Harry Dursley lived very happily, with his adopted mother Petunia Dursley, and his adopted father Rev. Vernon Dursley. Shortly after their son Dudley's second birthday, he fell down the stairs and died. Praying for a miracle, their prayers were answered when they found Harry on their doorstep. As thanks to God, Vernon quit his job and became a priest. Petunia and Vernon raised Harry with love and to love God above all else.
On Harry's eleventh birthday, he received a letter for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Being a good upstanding Christian, Harry did not believe in such Satanic worship, and obviously ignored the letter. On September 1st however, he was kidnapped and taken to Hogwarts by the evil Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape.
Harry, needless to say, did not fit in at Hogwarts. Sorted into Gryffindor, he refused to attend any classes and spent all of his time in detention with Professor McGonagall. He supposed she was an alright sort, in that she at least understood why he felt the way he did, but she still tried to make him believe in their Satanic culture, so he only tolerated her. Harry was ostracised by the entire school, due to his hatred and non-belief in the obvious magic constantly on display around him, even by the other Muggleborns.
One day, as he attempted to flee from yet another detention with Mcgonagall, he encountered a horrific sight; Professor Binns and Moaning Myrtle banging in an unused classroom. Raised by a priest, Harry of course knew his exorcisms and acted immediately. McGonagall entered the classroom just in time to see the pair vanish in a flash of light. She promptly gave Harry a million points for Gryffindor and excused him from all further detentions as she was finally rid of the randy Myrtle, and could hire a competent professor to replace Binns (he had tenure).
These points changed the attitudes of all the Gryffindors towards Harry. With a million points they were guaranteed to win the House Cup for sure! They became completely accepting and tolerating of his ways, although they still tried to get him to accept magic. Harry was devastated however. Acceptance from the Satanists was the last thing he wanted! He decided to throw himself off the Astronomy tower.
When Harry arrived in Heaven like all good Christians should and aged to 25 like everyone in Heaven does, he immediately sought out God and confessed his love for him. However, God wasn't gay, and rejected his love. Heartbroken, Harry found solace and acceptance in Jesus' bed, and they had cheeky bum sex for the rest of time.