Author's Note: Beware...insane things ahead...Just so you know, Rayne is kinda based off me, Ace is kinda based off my friend, Takaya is my goofy original character, and Ryuu is Ace's extremely dim-witted and goofy original character. And Ebonie is also based on one of my friends. Maisha and Karahamuke are her original characters. And Nao, who shows up a LOT later, is also my character.
This belongs to me, Ace, and Ebonie. We all wrote it together.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the show Naruto or any of its characters. I own Rayne, Takaya and Nao. I do not own Ace, Ryuu, Ebonie, Maisha, or Karahamuke. Ebonie, Maisha, and Karahamuke don't show up in this chapter, but they will eventually.
WARNING: EXTREME OOC-ness. Do NOT, do NOT, do NOT read this if you like characters acting like themselves. There is even a bit of bashing in here.
-:-
It was a normal day in the top-secret hideaway of Rayne, Takaya, Ace, and Ryuu. Until Ryuu, redheaded Ryuu, clad in her light blue top and coordinating pants and mouth mask, picked up the phone.
"Hi, is Shark Dude there?" she asked.
"You mean Kisame?" the guy on the phone asked.
"No, not Kisame, SHARK DUDE. That's S-H-A-R-K D-U-D-E," Ryuu spelled.
"Are you talking about Deidara?"
"No, not Deidara, he's a jerk," Ryuu said disgustedly.
"Kisame isn't here."
"What? Shark Dude's not here?" Ryuu screamed into the phone.
"He's at another party," they said meekly.
"He's at ANOTHER party? Well, you can tell Shark Dude I'm gonna kidnap a fish if he doesn't come!"
A different girl came in. This one had a messy brown ponytail covered by a pilot's helmet. She had paired a brown jacket with baggy gray pants, and left her feet bare.
"Ryuu!" the girl, known as Ace, hissed as she heard Ryuu's threat. "Stop blackmailing the Akatsuki!"
"It's not blackmailing," Ryuu said, rolling her eyes, as if she couldn't believe how dumb Ace was. "It's just holding a fish for ransom!"
Ace's eyes lit up at Ryuu's statement.
"Oh, okay, hold as many fish for ransom as you want," she said sweetly. Then, lowering her voice to a whisper, she added, "but my innocent face won't save you this time..."
They were interrupted as their door was oh-so-rudely broken down by none other than Kisame.
"WERE YOU THE ONE HOLDING THE FISH FOR RANSOM???" he yelled at the top of his lungs.
"Shark Dude came!" Ryuu said, clapping her hands eagerly. "Sorry, though. We have no fish." Then, looking over Kisame's shoulder, she gasped. "Hey! I told the dude on the phone not to let Deidara come!"
"I was the one on the phone," Deidara snapped.
"Oh yeah," Ryuu said, still looking confused. "Guess who else I invited? Other than the other members of the Akatsuki, of course."
Gaara then walked into the room, looking like he didn't want to be there. He spotted Deidara.
"You!" he hissed.
"Oh crap—" Deidara muttered.
"We still have a score to settle, don't we?" Gaara asked menacingly, punching his hand for good measure.
"Let's not get hasty," Deidara said, holding his fingers in a cross to try to ward off Gaara.
Sadly, Gaara was not warded off by the cross, and began punching Deidara.
Ryuu sat on a nearby bench, grinning at the fight and eating some potato chips.
Zetsu waddled over to her. "Can I have some?" he asked.
Ryuu stared at him for a few seconds as she decided whether or not to give him chips. "I can't bonk you because you might take my hand off," she stated. "So, I'll give you a chip if you say the magic word OR give me a puppy dog face superior to that of Ace's..." she bargained with a silly grin.
Zetsu turned away for a second. When he turned back around, his face was contorted into what he obviously thought was a puppy dog face.
Ryuu froze in place, appearing to be holding back bile. "Just...have the whole bag," she gasped, handing it over to him.
Takaya chose that moment to come in and sit down with Ryuu. They looked kinda funny together, since Takaya had short purple hair and wore a black tank top, black cargo pants, and black boots.
"I want chips!" she chirped eagerly, with a grin as silly as Ryuu's had been.
Orochimaru tiptoed in, obviously trying not to be spotted by Rayne, or worse, by Takaya.
"Omigosh! You made it!" Takaya said eagerly, getting ready to glomp him.
"I had to come," Orochimaru grumbled. He held up an invitation. It was NOT a nice invitation. It was covered in crayon and glitter, and read, "Coom 2 Mie Partee."
"This invitation told me that I needed to come, or I'd get eaten by a snake that had toes instead of eyes."
"But snakes love you!" Takaya said, clapping her hands to the side of her face.
"Omigosh! Shhhhhhhhh!" Rayne yelled, barreling over, clad in her red top, black vest, matching black jeans, and flip flops. Her silver hair was askew, as were her glasses.
"Don't reveal the plot of our manga yet!" she yelped, clapping her hand over Orochimaru's mouth.
"Tuingdf rgfnu rfhujg," he mumbled through Rayne's hand. Rayne stared at him for a second, and then started laughing.
"Oh. I thought you just said 'doing rug Ryuu,' but you weren't right?"
"You idiot! Ryuu isn't a rug!" Takaya yelled, bonking Rayne on the head.
"Hey!" Rayne yelled. "I'm the authoress!"
"So?" Takaya asked.
"I'm writing this!"
"So?"
"I can make you do weird stuff!" Rayne finished with an evil laugh.
Everyone stared for a second.
"So?" Takaya asked a few minutes later.
As they were about to start fighting, the door slammed open.
"Freeze!" Rayne bellowed.
Gaara froze in place with his fist inches from Deidara's eye.
Kisame froze in place as he walked to the bowl of fruit-flavored punch.
Ryuu froze in place, as did the projectile vomit that was flying towards Zetsu's cloak.
Zetsu froze in place as he took a bite out of his millionth chip that minute.
Itachi strode in with a proud smile on his face.
Everyone simply stared at him. Ryuu and Takaya even started booing.
"Didn't your mommies tell you? It's not polite to stare!" Itachi nagged.
Everyone's unfrozen jaws dropped.
"Alright, kids, you all need to line up for a hug!"
"Excuse me, Deidara, but I need to punch someone else," Gaara said, walking away from the very relieved Deidara.
"Oh, Orochimaru!" Itachi exclaimed. "You're here! Now let me give you a hug..."
"I wouldn't do that none no," Ryuu said to Itachi, not noticing that her words made no sense whatsoever.
"Zetsu!" Ace yelled out.
"Erf?" Zetsu replied, looking confused.
"You have barf all over you!" Ace screamed back.
"So what?" Zetsu asked.
"The bathroom is over there!" Ace finished, pointing towards the restroom.
Zetsu merely stared at her bemusedly.
Ace was still pointing to the bathroom, even though Rayne hadn't told her to freeze.
"So, got any more chips?" Zetsu asked the frozen Ace.
Kisame stood at the bowl of punch, surrounded by a crowd of random, non-Akatsuki girls.
"So, after I defeated him, he was all, 'You haven't seen the last of me!' And I was all, 'That's was you think...'"
The girls giggled at Kisame's story and gazed at him lovingly.
Ryuu wandered over and gasped.
"Omigosh! Are you telling the story about the time you flushed your rubber duck down the toilet?"
The girls stopped giggling appreciatively and gazed questioningly at Kisame.
Meanwhile, back on the other side of the room...
"Whatever. Bye, Rayne," Takaya said, bonking Rayne on the head and leaving.
Rayne let out a scary-sounding giggle and snapped her fingers.
"On-second-thought," Takaya said in a robotic voice, "I-want-a-hug-from-Itachi. Holy crud, why on Earth did I say that?"
Rayne chuckled.
Itachi came over and glomped Takaya.
"HELP!" Takaya wailed.
Rayne clapped her hands together.
"I-love-you-Itachi," Takaya said mechanically. "Wait, huh?"
"I thought you loved me," Orochimaru mumbled.
"No-I-love-Itachi-now. Rayne, stop!"
"I will if you tell me the magic word."
Takayasighed and let out a chain of random words.
"Sorry! Try again!"
This time, Takaya started scatting, which was still gibberish.
"Good job!" Rayne said. "Now remember, kids. Powerplaying is bad. Just ask Takaya!"
Meanwhile, back at the punch bowl...
"No!" Kisame shouted. "I mean, no, of course not."
"And how you cried all night because you missed his lovable squeaking?" Ryuu cooed, leaning over into Kisame's face.
The girls rolled their eyes and walked away, muttering about how they hated fakers.
"Ryuu, I'm going to kill you," Kisame growled.
"That's what you don't think!" Ryuu said proudly. "...not...yes..." she mumbled, finally walking away with frustration.
Meanwhile, back on the couch...
Ace was still pointing to the bathroom.
"Can you at least tell me where the other chips are?" Zetsu asked.
"Not until you clean your cloak," Ace nagged.
"Aw man! You're like my mother," Zetsu muttered, walking over to the bathroom."
Meanwhile, somewhere else...
Sasori sat at a table.
"I don't even want to be here," he grumbled.
"Aw, don't be sad about it!" Itachi said, giving him a big hug.
I wish I had my puppets, Sasori thought. Then I could attack him with them!
Meanwhile, back with Takaya...
"You're my best friend!" Takaya said to Orochimaru, eagerly grinning.
"Okay then. Goodbye," Orochimaru muttered, leaving.
"Darn, he left," Takaya mumbled. "I know! I think I'll spike the punch! But do I have anything to spike it with?"
Takaya looked through her bag.
"I have cheese puffs, regular cheese, cookies, chips, fruit juice, pickles, some weird bottle with a skull and crossbones on it, and nails."
"Use the bottle with a skull a crossbones on it!" Rayne whispered in her ear.
"Thanks for the tip, Rayne! I won't use the pirate juice!" Takaya said eagerly as she tossed the bottle out the window.
"I don't think I'll use the cheese puffs, cheese, cookies, chips, pickles, or nails, either," she added, tossing those out the window. Finally, she took her fruit juice and dumped it in the punch.
"I spiked the punch!" she crowed.
"Takaya, this is fruit punch," Rayne mumbled as she tried not to laugh.
Meanwhile, back with Itachi...
"Awwwwwww. Is a certain Orochimaru sad because a certain girlfriend dumped him?"
Orochimaru stared at him.
"It's okay. Here, let me hug you."
"Gack."
Meanwhile, in the bathroom...
Zetsu stood at the sink and started washing off his cloak.
Ryuu strutted into the bathroom, whistling.
"Erk!" Zetsu yelled. "Ryuu, this is the guys' bathroom!"
"It's a bathroom, isn't it?" Ryuu asked. "Besides, I gotta go."
"Just don't go on my cloak..."
Deidara walked into the bathroom angrily.
"Man, that Gaara, punching me and whatnot. I mean, all I did was try to kidnap the guy!"
From the bathroom stall, Ryuu shouted, "People find that pretty offensive!"
Deidara ignored her. "Ugh, I have to repaint my toenails. Hey Zetsu, will you do it for me?"
"Er...no," Zetsu said bluntly. Deidara gave him a puppy face. "Okay, fine, I'll do your nails, but you have to hug Itachi before he hugs you," Zetsu said with a grin.
Deidara crossed his arms. "Nail polish isn't worth hugging a crazed Itachi."
"Even if I...DARED YOU?" Zetsu bargained, leaning over to Deidara.
Deidara shook his head.
"You're no fun," Zetsu grumbled, looking away.
Ryuu popped out of her bathroom stall with a grin and started washing her hands. "I'll hug Gaara!" she announced.
"Are you sure?" Deidara asked. "He likes to punch, you know."
"He likes punch?" Ryuu asked. "Thanks for the tip, dude with a ponytail!"
"Come to think of it, you do look kinda weird with a ponytail..." Zetsu said, rubbing his chin.
"Shut up!" Deidara yelled. "The chicks dig the ponytail."
"Coming from a guy with mouths on his hands..." Zetsu muttered, walking out.
Meanwhile, back with Itachi...
Itachi merrily hopped around the room, hugging every single person and every single piece of furniture he laid his eyes upon. That included Gaara.
Gaara grabbed Itachi's shirt and glared at him.
"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaara!" Ryuu cooed. "I got you some punch!" As Ryuu made her way to Gaara, she tripped over Kisame, spilling her (spiked, but not spiked) punch into Itachi's eyes.
"Gack! My eyes!" Itachi yelled. "Does anyone have eye drops?"
"Here," Sasuke said.
"Hey, thanks!" Itachi said eagerly.
Sasuke punched him in the face.
Meanwhile, back with Takaya...
Shikamaru filled his glass with punch and took a sip.
Takaya let out several high, squeaky giggles.
"What is it this time?" Shikamaru groaned. "Did Ryuu's pants fall down?"
"Nope!" Ryuu screamed in the background. "I fastened them on with duct tape!"
"Then why exactly are you laughing?" Shikamaru testily asked Takaya.
"You drank the punch!" Takaya cackled merrily, doing a goofy little victory dance across the floor.
"...your point?" Shikamaru asked through clenched teeth.
"I spiked the punch!" Takaya said, flinging her arms in the air.
"She spiked the punch?" a voice yelled. "Oh no!"
"Was that Naruto?" Takaya asked Shikamaru.
"I guess. Anyway, what did you spike the punch with?"
"Fruit juice! Hahahahaha!" Takaya laughed triumphantly.
"Uh...Takaya?" Shikamaru said, trying to hold back laughter.
"What is it, la stupida?" Takaya asked snootily.
"First, I'm not a girl. Second, this punch is FRUIT FLAVORED."
"Exactly!" Takaya said, as if the answer was obvious. "I made you guys suffer from a fruit overload!"
"Whatever," Shikamaru muttered. As he tried to walk away, he was stopped as his head transformed into a pineapple a la that certain brand of fruit snacks.
"I tried to tell them," Takaya said, exasperatedly shaking her head. "But those goofs just didn't listen."
"Hi, Takaya!" Ryuu yelled, frantically waving her arms in the air.
Gaara watched Itachi and Sasuke beating each other up.
Ace ran to the front of the room and started banging on pots and pans.
"We're gonna watch a movie, so everyone—SHUT UP."
Everyone ignored her instructions and proceeded to get louder.
"SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!" Ace bellowed at the top of her lungs.
Everyone got quiet.
"Thanks, guys!" Ace said, popping the video into the VCR.
"In a world of ninjas..." an announcer droned, "only one stands out the most. His name is...Uzumaki Naruto!"
"Hey!" Ryuu whined. "What happened to the video I put together about Gaara!"
Naruto started snickering.
Beside him, Gaara also started snickering.
"I think this TV is broken," Takaya announced, smacking the screen with a sledgehammer. "So, if you squint, Naruto looked kinda like Gaara!"
"He really doesn't," Orochimaru mumbled.
"Uh, just get me some cheese while I put in a new movie. EVERYONE NEEDS TO ZIP THEIR LIPS."
Despite Takaya's orders, everybody started screaming.
"I have a sledgehammer!" she yelled.
That fact made everybody zip their lips.
Well, ALMOST everybody...
"Hey, Takaya, my zipper broke!" Naruto called out.
"You get expelled!" Takaya bellowed. The security guards proceeded to kick Naruto out of the party.
"So, here's our new movie," Takaya said, popping a new video into the VCR. "Bambi!"
Ryuu clapped her hands eagerly. "Yay for deer!" she cheered.
"Deer suck," Kisame grunted.
Ryuu gasped with shock. "You suck!" she countered.
"Do not."
"Do too!"
"Shut up, I'm trying to watch Bambi!" Zetsu yelled. "If you don't be quiet, I'll eat you both!"
Ryuu and Kisame cut their argument short. In other words, they shut up.
"Hey, does anyone have some tape? My hands won't shut up," Deidara commented.
Ace threw a shoe at him.
"Thank you!"
Meanwhile, outside the party...
"How come dogs aren't allowed?" Kiba complained.
"You complain a lot," Naruto commented.
"At you got inside!" Kiba whined.
"Ooh, did I?" Naruto said.
"Yeah...you did..."
Meanwhile, inside the party...
"I just want to hug Bambi!" Itachi declared.
"I just want to punch you!" Gaara countered.
"Geez, don't you know Bambi is a HORSE? Sheesh, everyone knows that the yellow guy from Spirit is a deer, not BAMBI. Morons..." Takaya ranted.
"Takaya! I got cheese," Orochimaru said.
"Ew, I don't want this. It has holes in it!" Takaya whined.
"It's Swiss cheese, Takaya. It's supposed to have holes."
"But I don't want holey cheese!"
A random guy walked over.
"What's wrong with holy cheese, man?"
"I said HOLEY, you idiot," Takaya said, bonking him. She was struck by lightning. "Wheeeeeeeeee! I'm glowing!"
"See? The holy cheese is angry with you, man," he said warningly.
"Hey dude, shut up and let me watch Bambi!" Zetsu yelled. He too was struck by lightning.
"Uh..." Itachi mumbled. He was also struck by lightning.
"Striking people with lightning isn't all too holy, 'man.' Now stop so we can watch the movie," Shikamaru snorted. "Wait...AAAAAAH!"
Takaya, Zetsu, Itachi and the random guy jumped up. "April Fools!" they shouted happily.
"That was a long time ago," Shikamaru scoffed. A bowling ball fell from the sky and hit him.
"Thanks, random dude with the holy cheese obsession!" Takaya said happily.
"But...it's NOT April Fool's Day?" Zetsu sniffled.
"No," Ryuu sobbed. Everyone acted like it was totally normal for her to sob over a holiday.
"Shoosh!" Itachi hissed. "Let me watch the horse!"
"Sorry," Zetsu said. He leaned over to Gaara. "Do you know where the popcorn is?"
Gaara shook his head.
"Too bad," Gaara said, leaning over to Ryuu. "Do YOU know where the popcorn is?"
"You eat too much," Ryuu complained.
Off in the corner, Deidara was doing...something.
"Deidara, what are you doing?" Kisame scoffed.
"Shoosh!" Deidara said. "I love Bambi so much that I made a Bambi model out of clay!" He smiled a big cheesy smile.
Tobi ran in, panting.
"Fwee!" Ryuu squealed. "It's Swirly Face!"
"Man, it was hard to find this place."
"Pumpkin!" Ryuu said delightedly.
"Shoosh!" Zetsu told them. "It's a very intense moment!"
Tobi sat down. "I love this movie!"
Takaya's cell phone rang. "Bobba-boo? Oh, hi. Yeah, I'll tell them." She snapped her phone shut. "Mrs. Muffin says you guys need to give her your popcorn so she can make popcorn muffins."
"And why can't she buy her own?" Gaara muttered.
"Well, Mrs. Muffin is a hobo," Takaya declared proudly. "She uses fire powers to make muffins and make money."
"Cliché to the core, dude," Rayne said, rolling her eyes.
"Fine then!" Takaya huffed. "Mrs. Muffin won't invite you to her tea party now!"
Rayne's face fell. "Please invite me!" she begged. "I'll give you anything!"
"How about some emo-looking wings?" Takaya suggested.
"Eh, what the hey," Rayne said, snapping her fingers.
Takaya sprouted a beautifully emo pair of wings. "Okay, now you can come. I'M THE FLYING EMO!" Takaya then proceeded to jump out the window.
"Yeah, she's finally gone!" a random guy (but not the random guy with the holy cheese) yelled. Rayne looked over. Her eye started twitching.
"Why is Kuwabara here?" she hissed.
"She scares me," Orochimaru mumbled.
"AAAAAH!" Kuwabara screamed.
Ace wandered over to see what was going on. "ZOMG! How did Kuwabara get in here? THIS IS A NARUTO FIC!"
"Haven't you heard of crossovers?" Deidara asked, snapping his fingers.
Ace ignored him. "Quick! Zetsu! Food!" She started pointing at Kuwabara repeatedly.
"Is it bread?" Zetsu asked.
"It's as smart as bread," Ace scoffed.
Zetsu smiled. "I like bread..." With that, he started chowing down on Kuwabara.
Ryuu watched with a big grin. "...erk...eeeeew..."
"You know, that wasn't as good as I thought it would be," Zetsu commented. Then the movie ended.
"Argh!" Tobi yelled. "I missed the whole thing!"
-:-
Note: Is it terrible? Is it stupid? Is it cliché? Please tell me so. Not that it would change much, since I'm modifying this from a goofy roleplay that Ace, Ebonie and I started way back in April. Chapter two should come up as soon as I can modify it, since it was originally in script format and extremely illiterate.
If you want to tell me how un-funny and annoying Rayne and Takaya are, just comment.
If you want to LOL at how awesome Ace and Ryuu are, go on Neopets and Neomail acepuma.
Coming Soon: Day Two—The Aftermath of the Party!