"Holy crap! You're beautiful!" Barney said, his face caught in disbelief as he stared at Robin. She looked surprised for a second, but then she smiled at him and nothing else mattered. Then the moment was over and she looked away at Ted who, busy packing, hadn't noticed a thing.
"Why did I say that?!" Barney thought, trying to hide his panic. He should be happy that Ted and Robin were moving in together, but it honestly felt like he was losing both of them. Ever since they got together Barney had lost Ted, his wingman, leaving him to pick up chicks and play laser tag alone. Honestly, even when Ted was single, he hadn't done those things with him too often, but it was a loss just the same. And then there was Robin… Oh shit! She was still waiting for him to talk.
"Alright then. How will you feel when you can't sneak the occasional cigarette?" Barney quickly asked Robin, trying to sound like himself and not like the total Ted Mosby he'd pulled only seconds ago.
Ted scoffed. "Come on. Robin doesn't smoke," he said. Robin's eyes lowered when Ted looked at her questioningly. As they bickered Barney's mind wandered.
There was so much that Ted didn't know about Robin, like how she loved cigarettes, but wasn't unwilling to have a cigar on a special occasion. The fact that she owned multiple guns and had to cancel her subscription to Guns and Ammo now that Ted was moving in. He'd never seen how badass she was when she played laser tag or how beautiful she looked wearing a suit.
Barney remembered the time when Robin had been his wingman. She'd shown up to the cigar bar in a suit and from that moment he had known that night was going to be legen[wait-for-it]dary. And it was, until she stopped him from birthday suiting up and told him that she liked Ted. Barney had been shut down quite a few times before then, but that time it hurt and he still didn't know why.
Now here he was, almost a year later, still thinking about that woman as she was about to let his best bro move in with her. Did he think that Ted and Robin were good together? Yes. But he knew that they had an expiration date. Ted wanted marriage and kids and Robin wanted to follow her career wherever it took her. If they ended up getting married, one of them would have to give up their dreams and they would never be happy. Barney snapped out of it when Robin stormed into the kitchen.
Now that he and Ted were alone, he could focus on his original goal. This was about convincing Ted not to make the biggest mistake of his life. This was not about Robin at all. The fact that he was losing Ted as his wingman was what was making him upset. That had to be it. Deep inside Barney knew that it wasn't, but that didn't matter anymore. Barney had to think of something to keep the two people he cared about most from making this mistake.
"Ted, I can't let you do this," Barney started to say genuinely before Ted interrupted.
"Come on. This is happening, so instead of fighting it, why don't you just help?" Ted asked wearily and Barney knew he wouldn't be able to change his mind.
Robin walked into the room with a box and suddenly, Barney had a legendary idea.
"You want me to help?" Barney said as he grabbed the box out of Robin's hands and the keys to the moving van off of the wall. "Ok Ted. I'll help you."
Barney glanced at Robin before walking out of the apartment and he knew what he had to do.