AN: This is one of my more recent pieces of writing, and is more freeform/stream-of-consciousness than most of my works. I wrote this a little way after The Force Awakens came out. The way it works (in my mind, at least) is that each new line is like a bullet point, a tiny fragment of Poe's life over time. I figured that's the easiest way to read it, as it can come across as broken. Hope you enjoy it! As always, I do not own the characters.
Poe and Ben growing up together in the Resistance.
Poe and Ben bonding over being the sons of war heroes. They would talk forever about how "everyone's looking to them to take charge in the future.
Poe and Ben dragging Chewie along on their adventures, pretending to shoot Stormtroopers with their blasters.
Poe and Ben sneaking on to the Falcon in between lessons, until they're discovered by Han one time. Instead, they don't get in trouble; Han just laughs and tells them the stories about how he made the Kessel run in twelve parsecs.
Poe being invited to Ben's family dinner with his parents. He would see Luke every once in a while. And every time, the older Jedi would run a hand through his hair, smiling, his eyes tired yet with a twinge of youthfulness.
Poe meeting an excited Ben one day, who drags him to their favorite spot for their Rebel adventures. "What is it?" Poe asks. Ben's beaming. His eyes, wide and brown, are full of light. "I felt it," he says, "the Force. I felt it." That was the day Poe learned Ben was Force-sensitive.
Poe saying goodbye to Ben after a few weeks pass, when Ben goes off with Luke and other Force-sensitives to train. Chewie slings an arm around Poe's shoulder. He isn't sad. He's happy for Ben. He makes him promise to come home soon.
Poe seeing Ben again after a few months. He's gotten taller, almost past Poe's tall frame. Chewie wraps the both of them in a hug. Poe's never smiled so hard.
Poe seeing Ben act different a few days later. He's to himself more often. Poe asks Leia if Ben is home. She tells him that he's sleeping. Poe nods and walks away, but has a feeling that something's wrong.
Poe seeing Ben by himself at their spot. It's just the two of them. Ben confides in Poe. "The legacy is too great," Ben says, his head low. "My uncle, my parents…what if I never live up to it?" Poe lays a hand on Ben's shoulder. "You will," he says. He believes it.
Poe saying goodbye to Ben one more time, as he returns to train with Luke. This time, he's gone longer. Poe starts pilot practice.
Poe learning that something's gone wrong. He's standing in the crowd of the Resistance as General Leia takes the platform. Luke's students are gone. They've died at the hands of a traitor who calls himself Kylo Ren; and because of it, Luke has gone missing. Poe holding himself together with his friends as General Leia holds back tears.
Poe crying that night because he's lost his best friend.
Poe leading a lonely life years later, busying himself with missions. He's risen in the ranks among the pilots. They say he's the best they've got.
Poe seeing Han and Leia split apart, but keeping his distance. Han takes the Falcon. Chewie leaves, as well. Poe's heart is heavier now.
Poe finding himself growing closer to General Leia over Ben and Han. She gains someone who reminds her of her son.
Poe being asked by Leia to take on a dangerous mission: to recover what she believes is a piece of a map to Luke's whereabouts.
Poe being taken by Kylo Ren from his time on Jakku, finding himself in the interrogation room. Poe staring Ren in the face. The man who slaughtered his best friend and sent Skywalker into hiding.
Poe escaping with Finn. Finn has eyes like Ben. Poe smiles.
Poe heading back to the Resistance after he crashes on Jakku. He spends the next day resting, until he gets word that BB-8 has been found on Takodana, with a girl named Rey, Finn, and…Han Solo. Rey has been taken by Ren to Starkiller Base.
Poe preparing his crew for an attack on Starkiller Base. He learns that Ren has killed Han. Once again, the man claims another life so close to Poe. But he can't be upset. Not now. He has a mission to complete. Ben would want it. Just like they pretended all those years ago.
Poe meeting with Finn and Rey after the destruction of the Starkiller Base. Finn is badly damaged. Rey leaves to find Luke. Poe stays behind with Finn. He sleeps in the recovery wing most nights.
Poe waking up just as Finn comes to. He finds it hard to speak. "Don't," Poe says, "It's okay."
Poe finds Finn gaining his voice back. "It was him," he says. Poe's brows furrow. "Who?" Finn looks his way. "Ren," he whispers. "Ren is…Han's son. Ben. He killed his father."
Poe waiting until Finn falls asleep during noon. He thinks about Ren, and can't believe what Finn told him. Ben. He was the one who slaughtered those students. He sent Luke fleeing. He aligned himself with the First Order. He tortured Poe. He had to know that it was Poe. How couldn't he?
Later that night, Poe's curled in his chair, crying for the second time in years. His best friend is truly lost.