Christmas morning, the door swings open, and an unseen choir begins to sing as a deliveryman brings in a gift:
On the first day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
A Partridge in a Pear Tree!
Levi: …..I wonder which of the girls did this…they all know I wanted a new broom and dustpan set and a pile of micro-fiber cleaning cloths this Christmas!
The following morning, the same thing occurs:
On the second day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
2 Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree! Levi: You know, I just finished cleaning up after the last damn bird you brought in!
On the third day of Christmas
my true love sent to me: Levi: NO! No more birds! They make too much of a mess!
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree!
On the fourth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree! Levi: What did I tell you about the birds!? All they do is eat & poo & eat & poo & eat & poo & eat & poo & eat & poo! I spend all my time cleaning up and sanitizing after them!
On the fifth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
5 Golden Rings Levi: Don't you dare bring in any more birds! I can't keep up with the little sh*ts I already have!
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Dove Levi: I'd rather have Turtle Necks!
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree!
On the sixth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
6 Geese a Laying Levi: What kind of sick person came up with this?! If this is love, somebody goofed!
5 Golden Rings
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree!
On the seventh day of Christmas Levi: No, no, no, no! You can stop now! There's no room left!
my true love sent to me: Levi: No … Noooo!
7 Swans a Swimming Levi: AAAAAAAUGH! More messy, unsanitary birds! There's no place for them to swim! No! Don't put them down! *SIGH*
6 Geese a Laying Levi: You mean 6 geese a sh*tt*ng.
5 Golden Rings Levi: How about industrial strength cleaners and sanitizer for cleaning up after all this?!
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
Levi: And another damn little Pooper in a Pear Tree!
On the eighth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
8 Maids a Milking Levi: Wait! No! That means cows! I, no! WAIT! I don't have the proper equipment available to clean up after …. *groan* yeah, just bring it all in anyway…
7 Swans a Swimming
6 Geese a Laying Levi: Yeah, laying all over the place shedding and pooping and screaming!
5 Golden Rings
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens Levi: The useless things don't even lay eggs! Why couldn't it have been potatoes? Nice clean, edible potatoes?
2 Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree! Levi: How can you tell it's a pear tree? I don't see any fruit on them!
On the ninth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me: Levi (hold his head): How long can this torture go on?!
9 Ladies Dancing Levi: Why? What's the point? DON'T STEP IN THE COW …. Never mind.
8 Maids a Milking
7 Swans a Swimming
6 Geese a Laying
5 Golden Rings
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree! Levi: Maybe if I make the dancers wear mop shoes, they could actually be useful
On the tenth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
10 Lords a Leaping Levi: WHAT!? There's no more room! I can't clean with all these idiots running around with their poo smeared shoes spreading sh*t everywhere!
9 Ladies Dancing Levi: You need to wear the mop shoes . . . Stand still a second so I can put them on you! HEY!
8 Maids a Milking
7 Swans a Swimming
6 Geese a Laying
5 Golden Rings
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree! Levi: *Groan* as the latest partridge poops on his head.
On the eleventh day of Christmas Levi: Just how many days of Christmas are there!?
my true love sent to me: Levi: With love like this, who needs Titans?
11 Pipers Piping Levi: *with a nervous tick in the left eye* Noise, yes, that is what was missing …
10 Lords a Leaping
9 Ladies Dancing
8 Maids a Milking
7 Swans a Swimming
6 Geese a Laying Levi: *whimpers* Is it really necessary to repeat the prior days' gifts each time? This is such a nightmare!
5 Golden Rings
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree!
On the twelfth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me: Levi: (Looks around the room all full of people and cows and birds, the floor and wall coated in sh*t, broken eggs, feathers and milk – the nervous tick in the left eye becomes slightly more pronounced as he looks forlornly at his ineffective little bucket and mop) Now what? (he asks weakly)
12 Drummers Drumming! Levi: (Eye pupils shrink to almost nothing as 24 muddy boots tromp in, and his face turns ashen as he collapses to the floor sobbing uncontrollably) What sick, twisted soul could possibly have come up with such a horrible torture!?
Just outside the door, with a twisted, Grinch-like grin on his face, Eren chuckles softly, then turns on his heel and walks down the hallway, singing along with the last chorus of the final procession…
11 Pipers Piping
10 Lords a Leaping
9 Ladies Dancing
8 Maids a Milking
7 Swans a Swimming
6 Geese a Laying
5 Golden Rings
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
and a Little Pooping Partridge in a Pear Tree!