Title: Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

Author: Hermione Eveningfall

Fandom: "LOST"

Rating: PG-PG13 (mild PG-13 since I don't really write graphic sex scenes)

Summary: A year or so after being rescued from the island, Jack and Kate are happily married and going on with their new lives. However, Jack is holding a dark secret; one that will eventually tear them apart…

Chapter 1

The alarm clock ran shrilly, causing Kate Shepard to wince in discomfort. It wasn't possible morning was here already; she felt as though she'd just closed her eyes and drifted off. Blinking in the darkness, she lifted her head, finding her husband still laying by her side.

Kate rested her chin on her hands, smiling as she listened to Jack's steady breathing and occasional snore. It seemed cruel to wake him up, on their first Monday morning together as a married couple. In fact, they only returned from their honeymoon that weekend; having spent two weeks traveling through Paris, Rome, and London. Most couples tended to go and spend their romantic vacation on a tropical island, but Kate had no desire to do that again anytime soon.

After all…only a year had passed since their rescue from the island on which the Oceanic 815 flight crashed.

"All right…" Kate began, struggling to sit up, and slid off the bed. She walked across the floor to the enormous window, pulling open the curtains. The sky was still an inky black, but the lights of Los Angeles were flickering, providing the room with a soft, orange glow. Jack made a small noise as Kate came over to him, kneeling down so she was at eye level. "It's five thirty," she announced, kissing him gently on the lips, and amused when she saw a smile creep across his face. He grunted and turned over, burrying into his covers.

"Five more minutes," Jack grunted, and Kate blew a strand of her dark hair out of her eyes.

"No," she replied. "Come on." she hopped back onto the mattress and placed her hands on his bare shoulders, fingering the familiar tatooes on his right bicep. She remembered teasing him about them on the island: "You must be one of those hardcore spinal surgeons." she could hear his laughter in her head, and thought about Charlie's definition of their flirting: "verbal copulation".

Speaking of Charlie, he and Clare were living together with baby Aaron in the same city.The two had no plans on getting married anytime soon; after all, they'd only officially agreed to start dating before the rescue arrived, so it was quite a bit to work on. Still, Jack and Kate were glad to double date with the younger couple, and occasionally went out to dinner, to the movies, or just hung out at one another's apartment. Jack and Kate were also willing to watch Aaron if Charlie and Clare wanted to have a night to themselves…that was one reason why they bought the two bedroom highrise apartment. Clare officially named Jack the baby's godfather, which was a great honor.

Jack eventually flipped over on his stomach, grabbing her from around the waist, and pulling her against him. Kate gasped as she landed on his stomach, which felt so warm from being covered. She kissed him passionately, smoothing his whisker-covered face with her palms.

"It's time to get up already?" he whined, relishing the taste of her lips. He was thrilled Kate agreed to marry him; after the confusion surrounding her relationship with Sawyer, he feared that she would disregard his presence in her life forever. Once they rescued him from the Others, Kate insisted that her love making with Sawyer in the cage meant nothing; it had been an act of sheer impulse. She hadn't even said she loved him when he asked, and begged Jack to forgive her for being so stupid.

It did take some time, Jack thought as he sat up, massaging his forehead. After all…when you love someone so much, and you think they're being disloyal to you, it hurts like hell.

The wedding itself had been very simple, held in the local Catholic church. Kate had no specific religion she followed, and agreed to be baptized as Catholic. She looked absolutely beautiful walking down the aisle, wearing a white dress and with Clare at her heels as the bridesmaid. Charlie participated as Jack's best man, and the rest of the former castaways sat in the pews as the main audience. Even Desmond attended the ceremony, though he'd shown up at the last minute. Sawyer didn't come at all, which wasn't surprise…he'd called Kate to give her a half-hearted congratulations afterwards, and that had been the last they'd heard from him since.

"Unfortunately," Kate replied, letting him sit up after a moment or two. "Better get a shower and get dressed…you have a surgery at seven thirty, right?" she reached over him and flipped on the light, squinting a little until she adjusted.

"Mmmhmm." he got out of bed, stretching, and peered through the window, watching as the traffic began to accumulate for the morning. He eventually went into the bathroom, and Kate, after listening to the shower turn on, began to get her own clothes ready for work. She waitresses at a somewhat fancy resturaunt about ten minutes away, so her hours were sporadic.

Kate rooted through her closet and found a pair of black slacks and a white collared shirt, which was the normal attire besides a black apron. She lay the clothes over the chair by the desk, and sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. She'd been working at the resturaunt for a month and a half, and found it to be exhausting but satisfying at the same time. Her boss complimented her on how fast she picked up the daily routine of things, even though a settled routine wasn't something Kate was used to.

The urge to run was still engraved in her mind; she grew bored with the same thing every single day, but she loved Jack too deeply to leave him. After all, her first husband suffered under her spontaity--he hadn't even known her real name. As soon as she met Jack in the jungle on the first day they were on the island, she'd known they were soul mates. Something about him was incredibly special…she knew she couldn't be without him, ever.

Jack came out of the bathroom about five minutes later, holding a towel tightly around his waist. "Oh, Kate?" he began, before going to his dresser. "I'll be late coming to your resturaunt tonight…I have an appointment after work around 5:30." At least twice a week he visited The Palace resturaunt to visit Kate, and usually ordered dinner. The food was excellent, and Kate smiled when she thought of his usual drink: vodka on the rocks with a hint of lime.

She glanced at him, confusion in her eyes. "What kind of appointment?" she asked, standing up, and he smiled at her.

"A doctor's appointment," he replied. "Remember that knee I told you about that was hurting me all through our honeymoon?" he asked; it ached this morning, even, and he had difficulty standing on it for too long.

"Oh good," Kate breathed, running her fingers through her hair. "I was hoping you'd go and have that looked at. You were in so much pain by the time we came home." she shook her head, and Jack nodded in agreement.

"Well, I'm sure I just twisted it somehow." he shrugged, and she raised her eyes, wetting her lips.

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Jack," she replied, and headed into the shower herself.

Jack dressed quickly in khakis and a button down shirt, wondering what on earth made him so lucky. His life had been a downhill spiral since the plane crash…he shuddered, trying to put it out of his mind. He had a surgery to perform, and all of his focus had to be on the patient.

Jack cringed at the soreness in his knee as he sat down on the edge of the bed, struggling to put on his shoes. He tried to remember what he could have possibly done to injure it…he hadn't gone running again since he bolted up and down those steps of the gymnasium before his father's sudden death. That, of course, was the first time he'd met up with Desmond, and he'd been shocked to discover the Scottish sportsman was the man in charge of the mysterious hatch.

When Kate came out of the bathroom, Jack kissed her gently, brushing a couple of drops from her nose. "Have a good day, huh?" he asked, and she gave him a tiny slap on the behind.

"You too," she replied. "I'll see you later." she waved as he hurried out the door, and adjusted the towel around herself. After he was long gone, Kate began the process of getting dressed. She blow-dried her hair, peering at her reflection in the mirror, and realized with a start at how pale Jack seemed before she saw him go. In fact, he seemed paler than usual…she pulled her now dry hair into a messy bun, using bobby pins to keep it from falling out. Of course, Jack never really let her know when he wasn't feeling well…it was like pulling teeth to get that information.

It must be a doctor thing, she thought. And besides…he doesn't seem sick. Just tired, and we got back from Europe only a few days ago, so we're still adjusting to normal United States time. She shrugged as she slipped into her pants and shirt, checking her make up and glancing at her watch. She had to be to work from 9-9, a lovely twelve hour shift that was all too frequent. As she pulled her cell phone out of her purse, she saw a text message from Charlie:

Clare wants to know if you guys want to go out Saturday night. Sawyer's in town…ran into him while on the beach with Aaron yesterday. Just thought I'd warn you. Loves--bye!

Kate closed her eyes as she re-read the message, and blew out her breath. Sawyer…she had absolutely no idea what he was doing now; or where he lived. Ironic enough that he was in Los Angeles…probably on some con assignment he'd gotten himself into.

Deciding she wouldn't worry about it, she text messaged Charlie back, saying that sounded like a great idea for Saturday, and to thank him for the warning. Afterwards, she slipped into her shoes and headed to one of her favorite café's for coffee before heading to work.

As usual when he was in the midst of a spinal surgery, Jack retreated into a complete zone. He blocked out all of the noise around him, so he could focus on the task ahead…one mistake could cause serious problems with the patient in question. In fact, he'd been through that situation before, with his first wife Sarah.

The white mask covering his mouth and nose was extremely uncomfortable; hot, itchy, and contained the metallic smell of blood. Jack rarely spoke with the assistants surrounding him during the procedure; only to ask for this or that instrument he needed at the time.

The surgery was going very smoothly…it was "textbook material" as he told Kate sometimes, and was finished within a three and a half hour time span.

"Well done, Dr. Shepard," his one female assistant, Elizabeth, complimented him after he removed his filthy gloves, and went to wash his hands.

"Thanks,' he replied, watching as the patient, a middle-aged male who was a Hollywood photographer…was wheeled out of the room towards the recovery area. After his lunch hour he would return to check up on Mr. Lorins, to explain the procedure for home care…usually patients spent at least two weeks in the hospital until their scar healed enough to be jostled.

Jack decided to go to one of the café's nearby for lunch, and lifted his face to the sun. He had to stop at once and grip onto the rail of a subway station entrance, for a sharp pain ripped through his knee. Gritting his teeth, he breathed very slowly through his nose, counting in his head: One…two…three…four…five…

He cleared his throat as the pain began to subside, and sat down on the closest bench. He hadn't been entirely truthful with Kate about the appointment, and as he sat closing his eyes and trying to relax, the guilt nibbled on his insides. Sure, he was in deed having the knee checked on, but not by just any ordinary doctor. He was going to an oncologist.

Jack blew out his breath once he was able to stand again, feeling like a crippled old man. Three years before the plane crash, he'd been struck with a rare type of bone cancer, and it started in the particular throbbing knee. He wouldn't have even known about it if he hadn't slipped on a puddle of water at work and fallen, spraining that leg. Jack went through the normal procedure of receiving chemotherapy treatments, which made him horribly sick and weak, causing him to miss quite a bit of work due to his symptoms. He even came in sometimes, and spent most of his lunch hour vomiting in the public bathroom.

This of course, lead to the extreme tension between he and his father, who he used to work with before the death occurred. Not that Mr. Shepard Senior and his son had gotten along before, but Jack's illness made him more irritable and their relationship strained to the point of it being unfixable.

After a year of chemo, the cancer went into remission, and the knee didn't bother him again for a while. The entire time he was stranded on the island, and captured by the others, he never experienced any pain. I'm sure the memory of my own battle with the disease had something to do with my refusal to do Ben's surgery, he thought, accepting his sandwich and cup of strong coffee from the café employee. He sat outside, unwrapping the food and taking a small bite…his appetite wasn't at its best, but he knew he had to eat something. I didn't want to remember it…not on his miserable existence.

He knew he should have told Kate about his illness, but he didn't want that to interfere with their marriage. However, now that the pain was coming on again, he felt fear gripping his chest. It's too soon, he thought, sipping from his cup of coffee. Too soon to have this happen. Please, God…let the tests come out clear. Jack felt a single tear roll down his cheek, which he quickly wiped away, and tried to focus on a boy walking his yapping dog down the street.

As he was returning to work, he received a call from Kate, who was on her break as well. "How's it going?" she asked, and he smiled faintly.

"Great," he replied. "The surgery went excellent. I'm heading back to check on Phil…that's the patient's name. What's new?"

Kate told him about Sawyer's sudden visit to Los Angeles, and Jack frowned deeply.

"Did Charlie say why?" he asked, wishing he could smash his coffee cup against a brick wall.

"No," Kate answered. "He didn't go into specifics. Just that he saw him, and that I should be wary. I'm sorry, Jack…I just thought you ought to know."

Jack nodded in understanding. "I'm glad you told me," he replied. "Be careful, all right? At least he doesn't know where you work…yet."

Kate smirked. "That's true," she admitted. "And Charlie also asked if we wanted to go out on Saturday with he and Clare. I said I'd ask you and get back to him when we had a verdiect."

Jack was relieved…he needed an outing, something to take his mind off of his worries. "Sounds good to me," he replied. "Let me know what time."

"Oh, guess what?" she added, and Jack raised an eyebrow. "I heard our song…the one they played at our wedding when we shared that first dance."

Jack laughed. "Show me heaven," he said, and she nodded, smiling to herself.

"And I started jumping up and down when I heard it. My co-workers told me they could tell I was a newly wed, and I'll probably be bitching and moaning about you in a few months."

Jack snorted. "That's highly doubtful," he said. "We spent months already doing that on the island." he smirked. "I think we're bitch and moaned out." Kate laughed heartily, knowing how true that was. She and Jack had personalities like fire and water, and were equally stubborn on certain matters. "Listen, I have to go, okay? My lunch is almost over. I have some charts to finish up before I leave. Be careful, okay?"

Kate promised she would, and after saying she loved him, hung up. Jack sighed and put the cell phone into his pocket, rubbing a hand over his face. Sawyer was in town…what a way to complicate matters.

He went to visit his patient as soon as he put his things at his desk, and Phil was awake, looking rather confused at what was going on. "How's it going?" Jack asked, folding his arms, and the young man turned to him, frowning.

"Good I think," he replied. "Did it…did everything go okay?"

Jack pulled up a seat, and nodded. "Perfect," he promised. "You're going to be just fine in a few weeks."

Phil sighed with relief, a small smile creeping over his face. "I owe you my life," he whispered, and Jack shrugged.

"It was all in a day's work," he replied. "Now…you'll be hanging in here for a week or so, until the scar starts to heal. Then at home, you'll be asked to remain on bedrest for another week…your work is aware that this definitely requires a leave of absence, right?"

Phil nodded. "Yes, sir," he answered.

"Otherwise…you're doing good. Let me know if you need anything…I'm here till five, but nurses are on the floor all day and night. That red button up there is all you need to hit if you have an emergency."

Phil thanked him again, and Jack wandered out of the room, gritting his teeth as more pain struggled to wind through his knee.

"And a spinal surgeon just happened to fall out of the sky. It was a miracle."

Jack growled under his breath as Ben's voice entered his head again, and plopped down onto his wheeley chair, flipping open the folder full of half full and blank sheets on his desk.