Disclaimer / Warning / Authors Note: First things first, I do not own any of the characters in Cowboy Bebop and make no money writing this story. Jet and Spike slash - in this case, romantic feelings and thoughts Jet has towards Spike, if you are uncomfortable with that please don't read. Set before the start of the show, I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to message me with comments or suggestions. Please be gentle, I'm not the best of writers, but am trying to get better. This chapter can stand alone or be read with the others that may follow. (I haven't decided whether there will be more or not) This is the newest version of a story I decided to rework to improve, there may minor edits to come.
Jet's thoughts
Jet sighs as he sits down at the table. He places a worn, old notebook before him and clutches a pen in his hand. His head is a jumble of thoughts, they have weighed heavily on his mind for some time now. theWriting them out may be the only way to make sense of them, or perhaps even to make them vanish for good. Sometimes he wishes that they would, as they seem to hurt far too much. Things seem hopeless, other times, he lets himself retain a small glimmer of hope. He begins to write, the words quickly flowing onto the paper, all of his most private thoughts, never intended to be seen by another. Raw emotion pours out from with him, his intent is simple, to try to settle his mind. As he finishes writing he leaves the notebook on the table to go start dinner. The pages read as follows:
Thoughts of you
These thoughts of you they seem to invade my mind without warning and they won't let me go.
I wonder if you remember when we first met. I remember your eyes they seemed so haunted and filled with such pain. You seemed to carry the weight of the world within you. Unable to let anyone know or to let anyone get close.
Sometimes in the middle of the night I hear your screams, just two names you call out every time. I think of how I would take away all of your pain if only you would let me. Come into my arms and lay your head down, I'll keep you safe, if you would let me.
My eyes follow you wherever you go. Sometimes I wonder how you don't realize this, how you seem so oblivious. Or perhaps it's just you are unable to care.
Can't you feel the walls between us? Or maybe you prefer it that way. All the walls around you, surrounding your heart.
I want to break down your walls and teach you how to trust again. How to love and smile. Even if it's not with me.
They invade my head these thoughts of you. Leaving me unable to concentrate on anything else. Sometimes I wish they would just disappear, but I wouldn't be the same without you.
Remembering every line of your face, your expressions, your body, I must have them all memorized by now, etched in my head. I could never forget.
Not that you are mine, not that you ever could be. That doesn't stop the mind from wandering or from hoping.
Everyone I care for seems to leave to me, a result of me caring and protecting too much. Perhaps if I were someone else and I could care less and you would stay, but I could never care less and be that someone else. Someday you'll leave me to like they all have.
Let me and my thoughts in, that's all I want from you is a chance. I would take that chance and show you that no one could love you more, keep you from all harm and the things that wish to hurt you and I'd show you how to smile again.
I doubt I'll ever get this chance, you still seem too frozen from your pain and unwilling to trust again.
I'll be here like I always am, watching, waiting patiently, being whatever is needed, whatever is allowed by you.
You make all the rules, call all of the shots between us. You should know that by now. I'll be waiting whatever your move may be.