Shikamaru came through the door of his home, and plopped down onto the sofa with a groan. Troublesome missions…. This one wasn't even difficult in the least, and so was painfully boring. Stupid Naruto….the dobe had finally become Hokage, and was messing everything up!

Glancing over at his answering machine, Shikamaru saw that he had three new messages. That was weird, almost no one called, and even fewer left a message. Frowning, Shikamaru hit the play button, and an automated voice said, "Three new messages. Message one:"

Gaara's voice came on, shocking Shikamaru to the point of deafness. When he got over the shock of the Kazekage calling him, Shikamaru restarted the message. "Nara Shikamaru." Gaara began, "You fought against my sister Temari in the Chunin exams last year. I believe that that makes you good enough to be her boyfriend. That is an order."

Shikamaru's head swam, but he kept listening. This couldn't be good. "I have studied Kankuro and his girlfriend," Gaara went on, "And it seems that if you are in a relationship with someone, you are happy. I want my older sister to be happy. Kankuro has a girlfriend, and I am in the process of apprehending one for myself. Therefore, Temari should have a boyfriend to make her happy. You will be that boyfriend."

The machine's voice came back. "End of new message one. Message two:"

Shikamaru paused it quickly, clutching his head. He was supposed to be Temari's boyfriend? By order of her little brother, the Kazekage? Just because he had fought against her in the Chunin exams? Had the world gone insane?

Taking a deep breath, Shikamaru nodded. He could handle this; he simply wouldn't be Temari's boyfriend. He didn't want to be anyways; the chick was crazy and homicidal.

Shikamaru pressed the play button again, his blood running cold when Gaara's voice came back on. "You will wait right outside your village gates tomorrow at ten in the morning for my men to pick you up and bring you to myself and Temari; if you resist or do not show, my men will have orders to bring you to me by any means necessary. That includes ripping your village to shreds. My sister will be happy."

"End of new message two. Message three:"

Shikamaru paused it again. This was very troublesome; Ino would kill him if the village was ripped apart just because he didn't want to be Temari's boyfriend. With a start, Shikamaru remembered that this whole thing had started with Gaara studying Kankuro and his girlfriend.

Shikamaru narrowed his eyes. This was all Kankuro's fault, he just knew it. He pressed the play button, and growled when Kankuro's voice sounded. Speak of the devil.

"Um…. So, hi Shikamaru, I know you must've gotten Gaara's messages by now, and I just want to clear up one thing. This is not my fault. Also….. Oh yeah! Well, Temari doesn't know that Gaara's getting her a boyfriend, so you might want to wear some armor and padding and such tomorrow. Just letting you know. Bye."

"End of new message three. End of new messages."

Shikamaru groaned, and flopped backwards onto the couch, staring at the ceiling. He was going to kill Kankuro, and get a girlfriend that he didn't want, and who didn't want him. And who had a demon as a little brother who would do anything to ensure his big sister's happiness. Shikamaru supposed that it would be kind of sweet in a weird way if it hadn't been happening to him. But since it was, it was very, very troublesome.

He was going to murder Kankuro.