade and destroy the Ring of Regency."
The symbolism is not lost of the audience, or on Claire as she falls to her knees, weeping openly.
"Ping-"
And it is done.
My childhood is severed.
"As of now, I take upon myself the powers and authorities of my birth. So let it be noted in the royal registers!"
Everyone kneels-
Everyone but Claire.
Not that she could get down when she's already down.
I've had my pound of flesh.
It'll suffice...for now.
Claire isn't all that selfish either.
She had protected me for a long time from the scammers and kidnappers. It's no surprise that she treated Kazuma the same way.
Bodyguards have this phobia for cunning people more often than not.
But nonetheless, she was the one that let him be my guard in Elroad.
I sat upon the throne and for the first time it doesn't feel too big for me.
Now, I may have overdone it-she looks shaken and devastated.
"Claire-san, please rise…"
Did she expect to put her head on that block next?
"Claire-san, I appoint you as my first counselor, advisor, and charge you with the keeping of matters pertaining to the kingdom."
Oh, that look!
This is also nice!
Watching Claire recover from her dread was satisfying.
Maybe it's about time I stepped out of Kazuma's shadow too-
Part 4
Several days later.
My mood has practically returned to normal, mostly thanks to Claire letting me unload my wrath upon her.
We haven't talked since then, but I'm fairly certain that she feels just fine.
Rain also decided to unconditionally give me a vacation; I appreciate her for that.
Although now that he left me, I'm once again prone to marrying an actual prince and potentially having to carry the responsibilities of running a kingdom.
Which makes learning economics all the more important.
But all aside, I'm preparing today for the meeting with the prince of Elroad, Revi.
Yes, the snob that I nearly had to marry.
I told him a while ago that I didn't want to see anyone for the time being, but he insisted.
What trick does he have up his sleeve this time?
I pushed the door to the small meeting room open and made my way in.
Surprisingly, Revi-san had requested to see me personally in private.
Claire and Rain both expressed disagreement, but neither of them acted on it for their own reasons.
I sat down behind the table and waited for his entry.
I'm a mature princess now and I should behave like one. I will handle this idiot on my own.
So in case he decides to ask me if I would reconsider marrying him, I'll just say-
"Good morning Miss Belzerg Stylish Sword-"
"I won't marry you."
I may have gotten slightly ahead of myself there, but sooner is always better than later and faster is always safer than slower.
"...W-what!? That had to be the fastest rejection in history…! Regardless, I'm not here to propose… Well, I did come to propose but not to you; I came to propose a deal-"
"I won't marry you even with bribe money. Well, maybe I'll consider it if you're paying more than 10 trillion eris."
Money can't buy everything… unless there's a critical mass of it, in which case it can indeed buy anything.
Everything from the kingdom's military strength, food production, to happiness for the adventurers.
See? Economics isn't as hard as Rain had made it out to be. Kazuma-san had me covered!
"Excuse me princess, please allow me to explain first! I did not come to win your heart! We are only friends, remember? That said, I have something amazing to show you which you'll have a 96.67% chance of wanting."
Revi replied almost desperately. He might have come for an actual, valid reason this time.
"Oh really? Something I want!? That's brilliant, my prince! Will you deliver me freedom from the incarceration of this tower?"
I may have overdone the sarcastic tone, but he only looked more excited.
"As expected of the princess of Belzerg! Guessing it on her first try! Exactly, we at Elroad have discovered a potential technology that will allow us-you-to sneak out unnoticed! How's it sound?"
Oi.
What?
Did he just… say something important?
Revi continued as I tried to process what he's suggesting.
"Shocked? Unsurprising! Ever since the spy demon had been defeated thanks to you, Your Highness, our scientists have been working hard on replicating his abilities based on his remains. We found that he's distinct from other demons in that his abilities are innate to the matter that made up him…which means that we can make wonderful weap- tools from his corpse! Since I've heard from my subordinates that you often feel lonely and wish to get out more-"
"Wait! Before you start convincing me to invest, tell me why you're so obsessed with my desires! …And say I'm hypothetically interested, what would I be paying back in this deal!?"
Thanks to his education, he's sounding more and more like a door-to-door salesman.
"... Look, I… Felt extremely excited to be your friend! Yeah! I couldn't sleep the night after you departed! You, the powerful Dragon Slayer, are my friend! That leads into the second answer-I wish to learn combat skills from you. My personal trainers all have business backgrounds and are really...!"
Really? You'd rather learn combat skills from a 14-year-old little girl than any professional trainer?
Real smooth, you snake.
"...Having said that, because the research will cost a fortune, our casinos cannot support it as it is. If you will allow us to reduce our imbursement for the next year or so… we can promise that we deliver the product by-hey! No hitting!"
In the afternoon.
Long story short, I got counter-bribed.
The plan goes as follows:
The scientists and mages at Elroad are working to create a mindless, realistic clone puppet out of Ragcraft's remains. It could be controlled telepathically by me from outside the castle to act as a dummy.
With the dummy in place, I could sneak out of the castle anytime I want and do whatever I want. More importantly, I could play with Big Boss or Lalatina-san if I feel like doing that again sometime in the future.
In return, I would have one-on-one training sessions with Revi to help him gain skill points so that he can…
On a second thought, why would a prince of a casino nation need combat abilities?
I'm certain there is an ulterior motive to this deal, but I'll let it slide because freedom after being effectively grounded for this long is very important to me.
But regardless of what it ends up being, the dummy won't be finished for another long while.
Hopefully, I'll at least be able to sleep better during the wait-
Today is an important day.
A battlebase to the east is being reopened as a resort as the demon army's front continued to be pushed back.
We have been doing a number on them lately, thanks to the tremendous contribution from one renowned party from Axel in particular.
I also have to retake an economics exam that I failed for the third time.
What else…
Right, after a year of waiting, Elroad's prince finally notified me that the product I had invested in was complete.
Not that I really need it anymore; I've adapted to the lifestyle of constantly being busy and staying inside rather well.
Living the life of an adventurer is but a childhood fantasy at this point.
My identity could easily be exposed; to think that a brown robe could hide it was naive of me. Not having an adventurer's card just puts the final nail in the coffin.
But I'll attend to his meeting anyway. After all, 15% of our funding have been going towards research for the past year.
Also, a doppelganger slave will prove… useful.
When the meeting ended, the amazingly accurate clone was sent en route to Belzerg while I stayed behind to train with Revi.
I was surprised he even kept his word. I might have to reevaluate my view of this boy.
We haven't decided on the location yet, but if there's one thing this world doesn't lack, it'd be empty fields and monsters.
Or so I thought.
"Your Highness, are you sure what you said about there being an abundance of monsters out here was true…?"
We're currently heading straight north, in hopes of finding some tough monsters in the mountain ranges nearby.
"...Well, that coming from the princess of a frontline nation, you can't accuse me of lying."
However, considering that we're around Elroad, a back line economy nation, finding monsters probably isn't as easy as I had imagined, especially after I've defeated the Golden Dragon already.
…
"It really is quite awkward being alone with me in the wilderness isn't it? Sorry about that Your Highness."
Revi, whatever tactic that was, it's not working.
So we've been exploring for hours after some elementary training, but so far we've encountered nothing.
What a gaping hole in our plans…!
I wish I had Luna-san's problem right now, having too many missions and not enough adventurers to complete them.
I wish there was a job board or something at Elroad.
In fact, I wish I could go to Axel right now!
Too bad we don't have access to mages right at the moment either.
"Your Highness, look over there! What is that!?"
Your tactics are only getting worse, prince-san.
I remained silent.
"No, really…! Is that a lone hawkite overhead? Why is it circling us? Why is it alone!?"
I looked up this time and surprisingly saw the monster in question.
"Well, it's better than nothing. Why not use it to demonstrate your archery skills? "
True, a flying, lone hawkite is indeed a rare sight, but we can't just go home empty-handed either.
"Your Highness, I somehow have an ominous feeling about killing such a monster… like it's the harbinger of something far stronger."
Revi suddenly lost his prior braveness and said something discouraging like that.
"Even better! We'll never get anywhere if we only practice with low level dummies. Besides… "
I drew my sword in a reassuring manner.
"It'll be nothing a Sacred•Explode can't take care of!"
I was merely bluffing, but let's be realistic; what are the chances for another dragon-grade enemy to be around a backline nation?
"You called it, princess! Check out my [Snipe]!"
Revi cocked his crossbow and shot at the hawkite.
...and missed.
"Well, it was a close shot. Don't feel down, I believe if you managed to hit those discs back there, you-"
"It dodged! It did a barrel roll and dodged! That little bastard…!"
Are you sure your eyes are okay, prince-san?
"Damn! It's too nimble! It's trying to fly away! [Snipe]! [Snipe]! [Scattershot]!"
Revi seems quite tilted.
Though the maneuvers this particular hawkite performed do appear abnormal for a low-grade creature.
"Your Highness, it's escaping! Take it down, please! I can't let this mockery go unpunished!"
I sighed.
If you say so, prince-san!
"In that case… watch and learn! [Exterion]-!"
With a flash of bright light, the hawkite…
...escaped.
Part 5
"You were right, we should track it down. That has to be a demon general in disguise! It has to be!"
Moments later.
"But… wasn't the disguising demon general, Sylvia, defeated by a young crimson demon some time ago? Also, could you run slower!?"
We're chasing the mysterious, highly skilled hawkite after it humiliated both of us.
Well, my ego may have taken slightly more damage than his, but the point is...
"What if she… or rather, he… Whatever, it had a sister!? Or brother! Ahh, sibling! By the way, Kazuma-san was the one who found out its weakness and Big-Megumin-san was the one who charged it!"
We must find out where it came from; or better, kill it.
"What'd be… the point… ? Even if it was… a demon or… something… why don't we… leave it… alone?"
Revi's stamina stat evidently needs buffing.
But I will not give up for any reason!
This smug bastard of a hawkite must die!
"[Exterion]! [Exterion]! [Exterion]!"
"Please calm down You Highness! What if you accidentally hit me!?"
I rapid-fired my skills as I chased the beast.
But alas, it kept dodging the attacks…!
"This is unforgivable AF! I didn't want to use this, bird! But if I must…!"
"Your Highness! Watch your feet! There's a-!"
"[Sacred•Explode]-!"
Bright beams shot out of my sword and converged upon the offending animal.
It burst into burnt feathers and disappeared!
Like fireworks in the sky!
Take that, you mocking-
"Ha! -Wha-? Ahh!"
All of the sudden, I found myself tumbling down a hill.
"Your Highness, are you alright!?"
Ow….
Now I am lying in a pile of leaves, upside down.
In a daze, I suddenly realized why Kazuma-san learned all those little skills.
With his skill set, that puny bird would have been easily taken care of with a Bind and Tinder.
Ahh, even I have areas to improve…!
As for the question… No, I'm not alright with what you're looking at!
"...!"
But then again, it's difficult to not see them in my current position. I'll let him off-for this time.
I quietly and swiftly righted myself and-
"Wahhhh…"
Eh?
Did I just hear crying?
"Your Highness! Are you hurt? You are all dirty and-"
I shushed Revi as he caught up to me.
Treading through the underbrush, I tried to locate the source of this sound.
Revi followed suit in being silent, then whispered,
"Princess, that might be the alluring sound of a tranquility girl. Or boy, if those still exist. Long story short, don't fall for them!"
Tranquility monsters, huh?
I know how they work and do admit that they are still highly effective against me.
In that case…
"Go ahead and scout it out then; hopefully, you are strong enough to kill a stationary plant."
Revi shot me a look of disapproval and ventured forth.
Meanwhile, I stayed put to inspect my surroundings.
I seem to have fallen into a sparse forest.
A rather peaceful one, too… at least at a glance.
Using this moment of calmness, I focused my mind on the clone that I recently gained telepathic control over.
Through its eyes, I could tell that the capital's express carriage has just arrived at Belzerg.
I commanded it to go nap while we finish up our first training session.
If everything goes smoothly, Thea-san would simply teleport us back when we're done.
After that, I could make the clone open the door to the back garden and swap myself back in.
That said, there shouldn't be any real danger exploring the wilderness.
"Your Highness, Your Highness!"
Revi whispered as he came running back panickedly.
"What is it? Did you get rejected by a plant?"
"Like I would! What I mean is; it's not a tranquility girl at all! You have to come see this!"
Oh Revi, weren't you the first to bring up tranquility girls!?
"Waaaaa-"
"Hey there, we have everything under control, so don't worry!"
"Yes yes, calm down! I guarantee you, there's nothing this scary princess can't kill!"
I shot him a look.
"Ahem, I mean, this beautiful and well trained princess right from the most militarily powerful nation in the world!"
Look, if you have something against me, please keep it to yourself next time!
"Waah-hic… Kodi, noo-"
I ignored that "prince" and focused on the matter at hand.
The source of crying turned out to be a young boy.
...currently in the mouth of a lizard runner!
"Revi, use your sleeping dart, I'll get the boy!"
"Understood Your Highness! [Tranquilize]!"
Not bad; he was able to land the hit from no more than 20 meters away.
The lizard runner was startled by the shot and tried to run away…!
Luckily, it was slowed enough for me to cut in.
"Here I come! [Flash•Strike]-!"
"Waaah- Huh!?"
I charged right through the lizard runner.
It was instantly chopped in half and I landed with the boy in my arms.
"It's all fine now, you're safe!"
I reassured the child.
"Nooo… nooo! Ahhhh!"
But he continued to panic.
"Princess! There are more!"
I looked around at the alert and spotted dozens of monsters of all shapes and sizes charging straight at us…!
I take back what I said about this place being remotely peaceful!
"Ahhh… GG."
As a princess, protecting innocent civilians is my duty-even if they aren't from the same kingdom.
"As the prince of the neighbouring nation, Elroad, I have eliminated the offending monsters for your safety. Please return home and do not wander alone into this forest again."
…Sure, Mr. Prince, sure.
The monsters were all high-levelled and considerably more strategic than I anticipated.
However, I was able to insta-kill them before they could hurt the boy.
"Waaaah! Evil! Noooo...!"
...Yet, he never once stopped crying and complaining.
"Revi, you shouldn't talk to children like how you talk to officials. Here, let me handle it."
Not that I had any more experience at dealing with kids than him.
Rather, I had more experience at being dealt with as a kid.
Treat others how you want to be treated, right?
"Hey there; that might have been a little scary for you, but I assure you that you're safe now. If there's still anything wrong, go ahead and tell me! You can call me Iris, by the way."
I sat down near the child and tried to start a peaceful conversation.
"Waahh! Iris is what's wrong! Iris is barbarian!"
Wait, what?
My smile froze on my face.
"You killed my Kodi! He's the pet I trained for school! You're evil!"
Kodi!? Pet!? Don't tell me…
"A-and you also killed Bartleby! My friend let me ride him for a day… How am I supposed to explain this now!?"
In my defense, I haven't seen anyone ride a lizard runner in its mouth.
"You also killed everybody's pets! They were here to rest and play and you…! Waaahhhh! Iris is evil! I hate Iris!"
A sudden wave of dread descended upon me.
Crap, I really messed up this time didn't I?
Just as I sat there frozen, Revi started panicking again.
"D-dragons! There are people riding dragons coming for us!"
I looked up and saw a whole squadron of what seems to be adventurers riding on furred dragons…!
...wait, why do those "dragons" have fur anyway?
Why do they have large ears and no arms?
I think they are giant bats, Revi-san!
But there's no time to theorize right now,
"Do we run!? I feel like we're getting into a lot of trouble!"
Although running away after essentially committing a crime is an unthinkable act, sometimes…
"Yes we do! Run!"
… You just gotta ditch!
I commanded the clone to tell Thea to teleport us back immediately.
Unfortunately, it is taking its time waking up from the nap.
Our pursuers are closing in…!
"[Slow]!"
"[Bind]!"
Dammit, we were so close-!
Part 6
And here we are.
I'll give you three guesses for where we ended up being taken to.
Hint: where do criminals go after being arrested?
Other than the police station, that is.
That's right, we're in court.
After being captured, we were flown to a rather small town.
One that definitely wasn't there when the maps were last updated two years ago.
Despite its modest size, it has a rather sophisticated interior and the seating resembled that of a proper court.
In fact, the whole town in general is laid out in an sophisticated fashion with heavily reinforced outer walls.
Monsters also roamed the streets along with civilians-all trained, I presume.
Judging by how court trials usually end back at home, I have an ominous feeling about our sentence.
Mainly because we're handcuffed with magic disrupting wristbands, so that I couldn't contact my clone.
"All rise!"
Too late, it has already begun.
The court is more full than I thought it would be; I guess what I did really upset them.
"The central court of the kingdom of Uroboros is now in session. Judge Allen is presiding. You may sit."
I sat down somewhat in phaze.
Kingdom? They call themselves a kingdom?
Either something fishy is going on or people here are more delusional than those crimson demons.
In fact, the name of their town sounds more ridiculous than any crimson demon's name.
"Good afternoon, faithful citizens of Uroboros. Today, we have summoned an urgent trial session due to unexpected circumstances involving foreigners, Belzerg Stylish Sword Iris and Elroad Ritch-Caché Revi, from the nation of Elroad's general direction. Due to time restrictions and their foreign nature, the accused will have to self-represent; they will be joined by attorney Hastings Sue Marithe, who will speak on behalf of 21 accusers. Defendants, are you ready?"
The judge, whom we now know as Allen, spoke in a grandiose manner.
"Ready to serve, Your Honor."
The attorney for the accuser replied confidently.
In response, I desperately looked over at Revi.
You're the prince of a casino nation so you should know a lot about law, right!? People there launder money all the time, don't they!?
Luckily, Revi returned a reassuring smile.
Though considering his performance so far, it's not saying much.
"I'm ready, Your Honor."
Thus the trial began. There is no saving us now.
"Your Honor, the defendant has broken multiple laws and has been charged with first and second degree slaughter of live private property, mental trauma causation, type 2 abduction, unauthorized border trespass, vandalism of public spaces, excessive usage of class D-7 and D-8 skills, general barbarism, resisting arrest… "
In contrast to the judge, the relatively petite attorney deeply inhaled mid-sentence.
Though something tells me she did it merely to exaggerate the amount of charges we have.
"...ownership of unregistered weapons and chapter 3 magic abuse. The defendants appeared in the vicinity of the southern border on OOOO/XX/OO afternoon with lethal weapons, seen aggressively attacking and harassing a legally registered and trained purebred hawkite. After brutalizing said pet, the defendants proceeded to cause psychological harm to the 7-year-old owner of said pet. Afterwards, the defendants also injured and killed… "
The attorney seemed to go on forever, spitting jargon that I could only hope to understand.
At some point-without realizing-she stopped.
"...Defendants, you may present your counter argument."
"Ah? Ah, yes… Y-Your Honor. We… "
Revi stuttered immediately.
Trusting this "prince" was my worst mistake…!
"Respectfully, Your Honor, we did not… we were… Wha-?"
Suddenly, Revi blinked a few times and his face totally straightened!
"We are foreigners, which meant that we are under protection from chapter 12 of the exemption laws, including various statements regarding ethical tolerance and culture difference. In addition, we're also under protection by the ethnic minority rights. The hawkite that we harmed earlier today had been outside the borders of Uroboros and therefore counted as a free-roaming monster. By the international territories law, said monster should be open for hunting by adventurers. Even after we supposedly trespassed the borders, the mass killing we performed had been for the well-being of the 7-year-old victim. Thus, we're also protected by the good samaritan law."
Revi sat back down.
I am in total phaze now.
How could he suddenly know all… this?
Even the opposing attorney looked utterly shocked!
I looked over to him in disbelief, only to find him staring ahead emotionlessly.
"Primary witness, you may speak. Please state your name."
Damn, I totally forgot about witnesses!
GG no re GG no re GG no re…
"Ugh… My… my name is… Tinker… Mel Tinker, Your Honor."
The boy that we were trying to save walked up to the podium and spoke.
Also, I'm starting to question if he really is a boy now.
What is up with this place?
"Thank you, Tinker Mel. May I first ask, what is your gender?"
Marithe asked.
It seems I wasn't the only one who had that question.
"I'm female, Your Honor…!"
He-or rather, she, said with a blush.
And it seems that we're about to have yet another charge placed against us.
Curses, all of this is too much embarrassment for me to handle!
"Thank you, Miss Mel. Now, were you hurt in any meaningful way that might require assistance from a third party before the incident? ...That is, did you feel like you needed any help before they came?"
It was very nice of you to explain it in layman's terms, Marithe! If only you did that for, say, every sentence!
Tinker only shook her head.
"If not, did you feel threatened by them?"
Of course, she nodded. Why wouldn't she?
"Finally, were you psychologically hurt, temporarily or permanently, as a result of this incident? …Basically, are you scared and sad?"
Hey.
As clueless as I am about law, I'm fairly certain that psychological damage goes further than just feeling sad.
Oh no, tears are welling up in her eyes… This is looking terrible for us!
"I have no further questions, Your Honor."
Marithe sat down with a slight grin.
As if that took any skill.
"The accused, do you have any questions for the witness?"
"Yes, Your Honor."
Go on; show her, Revi!
"Miss Mel, you were crying the whole time, yes?"
Sniffling, Tinker reluctantly nodded.
"Because you were crying, did you have trouble telling us that the monsters were trained and not wild?"
That's the key, Revi!
"Y-yes. I was too shocked…"
I could see the smug smile disappearing from Marithe's face.
"I have no more questions, Your Honor. Also, I would like to request a recess."
Just now, Revi's tone of voice became much softer and… mature.
His emotionless face also gained a slight smile.
Even the judge seems to notice it as he remained silent.
Revi continued,
"Witness, you're excused. Bailiff, please open the door… Oof-!"
…with that, the rarely cool prince collapsed back into his seat.
He rubbed his eyes and mumbled,
"Miss Belzerg… what… I think I fell asleep."
But I had more important matters at hand than shaking him awake.
Because everyone in the room is looking at the door.
The person who walked in was a girl around my height.
She wore a deep magenta, evil-looking robe that's clearly too big for her.
What is she doing here anyway…? Is everyone in this town insane!?
She walked slowly with both arms behind her back… who does she think she is?
Then, she gave a tiny nod to the judge, who hurriedly walked to the side and sat down.
Ah, I get it! She must be the princess of this… er, kingdom, or something!
Still, a strange choice of clothing.
However, as she took the judge's spot at the center bench, everyone knelt down for some reason.
"Lady Regina!" *n
Lady… who now!?
I've heard of that name before! …Somewhere!
"Please rise. The court session is dismissed; the jury found the defendant not guilty with conditions."
Before I could come to my senses, the courtroom was empty.
"Your Highness… Who is this? What happened? Did we win?"
Revi seemed to have no memory of his cool moments at all… unless…!
"The princess of Belzerg and prince of Elroad. What an unusual duo to meet. Having another go at marriage?"
Ignoring the slightly outrageous assumption, I asked the more important question,
"Were you mind controlling Revi?"
The magenta girl only smiled,
"Yes, it was a fun challenge defending the obviously guilty."
But you just said…
Way to toy with my mood, Regina!
All aside, I don't recall mind control being a skill any regular class could learn.
"Though I don't know a whole lot about you two, I could tell that you both love sneaking out. However, I don't wish to keep you here for any longer than required."
She started walking around the bench towards us.
I could suddenly sense a weak divine aura.
Could she be a…
"Hmm, why are you so quiet? The court session is over, you may speak anytime."
"Psst, Your Highness, I think she might be a real goddess! Regina of… was it… foresight and sadism? No… sloth and envy? Wait, wrong one…water and insanity? Oh I remember, something something puppets! Our history book mentioned her briefly!"
Oh Revi-san, I think she can hear you!
Regina let out a giggle,
"Pff… look, who I am is not important. The only universal rule in Uroboros is justice; those trained monsters you saw were all once invaders. They're also a crucial part in our society as they do most of the physical work. You've committed a crime by killing them and must be punished, though I'm giving you a choice."
What does she mean "not important"? Whether someone is a goddess is important AF!
"You shall make a choice between playing outside and holding the power of royalty. Either exit the premises and never be able to leave your respective capitals without permission again or give up your royal identities and complete a quest for me-after which they'll be restored and we'll pretend nothing happened."
Did she just say "quest"?
"And before you bring it up; no, I will not-and cannot-strictly control what you do afterwards. However, do remember that whatever goes around comes back around."
As in, completing a quest like a real adventurer!?
"If you do choose to complete the quest, know that you will be stripped entirely of your royal identities and current powers for it must happen in secret."
As not a princess but as a real adventurer!?
Sure, the well-being of my people is important…
But it's not like I have much say in national matters at this age anyway.
"Regina-sama, it's a shame that I won't be able to train with the princess any-mmMMM!?"
This brat wants to back down!
I covered his mouth and spoke in his stead,
"Regina-sama! We will gladly take the second option! Let's go! How do we get rid of our statuses? What quest will it be!?"
This would be even better than the dumb Ragcraft-doll!
I could do anything I want.
Out of excitement, I couldn't help but-
"Hey… Huh!? Eh? What for-"
-jump up from my seat and tightly embrace the short goddess.
She was even tinier than she looked. Guess that robe was incredibly oversized.
After I let go, she continued with a faint yet noticeable blush,
"Hmm… That was a surprisingly fast decision. I applaud you for that. The quest is simple, go to the ancient ruins of the country of Norse and retrieve the divine relic locked inside the laboratory at the very centre. It's dangerous and far away, so I suggest rebuilding some skills before going there. You will need the help of at least one crimson demon and a certain masked de- salesman In Axel. One last thing, don't worry about your identity, I'll take care of that puppet for you."
A crimson demon… gee, what a brilliant idea it was to expel Megumin-san from the castle. Maybe she'll agree to help if I beg hard enough?
And a masked salesman…Fortunately, I just so happen to know of such a person.
Retrieval quests are generally the easiest kind, too.
I see no reason not to try out the lifestyle of Megumin-san!
I might even meet a competent male adventurer like… him.
All the while Revi stared at me with eyes that read "why would you do something like that?"
"Oh, look at you two staring intently at each other. You're looking like adventurers already! It'll be all done before you two realize it. Ready?"
I nodded, despite disagreeing with the first part.
And I forcibly shook Revi's head in sync, too.
"Well then… "
Saying that, Regina rolled an oversized sleeve back and hovered her hand over us… with difficulty.
"By the way, I was almost certain that Tinker child had been a boy all along…"
"Huh!?" *2
"[Encrypt]-"