See what happens when Artemis Fowl drinks alcohol. This obviously rated M for mature. I wrote this just for fun. So hope you enjoy Artemis's crazy moments.

*Artemis and Butler stand in the middle of Foaly's lab. Foaly is going on about something important.*

Holy and the rest of the gang stand around in a circle listening intently.*

Butler and Artemis stand on the far side of the room, on the outside of the circle. Butler sighs deeply, as he glances left and right before reaching under one of Foaly's desks and pulls out a secret bottle of Whisky, and takes a swig.

Artemis glances at him curiously. "What are you doing?"

Butler stares dully down at Artemis. "Oh, hey…just needed a little drink. You know, with all the crap that I've been through these past seven books…yep. I definitely need this." He says bluntly, before handing the bottle to Artemis. "Want a sip?"

"You're offering me some?" Artemis asks, before looking left and right, and lowering his voice. "It's liquor, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's liquor."

Artemis looks left and right one more time. "I hope no one sees…,"

Butler sighs, frowning. "Want some or not?"

Artemis takes the whole bottle and takes a drink, then points at Butler.

"But I don't want to get too buzzed…people take advantage of kids when their buzzed…it's so easy, and I wouldn't even remember!" He says grinning slyly, waging a finger in Butler's face. "So don't you try anything."

"Try what? I already practically kissed your ass for the past 16 years." Butler says.

"Yeah, there's no practically about that…," Artemis says frowning, before taking a bigger drink. He sways a little. "Oh, I'm starting to feel it already." He then point at Butler, smiling. "You know…I really like hanging out with you. We should do this again sometime. You're really fun to be around."

"Yeah, You too," Butler agrees.

~Fifteen minutes later~

Artemis sits next to Butler. His eyes are out of focus. He pulls out the half empty whisky bottle and takes a swig and then wipes his mouth, before leaning very close to Butler.

"So, Butler? I Kno- wait, what?" He says and then adds.

"I didn't say anything." Butler says dully.

"Oh, oh, I-I thought you interrupted me…," Artemis mutters, before leaning even closer, and points a crooked finger at Butler. "D-Don't interrupt me."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm as okay as your face!" Artemis says before bursting out into a hysterical laughter. He wheezes as he tries to talk. "Sorry. Sorry. S-sorry…,"

*Foaly continues to ramble on to Holy and the rest of the gang, standing in front of his gigantic TV monitors, pointing at something apparently very important on the screen, they're interrupted by Artemis, who now stands nude on top of a metal shelf on a far wall*

"Oh my gods!" Holy gasps in horror, as she shields her eyes.

Artemis waves franticly to get their attention.

"Hey, everyone? Look?" I'm going to do something crazy…it's gonna freak you out." He tells everyone in a daze. His eyes blink unevenly. "I'm gonna jump from this shelf to that chair." He gestures to a chair below. "I'm gonna jump…," he continues, waving his hands wildly in the air. "Are you watching? Are you-are you…,"

"Artemis? Don't interrupt when I'm talking. It's very annoying." Foally says without even looking.

"Artemis? What the hell are you doing?" Holy shouts.

"You're gonna-you're gonna miss it…yr gonna miss it!" Artemis yells before making a lopsided dive off the shelf, slamming into the chair below, and hitting the floor.

"Crap." Butler mutters, as he runs to his side immediately. "Artemis, are you okay?"

"AAAAaaaaaah!" Artemis groans in pain. "Oooooow!"

Butler shakes his head, trying to help him up.

Artemis crawls across the floor.

"Ooooh-oh go-dude…did you see that? Did you guys…oh man…," Artemis laughs, glancing down at this leg. His pants-leg has been torn to shreds and blood seeps out a long nasty gash across his thigh. "Look at this gash? Look at this gash right up the side of my leg? Oh…I cut myself deep…ooh. Doesn't hurt though."

Butler glances around nervously.

"Uh, uh, right, time to go. Don't worry everyone. I'll take him. Let's go." He says, grabbing Artemis off the floor and dragging him into the next room.

Artemis struggles to stop Butler from dragging him.

"Come on-why-w-why do you-? What the hell? Why you uh…?" he slurs, before standing up and pushes Butler away from him. "Why you tryin'-why-why we in here?" Artemis continues, as he leans against Butler to steady himself. "It's uh…rude to the uh…," He points to the door. "Rude to the other people."

"You're drunk." Butler tells him.

"You're sexy." Artemis says, pointing at Butler with a dazed smile.

Butler sighs. "Look. You have to stop this, alright. No more drinking. I'm sorry I ever put it into your head."

"I don't know-I don't even know what your problem is?" Artemis says, wobbling to the right. "I've never felt better." He pukes all over Butler. "Okay, now I've never felt better." He says smiling.

And there you have it. Hope you enjoyed. I have to admit, I actually did get most of this from the hilarious cartoon "Family guy". :D It was just for fun. I thought it would be funny. So please don't hate me! D:

Thanks so much for reading and don't forget to review.