Why I was doing this was not what my heart wanted to do. It was pleading for me not to. Begging. I desperately don't want for this. It has to be done.
What happened on the night of her 17th birthday could never happen again. Ever. No matter how bad I wanted it to. She wanted it to. I didn't even deserve her. She could probably have any guy she wanted. But no. She chose me. I'm not even alive. A vampire and a slayer. In love. It's not meant to be. As Giles says "It's rather poetic in a mundane sort of way".
I got to close to her. Fell in love. It had been the first time in a while. A long while. At first it was minor acquaintances. Nether of us had any idea what was down the road for us. We fought side by side. A close encounter is what started it. She didn't even know my true nature. Until then that is. She screamed. I ran.
All it took was one kiss. One kiss to awaken my dark side. It wouldn't work we agreed.
That didn't last long.
We were soon embracing in sweet tender kisses. Like hormonal teenagers. While we where to be fighting forces of evil. She didn't even notice. She forgot what I was.
We got closer and closer. To close. Deep down I knew it but I refused to listen. But I gave in. Gave in to her love. I couldn't control it Loved her to much.
The evening of her seventeenth birthday we all faced a decision. A decision where we didn't have any other options. I had to leave. I would be gone for a long time. Three months to even over a year. We drove to the docks to say our good-byes. I gave her the birthday present I had been waiting to give her.
A Claddagh ring. An Irish wedding band with a heart for love, a crown for royalty, and hands for friendship. It was a declaration of love. I was about to tell her something. Something important. We were than attacked. She was tossed into the water. I gave up my fight and dove in after her. We decided to change. She went her way. I went mine. Choosing to meet up later.
While meeting her later she told me and the others that she knew where Spike and Drusilla where. She had discovered that threw the prophetic dream that she had just dreamt in her few minutes that she had fallen asleep in the library. Her and I went to see if her dream was accurate. It was. They had chased us threw the sewers. They gave up the chase and we had to run threw the pounding rain to my place.
When we got there she was shaking like a leaf. Soaked to the bone. I gave her something to wear. she sat down to change when she inhaled in pain. I comforted her. That's when it happened. I declared my love for her. She told me she same way. We knew it was coming we just couldn't stop it. I gave a weak protest. She just shushed me with the words of "Just Kiss Me". Then I gave in to the pleasures of the flesh. Made Love. One moment of pure happiness that's all it took. All it took to release the demon inside me.
I was Angelus once again. I even killed one of her friends.
We had a fight. A fight to be our final one. Her friends cast a spell. A spell to give me back my soul. It worked. I didn't remember anything. She was incredibly uneasy, I could tell. She told me she loved me. She kissed me. She told me to close my eyes. In confusion and trust I obeyed. She killed me. Well... not really. You can't kill a vampire with a sword. You can only hurt them like hell. Which is exactly where she sent me. She had to. Before I was swallowed into the vortex I reached out to her in shock and pain. She wouldn't meet my eyes. I saw her face. Her face was contorted, Like she was going to cry. Felt like I was in there for a decade. Probably was. Time goes by incredibly differently in hell.
Then I was back. We don't know how. We never will. I was confused. Didn't know who anyone was. She helped me get better. Nursed me back to health. We eventually got back together. But it wasn't the same. It would never be the same.
We began to get closer. I knew it couldn't happen again. I had to break up with her. I didn't want to I had to. It would be better for the both of us. I knew I couldn't stay in Sunnydale. I'd move to L.A. I waited for her to arrive.
My gaze followed a soft "Angel?" from the entrance. "Come in" I told her. Then I saw her. A flash of regret slipped through my body. I focused on her lips. The lips I used to kiss so much. Before I changed... Her soft blond hair... She was petite yet so powerful. I would still love her I would always love her. Then I told her. Told her it was over. I watched as her delicate features flashed from shock to sadness to pain. Then blank. She looked down then back up at me. "Why Angel why?" she asked softly. I told her I was just putting her in danger. Danger she didn't deserve. We talked. An incredibly painful talk. We then kissed. A lingering tender kiss. Slightly painful knowing it would be our last. She said good-bye and told me she would always love me. I did the same.
Then she left. Not looking back. I watched her receding form. When she was gone I sank to the ground, silent tears rolling down my face. Uncontrollable tears. "I'll always love you Buffy Summers" I whispered quietly to myself.
"Always and Forever"